Been married for 3years now. The problem is that I can't have a discussion with my hubby without it turning to a big fight. Once we discuss anything and I have a contrary opinion, kasala don burst. No matter what I discuss with him, he believes there is an alterior motive and he throws insults at me, when I can no longer take it, I throw back the exact insult at him then the malice starts. He cld go on for 2weeks where he tells everyone that cares to listen what a terrible wife he has at home. No amount of begging or sweet talking gets him out of the mood until I go to him and really attack his person then he gets over the fight and at that point, he has a lot of terrible things he can't forgive his wife for. The problem is that I can't fight anyone for a day not to talk of someone we live together and am sick and tired of the cat and mouse game I play with my hubby. What do I do please?

Where u friends bfor u became a couple because frm ur story,its apparent u people dint study each other well @ all,study d way u guys reason n handle issues.anyway ure married and of cos u have alternatives which is seperation or divorce and if u cant accept either den u have to work tins out.speaking from my own knowledge of marriage, (d married folks can counter me here if am wrong) marriage is about sacrificing ur will to dat of ur husby and d general good of d family,dats what d bible refered to as wives submit urself unto ur husbands,com out of ur high horses,d humble.men loathe women who cant b submissive,den u have to compromise.u cant have it ur way all d tym and if u feel u have a contrary opinion u can state it respectfully without it degeneratin into a fight.make him see y ur idea too is ok just see him as ur fada,d only diference is dat u guys are havin sex.its a womans submission dat makes a man love and respect his wife naturally and d oposite attracts disdain frm ur husby (married men on dis thread am i makin any sense) change ur perception about marriage,go to him kneel and aoologize for any disrespect and arogance uve shown him,ure not being stewpid,ure only stooping to conquer.make ur home a warm place dat he will b eager to come home everyday,dont make it a court where unsavoury words and arguements will b flying around every day and remember ull also have kids,u dont want ur kids to watch u arguing and disrespectin dia dad everyday.make ur homa a home of love where it will b conducive for ur kids to learn respect and love from u because @ dis rate,if u continue,ur husby will stop comin home,he wil find sucour in any gal dat cares rto listen to how bad his wife treats him and of course u know ladies na,she wil take advantage of dat information and stat schemin her way into ur husbys life and u know d rest of d story...poster a wise woman builds her home,a foolish woman destroys it.dont let him find solace in d bar,wit a secretary or one undergraduate hottie.if u let arguements destroy ur mariage,trust me ull regret it.am single but av learnt a lot from married friends and experience.its beta for u to loose an arguement and kip ur home intact or have it ur way all d tym and loose ur husby.its ur decision to make.a word is enof for a wise woman,good luck

@ kunyie, thax for your words. We courted for 2year and even when am naughty and expects him to be mad at me, he says he can't fight me cos that will reduce the time to enjoy life together but immediatEly after the marriage, the story changed but I have tried to reduce the size of my mouth. I let him have his way when there are issues then he comes back and tell me I don't help him plan and was just a useless lady. I have called in pastors to come help but he just won't let go. The last tyme we had an arguement, I let him win it and despite the fact that he was insulting me, I kept quiet and he has nt spoken to me for a week now. I have begged him and done everything but he won't let go. Even woke him up during the nyte but he won't just say anything. I came here cos I don't want to insult him out of his shell and I can't cope much longer

2years of courtship, 3yrs marriage thats 5yrs altogether yet you still cant find a way of communicating peacefully with him?!

Seriously not again.

Have you got kids? If none, keep It that way.

Can't you just ignore him and go about happy? Don't you have CD player at home to listen to some Adele even add pitbull join inside go about happy, singing. If you know the time he comes home from work go out and come back home after 2 hours and when you come in just go about doing your business. Watch movies, Go out with responsible female friends, go visit an aunt and stay there all day.

You are giving him so much attention so retrace your footsteps. Some attention seeking men will get back to their senses when you take all the attention away from them When I say ignore I mean correct ignore. You need to be tough to tame that man. When two craziness jam, the lesser one will bow.

Abeg, where Do you people find these men? Which kain market man did you get married to? A man that bad mouths his wife. These are the kind of men that need ultimatums. You go out and tell people nasty things about me? Then you have no peaceful infact no home to come back to.

