the issues is that divorcees always blame the other for their state. the more reason they divorced in the first place. no one is searching his or herself. ppl should know that change should start with you first; as individuals and as a nation.

Psm23, I don't normally post on here, I didnt know you guys were on the edge of a divorce. Infertility has caused a lot of drama in people's lives and it's a struggle but babes you have to be strong. The same thing that happened to your DH also happened to us in our 6th treatment. Babes, It's been difficult, the money, the time and everything you put into it.

Ok back to your divorce, how do you cope with it? Babes if I knew I would be rich but I pray you get the strength from within. There are going to be a lot of emotions involved. You're going to be on a different high everyday but with time it gets easier, my experience of broken relationship is what I've penned down.

In between psm 23, just curious you mentioned betrayal. Did you guys ever go for counselling during the course of your treatment?
How did he feel with the last result?
Did his betrayal stem from the result?
These are the many questions going through my mind.
You don't have to answer, just things to think about.

Beetle go thru her ivf thread,then you'll understand a bit..He was doing something that led to the result and i guess this makes the betrayal worse..
My dear,it is well!!

I think you should talk to a professional. You can decide to vent here, but talk to a professional. You have been through quite a lot. I hope you keep your head up and dont sink into depression.

Sorry dear, it's unfortunate you've already missed the best advice i have for you; DO NOT DIVORCE.

People think that divorce is solution to marital problems, but i swear, Divorce is a greater problem itself than your marital problem. If you can't endure your 1st love, honestly I doubt if you can endure your 2nd love.

gentlegg: Sorry dear, it's unfortunate you've already missed the best advice i have for you; DO NOT DIVORCE.

People think that divorce is solution to marital problems, but i swear, Divorce is a greater problem itself than your marital problem. If you can't endure your 1st love, honestly I doubt if you can endure your 2nd love.

that is a huge lie!!!

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. This is indeed a road i never thought i'd walk! When i said "I Do" to him, i fully intended to stay married forever. What this has taught me though is that we as humans might have our own pre-conceived ideas on how we want our lives to turn out but in the long run,God has the ultimate say so!

I will not entirely lay the blame on him because yes, this IVF thing really took its toll on me but that does not warrant what he did, how he did it, putting me, my health and everything i have ever worked for at such great risk. Not knowing if i was going to be told i had contracted some horrible disease that will kill me and to cap it all, he was unapologetic. The ultimate betrayal is telling your wife, that you intentionally took that male birth control measure because you never really wanted any more children cos you have grown children from your first marriage! All these years of IUI, IVF and trying to be a mommy, and it took catching him with a street walker for the truth to come out! I thought i had a happy fulfilled marriage that was only lacking one thing, a child!
This is why i asked, how do i learn to breathe again in a normal way? how can i remove this heaviness from my heart? How will i ever trust anybody again, man or woman!
I am still in therapy, i have travelled to be with my sister and her kids, but the pain is still there. I loved that man with all my heart! I really did! One day, i will stand strong again but i doubt if i ever will love again like i did!
God bless you all for your responses!

my heart and prayer goes out to you at this time of your trial. no one size fit all plan but these few steps should help.
1. Dont deny it...it happened. U must av some nice moments, Relish it and know that u were also responsible for those moments.
2. Dont blame yourself...u did all u could. Cry if u must, its painful... but dont put the blame on urself or involve in any pity party.
3. Stay with friends and family that can support you and smack u if u ever need it.
4. Fulfil your dreams...this is the time to do all those things you have always wanted to do but couldnt. Discover new passion and follow them
5. Dont harbour resentment...its difficult but its makes ur conscience lighter. Be friendly if you can, walk away if u cant.
6. Give it time...time heals all wound. u wont feel great tomorrow but u will wake up one day and thank God for a beautiful day.
7. Love again....sometimes we close our heart after such hurt. The cure for love and hurt, is love.
Go with God as u start ur journey towards recovery..
Takecare.

gentlegg: Sorry dear, it's unfortunate you've already missed the best advice i have for you; DO NOT DIVORCE.

People think that divorce is solution to marital problems, but i swear, Divorce is a greater problem itself than your marital problem. If you can't endure your 1st love, honestly I doubt if you can endure your 2nd love.

Are you fucking serious?!!! Why the Bleep do you think people divorce in the first place When have you known two completely happy couple divorcing each other!!!

