..should i keep negoatiating or just forget the whole thing now? i like her but not sure what to do.

if anyone needs more info to give any advice...just ask

My dear if u truly love her, i will advice u forget de whole thing and marry her then u guys will start having kids as many as u want. Thank u

Y cant people just learn to do things properly,decently and d way it should be done. The order of d bible (if u r a christian) is dat u should pay her bride price,walk down d aisle with her,wife her bfor u start makin babies.y r u even givin her condition,u make it appear dat ure doin her a favour by u marrying her,such sterotypes makes me sick.cant u 1st see her as a human being,a woman with a personality than seeing her as all she has to offer in marriage is givin u babies bfor she comes to america.by d way i broke up wit my ex for similar reasons because i feel marriage is suposed to b for companionship nt conditionalities,n if i could come to d world again,ill repeat it.it sucks dating a man dat sees only d baby makin part of u.smh

#thinking aloud#
Is pregnancy now a ticket or visa?
@OP, before i make further comments, are you legally married to her sir?

OP,

You would be DOOMED if you take any female's advice on this matter. If I were you, I would thread cautiously with that girl because she might have ulterior motives. We have heard countless stories of such women who rode on the back of men like you to the US, Canada or elsewhere, only to dump the men and move on with their lives when they consolidate their residency over there. At least if she has a child for you, it would decrease her 'stock' and reduce the chances of her walking away so freely when she gets to the US. Some might argue that she might have good intentions, but I wouldn't take the chance of finding out at my own risk. Be WISE.

Cchikelunkechi: My dear if u truly love her, i will advice u forget de whole thing and marry her then u guys will start having kids as many as u want. Thank u

thank you...i will obviously marry her 1st and then try to process her papers to bring her over...and it will be easier to get the papers for her if she where already pregnant as permanent Visas are quite often denied because the immigration personnel sometimes suspect it's a fake marriage...and sometimes rightly or wrongly so!

Women in dis 21st century of ours are not BABY MAKING MACHINES but beautiful stuffs to be loved and adored.
If u doubt me;then ur far from d truth

kulyie: Y cant people just learn to do things properly,decently and d way it should be done. The order of d bible (if u r a christian) is dat u should pay her bride price,walk down d aisle with her,wife her bfor u start makin babies.y r u even givin her condition,[/b]u make it appear dat ure doin her a favour by u marrying her,such sterotypes makes me sick.[b]cant u 1st see her as a human being,a woman with a personality than seeing her as all she has to offer in marriage is givin u babies bfor she comes to america.by d way i broke up wit my ex for similar reasons because i feel marriage is suposed to b for companionship nt conditionalities,n if i could come to d world again,ill repeat it.it sucks dating a man dat sees only d baby makin part of u.smh

sorry to hear that some man have put u through that...but you seem to be mistaking me for that man but im not!

it will be foolish to 1st marry this girl before we settle important issues like when and where she will get pregnant i believe...the goal is to see if we match or not...not who is doing who a favour! dont you think it is foolish to hook up with someone who is not your match and them complain later how they try to use you as a baby making machine?


if i just want companion i would look for a woman on my street here who do not want any kids and we would be with each other and travel the world together and save up for retirement together...but, that's obviously not what i want! if that's all she want, i'm sure she can find a man who is looking for that too, right...there is no problem there!

for those people interested in giving unbiased advice...the issue in not her being a baby machine...she wants kids too but she is giving me the condition that it's too dangerous to have kids in naija so she must get to America 1st before she gets pregnant!

pro01: OP,

You would be DOOMED if you take any female's advice on this matter. If I were you, I would thread cautiously with that girl because she might have ulterior motives. We have heard countless stories of such women who rode on the back of men like you to the US, Canada or elsewhere, only to dump the men and move on with their lives when they consolidate their residency over there. At least if she has a child for you, it would decrease her 'stock' and reduce the chances of her walking away so freely when she gets to the US. Some might argue that she might have good intentions, but I wouldn't take the chance of finding out at my own risk. Be WISE.

OP, Take this advice and this advice alone.

Princeparix: Women in dis 21st century of ours are not BABY MAKING MACHINES but beautiful stuffs to be loved and adored.
If u doubt me;then ur far from d truth

this is where you are very wrong my dear...you got it all twisted! women who do not want children should look for men who do not want any children...there is really no big deal or any issue there, k!

if as a man, children are important to my life...i should be allowed to seek for a woman who also feel that way and it will be wrong for a woman who do not want any kids to try and insert herself into my life just bcause this is the 21st century and she needs love without children! pls you are not making any sense at all...

anyways, having children is not the issue here, getting pregnant in Naija - is it safe to do so, will they give her papers if she is not and what will happen if i spend all my time and resources to marry and then bring her here and she decides, she does not love me or did not know me well enough and or i make the decision she is not for me...those are the issues my dear!

