I'm getting married soon and i've engaged the services of a firm that specializes in helping people get house-helps. Of course i discussed it with my fiance and he has no problem with it.Though he initially suggested we get someone that's family from any of the families(mine or his)but i kicked against it cos i would love to avoid any family drama or anything that may bring tension in the family.
But the issue is this;i discussed it with my friends and they were all trying to discourage me.saying it's wrong for a newly wedded couple to have a maid or house-help.They said since i don't have kids yet and i'm not pregnant either,i should be able to do all the house chores myself.
while growing up and even as a spinster,i have this mindset of "why stress myself when i can get people to help me out and pay them off"?
i see ladies struggling to do all the houework themselves and run all d errands even with kids.some barely have time to sleep.the first thing that runs through my mind is "what are u trying to prove?That you are mrs macho or wat?"
I believe stress makes you grow older faster and at the end of the day you become less attractive to the man you are trying so hard to please with your machoism.
i'm not the lazy type and i can NEVER allow anybody to cook my husbands meals or wash his undies or clean our room.but apart from these,i believe i should be able to delegate simple chores and not kill myself by coming back late at night from work and instead of eating and spending good time communicating and making love to my hubby,the next thing i'm thinking of is how to wash this and tidy that.and i cannot spend weekends dat is meant for resting and socializing doing house chores.
Pls i need advice cos i don't want to start out on a wrong footing.i've never been a people pleaser.i av always done things my own way no matter wat anyone thinks but i understand dat in marriage,u can't always have your way.
So pls,abeg make una advice me.is it bad to have a maid or househelp at the early stages of marriage? and if it is wrong,why is it wrong?

I didn't have time to read this story, but I can answer your question. The right time is when the husband's libido is very very low and he can no longer move his waiste again, and also when all the boys in the house have left to become independent if not they would do some wired things to that maid especially if she's young. I just pity lazy women that do this very early in their marriage life giving excuses like work and other irrelevant things.

Please don't try it.

U can get anytime u need,I personally dnt like a woman wrking her ass off all in d name of house chores.buh u got to be careful wit dem O,because dese househelp re d most ungrateful pple unda d sun,u hardly get a good one.and neva give dem access into ur Bedroom.u jst be careful

akinreals: Please don't try it.

I shouldn't.y?

MLS12: U can get anytime u need,I personally dnt like a woman wrking her ass off all in d name of house chores.buh u got to be careful wit dem O,because dese househelp re d most ungrateful pple unda d sun,u hardly get a good one.and neva give dem access into ur Bedroom.u jst be careful

Thanks sis for ur advice.what i can deduce from ur advice is dat i should be careful lest my husby ends up in bed with my maid.hmnnnn.
Well i do not see my fiance as d type to cheat and even if he wants to,what happened to all d babes in town? I think a man dat would cheat on his wife with a maid will cheat with anything in skirt anyways so y bother my head?
Saying i shouldn't get a maid to prevent him from cheating on me is like saying i should lock him up in d house to prevent him from going out so dat he won't spot other ladies that he can cheat with.
My point is dat a man dat will cheat will cheat anyway whether with the maid at home or d secretary in d office.
I might be wrong though.dats y i came for advice.i'm quite new in all dis marital thingy

No househelp is coming into my house. . I dont like the idea of strangers in my house. People are becoming desperate and dangerous these days. The world has really changed.

reinedamse:
Thanks sis for ur advice.what i can deduce from ur advice is dat i should be careful lest my husby ends up in bed with my maid.hmnnnn.
Well i do not see my fiance as d type to cheat and even if he wants to,what happened to all d babes in town? I think a man dat would cheat on his wife with a maid will cheat with anything in skirt anyways so y bother my head?
Saying i shouldn't get a maid to prevent him from cheating on me is like saying i should lock him up in d house to prevent him from going out so dat he won't spot other ladies that he can cheat with.
My point is dat a man dat will cheat will cheat anyway whether with the maid at home or d secretary in d office.
I might be wrong though.dats y i came for advice.i'm quite new in all dis marital thingy

Wasn't talkn of cheatn,as in most of dem steal valuable's,nurse wicked agenda's,no mata hw Gud u re 2 dem.I was only sayn becarefl in aspects of not discussing everytin abt ur plans in front of her and all dat.because dey could expose u 2 outsiders.

MLS12:

Wasn't talkn of cheatn,as in most of dem steal valuable's,nurse wicked agenda's,no mata hw Gud u re 2 dem.I was only sayn becarefl in aspects of not discussing everytin abt ur plans in front of her and all dat.because dey could expose u 2 outsiders.

ok.i get it now.point taken and noted.
Thanks for d advice

2mch: No househelp is coming into my house. . I dont like the idea of strangers in my house. People are becoming desperate and dangerous these days. The world has really changed.

So even when u av like 4 kids,u would prefer ur wife do all d house chores+work to contribute financially to the family+create time for d kids+great sex life+every oda responsibility without anyone helping her out just because you do not like strangers in ur home.now isn't dat selfish? Or are u gonna be helping her out?