Staying in a troubled marriage is not going to change what has already been damaged! Even if she didn't divorce him then what? The issue STILL REMAIN and how can you expect someone to stay in a relationship where they have to get tested every six months because their partner can't keep their legs closed or dick in the pants

Let keep it real...either would you stay in such relationship.

gentlegg: Sorry dear, it's unfortunate you've already missed the best advice i have for you; DO NOT DIVORCE.

People think that divorce is solution to marital problems, but i swear, Divorce is a greater problem itself than your marital problem. If you can't endure your 1st love, honestly I doubt if you can endure your 2nd love.

Are you kidding? LOL

This is the kind of thinking that convinces people to stay in useless marriages. When you die, God won't ask you if you were married or not biko.

Na wa.

pslm23: Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. This is indeed a road i never thought i'd walk! When i said "I Do" to him, i fully intended to stay married forever. What this has taught me though is that we as humans might have our own pre-conceived ideas on how we want our lives to turn out but in the long run,God has the ultimate say so!

I will not entirely lay the blame on him because yes, this IVF thing really took its toll on me but that does not warrant what he did, how he did it, putting me, my health and everything i have ever worked for at such great risk. Not knowing if i was going to be told i had contracted some horrible disease that will kill me and to cap it all, he was unapologetic. The ultimate betrayal is telling your wife, that you intentionally took that male birth control measure because you never really wanted any more children cos you have grown children from your first marriage! All these years of IUI, IVF and trying to be a mommy, and it took catching him with a street walker for the truth to come out! I thought i had a happy fulfilled marriage that was only lacking one thing, a child!
This is why i asked, how do i learn to breathe again in a normal way? how can i remove this heaviness from my heart? How will i ever trust anybody again, man or woman!
I am still in therapy, i have travelled to be with my sister and her kids, but the pain is still there. I loved that man with all my heart! I really did! One day, i will stand strong again but i doubt if i ever will love again like i did!
God bless you all for your responses!

You are indeed a strong woman. You didn't deserve what you received and i wouldn't even wish that on my enemies (intentionally).

OP its a pity that you have to go through so much pain but stay strong, you will be alright again.

Damn why are some men so mean?its really frightening, where are all the good men? I'm so heartbroken right now.

This is the iVF link....

https://www.nairaland.com/773873/anyone-trying-ivf-iui-icsi

freecocoa: OP its a pity that you have to go through so much pain but stay strong, you will be alright again.

Damn why are some men so mean?its really frightening, where are all the good men? I'm so heartbroken right now.

It is sad huh...even my mean ads can't even take this lightly. This is sad.

gentlegg: Sorry dear, it's unfortunate you've already missed the best advice i have for you; DO NOT DIVORCE.

People think that divorce is solution to marital problems, but i swear, Divorce is a greater problem itself than your marital problem. If you can't endure your 1st love, honestly I doubt if you can endure your 2nd love.

Well...i am against divorce but i av seen instances, such as this case, where i cannot take a hard stand.
There is no point in a marriage based on deceit of this magnitude!

hello pslm 23,i have being a silent reader, and have followed your trend (opened dis account today just to get in touch with you)...pls if you dont mind can i get your no...will like to speak with you.thanks my email addy is playgal172003@yahoo.com

pslm23: Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. This is indeed a road i never thought i'd walk! When i said "I Do" to him, i fully intended to stay married forever. What this has taught me though is that we as humans might have our own pre-conceived ideas on how we want our lives to turn out but in the long run,God has the ultimate say so!

I will not entirely lay the blame on him because yes, this IVF thing really took its toll on me but that does not warrant what he did, how he did it, putting me, my health and everything i have ever worked for at such great risk. Not knowing if i was going to be told i had contracted some horrible disease that will kill me and to cap it all, he was unapologetic. The ultimate betrayal is telling your wife, that you intentionally took that male birth control measure because you never really wanted any more children cos you have grown children from your first marriage! All these years of IUI, IVF and trying to be a mommy, and it took catching him with a street walker for the truth to come out! I thought i had a happy fulfilled marriage that was only lacking one thing, a child!
This is why i asked, how do i learn to breathe again in a normal way? how can i remove this heaviness from my heart? How will i ever trust anybody again, man or woman!
I am still in therapy, i have travelled to be with my sister and her kids, but the pain is still there. I loved that man with all my heart! I really did! One day, i will stand strong again but i doubt if i ever will love again like i did!
God bless you all for your responses!

