I have been Married

Can you take care of yourself and two kids?
If you can, then don't go for the D&C, have your kid and leave the man immediately.
You have really tried. It is not enough for the man to know the cause of his aggression, he needs to be ready to treat it and destroy it from the roots.

First of all, deciding to get pregnant for a man who does not want you is a wicked decision on your part. Yes there are women out there who want kids, but bringing a child/children into a horrible environment is a wicked act . . . Children are not automatic 'happy' machines. They are SOULS(that feel pain, hurt etc., like yours) that require care and love . . and bringing them into a chaotic situation like yours is a wicked decision, I am sorry but that it is what it is. I know in Africa people like to pretend that babies cure all, and are blessings, but I know we know better so while you want to condemn him for wanting an abortion, you are to blame for allowing yourself get pregnant knowing what you know of this man, and the hell of your marriage.

Second, from your post, it seems you knew this hell before you chose to marry him. The Bible frowns on a lot of things but many of us ignore the many wise instructions in the beginning so we can have our way, only to come back whining that things are unfair when our ways lead us astray. If you want to divorce him, go right ahead, and face the consequences that follow. Unfortunately, there are no fixes to these kinds of issues that will give you instant gratification or release.
I am also guessing your plan is to keep the baby(remember the Bible is also against Abortions), but still get a divorce. Do prepare yourself at least for the new reality to follow,should you decide to go ahead with the divorce.

so let me get this straight:
[b]A) your husband is blaming your first child for most of his misery, and you decided that having a second one is going to solve your marital problems?!
B) you want a second child because your friends out there are dying to have one and cant?
C) you believe that a second child "should" make your husband happy, simply because others are in their own lives?!
D) is the fact that you aint getting any younger relevant here, or are you THAT desperate to have a second child?
E) are you so desperate in having 2 kids that you are willing to have them with just about any donkey out there?
F) why would you treat you husband as "king" since he treats you like garbage? is that how it works where you live?
G) if his wish is not the best option for you guys, then please tell us what you would rather do (other than an abortion)?
H) if divorce IS/WAS not in your plans all along, then pls tell us all how you intended to solve your marital problems?! when you've been murdered by this loco husband, abi?[/b]

If you have the kid, your marriage is over, if you Don't have the child It is still over. So what is your point? U wanna lose the pregnancy and still lose that home that is already lost? Or you wanna keep the pregnancy and lose nothing?

Nna menh if i didn't have parents who were happy till one left for the great beyond, i guess i would have only seen marriage as a hell hole with the kinda stories people in this section bring here all the time.

Na wa o, what kind of man is that one btw? You shouldn't have married him in the first place since you knew he never wanted you or the kid.

well the deeds been done, either ways your marriage is over so choose which one will be better for you i.e leaving him after abortion or leaving him and having your baby.

freecocoa: Nna menh if i didn't have parents who were happy till one left for the great beyond, i guess i would have only seen marriage as a hell hole with the kinda stories people in this section bring here all the time.

Na wa o, what kind of man is that one btw? You shouldn't have married him in the first place since you knew he never wanted you or the kid.

well the deeds been done, either ways your marriage is over so choose which one will be better for you i.e leaving him after abortion or leaving him and having your baby.

If this is the only place you hear or read of marriage stories like this, then I have to ask if you are even aware of those in your surroundings?

^If you look deeper into my post, i think you would be able to understand that i'm just trying to say, the horror stories on here about marriage is just plain too much but if you choose to take the comment literally then its still cool btw in my surrounding right now,i mostly see boyfriends and girlfriends.

Ofcourse, you don't want divorce, if you want divorce, you would have gone to a lawyer what you are looking for here on this blog is for people to give you the solution to your problem, maybe they will tell you how to behave and how to make a man happy! I feel sorry for you.

I am not even concerned about you, but your children both born and unborn, you are a very selfish woman, how can you bring up your children in that environment, the man is contantly telling you that he wishes your son was never born and you are still sitting down there during Mrs
Until he kills you, that is when you will know that you should have left.

The GRACE of God is abundant my dear, I strongly believe that my God is not a wicked God.
Have you read your bible well, do you know the story of David? Do you know the many many atrocities he committed, yet when people call Jesus, they call him the Son of David

Sit down there and kill yourself, what a stupid woman unless you are not been honest with us. Poster, just so you know the bible also most definitely frowns upon abortion, you are literally killing an innocent child.

