The subject θf temperament is one that I find fascinating and amusing. A few days back, Mr Duke_NG(hope I got the user name right)created a topic on temperament in my favorite section on Nairaland(the career section). It was enlightening and fun and I said to him, why don't we do this at the romance section? So guys, here I am.

Do you recall ever saying words like, "we are so compatible", "so different yet so alike", "we compliment each other a great deal". Well if you ever have, I am sure you will agree with me that it is a great experience. For those who haven't had any θf these experiences, you really do not have to keep taking those online relationship compatibility tests or painfully solve the "how to tell you are right for each other" puzzles on Cosmo/Truelove/any other soft sell magazines. All you need is to understand temperaments and you are on your way to experiencing the true spice your relationship lacks.

Temperament is the reason people are the way they are and act the way they do. There are four kinds θf temperaments. However, each individual is a combination θf at least two temperaments or three at the most, with one being more dominant. You will agree with me that you can't be compatible with everyone, there are people that you just naturally flow with, its the compatibility in your temperaments.

Let's meet the four temperaments.
Sanguine
Choleric
Melancholy
Phlegmatic

Sanguine: they are loud, very extrovertish and known as the show stoppers. They are the ones who walk into a room with their mouth first. Always noticed, have a lot θf best friends, very emotional and also very forgiving. They are generally disorganized, not good with details and prone to promiscuity. So that bf/gf θf yours who likes to party all night long, abhors dull moments, hardly ever keeps to time, constantly breaks promises yet is so charming, lovable and ever quick to tender apologies, is probably sanguine! Ever seen desperate housewives? Well, Gabby is your typical Sanguine!

Choleric: they are also extroverts but far from being disorganized! The difference between the Sanguines and the Cholerics is, while the Sanguines are peoples person whose confidence is at its peak when they are in their crowd, that is their motivation is external. They get their groove on when they are in their crowd, the Choleric's confidence is natural! They don't need no cheerleader because they are their own cheerleader! Their confidence is inbuilt! They like to have things done their way and would often scheme, manipulate and use people to accomplish their selfish deeds and quickly move on without remorse! Their will is resolute and they have a high degree θf resilience. They are natural leaders, the kind who commands respect. Whilst the sanguine is charming, the choleric is charismatic. They are highly focused, knowing exactly what they want and would stop at nothing to get it! Oh, they are also very competitive and will never back out θf a fight! Remember Lynette in desperate house wives? She sure wore the pants in the house!

To be continued...

I think am "melancholy"

..discovered that after I read the book "why you act the way you do".

@ Acidosis: I absolutely love that book! Gosh.

Okay so, the sanguines are the class comedians, they usually seat at the back θf the class making fun θf the teacher and will be the first to walk to the front θf the class the moment teacher walks out just to mimick the teacher! They usually bag awards like, "most popular, funniest, friendliest". They do not usually rank amongst the A list students because they are always distracted. Its all about fun, fun, fun for the fun loving Sanguine. They are also not at all good with secrets! Telling a Sanguine your secret is like storing water in a basket.

The Cholerics are usually the class captains and maybe school bullies. Life for the Choleric is about winning. Exams are another exciting competition time, to flaunt their winning prowess! You do not want to mess with the Choleric, they will take you down lol. They are firm, dependable and hate injustice. While the Sanguine will joke about everything, the Choleric will strategise a means θf effecting change!

Melancholy: oh sweet melancholy. Sounds to me like melody but I have read that melancholy is derived from gloomy! These people are highly sensitive, highly emotional! You say one and they have reasoned one million! Lol. They are very self conscious, perfectionist and fastidious in nature. Unlike the Choleric whose motto is, "things should be done my way or no way" the Melancholy's motto is, "things should be done the right way"! The Mels are very thoughtful people who have moments θf highs and lows. That is, they have mood swings. They have very creative minds but their insecurities and low self esteem often poses as a self limitation! Most θf the worlds greatest poets and opera singers are Mels. They are introverts, reserved, but a Mel may be mistaken to be an extrovert when they are experiencing their temporal high. They are very reliable and would hardly ever cheat in a relationship because θf their beliefs in morals. Mels are very suspicious people! They can doubt! It takes a lot to earn their trust, probably because once they do, there is no going back. They are also very vengeful! The kind who recalls the year, month, day, hour, second and the colour θf t-shirt you were wearing the day you called her dumb in public! Desperate housewives Bree is so Melancholic.

