afam4eva:
How old were you when this happened?

About 15

jennykadry: @CC and other mothers

Please Continue to encourage good rapport between daughter and father, it will come in handy one day cos if your kids are stuck in a relationship or have man problems, that relationship will then spring forth it's advantages. Let me share with you's what happened to me when I was in SS3.

I grew up in an estate as a kid, my parents still live there. There is this guy that died due to "asthma", if I remember correctly they said he had an Asthma attack that killed him. The whole estate was in mourning and a memorial service was held for him in the estate. No one knew where the family got him from but the pastor that officiated the whole service did such a good job at it that caused people to shed tears, everyone including the "big boys" cried non stop. Fast forward after the whole burial, the dead boys father brought this pastor to our house one day to introduce him to my dad and also did the same with a few men around the estate and from there he became a family friend BUT NOT OUR FAMILY PASTOR COS WE HAD ONE ALREADY AND NY DAD WOULD ALWAYS SAY THE ONE HE HAS IS ENOUGH FOR HIM. When he started coming to the house I noticed something was off with him and shared it with my eldest sister who encouraged me then to tell my parents how I felt but I didn't.

One day he came to the house and was at the backyard and asked to see me, went outside and he was like bla bla bla and tried to kiss me. I went Inside the house and told my dad who was reading his vanguard newspaper, told him what he tried to do and the speed at which he dropped the paper ad asked me "where is he?" I have never seen my old man so mad in my life and the rest they said its history, my mum head my dad hittin someone and shouting and she picked up a broom when she knew what was happening. I refused to tell my my First cos I knew she would scream the house down before she acted and the guy could fly the fence before anyone got to him.

My parents opened uP a communication channel especial dad and we had no issues goin to him and talking things out

Pls pardon my errors, I am mobile

Son of a. . . Ughhhhhh!!

What a pervert!! I hope your dad broke his jaw!!!

@ CC I love this thread and think its a splendid post. I was brought up the 1st amongst boys and was trained to be equals with them. As skinny as I was and younger than most of my classmates in school, I was a bit of a terror to them because I presented a confidient (maybe a bit sassy mouthed too ) with them and I knew this was as a result of my upbringing. I also instill thesame training in my daughter as I know what the world esp. our own neck of the woods can do to a woman. My daughter is full of self esteem and is priceless to us. I know she will not deviate from this even when she leaves home.
@ Afam4eva, I commend ur parents and it reierats the role of building your child's self confidence and ability to talk freely with the parents. Trust is vital.Work on building trust with your kids. My friends were mainly boys and they came home but you bet none of them could abuse me and when I was grown enough to date, none could pressure me into moving the borders of principles instilled in me. I didnt have to 'prove'anything to anyone. I called the shots and the rules was to keep myself till marraige and I did!

I will give you gist sisikill make I go feed my oga

ronkebp:

Wow!!!! mine was different though, had this guy in school he was NOT my boyfriend but was pimping my very close friend. This guy just told me jokingly that he was coming over to our house for christmas....and i was like "you!! come to my house, na beans?" and we just laughed over it.

Then 23rd of December, was home with everyone, we had a knock and i was the one that went to get the door, and as i opened the door and saw who was at the door, i started trembling...(Tokunbo, omo yankee with his American accent). Chei...all i was thinking about was "i don die today oooo"" "this guy has finally killed me"...then the aprokos' my dad and mum wondered what was taking me so long to usher whoever it was in, i saw them (my dad and mum) coming to peep and saw this tall boy/guy...trust my dad, he started asking questions, i immediately stepped in ooo and explained everything truthfully to my parents.....guess what? they allowed him to stay for a whole week, he celebrated the christmas with us, went out with my dad so many times, mummy had a pet name for him (tokay)....played with my younger sisters and did not want to even leave. (phew!!!!) My dad allowed him all because they (my mum and dad) knew when i was lying and when i was saying the truth, they knew and trusted that i was completely honest with them and that was a very rare behaviour they both possessed that i had never seen. After that, i just knew not to betray their trust.

Lucky you o!

Mine wasn't so much of a "trust" issue but was more of "setting a good example". I've lost count of how many times I heard this phrase from my dad: "You're the ambassador of the family..." especially when going back to uni after the holidays / ASUU strike / Industrial Training (IT) placement. My momsie's own favourite line to me was: "You know I have girls oh! People are watching us, so conduct yourself well..."

