jennykadry:
I thought you said you are out of here ?

LMAO!!! I actually thot HE was a SHE. Ur picture looks like something I've seen in one naija movie (RETURN OF THE SNAKE MAN) . Now am REALLLY out of here...... Phew!!!

anitank:
Now am REALLLY out of here...... Phew!!!

Good

12 inches!:

So what if in the course of ur marriage the guy shud face hard times or lose his job....he shud go and hang himself abi...Or because the man has a ROLE has bread winner u won't pay school fees or put food on ur family's table if u're still O.K financial...Wa pe n be.

Sure, there's nothing wrong with d woman taking up d affairs of the home wen the man is financially down. I am a huge fan of surprising the man by paying a huge bill witout letting him know. But when he forms it as a habit expecting d lady to do it all the time just because he thinks she can afford it, even when he works?? That's just wrong. Shebi una de claim man of d house? E don reach money mata una wan crawl back into shell like snail........weldone!!!!

jennykadry:
Good

Lol!! I changed my mind . Let's see how u deal with that

anitank:
Lol!! I changed my mind . Let's see how u deal with that

Ok. Here, have a glass of cold water. You need it

@op
pls holla @ me: @deeworldbest

Nothing African about expecting a man to pay your fashion expenses. Firstly Africans are very diverse and the attitudes on this issue even in Nigeria are multiple. So Hausas,Igbos and Edos have different attitudes.Probably most African women work very hard farming or trading to look after themselves and children.

Even now with urbanization this is more a thing of social class. Lower socio-economic class women i.e Oshodi,Mushin,Egbeda etc generally expect their men to "pay" them in a relationship. This class is not something that changes with wealth or status. A good example of such a person is the First Widow herself.
Women whose parents are financialy able,well raised and educated invariably grow up to be achievers. Even in university you see such women when they have no money they keep their heads down and study unlike the others who must have BB by force,do all kinds of "RUNS" and claim their parents are in Dubai when really they are in Dugbe.
In fact the comment about a man should pay for your hairdo immediately tells me your background more than anything else ; Orile ,Bandri or similar ghettoes,in short,a social climber.

drzed:






I felt your comments were chauvinistic, or, for lack of a better term, stereotyping men as sex-maniacs. To say that all men cannot do without sex for three years and/or to equate it to their 'unhealthiness' is not only a blatant lie, but also a dangerous line of thinking. It is not clear to me what you or maxpro-xl's gender is, but regardless, there are many men who will dispute this statement - some vehemently. I for one, am inclined to take it as an insult on men, but hey, this is Nairaland. Thick skin.

Also, I dont know if either you (ACM10) or maxpro-xl are married or single. But it doesnt matter. Assuming either or both of you are female, then invariably, you are implying that your current/future husband will defintely be unfaithful to you IF, (for example, and God forbid), you were indisposed - or your career made you travel out - for an extended period. And just in case either you (ACM10) or maxpro-xl happen to be a man, then you are just assuring us in no uncertain terms, that your current/future wife should not expect you to be faithful for a period ranging from one month to three years, irrespective of the circumstances. WOW!..

In summary, and based on the OP's dilemma, your argument is that women like her should never expect their husbands to be faithful if they are separated or have not 'done it' for up to one month or longer. Really?

Anyhow and regardless of your gender (which is not clear from your userID)...do you sincerely fall into one of these categories of a sex-driven, hormone-dripping, libido-intoxicated and perpetually unfaithful partner? I think not, but correct me if I am wrong.

This is why I stated that such thoughts or beliefs lead to marriages been broken even before the nuptials are done. The seeds of mistrust are sown by such thoughts/beliefs and need only an innocent wink/smile at someone else, a few late nights at work, or some private phone calls to germinate. Next thing, the opposite partner will 'retaliate' by avenging the perceived unfaithfulness and GBAM! Marriage don scatter be dat!

Many people I know (men and women, inclusive) abstain from sex outside marriage for several reasons, of which religious belief is just one of them. Others will cite the preponderance of sexually-transmitted disease as a reason, while for some, the possibility of a child born out of wedlock is unfathomable. Besides, not every man has super-hyper-active sex hormones constantly flowing through their veins, and driving them nuts day-in, day-out. And for your info, libido not only varies from person to person, but actually wears off with age unless one is addicted to those purple tablets.