Caracta: #thinking aloud#
Is pregnancy now a ticket or visa?
@OP, before i make further comments, are you legally married to her sir?

Not yet madam,we are not legally married yet...i just need to resolve these issues 1st b4 i can proceed with the wedding...! it does not make any sense to marry her 1st b4 resolving these tough issue dont you think?

as to pregnancy being a ticket or visa...the unfortunate thing is that some foreigners see us Americans as free visa to America through fake love and marriages and the immigration system here is aware of this and often do refuse visas to spouses that can then take years to appeal...i do not wish to get caught in that process

pro01: OP,

You would be DOOMED if you take any female's advice on this matter. If I were you, I would thread cautiously with that girl because she might have ulterior motives. We have heard countless stories of such women who rode on the back of men like you to the US, Canada or elsewhere, only to dump the men and move on with their lives when they consolidate their residency over there. At least if she has a child for you, it would decrease her 'stock' and reduce the chances of her walking away so freely when she gets to the US. Some might argue that she might have good intentions, but I wouldn't take the chance of finding out at my own risk. Be WISE.

then he should tie the knots with her!

pro01: OP,

You would be DOOMED if you take any female's advice on this matter. If I were you, I would thread cautiously with that girl because she might have ulterior motives. We have heard countless stories of such women who rode on the back of men like you to the US, Canada or elsewhere, only to dump the men and move on with their lives when they consolidate their residency over there. At least if she has a child for you, it would decrease her 'stock' and reduce the chances of her walking away so freely when she gets to the US. Some might argue that she might have good intentions, but I wouldn't take the chance of finding out at my own risk. Be WISE.

i consider myself to be a reasonable man...and under certain conditions, would not hesitate to bring a woman over here with no worries at all! this woman say no to almost everything...and i dont like the sound of that so far...besides, i was the one looking for a woman to marry; if she were the one who came looking for me - with marriage proposal and a ring and her mom or daddy will pay for our wedding and get her the visa she needs and i will be home one day and she will come knock on my door and say baby im here...then i would not have to worry! Because if things dont work out that way, we simply say bye bye...it would have been her idea her daddy's cash and not my problem!

so, yeah you have a huge point!

but my question remains, should i keep negotiating or just tell her she must be pregnant 1st b4 i apply for any permanent papers for her? what do naija girls respond to the best in a man..toughness or do you just need to pet them...?

pls help with good advice

$tunna:


i consider myself to be a reasonable man...and under certain conditions, would not hesitate to bring a woman over here with no worries at all! this woman say no to almost everything...and i dont like the sound of that so far...besides, i was the one looking for a woman to marry; if she were the one who came looking for me - with marriage proposal and a ring and her mom or daddy will pay for our wedding and get her the visa she needs and i will be home one day and she will come knock on my door and say baby im here...then i would not have to worry! Because if things dont work out that way, we simply say bye bye...it would have been her idea her daddy's cash and not my problem!

so, yeah you have a huge point!

but my question remains, should i keep negotiating or just tell her she must be pregnant 1st b4 i apply for any permanent papers for her? what do naija girls respond to the best in a man..toughness or do you just need to pet them...?

pls help with good advice

you wanna marry her don't you? Pls get on with it and feel secured with urself.

$tunna:


this is where you are very wrong my dear...you got it all twisted! women who do not want children should look for men who do not want any children...there is really no big deal or any issue there, k!

if as a man, children are important to my life...i should be allowed to seek for a woman who also feel that way and it will be wrong for a woman who do not want any kids to try and insert herself into my life just bcause this is the 21st century and she needs love without children! pls you are not making any sense at all...

anyways, having children is not the issue here, getting pregnant in Naija - is it safe to do so, will they give her papers if she is not and what will happen if i spend all my time and resources to marry and then bring her here and she decides, she does not love me or did not know me well enough and or i make the decision she is not for me...those are the issues my dear!

brother, love comes wit no assurance; is a game of risk. When u thought of getting married, wz ur concern all about kids?>kids are d joy of every family but wz dat ur reason 4 gettin married?. No man, it wasnt made 2 be so.
From ur statements, i understand ur ova d coast in america while she is in Nigeria>how do u expect her 2 get pregnant:through d help of d holy spirit? Or would u love 2 father a child dat isnt yours~no! man is not working.
Ur afraid she might change sides wen shes on american soil, love is d greatest of all bonds: u love her and i tink she does too-then betrayal is off d list.
Abt d kids; ur not God broda, God sumtyms allows us 2 make our decisions and blesses us aftawards
Eminem would tell us "is a game called circle"; WAT U TINK OF LYF IS WAT U GET OF IT.