Kai! Being the first born didn't help matters much for me. I sincerely believe that couple made the rules along, as I grew up. My younger siblings had an easier time, as na me come be experiment. I nor even wan mention my brothers' freedom sef. Anyway, it's all good, nothing spoil as it's helped shaped me to be the person I am today. Understandably, they wanted to "get it right" with their first child

Efemena_xy:

Lucky you o!

Mine wasn't so much of a "trust" issue but was more of "setting a good example". I've lost count of how many times I heard this phrase from my dad: "You're the ambassador of the family..." especially when going back to uni after the holidays / ASUU strike / Industrial Training (IT) placement. My momsie's own favourite line to me was: "You know I have girls oh! People are watching us, so conduct yourself well..."

Kai! Being the first born didn't help matters much for me. I sincerely believe that couple made the rules along, as I grew up. My younger siblings had an easier time, as na me come be experiment. I nor even wan mention my brothers' freedom sef. Anyway, it's all good, nothing spoil as it's helped shaped me to be the person I am today. Understandably, they wanted to "get it right" with their first child

I am also the first can remember those words too, they still ring a bell in my ears.

My dear that was the the 'first and last" oooo, actually something happened next that i had to face DC(displinary committee) "my parents", we all call them that , because once you err and both of them have to sit and decide on you case na trouble.....

Had my crush, my squeeze, visit me one faithful day, usually my dad would always drop my younger bother and sister (6 and 3 years old then) from school at the gate and those ones would come up-stairs themselves. So that was what i thought would happen this faithful day , the guy had a wierd feeling inside of him because he wanted to leave ontime, i was the one asking him to stay and spend more time with me and the last girl (maama) was ill and home this beautiful day , my brother was the only one that went to school, maama was laying on the sofa, my boo and i were in the living room jisting and chatting away, then i had a knock, i asked who it was and my dad answered, i wanted to evaporate, i asked the guy to hide in our room (that my dad never enters my room). i was all jumpy and anxious for him to go back to work, he not only came in, decided to rest for awile....then my youngest sister maama said "daddy, sistermi's friend is in her room"....daddy got up and said "ahh you did not want to even tell me you had a friend around" he stood up and went to the room and found a BOY!!!!, The guy was just prostrating and greeting him...my dad did not even answer, i was speechless and my dad left, by the time they (my dad and mum)got back from work, i was so ready to face DC...the rest na story....hmmmm my mouth no fit talk... (i knelt down for hours receiving lectures)....

My mum was self-confidence and that made a great impact on us as kids when we were growing up, she always had a smile on her face even when things were rough. She believes and taught us never to depend on a man
she made herself a role model, she would stand in front of a mirror while making up saying mehnnnn your dad is a very lucky man hooking down a beautiful, industrious and virtuous woman like myself and having the most precious kids on earth for him with her red lipstick on her lips and I find myself emulating that act

My dad is a case . he is a very open minded man, he would talk to me about sex, his past relationships etc some of which I find gross, it even got to an extent his friends would say out loud when my dad and I are together that they would love to have the kind of father-daughter relationship my dad has with us . he always told us how beautiful and intelligent we are, how his friends admire us that we are indeed a treasure to behold those words did not only boost my confidence it also made me proud of myself and having the zeal to work hard.

PS: Those things didn't really give me the kind of boldness I needed but it was indeed a great stepping stone. My self confidence improved a great deal due to the outside exposure I had, I made mistakes and learnt from them, it made me very humble and have great respect for evryone especially men but at the same time I know my worth and no man dares take me for a ride (except he wan die )

The first step to make a child have self respect is being a role model to them and the outside world will mould them into what they want to become in as much as they thread cautiously

ronkebp:

I am also the first can remember those words too, they still ring a bell in my ears.

My dear that was the the 'first and last" oooo, actually something happened next that i had to face DC(displinary committee) "my parents", we all call them that , because once you err and both of them have to sit and decide on you case na trouble.....

Had my crush, my squeeze, visit me one faithful day, usually my dad would always drop my younger bother and sister (6 and 3 years old then) from school at the gate and those ones would come up-stairs themselves. So that was what i thought would happen this faithful day , the guy had a wierd feeling inside of him because he wanted to leave ontime, i was the one asking him to stay and spend more time with me and the last girl (maama) was ill and home this beautiful day , my brother was the only one that went to school, maama was laying on the sofa, my boo and i were in the living room jisting and chatting away, then i had a knock, i asked who it was and my dad answered, i wanted to evaporate, i asked the guy to hide in our room (that my dad never enters my room). i was all jumpy and anxious for him to go back to work, he not only came in, decided to rest for awile....then my youngest sister maama said "daddy, sistermi's friend is in her room"....daddy got up and said "ahh you did not want to even tell me you had a friend around" he stood up and went to the room and found a BOY!!!!, [b]The guy was just prostrating and greeting him...[/b]my dad did not even answer, i was speechless and my dad left, by the time they (my dad and mum)got back from work, i was so ready to face DC...the rest na story....hmmmm my mouth no fit talk... (i knelt down for hours receiving lectures)....