In your own case (ACM10) you stated that you could not do without sex for even one month and so you have decided to use that personal fact as proof that this fellow is gay or impotent. Thank God you did not even call him an impotent gay man (wink). But seriously, this is quite unfair and if he was here reading such post, he has every right to feel offended. You could never have known his sexua1 orientation or prowess merely from the OP's cry for help. You went as far as insinuating that he MUST be sleeping with other women since he is not doing it with the OP. Haba!

Please stop measuring people's attitude in a relationship by using sex as the S.I. unit.

It is wrong.

cheers.

My brother ehn, d tin taya me. It just shows the kind of society we live in; a society that views celibacy as an impossibility. Saddening

anitank: HYPOCRITES!!! Dats what some ladies here are. They come here and trash out nonsense but in real life they're real screwed. No matter how rich a lady is, there is nothing wrong with a man who wants to marry her giving her as little as 2k for hairdo, wether she can afford it or not. It jst shows he can take care of his family with d little he has.....

And if u're a man here and thinks there's nothing wrong with the woman being the bread winner of d family, then I weep for u!!!!
Am so out of here!

you lack the ability to comprehend. the op and the man she's talking about had been "platonic friends" for 3 years. they were not romantically involved until recently when the dude proposed and yet this scrounger of a woman expects the man to have been paying for her hair all this while? do you expect your platonic friends to pay for your hair, buy your airtime credits and pay for your maxipads?

epitomes of firewood background is blatantly obvious on these pages. some women have traded their self esteem for a plate of rice @ tasty fried chicken. no wonder a naija man can openly slap her partner in public and treat her like a mongrel. why won't he? the women want to be treated as such by expecting handouts!

aribisala0: Nothing African about expecting a man to pay your fashion expenses. Firstly Africans are very diverse and the attitudes on this issue even in Nigeria are multiple. So Hausas,Igbos and Edos have different attitudes.Probably most African women work very hard farming or trading to look after themselves and children.

Even now with urbanization this is more a thing of social class. Lower socio-economic class women i.e Oshodi,Mushin,Egbeda etc generally expect their men to "pay" them in a relationship. This class is not something that changes with wealth or status. A good example of such a person is the First Widow herself.
Women whose parents are financialy able,well raised and educated invariably grow up to be achievers. Even in university you see such women when they have no money they keep their heads down and study unlike the others who must have BB by force,do all kinds of "RUNS" and claim their parents are in Dubai when really they are in Dugbe.
In fact the comment about a man should pay for your hairdo immediately tells me your background more than anything else ; Orile ,Bandri or similar ghettoes,in short,a social climber.

Hahahaha!!!

coogar:

you lack the ability to comprehend. the op and the man she's talking about had been "platonic friends" for 3 years. they were not romantically involved until recently when the dude proposed and yet this scrounger of a woman expects the man to have been paying for her hair all this while? do you expect your platonic friends to pay for your hair, buy your airtime credits and pay for your maxipads?

epitomes of firewood background is blatantly obvious on these pages. some women have traded their self esteem for a plate of rice @ tasty fried chicken. no wonder a naija man can openly slap her partner in public and treat her like a mongrel. why won't he? the women want to be treated as such by expecting handouts!

Omg! Firewood background.

aribisala0: Nothing African about expecting a man to pay your fashion expenses. Firstly Africans are very diverse and the attitudes on this issue even in Nigeria are multiple. So Hausas,Igbos and Edos have different attitudes.Probably most African women work very hard farming or trading to look after themselves and children.

Even now with urbanization this is more a thing of social class. Lower socio-economic class women i.e Oshodi,Mushin,Egbeda etc generally expect their men to "pay" them in a relationship. This class is not something that changes with wealth or status. A good example of such a person is the First Widow herself.
Women whose parents are financialy able,well raised and educated invariably grow up to be achievers. Even in university you see such women when they have no money they keep their heads down and study unlike the others who must have BB by force,do all kinds of "RUNS" and claim their parents are in Dubai when really they are in Dugbe.
In fact the comment about a man should pay for your hairdo immediately tells me your background more than anything else ; Orile ,Bandri or similar ghettoes,in short,a social climber.

Get out! Egbeda is not in a 'lower socio-economic class'

@ Poster follow your heart but use your head. Be guided.

anitank: HYPOCRITES!!! Dats what some ladies here are. They come here and trash out nonsense but in real life they're real screwed. No matter how rich a lady is, there is nothing wrong with a man who wants to marry her giving her as little as 2k for hairdo, wether she can afford it or not. It jst shows he can take care of his family with d little he has.....

