greatgod2012: why on earth do some women marry somebody who has married before,thereby becoming 2nd,3rd,4th or even 5th wife. I'm not talking about widow marrying widower or divorcee marrying another divorcee, i'm talking about those who know that d man has wife(ves) and still go ahead tio marry d man, only to be complaining about d man or d marriage later, what do you think is actually wrong with this set of women? No insult meant, i'm just somehow curious about it.

Kobojunkie: It all boils down to low self-esteem. And it happens with men who marry for money, or some other form of security.

kunletiwoo: Not as if most of them wanted it, buh they do go ahead and marry such men all because of money and material things.

greatgod2012:

i agree with u partially,why partially, u may ask,because i've seen someone who is somehow comfortable but still went ahead to become 3rd wife, i could not confront her to ask why but just wondering why she did it.
On another thought, someone said she did it because of d fame of d man,not because of d money because she seems to be wealthier than d man,but not famous,so, she married d man to earn fame

dayokanu: It depends on the culture you were brought up in and your religion.

200yrs ago It was no big deal actually it was my own Grandmom who went to pick the second wife for my grandfather.. Some cultures dont frown at it

Also in some religion its a norm. E.g islam, mormon etc

So i wont say its self esteem of whatever it depends on the culture you are brought up in and in most cases the culture determine your outlook to life

dayokanu: It depends on the culture you were brought up in and your religion.

200yrs ago It was no big deal actually it was my own Grandmom who went to pick the second wife for my grandfather.. Some cultures dont frown at it

Also in some religion its a norm. E.g islam, mormon etc

So i wont say its self esteem of whatever it depends on the culture you are brought up in and in most cases the culture determine your outlook to life

kunletiwoo: I no gree

Sisi_Kill:
Of course you no go gree, after all this is woman bashing thread. . .there is no place for spotlighting men's shortcomings.

kunletiwoo: B4 nko?

dayokanu: It depends on the culture you were brought up in and your religion.

200yrs ago It was no big deal actually it was my own Grandmom who went to pick the second wife for my grandfather


at least,it was ur grandma dt went to pick d 2nd wife and not d other way round, why did d 2nd wife agree to d deal? .. Some cultures dont frown at it

Also in some religion its a norm. E.g islam, mormon etc

So i wont say its self esteem of whatever it depends on the culture you are brought up in and in most cases the culture determine your outlook to life

greatgod2012: why on earth do some women marry somebody who has married before,thereby becoming 2nd,3rd,4th or even 5th wife. I'm not talking about widow marrying widower or divorcee marrying another divorcee, i'm talking about those who know that d man has wife(ves) and still go ahead tio marry d man, only to be complaining about d man or d marriage later, what do you think is actually wrong with this set of women? No insult meant, i'm just somehow curious about it.

coogar:
you just have to salute our african women - [size=13pt]they just love to eat their cake, have it and still keep some in their bra(for future use)![/size]!!

coogar:

it's the society pressure coupled with lack of self esteem!
as a woman grows older(especially after crossing age 30...), she's almost down to marry anything that passes by. can you blame them? the nigerian society frowns at single women no matter how successful she might be - i don't know how a woman would leave her father's house to cause chaos for another woman happily married to her husband! the funniest thing is wife number 2 gets jealous when the husband brings wife number 3 home!

you just have to salute our african women - they just love to eat their cake, have it and still keep some in their bra(for future use)!!!

Sisi_Kill:
Impreeeeeeeesed!!!!

If to say it is some other guys, we won't mention their names before they use bulala on us, they will be denying their chauvinism like the rest of us are blind but you. . .you just embrace yours mind body and soul!!

I like that!

emilyone: i think the society is to be blame for this.
the society will never give you the respect you deserve if you are matured and living single, i know of a man in my neighbourhood who just got married to his 11th wive, the irony of it all is that each woman takes care of her kid(s)

Kobojunkie:

I don't it is fair to blame it all on society. The society is made up of men and women, and it takes men and women deciding they will not allow the status quo continue, to change society. Definitely it will not happen overnight but it has to start somewhere and that could easily be from women refusing to bow to peer pressure and refusing to make items of themselves.

greatgod2012:
yeah, u're right, we all know what we want in life andi think we shouldn't allow pressre from anybody to make us bow to low self esteem.

coogar:

sometimes, when what we want is delayed, we become vulnerable to what the society dictates.
we are all humans.....and everyone has a price!