Ronke!!!

You're so funny! Abeg, nor kill me with laughter. I nearly choked on my lunch just now

See as fear dey even catch me just reading the bolded...lol!!!

It is well sha

y me: My mum was self-confidence and that made a great impact on us as kids when we were growing up, she always had a smile on her face even when things were rough. She believes and taught us never to depend on a man
she made herself a role model, she would stand in front of a mirror while making up saying mehnnnn your dad is a very lucky man hooking down a beautiful, industrious and virtuous woman like myself and having the most precious kids on earth for him with her red lipstick on her lips and I find myself emulating that act

My dad is a case . he is a very open minded man, he would talk to me about sex, his past relationships etc some of which I find gross, it even got to an extent his friends would say out loud when my dad and I are together that they would love to have the kind of father-daughter relationship my dad has with us . he always told us how beautiful and intelligent we are, how his friends admire us that we are indeed a treasure to behold those words did not only boost my confidence it also made me proud of myself and having the zeal to work hard.

PS: Those things didn't really give me the kind of boldness I needed but it was indeed a great stepping stone. My self confidence improved a great deal due to the outside exposure I had, I made mistakes and learnt from them, it made me very humble and have great respect for evryone especially men but at the same time I know my worth and no man dares take me for a ride (except he wan die )

The first step to make a child have self respect is being a role model to them and the outside world will mould them into what they want to become in as much as they thread cautiously

See babe!

Fine with personality as well.

And she would be lying she is a Nigerian girl!

Olodo, don't come and confess what country you really are from.

chaircover:

Very very correct. Having self respect shouldnt be an excuse for bad manners or rudeness

Ah! Thank you o, my sister!

Tell them.

TELL THEM O!

I have been saying this for years.

Majority of Naija girls!

Awon weyree! Awon oloriburuku! Come open dem yeye mouth say "I want a man that will treat me good and worship my feet".

Anuofia! Na oloriburuku like dem dem deserve. Odikwa moorons!

obowunmi:

What happens the day you don't "think before you talk?"

What does femininity mean? What does it mean to be a woman? This notion is extremely relative so I would suggest that you thread carefully.

I apologise, simple. I don't go trying to prove a point that I'm right, when I know I talked out of point, lol.

I made mention of femininity because I've noticed some girls feel in a bid to champion feminism, they acquire all manner of uncouth behavior.

chaircover: MBJ I agree with some of the things you say and disagree with others. Kids are kids and they are not mentally or physically endowed as an adult, neither have they gone through the experiences of life. Of what good is it to tell a kid who has puppy fat that he/she is fat? The way kids process things is way different from the way adults process things. I give an example, I was as a kid seriously traumatized, scared and refused to sleep alone in a room fr weeks after watching a horror film. I still remember that film and the experience surrounding it up until now.

One thing that I have gathered from a lot of input on this thread is that LOVE is extremely important in peoples lives. I suppose you cant give what you dont have and if for example your parents are at each others throats and dont have time to love themselves talk less of showing the kid love, then it is unlikely that the kid will grow up learning what true love is. The truth is that as humans, we are mostly built to yearn to be loved one way or the other s people accept all sorts of things, thinking that it is love.

my question to you would be: do you think it is abnormal or wrong for a kid to be fat? which brings my next question:" why shouldnt you tell her and let her accept that there is nothing wrong with who she is, whether fat or skinny, ugly or beautiful? you cant possibly teach a child about self esteem if you think that it is wrong for her to love herself as a fat child. the minute you guys sit down and make her understand that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with her (and understand that yourself), is the minute you will have a remote chance of teaching her about self esteem. i dont think it has anything to do with children and adults, but mre to do with reality....... you guys dont seem to want to face the reality of who/what she is.....and EMBRACE that reality, rather than trying to sweep it under the rug pretending that it aint happening.

i guess we see this issue differently.

Let me ask a question?

