Been seeing this guy for about 4 years now on and off. At one point we even lived together but due to unforeseen circumstances we had to split. He has told me that he loves me very much and that we will be together properly when he gets his own place and he is financially stable, however i have a niggling feeling he is seeing other girls too. I have asked him about marriage and he has told me he does not know where we stand on that issue. Each time i tell him its over, he comes back sweeter than ever, talking about babies (im broody right now) and about our future,making me think that a proper relationship is now in place only to find out a few months later he is having second thoughts and never intended to have a proper relationship ie make it known to the world we are together.

My friends say that if he is seeing someone, it will be revealed in his mobile phone and that a good sign to tell if he is cheating is if he carries his phone with him at all times. I have noticed he keeps his phone out of sight whenever he comes to see me. He treats me very good almost like a wifey yet whenever i want to ensure he is committed to me, he suddenly comes out with excuses. Should i just forget him or am i being too picky?

why not just sit him down and tell him your heart, dont ever listen to friends , i keep my friends out of my relationships, you could get advice of cos from people, people who ave gone thru things like this, hmm i really dont know if he is serious,

Girlfriend you've been had. What i can't fathom is how much gulibility is allowed a lady. Can't you see he is taking you for a ride, Four years and you don't know shit. Girlfriend except you believe you can't do better than him then stay and eat the rubbish he hands down to you.

but she says the guy isnt financially stable now, thats why prolly they are not together

Thing is i don't think finance should be the basis of a relationship. I would like to get married and live comfortably but for a committed relationship all you need is honesty and love right? Its so hard to believe he cannot be serious with all the things he does for me. Do you reckon he gets a buzz from all this?

hotCoCo,

Having a wife and daughter , I will say one thing, you women definitely have a 7th sense. So if your hunch is telling you he is not serious, then he probably isn't. Now the issue is whether he is man enough to admit it and/or if you are woman enough to dump him to the curb, and if you dump him, and he comes crawling back on all fours, would you take him back?

In my opinion, the ball is in your court, Knock it out of the stadium


, and thatz my 2 cents

i have one question. Is he a leach? Does he ask you for money or things?

maybe he's not just ready to be honest some Guys dont really want to leave the bachelor lifestyle

u say finance is not important but hmm whos goin to be running to sainsburys n tesco for the pampers n baby oil? remember you are not goin to be working when ur pregnant n immediately afterwards

I think you should just explain to him where you are or where u want to be at this stage in ur life

remember most guys dont settle until some1's pregnant for them


Just do whats Right for You

Hot_CoCo:

Thing is i don't think finance should be the basis of a relationship. I would like to get married and live comfortably but for a committed relationship all you need is honesty and love right? Its so hard to believe he cannot be serious with all the things he does for me. Do you reckon he gets a buzz from all this?

To start with, my dear. honesty and love is the basis of a relationship ONLY if it has not progressed to marriage. Every guy knows that no matter what a woman says, finance is a big factor in marriage and is one of the biggest reasons for divorce!

Secondly, it is unfair to assume that ur guy is not commited enough simply because he is baulking on the issue of marriage. i can't think of any guy who won't especially if u are constantly pressing him for a marital commitment. it's hard for a guy to contemplate marriage when he is not "ready". i.e financially, emotionally or not yet ready to leave the boyzone!

Give him some time, obviously he loves u and has stuck with u for 4 yrs. Even if he's seeing someone else, it's obvious it's just for side kicks and u're the one he has his eyes on marrying. Give him some time and quit badgering him for marriage commitments for a while. later you can pour out your heart to him and let him know how u feel.

Pple would tell u to leave him, think about it, after 4 yrs with him where do u start from?

My gutt feeling tells me is just playing you , i know those selfish tossers that want to enjoy all the benefits of being in a committed relationship and yet not willing to commit. How could he possibly love you and not want to make you his wifey 4 years girl, D.A.M.N wake up and smell the coffee!!!

Kick his ass to the kerb

desiree:

My gutt feeling tells me is just playing you , i know those selfish tossers that want to enjoy all the benefits of being in a committed relationship and yet not willing to commit. How could he possibly love you and not want to make you his wifey 4 years girl, D.A.M.N wake up and smell the coffee!!!

Kick his ass to the kerb

Playin her for 4 yrs!!!!
the guy has plenty of time to waste. i'd rather have gone through 8 girls in 4 yrs than stick with 1 all those yrs if indeed all my intentions is to play!

Playing around for 4 years is not uncommon for some guys, it will surely continue as long as you let it continue. The key word here is the "comfort zone". A guy feels too comfortable with a girl that lets him have his way for too long, he gets lazy about going all the way in commitment. I know you have given him ultimatums and he doesn't do anything about it --- you let it slide and take him back.

Dude---8 girls in 4 years ---- just exactly how many laying "door mats" do you think would let a guy have his way and walk all over them

davidylan:


Secondly, it is unfair to assume that your guy is not commited enough simply because he is baulking on the issue of marriage. i can't think of any guy who won't especially if u are constantly pressing him for a marital commitment. it's hard for a guy to contemplate marriage when he is not "ready". i.e financially, emotionally or not yet ready to leave the boyzone!