Ok as a semi newlywed(1yr) lemme drop my 2 cents,employ a washman to do d laundry,cook large pots of stew/soup over d weekend freeze and reheat during the week u don't even need so much its just d both of u for now,I'm guessing u both work so if u do a bit of cleaning up over d weekends d house should stay neat,(xcept una dey stay 4 mansion)u guys wouldn't use lotsa dishes so washing up shouldn't be a problem for a lady who isn't too lazy you can get a help when kids come along. Well this is what I do anyway and it works for me...all the best cheers.

reinedamse: I'm getting married soon and i've engaged the services of a firm that specializes in helping people get house-helps. Of course i discussed it with my fiance and he has no problem with it.Though he initially suggested we get someone that's family from any of the families(mine or his)but i kicked against it cos i would love to avoid any family drama or anything that may bring tension in the family.
But the issue is this;i discussed it with my friends and they were all trying to discourage me.saying it's wrong for a newly wedded couple to have a maid or house-help.They said since i don't have kids yet and i'm not pregnant either,i should be able to do all the house chores myself.
while growing up and even as a spinster,i have this mindset of "why stress myself when i can get people to help me out and pay them off"?
i see ladies struggling to do all the houework themselves and run all d errands even with kids.some barely have time to sleep.the first thing that runs through my mind is "what are u trying to prove?That you are mrs macho or wat?"
I believe stress makes you grow older faster and at the end of the day you become less attractive to the man you are trying so hard to please with your machoism.
i'm not the lazy type and i can NEVER allow anybody to cook my husbands meals or wash his undies or clean our room.but apart from these,i believe i should be able to delegate simple chores and not kill myself by coming back late at night from work and instead of eating and spending good time communicating and making love to my hubby,the next thing i'm thinking of is how to wash this and tidy that.and i cannot spend weekends dat is meant for resting and socializing doing house chores.
Pls i need advice cos i don't want to start out on a wrong footing.i've never been a people pleaser.i av always done things my own way no matter wat anyone thinks but i understand dat in marriage,u can't always have your way.
So pls,abeg make una advice me.is it bad to have a maid or househelp at the early stages of marriage? and if it is wrong,why is it wrong?

I will advice you based on my personal experience alone.

I didn't get my maid until my wife was heavily pregnant. She couldn't do much again and I had to help her out. By the time she put to bed, our maid has already known the rules.

For now, you can get a walk in maid. I.e laundryman, cook or temporary maid that won't sleep in! No family members for now. They could be trouble. Both your own and his.

Since you are just going to get married, trust me, you'll need/want/desire/crave and infact, kill to have your privacy and have your boo boo to yourself. Its not really wrong but, u'll need the bonding !!!

Once you are heavily pregnant, get a maid!!! U don't want to die before your baby arrives. Set the rules very early and trust me, you'll be fine.

As per your husband being promiscuous with your maid well, you'll have to trust your boo boo ooo. Atleast, I don't f^ck my maid and she's been around for a while so, your husband should be sensible enough not to engage in such a calamity! Lol. That doesn't rule out the fact that, some men are promiscuous and randy by nature but then, levels dey nah! Okpekes don finish for town? Anyman that would engage the house maid in sex.ual rumble,apart from being seen as classless, razz, low life, opportunist, insecure, blocked head, stupid, unfaithful, wimp and agbaya husband, should also be tied to the national power grid and his balls fed to the dogs!!!!!!

micklplus:

I will advice you based on my personal experience alone.

I didn't get my maid until my wife was heavily pregnant. She couldn't do much again and I had to help her out. By the time she put to bed, our maid has already known the rules.

For now, you can get a walk in maid. I.e laundryman, cook or temporary maid that won't sleep in! No family members for now. They could be trouble. Both your own and his.

Since you are just going to get married, trust me, you'll need/want/desire/crave and infact, kill to have your privacy and have your boo boo to yourself. Its not really wrong but, u'll need the bonding !!!

Once you are heavily pregnant, get a maid!!! U don't want to die before your baby arrives. Set the rules very early and trust me, you'll be fine.

As per your husband being promiscuous with your maid well, you'll have to trust your boo boo ooo. Atleast, I don't f^ck my maid and she's been around for a while so, your husband should be sensible enough not to engage in such a calamity! Lol. That doesn't rule out the fact that, some men are promiscuous and randy by nature but then, levels dey nah! Okpekes don finish for town? Anyman that would engage the house maid in sex.ual rumble,apart from being seen as classless, rass, low life, opportunist, insecure, blocked head, stupid, unfaithful, wimp and agbaya husband, should also be tied to the national power grid and his balls fed to the dogs!!!!!!

Lmao @ the bolded

reinedamse:
ok.i get it now.point taken and noted.
Thanks for d advice

Ur welcome.hw do u intend getting a househelp.thru an agent

MLS12:

Ur welcome.hw do u intend getting a househelp.thru an agent

yea thru an agent but based on d advice u people have given me,i might settle for a walk-in maid.the kind dat won't be living with us.