@ op, sorry 4 what u're passing thru right now,i vividly understand it, that s 1 of d reasons i'm of d opinion dt men benefit more in marriage dn women because n matter what, u1e d one every1 will ask to be patient,and of course dt s exactly what i will tell u
1. Be prayerful- always commit ur marriage to god's hand, b4 u discuss anything with him,1st of all discss it wt god and tactically present d matter in a respectable and hunble manner.
2. Be humble- do not be arrogant to ur hubby at all, it destroys man's ego, and when d ego is not dre again, they feel somehow, even if u are more blessed dn him, put dt aside,and treat him as d most mpotant person after god to u, wit that, i bet u, he will love u d more wit time
3. Be patient- whenever u discuss anything wit him, always be patient enough, not everytime shd u be expecting reply immediately, it can take some days,be patient in order to avoid argument.
Avoid overdemandind- sometimes, u may not really know what is annoying him, u may just be guessing, it may be u're overdemanding,whatever u know u can afford easily,u dont need to ask even if it is 4 d house, with dt, u'l earn his respect.
5. Love him with his inadequacies-if u show him love even after he's offended him,later he wwull have a change of heart.
6.Respect him more- show him respect publicly,i've observed dt men appreciate it more when dir wives respect dm publicly, it boost their ego and at home, he will appreciate it.

P. S, all i've written here may not be easy once, but try and acquint urself with them u'll see changes, dont 4get dt we women also deserve all dse,but always remember dt marriage pays men dn women, it is we women dt always want to try all means to save our marriages, men dont care, so zgod help u.

1. Is it by force to marry? Life is too short for all this yama yama.

Stop begging and crying and making him feel life begins and ends with him. Problem I see with a lot of couples especially when the wife doesn't work is this clingy thing.
Get your own life, I go with Jennys advice, have your own life so you both won't suffocate each other. If he doesn't want to talk as an adult should when you have conflicts then simply ignore him. He is the head of the home and headship is not about being rude, abusive and malicious, its about maintaining peace, love and order in a mature way.
A friend of mine went through almost the same thing, he would verbally throughly abuse her, leave her crying and begging after the abuse, till she listened to my advice and stopped, the man will go out and stay out for weeks, travel without her knowledge she will be calling he will be rejecting or pick and insult her. I told her stop it. If he wants to act like a baby then do what you will do to a baby who refuses to stop crying after you have tried everything. She stopped calling, stopped asking for food and fuel money started taking better care of herself, started getting her own life, the man was shocked
One day she dressed up and went out, he followed her to see where she was going, lol, they ended up kissing and making out in public with plenty apology.
Submission doesn't mean not having a voice of oppinion, love and Submission goes hand in hand, if he loves and treats and talks right to you and you don't submit then I will have a problem.
If he wants to be a child then ignore him as you will do to a troublesome child

haba, what kind of man is dat, a man dat keep malice with his own wife for two weeks? Na wah o, i cannot imagine keeping malice with my wife for a day, if we disagree in d morning, i av to call her when i get to office just to make peace. You need serious prayer honestly, am sorry to say, ur hubby is not man enough. Get his dad or uncle to talk to him if he will not respect his pastor. You sef should watch ur mouth. Keep begging him till he will forgive u, buy him a gift and when he is in good mood, talk to him about it, u can even cry when talking to him but make sure he is in good mood sha o before u start crying, am sure he will think about it. Dat is my wife's trick. I pray for peace of God to reign in ur home. Remember say na women be the pillar of the home, if u do not want ur home to crumble, u have a lot of work to do. God bless u.

But don't be rude be polite he talks answer him with short polite answers

Debrief08: are you male or female?

You are soo sexy with your responses... I can't stand a girl that calls me 24/7, leave me alone and live your life.

Anyways, @debrief08 - wrote my love letter to my girl. She responded that she received the letter and my check...I know she loves me but now she doesn't want to be with me. She says I'm pompous and she doesn't think I will change. She wants to return my check back.

What should I do next? @debrief08 pls help...also are you single?