Phlegmatics: are the easygoing peacemakers with an amazing sense θf humor! They can't stand chaos, always wanting to please everyone. They are also introverts. These people also have an amazingly stubborn nature! The phlegs are those who wouldn't argue with you but will quietly do what they want to do. They really never worry about anything unlike the Mels who are companions θf worry. Phlegs are lazy and generally unmotivated people. They tend to act nonchalant, like they couldn't care less if you were unfaithful. Phlegs love their space! No visitors as visitors only come to disrupt their valued sleep time.

Now let me paint a scenario with the four temperaments. There is going to be a party and the four temperaments have been invited. Sanguine immediately rings up all his friends, goes shopping and tweets his preparation for the event! The Choleric will want to know who else that is θf high reputation will grace that event(another opportunity to strike a business deal), the Mel will worry about what to wear, who to go with, how to mingle e.t.c and the phleg will be pissed at the amount θf work required to get set for a party afterall he can party by himself in dream land.

They get to the party and Sanguine walks in with his/her crowd, almost everyone recognises him and he begins to holler right from the door, with a sway to his steps. Meanwhile, Choleric is somewhere in the middle θf an argument, Melancholy is sitted all by herself observing everyone and Phleg is constantly checking her time.

To be Continued...

Is this a psychology class?
Ok. How is this supposed to help? You're gonna have to write a really concise essay.

O dear, you described acidosis there in "MELANCHOLY"

@ Arque: you are probably Choleric! Hence your display θf impatience, or maybe you are Sanguine, they hate reading! Oh well, Whatever...
@ Acidosis: I know the feeling. Lol.

Continuation.

So, I believe that by now, you have a pretty fair idea θf what category θf temperament you fit in. At least, your dominant temperament. So, I will just go ahead now and describe how they relate in a romantic relationship.

The Sanguine will naturally be attracted to the Melancholy or the Phlegmatic. He is intrigued by the Mels calm nature and her poise. The Sanguine has a very big ego and loves how the Mel strokes his ego with her steadfast attention towards him. Oh! How the Sanguines love attention. He just can't comprehend how another human could be so meticulous, so perfect, so cool. I mean its so cool that he doesn't have to share the attention with her as she is content with not being noticed. Miss mel on the other hand is awed by sanguine. I mean, he is so funny unlike boring me (so she thinks about herself). She reckons that with him around, she wouldn't live a boring, worrying life. So, they get married, have an exciting and adventurous honeymoon and reality checks in! Sanguine uses the toothplace and loses the lid! He wakes up early, making a lot θf noise while Mel is still asleep, takes his bath and dumps the wet towel on the bed right next to her!

She gets out θf bed really pissed, glares at him but can't hold that anger for too long because charming Sanguine knows just what to say and do to make all that anger melt away.

So now, I am getting tired θf the narrative but my Choleric nature just wouldn't let me give up! Okay, uhm I think I will just have to find a way to get to the main gist, how your temperament affects your love life.

You must have heard that opposites attract. But in the dynamics θf relationship, you need much more than the initial attraction. True, the opposites will attract but there has to be some balance created by a similarity. Hence the saying, "we are so different yet so alike".