MiracleChild: I have been Married to my husband for a year plus though we have a lovely child that is Almost4 years old. It has been a tubulent marriage and i know i should have left long ago but i stayed beliving that things will get better and he will change.There was a time he use to beat me daily.when i couldn take it anymore i had to let my family and his know. my Dad told me to leave him,my mother sent me the quote from the bible that said i wise wife builds her home or something to that effect and his mom told me a storry of a woman that her husband use to chase around with cutlass alway treatening to kill her but through prayer ther are like 5 n 6 now. So i decided to stay. and since then he hasnt hit me but he constantly threatens to do so. what he does now is phychological abuse he never fails to tell me how worthless i am(even though all bills are shared 50/50)how i ruined his life,how if i hadnt had our son he will be better off in life etc. he also constantly destroys my properties ones he broke my bb touch phone which was less dan a year old with his bare hands.another tim my reading glasses then my sunglasses the list goes on the thing is when i have had enough and want out to make him achive all he said i couldn help he achieve he starts begging n said he is sorry that he is just fustrated and so on obviously am not happy being married and neither is he. the last straw is i am pregnant now and he said i must have an abortion if not we will never live in peace n he will hate me and the child for the rest of his life. cos he is not ready and needs more time to plan his life.How can this be happening to me.i have friends wishing they were pregnant,wen women get pregnant in marrage every1 is suppose to be happy.why is my case different. i am not getting any younger. i want only 2 kids by Gods grace.i have pleaded and begged but he still refuses. so i have decided to give him his wish. but the day i do the DnC is the day the marriage is over,this is so unfair n life is so unfair. i am a nice person no one should have to go through this much pain and stress in a marriage. i treat my husband as king. give him all due respect. but he is just too selfish and not ready for resposibilities at the age of almost 40.i know the bible frowns at divorce but i choose to live.i am tired of thinking of what people will say when i leave him cos they will also talk if i die. life is to short. no one should be this unhappy.

I believe you have a spiritual father, try talk to him he is a good position to counsel you husband... also you can call any of his relatives, family members or a friend that your husband respects and you trust bear your mind on things going on in your family and that you love your husband so much to lose him to divorce... an above all prayer is key .... if God can hear hannah he can hear you... You took a vow with him remind God of that vow and above continue as if nothing is him .. and let God do what only knows how to do best..

jennykadry: If you have the kid, your marriage is over, if you Don't have the child It is still over. So what is your point? U wanna lose the pregnancy and still lose that home that is already lost? Or you wanna keep the pregnancy and lose nothing?

sista Jenny, but you are only looking at HAVING a child while not focussing on BEING ABLE TO CARE FOR THAT SAID CHILD.

You split the bills 50/50 so that means you have a job. Move out, move on, and go far away. Because if you don't when he finds you, he might kill you.

Be wise.

Either way, OP it is time you leave that marriage. Look for divorce lawyer and get that paper. The man is bitter so run while you are still alive.
You need peace of mind for yourself and your child.

I think you should keep the baby and believe me, you'll find the strength and the means to take care of both children. It's time you left the guy but do it without rancour. No point in hating as that energy will be better put towards raising your children and looking after yourself. Your kids come first and by staying in a toxic marriage, the message you are sending to them is that it's okay treat and be treated like your husband does to you. I'm sure that is not your intention.
Leaving will be hard, creating a new life alone will be hard but happiness is hard to attain. In time, you'll see that you've done the right thing because you'll be happier which naturally follows that your children will be happier too(don't think kids don't pick up on our state of mind-they do) and by getting rid of the dead weight, you'll be able to explore the option of being with someone who will appreciate you. Even if that doesn't happen, it doesn't matter. You'll have your life, your health, your children and the promise of whatever the future will bring.

I never planed

HMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miraclechild! Miraclechild!!! Miraclechild!!!!! [how manytimes did i call you?]

Vanitty and Jennykadry, have already answered you.......

IF You have the money to care for your children, keep the pregnancy and move out of the house....

You just want to be married to that man for the sake of being married.....and if you do anything to that child because of your selfish desires, God will judge you. and if you remain in that house to the point of your husband beating you to snuff out the life out of that child, God will judge you still.

@MiracleChild, are you saying this man was wonderful until after the thing that happened with his career? Are you saying all this happened in only over a year of marriage to this man?