@ poster,ook,i understand,now i tink u have to go with jennykandry and debriefs suggestions,ignoring him matters,maybe he'll get to appreciate u.pele sweet.all dis sad tales about marriage sef is freaking me out,and i have a wedding to attend dis afternoon but all dis sad and unfortunate stories about men and wedding has killed d enthusiasm to go for wedding.sinnce its my land ladys dotas trad weddin,leme just go and fill d sit so dat dey will not say he or she dint com

Lol Obowunmi, female, married with 2 boys. Sorry about your girl, seems she has made up her mind, however make a last effort, under the guise of going to get your cheque, go and see her, invite her to dinner, apologise and tell her what you have learnt and how willing you are to learn and grow more.
Its a last effort, can go either way, however it goes I will advice you to work a lot of the rude arrogant part, you will never get a good woman with that attitude, you will get girls carried away with money who have no value or self esteem but you will never get a good woman with good head on her shoulders if you have an arrogant attitude.
Best wishes

SO many damaged souls in this section. Why is it that it is the women with all the problems. I guess, it is for the same reason that there are more women in our churches than men. Fucktards!!!

jennykadry: Seriously not again.

Have you got kids? If none, keep It that way.

Can't you just ignore him and go about happy? Don't you have CD player at home to listen to some Adele even add pitbull join inside go about happy, singing. If you know the time he comes home from work go out and come back home after 2 hours and when you come in just go about doing your business. Watch movies, Go out with responsible female friends, go visit an aunt and stay there all day.

You are giving him so much attention so retrace your footsteps. Some attention seeking men will get back to their senses when you take all the attention away from them When I say ignore I mean correct ignore. You need to be tough to tame that man. When two craziness jam, the lesser one will bow.

Abeg, where Do you people find these men? Which kain market man did you get married to? A man that bad mouths his wife. These are the kind of men that need ultimatums. You go out and tell people nasty things about me? Then you have no peaceful infact no home to come back to.

Internet tough woman, I hail thee.

adl: Been married for 3years now. The problem is that I can't have a discussion with my hubby without it turning to a big fight. Once we discuss anything and I have a contrary opinion, kasala don burst. No matter what I discuss with him, he believes there is an alterior motive and he throws insults at me, when I can no longer take it, I throw back the exact insult at him then the malice starts. He cld go on for 2weeks where he tells everyone that cares to listen what a terrible wife he has at home. No amount of begging or sweet talking gets him out of the mood until I go to him and really attack his person then he gets over the fight and at that point, he has a lot of terrible things he can't forgive his wife for. The problem is that I can't fight anyone for a day not to talk of someone we live together and am sick and tired of the cat and mouse game I play with my hubby. What do I do please?

Do you think you need to throw back insult at him?

What happened to the word SUBMISSION?

A ship with 2 captains will head straight to a waiting iceberg.

debrief08: Lol Obowunmi, female, married with 2 boys. Sorry about your girl, seems she has made up her mind, however make a last effort, under the guise of going to get your cheque, go and see her, invite her to dinner, apologise and tell her what you have learnt and how willing you are to learn and grow more.
Its a last effort, can go either way, however it goes I will advice you to work a lot of the rude arrogant part, you will never get a good woman with that attitude, you will get girls carried away with money who have no value or self esteem but you will never get a good woman with good head on her shoulders if you have an arrogant attitude.
Best wishes

Why does he need a woman with good head on her shoulders? I mean, as long as she has a pu/n/n/y, what does he care what the shape of her head is?

debrief08: Lol Obowunmi, female, married with 2 boys. Sorry about your girl, seems she has made up her mind, however make a last effort, under the guise of going to get your cheque, go and see her, invite her to dinner, apologise and tell her what you have learnt and how willing you are to learn and grow more.
Its a last effort, can go either way, however it goes I will advice you to work a lot of the rude arrogant part, you will never get a good woman with that attitude, you will get girls carried away with money who have no value or self esteem but you will never get a good woman with good head on her shoulders if you have an arrogant attitude.
Best wishes

Thank you ma'am. I know ur husband is enjoying you. You don't know how sexy you sound when you respond...will keep you posted on what happens next. I know if we can overcome this, our story will be one of true love, compassion, forgiveness, and transformation. Thanks again.

I need to learn how to treat people more nicely but she's one of the many women that I have sincerely liked and love. I just didn't pay attention to her....

jennykadry: Seriously not again.

Have you got kids? If none, keep It that way.

Can't you just ignore him and go about happy? Don't you have CD player at home to listen to some Adele even add pitbull join inside go about happy, singing. If you know the time he comes home from work go out and come back home after 2 hours and when you come in just go about doing your business. Watch movies, Go out with responsible female friends, go visit an aunt and stay there all day.

You are giving him so much attention so retrace your footsteps. Some attention seeking men will get back to their senses when you take all the attention away from them When I say ignore I mean correct ignore. You need to be tough to tame that man. When two craziness jam, the lesser one will bow.

