Sorry if i posted this in the wrong section, i don't know a better place to receive mature advice other than here.

Am a student in one of the state own institutions. When i was a freshman, i had a lot of friends and i was cool with everybody, maybe i really didn't know each of my classmate's personality, so i joined a reading group.
It all started after my first year, the path the reading group was heading i didn't like it, informed my group mates about it, but i was tagged an " efico " so they call it. Well i wasn't less motivated cause i know what i came here for, and wouldn't want anybody to pull me back, as such i opted out.

This single action opened my eyes to see the kind of people i had around me, well i allowed it pass. But what became my undoing was allowing most of them to know much about me, they ridicule me behind and smile when they see me.
Well i knew all along what they were doing so i withdrew into my shell, thereby making me judgemental, and closed minded. I still had some friends but i still find my self getting really pissed off when they offend me and even if i forgive, and they piss me off again over the same issue, it becomes a burden for our friendship to continue and most time i cut the relationship off.
So far i have not really had a nice social life in school and i would be graduating in less than 6months, i don't a close pal, well as for girlfriends had to stay off anything initmate but have just platonic girls as friends, same for boys but all we just do and talk is hello and maybe some little questions about school in general.
This post came to my mind as a result of what happened some mins ago, a pal from my former reading group asked me for some materials which i didn't have presently, but i told him how to go about it. He felt if i can give him directions about it, then i have it.

Yes i could have gotten the materials for him but i felt, he wanted to use me to his own benefit, since we both are students and have the same time to spend, so why compel your fellow mate to undertake a task for you when u can also do same, so i told him off, he later came back to me and started bragging that we would see our results, when the time come. Am not in anyway jealous but i just feel our educational system is really not fair.

The reason for this statement comes from the fact that the said mate of mine isn't worth his salt and i know it, despite having a cgpa of about 4+ according to what i saw on the board. I wont want to rubbish him but i know he won't be able to defend this same result when he is called upon to. After doing my personal investigation to know how he came about all his A's and B's

I 'asked what is wrong with me' because i do get angry so easy and also very vindictive if i have the chance.
Please can some one tell me, am okay!

I am sorry but I do not understand a thing you just posted. Looks like you have too many stories to tell and you just mixed them all together without completing any of them.

Take a deep breath and explain yourself again

U DONT NEED SOMEBODY TO TELL U THAT U ARE OK. u are the one who will decide that u are ok, tell ur self that u are ok and then everyone else will call u "ok"

one door closes, another one opens.
that you had bad experiences with "so called friends" does not mean you should withdraw from the world.
try again to forgive them so that your heart can be truly free.i will expantiate more on this because that forgiving part isnt easy.first when you wake up and recall any wrongs your friends have done to you, make a conscious effort to think of something good they have done for you,pray about it also as soon as the thought comes, then focus on something else. its hard but eventually, they wont occupy your thoughts anymore and you would have learnt how to forgive faster

This life is full off people that will offend you everyday, but you still have to associate with human beings, so its important not too expect too much from people.
Sometimes its good to learn this early in life.My friend, what your friends have done to you is very small compared to what others have been through with so called friends.
Relax, associate yourself wit more like minded people,guard your heart, forgive faster and move on.life is too short

Yes I think you are okay because I can relate to some of the issues you mentioned on friendships, anger and vindictiveness.

I didn't have a lot of friends in school,sometimes I unconsciously sabotaged good friendships by being too quick to cut people out of my life because they offended me, or I didn't like their lifestyle etc. But these are issues I have been able to work out and I am still working out as I grow older.

I don't know how old you are but I believe you can and will get better as you age,you don't need to wait till the years roll by before you become better, you can consciously do so now by making the effort to be less critical and acccepting of others, focus on the good things about people not the bad ones. Realize that friendships can be made even out of school there are over a billion people on earth and there is potential for great realtionships.

On anger and vindictiveness: I can tell you first hand that trying to get even or hit back at someone who has hurt you will only cause you more pain. You end up embarrassing or hurting yourself in the process don't even go there. I've had to learn the lesson the hard way three times, if you don't learn it the first time you will surely go through it over and over until you do. I guess that's the reason why the good Lord said vengeance is mine, so learn to take your issues and emotions to Him when you are angry, happy or feeling hateful of someone.