Kobojunkie:
Then is society really at fault?

kulyie: This thing u folks are talkin bout has almost happened to me.there was a fateful sunday like dat when i was in church listening to d word of God,an usher gave me a little pice of note pointing @ d direction where d note was comin from,d man eventually identified himself sayin he was d one dat wrote d note.d note went like dis,'hey cutie.av been watchin u for quitw som tym in dis church,ill like u to spare me 1o mins of ur tym afta church,i av somtin very important i want to discuss wit u'. In my mind i was like shey eleyi gbadun sha (is dis one ok)anyway afta church service,d man came to meet me where i was sittin and exchanged greetins wit me n said i av a marriage proposal 4 u on behalf of my younger broda.actually his marriage is 1o yrs old but he doesnt av kids yet and dia mother is fast loosing her patience because she said she wants to see all her grand kids from all her children bfor she dies and i see u as a hot blooded sexy girl,trust me my broda is goin to take care of u,he is a managing director in xyz company (a prominent company in naija ) he is comfortable,if u want his barren wife to leave d house 4 u,i can make dat happen,i know how to manoevre situations 2 ur favour,all i just want is for my broda to av kids',afta he finished talkin he said in yoruba,so what do u have to say concerning all ive been saying and i said ' shey e gbadun,shey oriyin pe sha,early in d morning u are lookin 4 a gal dat will brek ur brodas marriage.am nt interested in polygamy or breakin peoples home to talke advantage of dia problems and as am talkin to u stand up and get lost bfor i embarass u here,i am shuttin my eyes,bfor i open it,if i still see u here,i will thoroughly disgrace u,and bfor i opened my eyes d idiot had disappeared.assumin i was lustin afta money or because dis man is driving a flashy car n livin in a flashy house i must take advantage of dia problem,most gals of my age wil agree to marry him knowin who he is in d society,his worth n wot dey stand to gain

coogar:

the society is 100% responsible for this.......i have been told some parents give their daughters deadlines to get a husband -- otherwise, move out of the house!

Kobojunkie:

But if the gals are old enough to, what is wrong with them simply moving out? And might I add that the above is somewhat why I favor the way westerners raise their kids . . . many of them already think INDEPENDENTLY by age 18, and would definitely not accept such pressure from their parents.

coogar:
well....the system in nigeria cannot afford that and this is why i blame the society! how often do you see 18-year-olds living independently? we are too parent-dependent in nigeria, we live in their houses for far too long, they cough out the funds to train us to tertiary education in most cases as there are no student loans in nigeria so it's natural for parents who have exerted such influence on their children to dictate who and when their kids marry!

Kobojunkie:

I still believe that life is about being able to make decisions and facing/accepting the consequences that follow, and sometimes the decision might be to go against the wishes of your parents. Many have done it and many more can do it.

If however a woman feels that the worst thing to happen to her is being kicked out of her parent's house, then sure she will remain at home and probably end up marrying into a bad situation. However, if she believes(notice this all has to do with how weighs issues) that it would be better for her to be homeless for a time, all so she can ensure she gets exactly what SHE WANTS, then she will not cave in to the pressures from her parents.

Systems are changed by the decision of the majority. If the majority of these girls continue to value living under their parents over the freedom of choosing for themselves, when they want, whom they will settle with, then of-course the status quo will remain intact.

greatgod2012:

thank God 4 ur life, if its some ladies, dy wudn't even think twice,because dt is what dy are already waiting 4, if we hv ladies like u who are God-fearing, comtempteted and desicive,we wudn't be hearing all this story of somebody break one's marriage.
I thumb up 4 u and i pray dt u'l never be dissapointed in lfe in Jesus name, keep it up.U'l never miss ur own ribs by d grace of God.

coogar:
many? in the grand scheme of things, the percentage is very low!

coogar:
how many girls of 18 have you seen in nigeria that left home to be "independent"?
be realistic!

coogar:
the nigerian system would not change because the parents are the government! they provide the shelter, food, light, school fees, clothing, etc for their kids. the american teenager can rely on her government to provide these things, her nigerian counterpart cannot get these things without a parent/guardian/sponsor - that difference is one of the reasons the parents exert a huge influence!

Systems are changed by the decision of the majority. If the majority of these girls continue to value living under their parents over the freedom of choosing for themselves, when they want, whom they will settle with, then of-course the status quo will remain intact.

coogar:
so i cannot see how the decision of the majority can change this unless the government starts doing what is right!