Abeg, where Do you people find these men? Which kain market man did you get married to? A man that bad mouths his wife. These are the kind of men that need ultimatums. You go out and tell people nasty things about me? Then you have no peaceful infact no home to come back to.

Madam da madam!
I met this chic in my 'daughter's' graduation party, I fell in love with her instanta! She cuts to near exact the picture I have in my head of you. Calm looking but Fiesty. Lol. Take am easy jor.
If she keeps ignoring and going about her business, somebody will kill somborry one day with knife or poison.

Mr Oyngbogoju, you don't submit to a physical or emotional abuser with a serious anger management problem, You submit to a Head who loves you as Christ Loved the Church, Love is never rude, boastful, abusive or arrogant.
I will never advice my daughter if I have one to submit to a bully or advice my son to act like a bully and expect submission. Christ never did any of the things her husband is doing. Love bares and endures all, its his responsibility to love. Be a balanced Christain if you are going to go Christain in your advice.
A man or woman with anger management issues needs to seperatly deal with such issues not pass them on to their spouse

*sigh*

Two wrongs doesn't make a right.

kobojunkii: SO many damaged souls in this section. Why is it that it is the women with all the problems. I guess, it is for the same reason that there are more women in our churches than men. Fucktards!!!

Hi cloned stalker. Hope you dont attack CC today

Odunnu:
Madam da madam!
I met this chic in my 'daughter's' graduation party, I fell in love with her instanta! She cuts to near exact the picture I have in my head of you. Calm looking but Fiesty. Lol. Take am easy jor.
If she keeps ignoring and going about her business, somebody will kill somborry one day with knife or poison.

Trust me when you ignore these kind of people they come begging. If she has tried Everything to right all wrong and he keeps refusing to reason with her, then ignore him and go about your business. That attention he is so used to having will drag him back to her.

Somebody go kill person and I ask again how do you want her to communicate with a man who isn't ready to open up?

jennykadry:

Trust me when you ignore these kind of people they come begging. If she has tried Everything to right all wrong and he keeps refusing to reason with her, then ignore him and go about your business. That attention he is so used to having will drag him back to her.

Somebody go kill person and I ask again how do you want her to communicate with a man who isn't ready to open up?

I agree 100%

I believe when women start making men see them as less of a burden and more of a need, things will get better!

I realized that most of these women on here are too clingy anyways. If a man wants to stay on his own, allow him na . . . why will she beg?

Idleness no good sha!

kobojunkii:

Why does he need a woman with good head on her shoulders? I mean, as long as she has a pu/n/n/y, what does he care what the shape of her head is?

Retardeen!

Another man-child. He wants to be respected as a leader yet compete as a school girl. well whatever you do do not think submissiveness=doormatiness.

Most modern marriages today are one sided,it's the woman who puts more effort to make it work.Sister,i know you are trying all you can but seems your hubby is doing macho man;' I married you and you must do as i say'.Submission is misunderstood here.Marriage entail lots of maturity on both sides and patience.My dear,create your family altar where you both pray together.Just like the other Sister have said,don't be clingy.If you apologise and he doesnt want to listen,at least you have done your own part.Don't continue the mice with him.pretend like nothing happened.make yourself happy no matter how difficult.Don't allow your happiness depend on him.Don't insult him please,rather talk to him when you both are in bed,when he is in a happier mood and dont force your opinion on him.My,dear try to get a job so You'll be less dependent on him financially.may God give you the wisdom and patience you need.

A big thanx to everyone. I have a very good job and was even picking up most of the bills till a few month ago when he had a better job. I believe the only thing I havnt done is having a life of my own. I am glad I came here. Thanks a lot.

You are a good wife, picking up bills when he couldn't, don't let anyone make you feel guilty and tell you that its because you were financially better off that is making him act like this. A good man will not turn on his wife for helping out.
Anyway, its good you have extra money now that he is back picking the bill, first thing you should do is find a good spar, go and get spoilt silly, get a massage, waxing if you can, facials too, don't do this for him do it for yourself, you deserve to pamper yourself. Go to a cinema, buy pop corn, and cotton candy, my dear, you need desperately "me time", Me time is the greatest gift my husband gave me, helps me to be sane, rational and less stressed.
Have fun this weekend dear

This is scary!!! Marriage is scary!!!

Na wa o...