And if u're a man here and thinks there's nothing wrong with the woman being the bread winner of d family, then I weep for u!!!!
Am so out of here!

And I hope you see nothing wrong with doling out 2K to your boyfriend to "help" buy fuel, recharge cards and take him on a shopping spree for clothes, boxers, perfumes, etc?

I mean afterall, you need to apply this same logic of yours to show that you "care" for him too, abi?

Don't come here to talk-the-talk. Put your money where your mouth is girl.

Is nt a crime dat d young man will meet all ur needs,since u are a workn class lady,u must help in 1 way or anoda,4get abt dis African believe of urs.tankGod u are doing sometin. D fact is dat there is no love between u 2!so free d young man,and tel hm u are no longer intrested.

Kobojunkie:

No we are not really saying the same thing. I am saying that women bear the most of the blame here. From mothers to wives who ACCEPT the behavior. If it was not so accepted, you would not be here thinking the men are the hypocrites to begin with.

More proof that we are saying the same thing except for the difference I noted. Please is it my posts or your own posts that confuse you?

So because a behavior is accepted (good job ignoring the fact that there is first an action before the acceptance cos God forbid we address that!) means that men cannot use their gumption and common sense to do what is right and fair right. Are they mentally handicapped?

Okay, you're upset that I'm calling out the menfolk involved, okay sorry. Let me change my tune. I am now addressing the women who allow/accept it. Listen up women, the blame is on you, you are being had, your men are bloody hypocrites if they are sitting on their lazy a$$es while you're running helper skelter in the home, yet they insist you contribute equally financially.

Happy? Now will you please leave me alone?

I am suprised how we all ignored the main issue an just concentrated on Salon money
The man lives with his parents haven't moved out or made plans to yet wants to go and see her parents. That's the first question my Dad asks all the mrn who married his daughters.
What's wrong in expecting gifts and salon money, poster gifts should go both ways.
Nothing wrong in wanting a generous man, how he cares for her when he has little shows how he will care for her when he has much.
That being said, never marry out of desperation or take any life decision out of desperation

aribisala0: Nothing African about expecting a man to pay your fashion expenses. Firstly Africans are very diverse and the attitudes on this issue even in Nigeria are multiple. So Hausas,Igbos and Edos have different attitudes.Probably most African women work very hard farming or trading to look after themselves and children.

Even now with urbanization this is more a thing of social class. Lower socio-economic class women i.e Oshodi,Mushin,Egbeda etc generally expect their men to "pay" them in a relationship. This class is not something that changes with wealth or status. A good example of such a person is the First Widow herself.
Women whose parents are financialy able,well raised and educated invariably grow up to be achievers. Even in university you see such women when they have no money they keep their heads down and study unlike the others who must have BB by force,do all kinds of "RUNS" and claim their parents are in Dubai when really they are in Dugbe.
In fact the comment about a man should pay for your hairdo immediately tells me your background more than anything else ; Orile ,Bandri or similar ghettoes,in short,a social climber.

My friend shut up this is a beer parlor analysis, and u come here dey turn to social analyst

coogar:

you lack the ability to comprehend. [b] the op and the man she's talking about had been "platonic friends" for 3 years. they were not romantically involved until recently when the dude proposed [/b]and yet this scrounger of a woman expects the man to have been paying for her hair all this while? do you expect your platonic friends to pay for your hair, buy your airtime credits and pay for your maxipads?

epitomes of firewood background is blatantly obvious on these pages. some women have traded their self esteem for a plate of rice @ tasty fried chicken. no wonder a naija man can openly slap her partner in public and treat her like a mongrel. why won't he? the women want to be treated as such by expecting handouts!

Ohhhh, interesting twist to the saga.

I got the impression that he had been romantically interested in her all this while, but she had initially only wanted him as a friend. So one of her grouse now is that why couldn't he push further by showing, more responsibility towards her through tokens

I guess we are all touching the elephant from different blind spots. Op suppose come here answer questions ooo

ileobatojo:

More proof that we are saying the same thing except for the difference I noted. Please is it my posts or your own posts that confuse you?

So because a behavior is accepted (good job ignoring the fact that there is first an action before the acceptance cos God forbid we address that!) means that men cannot use their gumption and common sense to do what is right and fair right. Are they mentally handicapped?