What if you build your daughter's self esteem at home but at school she is targetted by bullies? E.g, you never call your daughter fat but at school, they have given her a nickname like fatso, etc. How do you remedy the situation? Let me add that removing her from the school is not an option.

...

Sagamite:

See babe!

Fine with personality as well.

And she would be lying she is a Nigerian girl!

Olodo, don't come and confess what country you really are from.

stop bad mouthing Nigerian babes ooooooo haba they are every man's dream

y me:
stop bad mouthing Nigerian babes ooooooo haba they are every man's dream

Nah, I will bad mouth them!

I am very happy to.

I think we have raised a generation and are still raising a next generation of obnoxious, irritating and annoying Naija women, bar a very few exceptions.

It is pertinent I am blunt about this as it is critical. And we all know I like my shock treatments, hence my bad mouthing.

I do not and will never hide the fact that I don't like most Naija and Jamo girls. They are incredible rude, classless and annoying. When one has the opportunity to interact with babes from other cultures and regions, that is when one can really have the basis of comparison and can unveil the personality miasma of the average Naija girl. If you interact with an average Naija girl, it usually really does not take long before one (with a brain) start thinking "what kind of ediot is this?". I don't hate them all but I pick and choose the ones I want to respect. Majority of them I despise.

They need to check themselves as they are currently wrecking themselves.

Wow!!!!!! i dey shiver!!!!!......

ronkebp: Wow!!!!!! i dey shiver!!!!!......

I am just saying the facts, babes.

yeah but you are making it sound as if 90% of Naija babes are really rude or classless, that i do not agree with.

ronkebp: yeah but you are making it sound as if 90% of Naija babes are really rude or classless, that i do not agree with.

Whether na 90. Whether na 85. Whether na 52. they are too much to waddle through and be happy with the outcome.

They hardly ever fail me when I meet them in real life. They are rude and classless but yet think you should not even complain because that shows you are a gentleman. Mugu real men oblige them and are taking the dumb training.

Me? If any girl is rude, I put her in her place. Even I am worse with Naija girls. I particularly save the worst of my attitude for rude Naija girls.

Just by a first few seconds of interactions with a black girl, I can tell if she is Naija or Southern African. I aint joking. The difference is 7-Up.

You can take a Southern African or Polish girl out for dinner and not get shyt out of it but you will still enjoy her vibes and respect her.

hmmmm Akiika!!!! what do they do really?

Tell me abeg.......you see a babe for the first time ....ehen!!! continue from there, i really want to know what they do that makes them so rude and classless...apart from the "never talk to a stranger" attitude....what do they really do

Sagamite:

Nah, I will bad mouth them!

I am very happy to.

I think we have raised a generation and are still raising a next generation of obnoxious, irritating and annoying Naija women, bar a very few exceptions.

It is pertinent I am blunt about this as it is critical. And we all know I like my shock treatments, hence my bad mouthing.

I do not and will never hide the fact that I don't like most Naija and Jamo girls. They are incredible rude, classless and annoying. When one has the opportunity to interact with babes from other cultures and regions, that is when one can really have the basis of comparison and can unveil the personality miasma of the average Naija girl. If you interact with an average Naija girl, it usually really does not take long before one (with a brain) start thinking "what kind of ediot is this?". I don't hate them all but I pick and choose the ones I want to respect. Majority of them I despise.

They need to check themselves as they are currently wrecking themselves.

Honey reaax and put a halt to that vile attitude of yours towards Nigerian women before I dishusband you

The truth is that I do get where you are coming from, most Nigerian girls especially those in UK have this degrading extremely unpleasant attitude that I for one wonder what they derive from it.
A clean nice dude walked up to me today and half way into the conversation he asked where I was from, I told him Nigeria and he had this wild shocking look on his face that last for seconds and the next thing he said was "be serious, the Nigerian girls I have meant are rather ill mannered in most cases" I kinda felt uneased cos this was coming from a non-Nigerian

but at the same time in every given situation there are 'PROS and CONS' and this present generation even made it worse but then again I have met and I am friends with Nigerian girls that are well mannered, intelligent and decent

Yes you have meant some Nigerian women whose attitude disgust you but I am guessing you have not taken time to know more about few of them as they might be the opposite of what you think about them

Let down that unpleasant attitude you have for Nigerian ladies for just one day and explore the well nurtured ladies (not the nicki minajs wannabe o lol) and see for yourself that there is always gonna be the good, bad and terrible

...