There's never a right time to employ a maid. If you're the lazy type yeah you do need a maid to do your dirty house work. And if you're a career woman with lil or no time for house chores yep you do need a maid. Remember as a Naija married woman, you should cook for your husband, do his laundry and keep him happy in the bedroom.
The trick to a clean home is to clean up as you go don't wait till later. Too many husbands sleep walk into the maids room at nights
If you want a happy home NO MAID.

My sis I'd advice Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ not to get a live in maid this early,if Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ think the workload mite be too much for Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ ,get a person who'l come in,do the chores and leav the same day,avin someone live wth you is a strain,ur sexlife won't be as spontaneous as it cud be if Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊ guys we're alone

SMH then LOL at some comments on here.

no kids newly married and u want a maid.

True talk Tjskii.

True talk Tjskii.

LMAO. So they are just in the bf and gf stage and she has started looking for maids? Isn't this the self proclaimed Ibadan based and Ibadan made "psychologist"(she wishes)? So you are not even married? LMAO

Siena: Without bothering to read the entire, unparagraphed epistle, I would agree with your friends.

Why can't you do your house chores yourself? You say you're not lazy, but your comments suggest otherwise. Newly married, no children to get under your feet, you're not pregnant, yet you find house chores "stressful"? If you think you're under stress now, wait till the kids come along, when you have an active toddler, and you're 32 weeks pregnant. I wonder what your "stress" will manifest into then? When you'll have loads more clothes to wash, diapers to change, nursing an infant, sleepless nights etc.

My wife looks after both our children without ANY help. An active two-year-old and a two-and-half-week-old baby. Yes, she copes fine, I do as much as I can to help when I get home from work. But we've never even considered getting in outside help - we both have relatives we could invite to help out, but why should we?

If you're truly adamant about placing your household responsibilities on the shoulders of others, because you can't (won't?) cope, then there's no right or wrong time to call in reinforcements. Just remember, most households are generally happier if things are dealt with in-house.

Good luck.

Thanks for ur advice.ur point noted and taken

jennykadry: LMAO. So they are just in the bf and gf stage and she has started looking for maids? Isn't this the self proclaimed Ibadan based and Ibadan made "psychologist"(she wishes)? So you are not even married? LMAO

Post modified.
I realized there's no point trading words with an obviously sick old woman

reinedamse:
Post modified.
I realized there's no point trading words with an obviously sick old woman

Pls ignore dis dry crayfish woman,I knw her so well from home,she has lost her joy,nothin good happening around her order dan reading her TRILOGY text.

MLS12:

Pls ignore dis dry crayfish woman,I knw her so well from home,she has lost her joy,nothin good happening around her order dan reading her TRILOGY text.

MLS12, I have been trying to reach you from the carear section where you commented on my thread. Did you still talk to your hubby about me? Pls, let me know.

2sexy: MLS12, I have been trying to reach you from the carear section where you commented on my thread. Did you still talk to your hubby about me? Pls, let me know.

I saved ur mail on my notepad,he is in abj dnt want 2 discuss over d fone or BB.I will def keep u in touch

D right time is when u are completely blind.

Do you and your BF have maids now seperately as singles?if no, why do you think you guys would need one as soon as you get married?big madam syndrome?
Btw, its rather strange that you are yet to get married but seriously 'planning and looking on' getting a maid, I mean of all the things to plan for NOW

MLS12:

Pls ignore dis dry crayfish woman,I knw her so well from home,she has lost her joy,nothin good happening around her order dan reading her TRILOGY text.

LMAO, you want a medal? Yea take one. Do you know how many people since 2008 that was sworn with their Nyash and bia bia that they know me from home? Stand in line dear

Anumanu. Guess you Also missed the thread where I also wrote that I was done with the trilogy book and have just begun anther one "secret lives of Emma". Join me and explore, my stalker

reinedamse:
Post modified.
I realized there's no point trading words with an obviously sick old woman

Good idea you deleted your post. I tell you what, I was hoping to derail your thread and possibly get it locked

Ewu

@ poster, funnily enough, I get where you're coming from. Household chores can be a drag & time wasting activity, especially if you aren't a domestic goddess. We live in the 21st century with domestic appliances designed to take the stress out of maintaining a spotless home.

Going by what you've posted so far, both you & your fiancee work, so my suggestion would be: Rather then spend good money on a househelp, why not invest in a good quality washing machine, dishwasher, tumble dryer, vacuum cleaner and iron rollers/pressers?

That to me, is a much better option if you can afford them. That way, you don't get to worry about your hubby cheating on you, or having your appliances talk back to you rudely, or you feeling guilty about engaging in slave labour!

Hell, it'll even spice up your s/e/x life. Ever made love on a spinning washing machine? Trust me, those added vibrations are HEAVENLY

MLS12:

Ur welcome.hw do u intend getting a househelp.thru an agent

So because Jenny told your friend the truth, you guys are attacking her eh

A single girl looking for a househelp with her boyfriend. I thought I had seen it all on NL. Odikwa very very serious!