Cece Winanns sang a song about God being a life changer, He really is a life changer you should key into Him and try to build a relationship with Him. Please strive for an honest relationship with God through Christ as against doing church and being religious. I hope this helps in some way

@poster.

Nothing is wrong with you. You went into an institution for a purpose, remained on track and stayed focused on your goals. Nothing wrong with that.

Things we work hard for are better enjoyed, than those given to us on a plate, because the true value would never be appreciated. You said yourself that your "friend" had dubious "A" grades. Fine, leave them to it. That's their own cup of tea.

It's rare to find people who can tell right from wrong and who work hard for what they want. You are on the right path. Friends come and go so not to worry. Besides, a true friend would always remain by your side no matter what. Now that's the test of true friendship.

Put your head down, finish your studies and go after your dreams. All will be well.

The 3 young Women above, Shushu, Dimples and Efemena have given u a pure recipee on how to deal effectively with ur friends.

You are right to identify your anger and tendency to be vindictive.

You have to be open-minded to the fact that everyone will not be like you and accept them with their faults. Think about the positive sides to them and realise that you will also have your negative sides. You have to balance your academic skills with your social skills to make you a more complete person.

To continue to be judgmental will only make you an island and trust me you will always need people at some point. Even if you keep waiting for the perfect friend, you cant choose your colleagues and you dont want to be that one guy everybody avoids at work.

tamiesa: U DONT NEED SOMEBODY TO TELL U THAT U ARE OK. u are the one who will decide that u are ok, tell ur self that u are ok and then everyone else will call u "ok"

have always been optimistic about myself. and i will stay that way.

shushu: one door closes, another one opens.
that you had bad experiences with "so called friends" does not mean you should withdraw from the world.
try again to forgive them so that your heart can be truly free.i will expantiate more on this because that forgiving part isnt easy.first when you wake up and recall any wrongs your friends have done to you, make a conscious effort to think of something good they have done for you,pray about it also as soon as the thought comes, then focus on something else. its hard but eventually, they wont occupy your thoughts anymore and you would have learnt how to forgive faster

This life is full off people that will offend you everyday, but you still have to associate with human beings, so its important not too expect too much from people.
Sometimes its good to learn this early in life.My friend, what your friends have done to you is very small compared to what others have been through with so called friends.
Relax, associate yourself wit more like minded people,guard your heart, forgive faster and move on.life is too short

Thanks i will always keep this in mind.

Dimples 316: Yes I think you are okay because I can relate to some of the issues you mentioned on friendships, anger and vindictiveness.

I didn't have a lot of friends in school,sometimes I unconsciously sabotaged good friendships by being too quick to cut people out of my life because they offended me, or I didn't like their lifestyle etc. But these are issues I have been able to work out and I am still working out as I grow older.

I don't know how old you are but I believe you can and will get better as you age,you don't need to wait till the years roll by before you become better, you can consciously do so now by making the effort to be less critical and acccepting of others, focus on the good things about people not the bad ones. Realize that friendships can be made even out of school there are over a billion people on earth and there is potential for great realtionships.

On anger and vindictiveness: I can tell you first hand that trying to get even or hit back at someone who has hurt you will only cause you more pain. You end up embarrassing or hurting yourself in the process don't even go there. I've had to learn the lesson the hard way three times, if you don't learn it the first time you will surely go through it over and over until you do. I guess that's the reason why the good Lord said vengeance is mine, so learn to take your issues and emotions to Him when you are angry, happy or feeling hateful of someone.

Cece Winanns sang a song about God being a life changer, He really is a life changer you should key into Him and try to build a relationship with Him. Please strive for an honest relationship with God through Christ as against doing church and being religious. I hope this helps in some way

Seems you really knew what i was going through, thanks one luv

Efemena_xy: @poster.

Nothing is wrong with you. You went into an institution for a purpose, remained on track and stayed focused on your goals. Nothing wrong with that.

Things we work hard for are better enjoyed, than those given to us on a plate, because the true value would never be appreciated. You said yourself that your "friend" had dubious "A" grades. Fine, leave them to it. That's their own cup of tea.

It's rare to find people who can tell right from wrong and who work hard for what they want. You are on the right path. Friends come and go so not to worry. Besides, a true friend would always remain by your side no matter what. Now that's the test of true friendship.

Put your head down, finish your studies and go after your dreams. All will be well.

Thanks