Thing is i am not even talking about the marriage factor, i only asked about it once. It is about commitment, he told me he wants to be with me but at the same time he was still seeing other girls. He is telling me to wait for him until he gets himself together and i am wondering if you really want to be with someone, you would go steady with the person until you are ready for marriage. I think its a case of 'which apple is the sweetest' and up till now i am the sweetest so he is hanging onto me for now.

kajad:

i have one question. Is he a leach? Does he ask you for money or things?

no he doesn't take money off me. he gives me money and comes over to sort me out with DIY and other stuff round the place

LoverBwoy:

maybe he's not just ready to be honest some Guys don't really want to leave the bachelor lifestyle

u say finance is not important but hmm whos goin to be running to sainsburys n tesco for the pampers n baby oil? remember you are not goin to be working when your pregnant n immediately afterwards

I think you should just explain to him where you are or where u want to be at this stage in your life

remember most guys don't settle until someone's pregnant for them


Just do whats Right for You

Tru Dat! I have explained and that is where the problem lies. He just makes things harder for me by being extra nice when i want to stop seeing him. i am going to give it one last try and if he doesn't want to move forward, i will just cut him off besides which one of you guys will hang around if you are in the same position as me?

HotCo_Co,

Call me stupid but I think the mere fact that you are haggling up and down about whether or not to give him another chance tells me that even you sef, are not sure.

Dump him. Just as there are many fish in the sea, there are also many fishermen above water

GIrlfriend, u r getting played.

The man thinks u r just one that he can use, dump n come back to when he likes. He comes back sweeter than ever but he's not serious. gurlllll u have waited to long to be dwelling
on buts and maybes.
I'm not saying leave him now
I know u love him and u might find it hard to leave him.
Communication is the key word here
U need to have a nice long talk with him.
Invite him over to ur place, do things u would to make him feel comfy but hold back a lil

I know u r hurt by the fact that he' s not letting u know where u stand.
I have a few ideas on what u can do
Choose anyone u like.

1)MAke him look deep into ur eyes.
Ask him if he loves u
If he says yes, raise his head high so u can really c it in his eyes
Ask again do u really love me?
If he says yes again
Ask him why he is hurting u.
He'll probably ask how, u let him know that not knowing where u stand with him is making u sad n hurt,
TALK TALK TALK

2) Yall can talk anywhere
as long as it's private, quite, and peaceful.
U don't have to ask him abt marriage b4 he talks abt it
He should be the one bringing it up not u,
since he wants it that way.
U tell him we need to talk
when I say talk I mean I ask questions and u answer
U ask him every single question that u have in mind
But make sure he is looking directly at u and answering u the right way.
Watch out 4 hesitation or change in facial expression

3) U can just 4get abt the whole story n do this
DO u love me?
How long are we gonna play this hide n seek?
what am I to you?
What do u think of me?
When u think of me, who do u portray me as?
DO u ever think of me.
U either let me know where I stand or we can put an end to this right here right now

U need to get tough n real, pick from 1 to 3.
whichever one works 4 u.
Good luck

SweetnSour,

that "look into my eyes" stuff doesn't work with me o.

I could look into your eyes, let you go deep into my soul and in the end, you would find nothing

It's all psychological, It's all in the mind. She should just ask him (of course he will say he still trips for her) and make a decision based on her gut feeling. My gut feeling is that she should move on.

, and that's my 2 cents

Yea yea u know it doesn't really matter what we say
She'll still do what she likes
The choice is left to her


Looking into one's eyes does work, U r wrong abt not getting anything
I'll look into anyone's eyes n read ur entire mind in d twinkle of an eye,

Looks can be fake, I'm just telling her to pay attention to it so she can update us on what's going on
that way we'll know who's who and what's what

Run and never look back.He is a player.Why did it take you so much time to realize that,Now he has gotten a piece of you.

You know what, i phoned him up today and asked him about our relationship and where i stand. He started to give me the same line of having to get his own place. I then asked him about his commitment to me and he said he cant until he gets his own place. Further down the conversation, he admitted to seeing other girls but he did the classical thing that most men do, he tried to accuse me of seeing other people. I asked him about one particular girl i found out about and he told me he still sees her and they still keep in contact.

So i guess a woman's intuition is very strong @my2cents. I guess it has been staring at me in the face all this time but i hadn't the nerve to take it head on. I told him if he was unable to commit to me right now then its best we don't see each other until he is ready. He chose the option of seeing other girls.

So i guess problem solved. Thanks for all of your input.

dis world no good o

uve known him for 4years plus,

dont u actually think it would be better if he sorts out his finance esp his own accomodation


and again dump him, if he unashamedly says he is seeing other girls

Kai!! it aint easy being a man o,

Hot_CoCo:

I asked him about one particular girl i found out about and he told me he still sees her and they still keep in contact.