Call me naive oh but I've always been of the opinion that you have sexxx with someone you feel intimately close to, someone you trust and are very attracted to. So I just can't understand how OP can still find the monster she has describe here attractive enough to have sexx with him again and again.

It's either one just lays there like a log of wood, taking a flight of fancy while the deed is being done (And that has to be one hell of a flight of fancy) or the verbal and physical abuse is a form of pre-intimacy. . .warped but pre-intimacy nonetheless.

^^^^^^ Maybe it is the beating and verbal and psychological abuse that turns her on.....

Some people are just selfish and silly. Imagine wanting to get rid of a pregnancy for a man who cares not about you.

What a selfish woman. Hurt that child and may God punish you.

@MBJ
I don't care. I am completely against abortion except the carrier's life is in danger and needs immediate attention in the theatre, BUT when a woman opens her legs to a monster all in the name of fking and falls preggers, she should own up to her blessings and carry it.

Like someone said, what will make me have s3x with a man who cares nothing about his son and wife? His sp3rm sef will feel to me like some expired water-water ogi waiting to be thrown out but definitely not inside of me or even worth the cheapest brand of condom and the only reason I would not mind that man standing before me naked is just to gauge the length, width and breath of the d1ck and plot a way of castrating him from a very painful angle.

Sisi_Kill: Call me naive oh but I've always been of the opinion that you have sexxx with someone you feel intimately close to, someone you trust and are very attracted to. So I just can't understand how OP can still find the monster she has describe here attractive enough to have sexx with him again and again.

It's either one just lays there like a log of wood, taking a flight of fancy while the deed is being done (And that has to be one hell of a flight of fancy) or the verbal and physical abuse is a form of pre-intimacy. . .warped but pre-intimacy nonetheless.

You think this way because you have a functional marriage and you are sane. Women in abusive and cheating relationships are adviced to give s3x on demand any way any how any time, their feelings not important, Go to churches, go to elderly woman thats all they will keep telling her even blame her if she is sad or worried about her health and refuses to service him. Her life and her feelings are not important, only his "needs" are. You wont understand till you have been in one and hear all sorts of these advice.
Poster you are still here lamenting and explaining, it is a pity party you want abi? You know what to do, you are being nice to the wrong person and thats foolishness

Sisi_Kill: Call me naive oh but I've always been of the opinion that you have sexxx with someone you feel intimately close to, someone you trust and are very attracted to. So I just can't understand how OP can still find the monster she has describe here attractive enough to have sexx with him again and again.

It's either one just lays there like a log of wood, taking a flight of fancy while the deed is being done (And that has to be one hell of a flight of fancy) or the verbal and physical abuse is a form of pre-intimacy. . .warped but pre-intimacy nonetheless.

Soooo true. LooooooL

If her father tortured her mother while growing up, things like this are normal. Violence seems to have been normal for her while growing up.

jennykadry: Some people are just selfish and silly. Imagine wanting to get rid of a pregnancy for a man who cares not about you.

What a selfish woman. Hurt that child and may God punish you.

@MBJ
I don't care. I am completely against abortion except the carrier's life is in danger and needs immediate attention in the theatre, BUT when a woman opens her legs to a monster all in the name of fking and falls preggers, she should own up to her blessings and carry it.

Like someone said, what will make me have s3x with a man who cares nothing about his son and wife? His sp3rm sef will feel to me like some expired water-water ogi waiting to be thrown out but definitely not inside of me or even worth the cheapest brand of condom and the only reason I would not mind that man standing before me naked is just to gauge the length, width and breath of the d1ck and plot a way of castrating him from a very painful angle.

lets not drag this debate into an abortion one (to each their own), and let us all not dwell any longer on the reason how/why this lady was STILL having sex with this demon of a man she calls HUSBAND......... but instead let us all find the proper solution to her problem.
so the question to the OP should be:
- can you care (financially/emotionally and physically) for 2 children on your own?
- do you have an problems being a single mother of 2?

@Poster, your problem is simple ignorance. There are ways you can curb an abusive man, but it take s a lot of sacrifice. The truth is you will now be more calm, less talk, less complaint, you must not compare him with any one , do not abuse him back, do not argue with him. Do everything that will make you faultless. You will say this is slavery, but you have 2 options in an abusive marriage, keep mute and be the big full or act wise and have no future with the man. Its so clear that most abusive men grow to be very loving and kind men who have regrets for all the evils they might have done against you. But if this involves your life, please run away and give him a break. Run to his parents house preferably before you are accused of infidelity. The Lord is your shepherd o.