Sagamite:

Whether na 90. Whether na 85. Whether na 52. they are too much to waddle through and be happy wiht the outcome.

They hardly ever fail me when I meet them in real life. They are rude and classless but yet think you should not even complain because that shows you are a gentleman. Mugu real men oblige them and takinng the dumb training.

Me? If any girl is rude, I put her in her place. Even worse with Naija girls. I particularly save the worst of my attitude for rude Naija girls.

Just by a first few seconds of interactions with a black girl, I can tell if she is Naija or Southern African. I aint joking. The difference is 7-Up.

You can take a Southern African or Polish girl out for dinner and not get shyt out of it but you will still enjoy her vibes and respect her.

Story!!!!!
Enjoy polish woman vibes? na beans lol

ronkebp: hmmmm Akiika!!!! what do they do really?

Tell me abeg.......you see a babe for the first time ....ehen!!! continue from there, i really want to know what they do that makes them so rude and classless...apart from the "never talk to a stranger" attitude....what do they really do

Rudeness is classlessness.

Thinking you have to be disparaging to men is classlessness.

Talking loud and being belligerent in public is classlessness.

Having the audacity to think you can talk rudely about someone to their face is classlessness.

Having the audacity to think because you are a man wooing them or about to woo them, they can behave as they wish or talk as they wish. (You are a witness to that one)

They have their head up their arse.

They are poor conversationists.

They have a sick sense of entitlement.

chaircover: saga seriously where are you meeting these girls?

UK, darling.

The ones in Nigeria love me instantly when they see me but I know why.

I have to say, Naija girls from Yankee and Continental Europe I have met have been top notch. Sweet chics!

Sagamite:

Rudeness is classlessness.

Thinking you have to be disparaging to men is classlessness.

Talking loud and being belligerent in public is classlessness.

Having the audacity to think you can talk rudely about someone to the ir face is classlessness.

Having the audacity to think because you are a man wooing them or about to woo them, they can behave as they wish or talk as they wish. (You are a witness to that one)

They have their head up their arse.

They are poor conversationists.

They have a sick sense of entitlement.



UK, darling.

The ones in Nigeria love me instantly when they see me but I know why.

I have to say, Naija girls from Yankee and Continental Europe I have met have been top notch. Sweet chics!

sooooooo whats the bitter hype all about then if you know not all Nigerian ladies are classless and rude?

Sagamite:

I have to say, Naija girls from Yankee and Continental Europe I have met have been top notch. Sweet chics!

We love you too

y me:
The truth is that I do get where you are coming from, most Nigerian girls especially those in UK have this degrading extremely unpleasant attitude that I for one wonder what they derive from it.
A clean nice dude walked up to me today and half way into the conversation he asked where I was from, I told him Nigeria and he had this wild shocking look on his face that last for seconds and the next thing he said was "be serious, the Nigerian girls I have meant are rather ill mannered in most cases" I kinda felt uneased cos this was coming from a non-Nigerian

Thank you.

Evidential case study.

y me:
but at the same time in every given situation there are 'PROS and CONS' and this present generation even made it worse but then again I have met and I am friends with Nigerian girls that are well mannered, intelligent and decent

Yes you have meant some Nigerian women whose attitude disgust you but I am guessing you have not taken time to know more about few of them as they might be the opposite of what you think about them

Let down that unpleasant attitude you have for Nigerian ladies for just one day and explore the well nurtured ladies (not the nicki minajs wannabe o lol) and see for yourself that there is always gonna be the good, bad and terrible

My time is precious.

I would rather look for a needle in Woolworth than for a needle in a haystack.

I take each person as an individual but the minute you step out of bounds (which Naija girls hardly ever fail to do), I put you straight.

*Ileke-IdI:


We love you too

Thank you, jor!

E ma wo awon babes.

I will soon move over paa paa just because of the classier babes.

y me:
sooooooo whats the bitter hype all about then if you know not all Nigerian ladies are classless and rude?

No 1, I never said all.

No 2, it might be law of demands. In Yankee, black men are normally guests in jails so you have to hone your skills to fight for the few black men with prospects.

No 3, it is a small sample pool.

No 4, it might be holiday blues. Maybe when you are both local, dem fit turn to normal Naija chics.

Sagamite:

Thank you, jor!

E ma wo awon babes.

I will soon move over paa paa just because of the classier babes.

Please park your load and go
The UK chics won't miss you at all

y me:
Please park your load and go
The UK chics won't miss you at all

I dey go!