She sounds like a recommended wife?

U both hardly knw each other well enough,u sound like its only the kids that u want frm that union,dnt forgt u can have kids yet ur marriage wil be like hell..Y not take your time to knw this your wife-to-be,by that u can be able to knw hw best to confront this situation,and nt asking nlanders hw a naija gal wants it.

$tunna:
..should i keep negoatiating or just forget the whole thing now? i like her but not sure what to do.

if anyone needs more info to give any advice...just ask

You are sick

@ poster let me 1st clear out some erroneous assumptions u made before i go into d matter,i am not married,ive nt yet started avin kids and i'm still a hottie,back to d issue, ure soundin as if ure marrying ur fiance 4 d purpose of u avin kids.marriage goes beyond dat and 4 those telin u to get her preggy bfor goin to america,who told u she cant still be wayward and dump u afta she gets there,havin a kid has not reduced a womans value in anyway.when its not as if she has givin birth to more than one children.anyway,d ball is in ur court cos ure soundin like uve made up ur mind and u want to bliv whatever u want to belive.u should even b lucky ure marrying someone dats interested in gettin married at all cost without her thinkin dat she will b @ d disadvantged position.u men just like bimbo,mumu kind of women dat cant look @ things objectively dat u will say sit down here,stand up there,if it were to b d likes of me,ill have dropped u like its hot.any woman dat wants to b promiscous wil b whether she has a child 4 u or not,or havent u heard cases of women wit 3 kids dumping their husband n home 4 rich dudes.do things d right way.meanwhile u r invited 4 my wedding that will take place on august 3o in lagos.

Princeparix: brother, love comes wit no assurance; is a game of risk. When u thought of getting married, wz ur concern all about kids?>kids are d joy of every family but wz dat ur reason 4 gettin married?. No man, it wasnt made 2 be so.
From ur statements, i understand ur ova d coast in america while she is in Nigeria>how do u expect her 2 get pregnant:through d help of d holy spirit? Or would u love 2 father a child dat isnt yours~no! man is not working.
Ur afraid she might change sides wen shes on american soil, love is d greatest of all bonds: u love her and i tink she does too-then betrayal is off d list.
Abt d kids; ur not God broda, God sumtyms allows us 2 make our decisions and blesses us aftawards
Eminem would tell us "is a game called circle"; WAT U TINK OF LYF IS WAT U GET OF IT.

Pls respond to the issue I raised if u want to comment. She wants kids and I wants kids n I have i said that a few times now so that is not the issue! The issue is I do not have time to stay in Nigeria and get to know this woman and then marry her so I can not be sure that things will work out and I have no intension of going to Nigeria and marrying a woman and giving her free tickets to America only for her to get here and say sorry I don't really love you...! Only for her to get there and finds out her university degree from nigeria will not get her a dream job and only to turn around and blame me and want to leave me! If she is sincere that she loves me, why does she insist she can only get pregnant when she gets to America?.

Pls deal with the issue

Roseey0: She sounds like a recommended wife?

U both hardly knw each other well enough,[i]u sound like its only the kids that u want frm that union,[/i]dnt forgt u can have kids yet ur marriage wil be like hell..Y not take your time to knw this your wife-to-be,by that u can be able to knw hw best to confront this situation,and nt asking nlanders hw a naija gal wants it.

yes, we heardly know each other and the reason for that is obvious...but while im willing to keep talking to her for a year or two...she is insisting i come and marry her next year and then process her Papers right away and bring her over b4 we start talking about having a baby!

if she is pregnant in nigeria and then came over and have the baby...and the relationship ends...i will not have totally lost out...and trust me, there is a very high chance that it may end and if y'all dont know why that is the case, i can explain! mind you it does not matter who is getting into the marriage,such marriages often end when the woman or even man gets here...so, i can not be foolish

fados4sure:
You are sick

why and how you figure im sick dick-head?

move it along if you have nothing to say...and if this is not ur world, you may feel lost and not understand what im saying and so have no clue what to say to me...and think somethinmg is wrong with me...but some people know what im talking about and dont believe im sick...so, why dont you fu c k off dude??