There are ways you can curb an abusive man, but it take s a lot of sacrifice.

100% correct: you can allow the man to kill you! That's the ultimate sacrifice! But if you do that, who will take care of your children?

Seun:
100% correct: you can allow the man to kill you! That's the ultimate sacrifice! But if you do that, who will take care of your children?

Seun:
100% correct: you can allow the man to kill you! That's the ultimate sacrifice! But if you do that, who will take care of your children?

Bwhahahahahaha!!!

Okontami: @Poster, your problem is simple ignorance. There are ways you can curb an abusive man, but it take s a lot of sacrifice. The truth is you will now be more calm, less talk, less complaint, you must not compare him with any one , do not abuse him back, do not argue with him. Do everything that will make you faultless.

SMDH!!

Can't believe people still believe that crap!!!

A mom is seeking help on how to change the behavior of her[b] 6yrs old child[/b] yet some people think a grownass man's behavior can be changed just like that!!

All sorts of gem in this post. . .

You will say this is slavery, but you have 2 options in an abusive marriage, keep mute and be the big full or act wise and have no future with the man.Its so clear that most abusive men grow to be very loving and kind men who have regrets for all the evils they might have done against you.

This is why I hate Nollywood movies, they perpetuate this STUPID way of thinking. . .the man spends part 1, 2, 3, and every minute of part 4 except the last 2 being horrible to the woman, then in the 99th min. . .he changes and voila, every thing is perfect again and everyone goes awwwwwwww.


See the way he goes on about having a future with the man. . .like it is everything! God! Some people are too far gone!!

Pure Rubbish!!!

But if this involves your life, please run away and give him a break. Run to his parents house preferably before you are accused of infidelity. The Lord is your shepherd o.

Why naa. . .does one run away from their "future"??!

Seun:
100% correct: you can allow the man to kill you! That's the ultimate sacrifice! But if you do that, who will take care of your children?

What is happening in Nairaland? Even Seun has turned comedian
Sisi- Kill, hope you don dey see, that sacrifice and be patient, complain less, be invisible is the typical advice you will get when in an abusive relationship.

debrief08:
What is happening in Nairaland? Even Seun has turned comedian
Sisi- Kill, hope you don dey see, that sacrifice and be patient, complain less, be invisible is the typical advice you will get when in an abusive relationship.

It is maddening, I tell you!!!

@All, I am not trying to derail this tread but do you know a lot of women are very much clueless about what marriage is. They rush into it and sometimes are in pain. They leave that guy who was taking all their non-sense, they call him names (maga, mugu, etc) . At the end they break the heart of that guy who has shown them love. They run after Mr flashy and flashy things who they barely know or understand. Mr flashy quickly propose and yes yes i will marry you they say. When nemesis start to catch up they come to nairaland for succor. Any way ladies please advise the younger ones coming behind you, share your life experiences and mistakes with them. Dont marry who you dont know. Courting is still important. OKONTAMI

^^^You are such a psychopath and an egostical Buffon. Look at him putting all the blames of a failed marriage on a woman. Who brought you into this world? Do you have sisters at all? Any female relatives?

Where did you come from? A man hits his wife and all you can say is keep quiet, be nice, don't compare him with someone etc. who dropped you head first on the ground when you were a child? Who scattered your brain cells? look at this cow. I have not seen you put a single blame on this op's husband even after knowing he panel beats her and hates his son.

You are such a low life. I could slap you right now or end it all by administering lethal injection on you. You deserve nothing out of life

Okontami: @All, I am not trying to derail this tread but do you know a lot of women are very much clueless about what marriage is. They rush into it and sometimes are in pain. They leave that guy who was taking all their non-sense, they call him names (maga, mugu, etc) . At the end they break the heart of that guy who has shown them love. They run after Mr flashy and flashy things who they barely know or understand. Mr flashy quickly propose and yes yes i will marry you they say. When nemesis start to catch up they come to nairaland for succor. Any way ladies please advise the younger ones coming behind you, share your life experiences and mistakes with them. Dont marry who you dont know. Courting is still important. OKONTAMI

Abeg stop projecting. . .Go open your own therapy thread and we will discuss all the women who have left you for flashier guys.