All those surgeries!!!

sigmundfreud:
Well...i am against divorce but i av seen instances, such as this case, where i cannot take a hard stand.
There is no point in a marriage based on deceit of this magnitude!

Exactly! She didn't divorce him because he gained five pounds or he farted in the car. She is at health risk because of his fucking inability to use a condom!

This goes to all these cheaters that think it is okay to bring home a disease simply because you are lazy to think about the partner whom you will infect. When people say that partners shouldn't deny their spouses intimacy and when they are obedient they are infected with diseases that will haunt them for the rest of their lives....there are reasons why people should listen to logic before trying to appease the community by being a good wife/husband.

PROTECT YOURSELF AT ALL COSTS because HIV/AIDS and STDS are real!!!!

pslm23: Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. This is indeed a road i never thought i'd walk! When i said "I Do" to him, i fully intended to stay married forever. What this has taught me though is that we as humans might have our own pre-conceived ideas on how we want our lives to turn out but in the long run,God has the ultimate say so!

I will not entirely lay the blame on him because yes, this IVF thing really took its toll on me but that does not warrant what he did, how he did it, putting me, my health and everything i have ever worked for at such great risk. Not knowing if i was going to be told i had contracted some horrible disease that will kill me and to cap it all, he was unapologetic. The ultimate betrayal is telling your wife, that you intentionally took that male birth control measure because you never really wanted any more children cos you have grown children from your first marriage! All these years of IUI, IVF and trying to be a mommy, and it took catching him with a street walker for the truth to come out! I thought i had a happy fulfilled marriage that was only lacking one thing, a child!
This is why i asked, how do i learn to breathe again in a normal way? how can i remove this heaviness from my heart? How will i ever trust anybody again, man or woman!
I am still in therapy, i have travelled to be with my sister and her kids, but the pain is still there. I loved that man with all my heart! I really did! One day, i will stand strong again but i doubt if i ever will love again like i did!
God bless you all for your responses!

I wish I knew your thread at the beginning because I would have been able to assist in with the medical aspect of conceiving a child. It is unfortunate and the love was one sided. You can't help who you fall in love with but you can choose who will have the pleasant of knowing you.

Continue to pray and allow time to heal you.

freecocoa: OP its a pity that you have to go through so much pain but stay strong, you will be alright again.

[b]Damn why are some men so mean?[/b]its really frightening, where are all the good men? I'm so heartbroken right now.

how about WOMEN

you think its only MEN abi

Psalm 23, I also followed ur IVF posts. It even rekindled in me hope for my sister who is ttc.
No simple advice. I learnt from experience the SARAH cycle (Shock, Anger, Resentment, Resignation, Hope).I read this when I was hurting so much. It helped me a lot then and it might help you, too.

If you are you tired of feeling like a victim, read this: 'I don't want to feel this way anymore. I thought if my pain touched their lives I'd feel better. I didn't. I thought by holding it over their heads I'd feel better. I didn't. I thought by telling everyone what they'd done to me I'd feel better. I didn't; it only cost me friends and kept the pain alive. I thought if they acknowledged how wrong they've been I'd feel better. They didn't, so I felt worse. I thought if I could understand why I pick such relationships I'd feel better. So I read books and talked with counsellors. But that didn't work, because then I uncovered other issues I didn't have the emotional energy to deal with. I thought time would make me feel better. It helped, but it didn't heal, because there were still too many things that triggered old memories. I thought by moving to a new house in a new city and getting a new job I'd feel better. I didn't; I only changed addresses, not what was going on inside me. Finally, I did two things that worked; not overnight, but gradually, patiently, consistently as I kept doing them, they worked. First, I decided to forgive - and keep forgiving until the past no longer controlled me. Second, I cried out to God, "Turn... me, and I shall be turned." He answered my prayer. My perceptions began to clear and my heart began to heal. Why? Because at last, getting well meant more, so much more to me than remaining a victim.'

pslm23: Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. This is indeed a road i never thought i'd walk! When i said "I Do" to him, i fully intended to stay married forever. What this has taught me though is that we as humans might have our own pre-conceived ideas on how we want our lives to turn out but in the long run,God has the ultimate say so!