God dey oooo, And you are asking whether ur man is serious? Like duhhh, he isn't!

this site is funny am just coming from a thread where a girl cheats on her guy and the guy dumps her and all the girls turn the guy to a bad person, in the mean time the case is the opposite here and what do the girls do, they rally round their own, the thing i have noticed on this site is this NO GUY LOVES A GIRL to all the chicks on this site we guy's a nothing but a playboy God help you if your matter is brough b/4 nairaland then your relationship is over, wether you love the girl or not they no wan know for you oh. i had to fight tooth and nail to get my relationship from cracking up, i won the fight but the damage had already been done, she has broken up with me now and taken my kid and all i can do is just mop, my advise to you, do what's best for you

Girl, if your guts tell u he is playing you, then accept it, cut yor loss and move on. Am sure you cannot conclusively say he hasnt dated anyone else over the 4 years can you? Better u toss of the 4 years rather than toss of the rest of ur life to some bloke making u damn right unhappy and miserable.

Personally, i dont think the author is serious. You have seen ehough evidences to opt out of this relationship, but you are still there. I strongly believe you are just infatuated. Shop for a more serious man.

@coco, i read your story and the next three after it, i simply ignored other post and jumed to post mine,

let me tell you my own similar(may be) version. Ive been dating my girl for about 6yrs now, we were in school together in fact course mates. Now the only status i had over her was that i was the class rep. nothing else, HEr friends called her a fool for dating a small boy, her clas mate, a jambite like her and all the yada yadas. Well she ignored all the yabbs. I loved her more for that, but deep down inside me, i felt very inferior to her. cos she's so damn beautiful.

Now in her house, they started asking about her boyfriend, we i went to her place on one occastion (due to my complex, i dont go to her house at all), the momsie saw me and after i left she was like "is that the thing you want to marry?, you must be joking". "you had better get serious and bring a MAN home " , u can imagine how i felt wen she told me.

Well 4 years gone past, and skinny timmy, now looks all cool fresh and earns regular income, the same momsie now sees me and goes like "timmy, timmy how are you, how's ur mum and siblings? say my hi to them", her friends are like "waoo!! you mean you guys would get married, we so envy you couple, you ll make a perfect home" many of them even call me and send sms's,

coco, that is life, the brother need to earn money, i know how it feels you dont, but just try to understand. its just a little more time left okay ?

I didn't even bother any of the posts, just the title, and from the length of the responses, I can safely tell you that the answer is "NO". Perhaps, maybe.

Now I've read the whole thread. Told you so.

Now I've read the whole thread. Told you so.

Next time you date a a guy,never go and live together until you both get married,if not,he'll use you and move on.if after 4 years he's still giving excuses and yet he's working, my dear ,just walk away

@ Timmy
Dude, congrats o! i just have a question for you, at any point in time did you feel your woman was cheating on you? or did she have any insecurities that you're cheating on her? if your response is negative, please how much practical do you want Hot_Co co to be? it really could be that the brother's insecure and all, but how far--to settle for other chics? if na your sister you go gree? i think if that's really the case, it's something they can talk about and be able to support each other. I'm in college and engaged to the most wonderful guy out there, i had my insecurities--trying to complete my undergrad and stuff, and he being a master's holder and stuff, i told him about them, and we worked it out, so, if there's an issue of insecurity, i think they should talk about it, at the end of the day the sister'll do what's best for her.

@ Timmy

timmy:


her friends are like "waoo!! you mean you guys would get married, we so envy you couple, you ll make a perfect home" many of them even call me and send sms's,

What you mean by that? did they start txt-flirting with you? Did you allow that to carry on or did you put a stop to that?

timmy:


coco, that is life, the brother need to earn money, i know how it feels you don't, but just try to understand. its just a little more time left okay ?

I am not talking about marriage just a normal committed relationship. All this talk about finance gives guys, in my opinion, the excuse to escape commitment in the slightest form. Yet if you look at it, having more than one relationship at a time can be a drain on your pocket anyway.

Timmy what did you do in the meantime while you were waiting to get buffed up? where you still seeing her and dating other girls? Did you tell her that you were waiting to get your own things so you will be unable to have a serious relationship with her as having financial problems cannot make you committed to one girl?

@dearzi ,
Well i didnt see anyother person asides her, even if/when i wanted to, my girl was always around me. That took away my freedom. Though i get pissed of once in a while but it really help both of us at the end. Well right now , my girl is/has cheated on me and we both know i know, but im still chilling on to see how things go.

@Hot_coco
her friends werent text_flirting, just more like an approval kindda stuf

i wasnt dating anyother person, maybe you should just do some new stuffs in the relaionship.
Sometimes in a womans life, you need to reposition your self and make your man want you more.

1. change your looks, try some new hair styles, new cloths change your smell (perfume) and all that
2. act more sexy like. try being innovative during sex(thats if you guys do it)
3. make him no about a few of the guys that are wooin you, somtimes create imaginary one, but be careful when duin this, cos it maight back fire
4. impress him (not like pushing yourself around him), with gists and calls at odd times
5. tell him, you have headache, belly upsets and all the sicky things, that would make him give you a little attenstionand care.
6. try to replace your self, make him want you more
7. Try to always believe in him, support him, wen ever he looses his faith. make sure you help him find it