kulyie: @ poster let me 1st clear out some erroneous assumptions u made before i go into d matter,i am not married,ive nt yet started avin kids and i'm still a hottie,[/b]back to d issue, [b]ure soundin as if ure marrying ur fiance 4 d purpose of u avin kids.marriage goes beyond dat and 4 those telin u to get her preggy bfor goin to america,who told u she cant still be wayward and dump u afta she gets there,havin a kid has not reduced a womans value in anyway.when its not as if she has givin birth to more than one children.anyway,d ball is in ur court cos ure soundin like uve made up ur mind and u want to bliv whatever u want to belive.u should even b lucky ure marrying someone dats interested in gettin married at all cost without her thinkin dat she will b @ d disadvantged position.u men just like bimbo,mumu kind of women dat cant look @ things objectively dat u will say sit down here,stand up there,if it were to b d likes of me,ill have dropped u like its hot.any woman dat wants to b promiscous wil b whether she has a child 4 u or not,or havent u heard cases of women wit 3 kids dumping their husband n home 4 rich dudes.do things d right way.meanwhile u r invited 4 my wedding that will take place on august 3o in lagos.

i dont know u and i have not made any assumptions about you...this post is not about you so, im not sure how it has turned into ur issue

not sure if u married yet or have started having kids and im not sure how that is relevant here since this post is not about u

like i have said over n over again now...people who dont want kids should look for other people who dont want kids to marry so thats not an issue. we both want kids

issue!

if it was you, you would have dropped me like a hot cake...only for the next girl - more beautiful, more educated and younger than you to come into the picture!! lol
im choosing this girl out of several girls and she is choosing me out of several men...she had a nigerian boyfriend when we were 1st intoduced to each other and she told me that but she said she has since left him and im not worried about that...since that is her choice.

no body wants to be used, or is that not the case?

i do not have enough time to stay in nigeria and get to know her n she wants fast wedding now now and then come to america right away...that is all good, but if she is sincere...then she should be pregnant b4 so that i have no worries and if however she is not...then i would not have totally lost out...but why r you having such a hard time to understand my clear concerns??

someone from overseas broke ur heart b4 and now you think we r all evil! well, i was introduced to girl like you b4 and she said she hates all guys from overseas since we r too proud! she said her best friend in nigeria was sleeping with that her X boyfriend and so the relationship ended!!
but as a woman, where was she when her best friend got the chance to take her boyfriend of a year and a half away from her...and why should i be punished for that anyways...so i ran from her!

if i talk to you on the phone and you nag me about what ur last overseas boyfriend did to you...i will not call you back after that u know...because i do not have the energies to listen to how many men have done you wrong!

THANKS FOR THE INVITATION TO YOUR WEDDING BUT I HAVE TO DECLINE AS I JUST CAME BACK FROM NAIJA A FEW WEEKS AGO AND HAVE NO PLANS TO BE BACK THERE IN ANOTHER 2 YEARS!...unless of course my lady drop her im afraid to get in nigeria talk and i therefore come there next year to marry her!

a woman like you will end up attracting and marrying a very week man as you seek to dominate him...but that is your life and not mine! as a man here in America...woman do not like push over men but im not sure about naija girls yet...that is why im asking my questions, but umma figure them out gradually...n be good!

wishing ya a happy married life

bless

U re a selfishman! u re already having premonition that the marriage wil end immidiaatly she comes over. Brother u re adviced to enter into contract marriage with a nearby girl strictly to have children. I have carefully read ur post and ur replies, with the way you re sounding you cannot have a stable family,sorry.

@ Poster I Think Is Because The Lady Is Very Spiritual Thats Why.

My Advise For You Is Try To Do Things The Normal Why.

Pregnancy Outside wedlock Is A Sin So Please Do Things The Proper Way.

CHIMCO: U re a selfishman! u re already having premonition that the marriage wil end immidiaatly she comes over. Brother u re adviced to enter into contract marriage with a nearby girl strictly to have children. I have carefully read ur post and ur replies, with the way you re sounding you cannot have a stable family,sorry.

YOU R IGNORANT!
when it comes to love...we all take chances but no guarantees and everybody know this that is why people worry and try to find the right fit for themselves. if you think by my trying to do this im doomed, i wonder what you think of people who go to africa and marry 3 different wives without worry only for the 3 wives to get here and leave this person??

do you think hundreds of americans who marry fellow americans and it ends in divorce every year are stupid or do u believe that hundreds and hundreds of african men who go to africa every year to marry and the women gets here and runs after a white man...all such men are all stupid in ur opinion??

what about all the marriages there in nigeria that dont work out are the people who got into it all stupid according to ur logic...

foolish guy, u have read my post and yet blind to what i have said over and over...having kids isnt the issue, but her insisting she must get to america 1st to do so is the issue, do u have a problem with comprehension? smh

expertman:

@ Poster I Think Is Because The Lady Is Very Spiritual Thats Why.