Let me explain by giving a personal illustration. I am a blend θf Choleric and Melancholy, Choleric being my dominant temperament. My boo is a blend θf Melancholy/Phleg and I bet he's got some sanguine in him. Now, the mel in me resonates with the mel in him, hence we have a lot θf stuff in common. Thank God I do not have to deal with disorganization! Lol. But, we are also very different. I am feisty, he is laid back, I have to work hard at being patient but that is second nature to him, I am forward he is hesitant, I tend to take life too seriously and he realizes that life is meant to be enjoyed! Its been six years together, still counting and it just gets better because we have developed the strong bond θf understanding each other!

Was it frustrating at any point? Oh yes! I mean I could never understand how someone could be so relaxed and he could not understand why I took life so seriously, why does everything have to be about winning? But over the years, we have let our uniqueness rub off on each other and we couldn't wish to be with anyone else.

So, have you noticed how different you are from your partner and would like to share how that has affected your relationship? Positively or negatively? The challenges, the benefits? Oh by all means, do share.

Pheeew, I am so glad I finally finished this e-book! Lol.

spicy v:
All you need is to understand temperaments and you are on your way to experiencing the true spice your relationship lacks.

Yeah right. It's that simple(!)

spicy v:
Temperament is the reason people are the way they are and act the way they do.

Are you insinuating that human behaviour is regulated solely by temperament(s)? If so, I'll be much obliged to know what you make of genetics, social factors, cultural factors, et cetera.

spicy v:
You must have heard that opposites attract. But in the dynamics θf relationship, you need much more than the initial attraction. True, the opposites will attract but there has to be some balance created by a similarity. Hence the saying, "we are so different yet so alike".

You sound so sure of things unquantifiable.

For some reason, I read through this with 100% interest.... I guess I'm meg/phleg.

Nawa o, can't even figure out which one i am, i guess am san/chol........ Strange combination, abi?

@ Arque: According to Tim Lahaye, the prolific author θf Why you act the way you do, temperament is defined as a combination θf the following: inherited genes from parents/grandparents, early childhood experiences and environmental factors. All these contribute to shaping your personality. That is temperament. You can't argue that people are either extroverts or introverts, loud or reserved, blunt or diplomatic, aggressive, passive aggressive or non aggressive, confrontational or non confrontational. The temperament makeup is the reason behind this.

Yes, I say again that understanding your temperament and that θf your partner's is the key to unlocking the door to bliss in your relationship! Love is not enough(stale news) I am sure θf this, I speak from experience. Truly, the basic problem in relationships is the lack θf understanding. Once you know your temperament, you know who you ought to be with. Once you and your partner understand each other's temperament, 60 percent θf your issues
Are solved.

@ Adaeze: you are Mel/Phleg? Lol. Sweet gurl.
@Nitey: good to see you here. Are you still confused? Lol.
Tell me a bit about you, let's take it up from there.

nitrogen: Nawa o, can't even figure out which one i am, i guess am san/chol........ Strange combination, abi?

San/Chlor isn't exactly a strange combo, quite extreme though. Being a San/Chlor, you'd be very extrovertish and restless. Very active infact your loved ones would often want to lock you up in a cage. You will also be the centre θf attention whilst commanding respect. You are a natural leader as leadership is all about influence. The sanguine is natural at influencing people, he attracts people like magnet because θf his friendly and charming disposition. The choleric is also very great at influencing because he is visionary, a starter and great at motivating and pushing people to accomplish things. You'd also be loud and self absorbed lol. You'd be very blunt, often hurting peoples feelings with your quick tongue but quick to be full θf remorse. You like to have your way and would resort to persuasion and manipulation to get your way. You hate details, have issues with impatience and anger.

Chew on this a bit. Lol.

i have never actually believed in these temperament thing..
Though i think i'm more of a San-Mel,I can be any of the four temperaments if i want to...
...and i'm not also a lot of some parts of those temperaments...and i do not believe anyone's temperament or mine would define our compatibility in any way!