Sigh! If everytime you show up at my front door, I give you a gold coin. Will you NOT EXPECT a gold coin the 110th time you show up at my door? Why am you to blame for expecting a gold coin when I have made it my 'duty' to give me a gold coin each of the 109 times you have shown up at my door prior? What has your gumption and common sense to do with it? As far as you are concerned I probably believe that by giving you a gold I am doing the right thing, and you accept your gold coin each time I offer because you actually do like gold coins and awoof is awesome? So why should you get the blame?

ileobatojo:
Okay, you're upset that I'm calling out the menfolk involved, okay sorry. Let me change my tune. I am now addressing the women who allow/accept it. Listen up women, the blame is on you, you are being had, your men are bloody hypocrites if they are sitting on their lazy a$$es while you're running helper skelter in the home, yet they insist you contribute equally financially.

Happy? Now will you please leave me alone?

No, I am not upset that you are "calling out the menfolk involved". I am trying to get you to see that the men are seriously not to blame for the problem here and calling them hypocrites for stretching out there hands to ask for their gold coin, after women have, over so many generations, given them 'gold coins' does not make sense really.

Any woman in her right senses, even those who are not paying any bills in the house, ought to ask their spouse for help with the house work. Again, there are men out there who take care of the bulk of the bill yet they do chores at home.

Any guy that has been working for 6 years in a bank and still lives with his parents is not a man any woman should aspire to marry.

That aside, the woman in question is probably still single because of her bad attitude. Nobody wants to have a relationship with a stingy person...man or woman. I certainly do not consider it necessary to give a woman that has a better paying job 2k to do hair. At the same time, people in love always want to buy gifts for the people they love. Anyone in a relationship that does not get presents or surprise dates from the man...or woman they are dating, should take a second look at the relationship.

Funding your expenses as my girlfriend is not my job...unless you are from a poor background, and I'm trying to help.

Haahahahaahha...this Op no go kill me.. This one na typical naija babe, very materialistic and u believe that a man will pay for everytin u need as long as he want to date/marry/fvck you. Choi!!!ghetto mentality don kill u.. U dey platonic wit the man for 3yrs, wetin me dey observe be say u no take d guy serious,other men wey dey pay ur saloon money wey u dey give UNplatonic don know say u get attitude na why dey no wan marry u(but ofcus u r dumb to see dat). U come dey very selfish and callous go agree to marry the man wen d whole nairaland know say u no like d guy...well the guy shrewd sha but u still need to work on ursef-character and attitude wise. Na dis attitude make most naija women never marry-they are lost!

See wetin salon money don cause..lol.

OP don bail..if she no marry this guy,i go clap hand for her.

the woman is 30 and no serious man in her life... says as much.

Who cares what her age is...the important thing is that she doesn't feel pressured to marry a man she does not care about.

If you go into marriage NOT respecting a man, that marriage is doomed. Goodluck!!

obowunmi: Who cares what her age is...the important thing is that she doesn't feel pressured to marry a man she does not care about.

If you go into marriage NOT respecting a man, that marriage is doomed. Goodluck!!

Obowunmi would you date the op? I see love here, I don't know if its my eyes but its definately something worth exploring. I like the way you type those words to her, you sound so passionate like you want bebe . Here is a bebe4u!

obowunmi: Who cares what her age is...the important thing is that she doesn't feel pressured to marry a man she does not care about.

If you go into marriage NOT respecting a man, that marriage is doomed. Goodluck!!

Things she cannot change: Her looks, age, and peoples impression of her overall circumstance.

Things she can change: Her thoughts. Her feelings for the man.

If you cant get what you want, then the next best thing is to change what you want. You cant get Clooney, well it is not too late to start loving 'Ogogo.'

Cuddlemii:

Obowunmi would you date the op? I see love here, I don't know if its my eyes but its definately something worth exploring. I like the way you type those words to her, you sound so passionate like you want bebe . Here is a bebe4u!

I can date you.... Are you single? I wanna cuddle with you all night.

esere826:

My friend shut up this is a beer parlor analysis, and u come here dey turn to social analyst

.

Tell ya £2$%$ to shut up.

chamotex:

Get out! Egbeda is not in a 'lower socio-economic class'

Things don change?
Last time I was in Naija Egbeda babes were haxing for salon money

aribisala0:

Things don change?
Last time I was in Naija Egbeda babes were haxing for saon money

Egbeda babes too? I experienced the same thing from Bariga babes last month. Mehn . . . maybe I should just stick with my NY babes.

iragbijile:

Egbeda babes too? I experienced the same thing from Bariga babes last month. Mehn . . . maybe I should just stick with my NY babes.

I have no problem with paying but do not deceive my self.Our relationship is what some of my country men call "makate"