My Advise For You Is Try To Do Things The Normal Why.

Pregnancy Outside wedlock Is A Sin So Please Do Things The Proper Way.

thanks but you still dont understand the issue.
she wants me to come and we will have a wedding...that is okay and will be done. i want her to then get pregnant for me while i process the papers for her and that will take about 3 to 6 months...this is where she said no way! having a baby in nigeria is too dangerous so she would like to get to america 1st before she get pregnant!!

ths issue is; what is her motive for that since i obviously have the money to send her to the best hospital in Nigeria for care and she will be getting to america b4 she deliver anyways? so if i moved to nigeria does that mean we will not have any kids because it is dangerous to do so there?

abeg people shine ur eyes and talk about the real issue here...

$tunna:
..should i keep negoatiating or just forget the whole thing now? i like her but not sure what to do.

if anyone needs more info to give any advice...just ask

$tunna pls do u work in an hotel in america......cos all ur previous post is about hotels,hotels.......?u must be used to seeing pregnant women too...dats why u wanna force someone to be pregnant prolly after many failed attempt with other girls....the GIRL in question should be careful ooooooo(except she is ur legal wife)...AMERICA no be by force...if she gets pregnant now and born albino...u next post will now be "she must born un-albino before....bla bla bla"

Gabriel_sylar:

$tunna pls do u work in an hotel in america......cos all ur previous post is about hotels,hotels.......?u must be used to seeing pregnant women too...dats why u wanna force someone to be pregnant prolly after many failed attempt with other girls....the GIRL in question should be careful ooooooo(except she is ur legal wife)...AMERICA no be by force...if she gets pregnant now and born albino...u next post will now be "she must born un-albino before....bla bla bla"

another fool who can read but can not understand what they read??

i was in nigeria last month and the post about hotel was about the hotel i stayed in benin where some people where robbed in front of it...! haba

unbelievable...who are the people reading and responding to my post here na?? where are the grown men who have experience and have been around and know whats poppin and have something intelligent to say?? dude, move it along pls dont irritate me, k

$tunna:


another fool who can read but can not understand what they read??

i was in nigeria last month and the post about hotel was about the hotel i stayed in benin where some people where robbed in front of it...! haba

unbelievable...who are the people reading and responding to my post here na?? where are the grown men who have experience and have been around and know whats poppin and have something intelligent to say?? dude, move it along pls dont irritate me, k

ok....delete the hotel part but there are other aspect of my post that u may wanna consider.......

Gabriel_sylar:

ok....delete the hotel part but there are other aspect of my post that u may wanna consider.......

your post dont make any sense...so there is nothing to reconsider! when u decide to respond to the issue, then i will hear what u have to say!

why does this lady insist i must come and marry her next year next year and then she must get to america b4 she gets pregnant? why is it too dangeous to get pregnant in nigeria since i have the money to care for her there too, what if i moved to nigeria...does that mean no woman will agree to have a baby for me there because it is too risky to be pregnant there?? respond to those issues...should i trust she has no ulterior motive and still marry her or just forget the whole thing and pick another girl who likes me and dont wanna fight about where to get pregnant??

i said in the post if anyone need to ask me a question b4 responding...pls do so, i will answer ur question...so, dont jump into this with silly conclusions and baseless accusations and opinions just to make up for ur sunday morning fun, k! this is not a joke, my happiness and her happiness is at stake here! i want to make her happy but i also know what i want and what risks i willing to take...

@ poster ur mind is made up and its ur decision to make,u say i sound like a very dominating person who will attract a weak man and u sound like an african man with d 194o philosophy of women in marriage,make babies,toss her around,makin her being @ ur beck and call.good luck to u n ur wifey,everyone wit his own concept of marriage n viewing women,n of cos i can decide to drop u like its hot because i dont want a marriage dat will mar me.i want to b sure am signing my life with someone who is my friend n companion nt som african mentality like dude.as for a young educated gal,even if a woman has phd and end up wit ur likes,i just pity such women in d next 1o yrs in marriage.poster no need blowing my trumphet since its ur thread,d only thing i can say is am educated n open minded.i just thank God for d way our father brot us up and made us to know d kind of guys a lady should run away from as fast as her legs can carry her

@OP, i think you should just settle this issue with her and her parents. Let her parents get involved and explain your reason and fears to them. I'm sure she has fears too and doesn't want to be dumped in a 'strange' land. Work it out. You are a man and you are an adult, nobody should make decisions for you. All the best