I will not entirely lay the blame on him because yes, this IVF thing really took its toll on me but that does not warrant what he did, how he did it, putting me, my health and everything i have ever worked for at such great risk. Not knowing if i was going to be told i had contracted some horrible disease that will kill me and to cap it all, he was unapologetic. The ultimate betrayal is telling your wife, that you intentionally took that male birth control measure because you never really wanted any more children cos you have grown children from your first marriage! All these years of IUI, IVF and trying to be a mommy, and it took catching him with a street walker for the truth to come out! I thought i had a happy fulfilled marriage that was only lacking one thing, a child!
This is why i asked, how do i learn to breathe again in a normal way? how can i remove this heaviness from my heart? How will i ever trust anybody again, man or woman!
I am still in therapy, i have travelled to be with my sister and her kids, but the pain is still there. I loved that man with all my heart! I really did! One day, i will stand strong again but i doubt if i ever will love again like i did!
God bless you all for your responses!

Wow. Just talk to someone. i dont think anyone here can help you. Some will gloat, others laugh, others blame you. And so many moronic views.

r231:

how about WOMEN

you think its only MEN abi

Women as well...but men take the cake.

After all this is the man's world right?

Mrs..Chima:


Women as well...but men take the cake.

After all this is the man's world right?

in what way

r231:

in what way

The cake part or the world part?

Mrs..Chima:


The cake part or the world part?

Everything

either way cheating is cheating and it hurts expecially if you have so much trust for the person....it doesnt matter if you man or woman or king of the jungle

pslm23: How do you pick up the pieces of your life that has been shattered after many years of a marriage that has just ended on a horrible heartbreaking note?
Where do you start from?
When will you start feeling normal again and stop feeling that there are invisible walls about to close up around you?
When will the feeling of hyperventilation stop and you can breathe again?
When will the tears and the feeling of "why me" stop?
When will the thoughts of choking the crap out of him for his cheating ways leave?

[color=#550000][/color]

First, it starts with forgiveness. U nid to forget abt the things he did to u and forgive him .forgiveness is a very powerful virtue,this 'll lead to the healing of your heart. once u begin this process, go ahead and engage in the things that brings you joy.
And lastly, you need God. don't let anyone decieve u with theories ,God is the only one that feels your pain and he knows best to take you through this journey.
I pray that your healing process 'll be faster than you expected.

akanmumi: [color=#550000][/color]

First, it starts with forgiveness. U nid to forget abt the things he did to u and forgive him .forgiveness is a very powerful virtue,this 'll lead to the healing of your heart. once u begin this process, go ahead and engage in the things that brings you joy.
And lastly, you need God. don't let anyone decieve u with theories ,God is the only one that feels your pain and he knows best to take you through this journey.
I pray that your healing process 'll be faster than you expected.

Easy for you to say

r231:

how about WOMEN

you think its only MEN abi

I know some women are mean but you gotta admit that the men are just something else, i don't even know why i have tears in my eyes right now.

Its just too painful going through all what she went through to find out her husband is that mean, you know sometimes i think.....i don't even know what i think.

freecocoa: I know some women are mean but you gotta admit that the men are just something else, i don't even know why i have tears in my eyes right now.

Its just too painful going through all what she went through to find out her husband is that mean, you know sometimes i think.....i don't even know what i think.

so as women

sigmundfreud:
Well...i am against divorce but i av seen instances, such as this case, where i cannot take a hard stand.
There is no point in a marriage based on deceit of this magnitude!

Writeress!:



Are you kidding? LOL

This is the kind of thinking that convinces people to stay in useless marriages. When you die, God won't ask you if you were married or not biko.

Na wa.

Mrs..Chima:


Are you fucking serious?!!! Why the Bleep do you think people divorce in the first place When have you known two completely happy couple divorcing each other!!!

Staying in a troubled marriage is not going to change what has already been damaged! Even if she didn't divorce him then what? The issue STILL REMAIN and how can you expect someone to stay in a relationship where they have to get tested every six months because their partner can't keep their legs closed or dick in the pants

Let keep it real...either would you stay in such relationship.

Kobojunkie:

that is a huge lie!!!

Well you guys are entitled to your opinion, but as far as am concerned, NO MARRIAGE IS IRREPARABLE. Believe it or not, Divorce is not a solution to any marital problem.