Well slim, believing or not believing in the existence or efficacy θf something does not affect or change the fact that it actually does exist or work. Choosing to fake something does not mean that you actually did experience it. I mean you can try to be any other temperament but deep down you know you aren't. Doesn't prove that you are what you try to be. As for the issue θf compatibility, please let's not go too far, look around you here on NL. I am sure there are people you cannot stand and others you love just cos you connect somehow.

spicy v: @ Arque: According to Tim Lahaye, the prolific author θf Why you act the way you do, temperament is defined as a combination θf the following: inherited genes from parents/grandparents, early childhood experiences and environmental factors. All these contribute to shaping your personality. That is temperament. You can't argue that people are either extroverts or introverts, loud or reserved, blunt or diplomatic, aggressive, passive aggressive or non aggressive, confrontational or non confrontational. The temperament makeup is the reason behind this.

Yes, I say again that understanding your temperament and that θf your partner's is the key to unlocking the door to bliss in your relationship! Love is not enough(stale news) I am sure θf this, I speak from experience. Truly, the basic problem in relationships is the lack θf understanding. Once you know your temperament, you know who you ought to be with. Once you and your partner understand each other's temperament, 60 percent θf your issues
Are solved.

A combination. Right. But in what proportions, equal? If these factors only contribute to shaping one's personality, then, what balances the equation?

This is just too ambiguous for me to greenlight.


In Lahaye's book, he made several errors regarding the history of the four temperaments. There is also the lack of solid research in preparation of

the book. And you clearly took the book at face value. In fact, you xertzed it.


Many a scholar have written literature on personality. Perhaps, you should study more theories.

Not trying to wreck the cart

Okay.. Next please.

spicy v:

San/Chlor isn't exactly a strange combo, quite extreme though. Being a San/Chlor, you'd be very extrovertish and restless. Very active infact your loved ones would often want to lock you up in a cage. You will also be the centre θf attention whilst commanding respect. You are a natural leader as leadership is all about influence. The sanguine is natural at influencing people, he attracts people like magnet because θf his friendly and charming disposition. The choleric is also very great at influencing because he is visionary, a starter and great at motivating and pushing people to accomplish things. You'd also be loud and self absorbed lol. You'd be very blunt, often hurting peoples feelings with your quick tongue but quick to be full θf remorse. You like to have your way and would resort to persuasion and manipulation to get your way. You hate details, have issues with impatience and anger.

Chew on this a bit. Lol.

Hmmmmm! You got a lot of me up there. I will try and do what is required of me soon.

Good work Spicy.
The Importance and role of temperament in a relationship cannot be over-empahsized.
One of the most important ingredients of any successful relationship is understanding.
The term understanding does not refer to understanding a persons action, but the rationale or reason behind that act. In otherwords, you'll begin to know "Why they Act the way they do".
When you know the underlying reason for a persons consistent actions, attitude and consequently, character, you'll modify and improve your reaction to those actions, especially the least appealing ones.
This leads to less altercations and most importantly, less hurt.

Finally! Finally!! Finally Duke is here! Where have you been bro? Missed your input. So good to have your insight.

nice work spicy.. ..

Acidosis: nice work spicy.. ..

Thanks, you are quite the encourager(if there's anything like that, buh you know what I mean). Its mighty sweet θf you.

nitrogen:
Hmmmmm! You got a lot of me up there. I will try and do what is required of me soon.

Lol. And what exactly is required θf you? I am hoping its really beneficial *wink* and I also hope that the Sanguine in you is not just making empty promises. Lol.

This is interesting. But I agree with Slimyem, cos I can be all four if I wanna

they have mixtures...i'm MEL-PHLEG i think

Blue moon: they have mixtures...i'm MEL-PHLEG i think

You think? Lady if you are not sure, stop competing

Mynd_44:
You think? Lady if you are not sure, stop competing

well, i was sure some years back but i've changed slightly.

Humph! The choleric concures with my soul . . . chol/phl

Blue moon:

well, i was sure some years back but i've changed slightly.

had to confirm o! i'm still MEL-PHLEG

Blue moon:

well, i was sure some years back but i've changed slightly.

Go discover yourself and come back when you are sure