This is some deep stuff mehn.
Only God can give you the much needed strength to pull through this trying times.

All the best

@BB
Even when you want to ignore that grand ma, she just won't let me be. Tell me why she involved me in her post to chaircover? Wetin I do? It was between cc and herself

Lol, UJu Abeg go try your Okija juju on someone else, e no work for my side

Idowuogbo:
Hmmmm....
I guess ur ignore button faulty rite?
I get u tho!

I am not fuming in the mouth, am I? I can read without letting my emotions take over my brain functions. This is an open forum and in years to come, some of your children will learn of your IDs and open this up to find out the kind of conversations their mothers had online, and will learn the kind of person raising them, even if people pretend that people can express themselves one way online and another offline(something I don't buy).

If you feel bothered by someone to the extent that you start fuming in the mouth online, use the USE THE IGNORE BUTTON . . . no need for extended sermons. I happen to have more people insult me each single day on here than most people can boast of. Yet you rarely see me acknowledge these people. Why is it harder for mothers raising children who we are all supposed to deal with having a hard time with doing that?

Kobojunkie:

I am not fuming in the mouth, am I? I can read without letting my emotions take over my brain functions. This is an open forum and in years to come, some of your children will learn of your IDs and open this up to find out the kind of conversations their mothers had online, and will learn the kind of person raising them, even if people pretend that people can express themselves one way online and another offline(something I don't buy).

If you feel bothered by someone to the extent that you start fuming in the mouth online, use the USE THE IGNORE BUTTON . . . no need for extended sermons. I happen to have more people insult me each single day on here than most people can boast of. Yet you rarely see me acknowledge these people. Why is it harder for mothers raising children who we are all supposed to deal with having a hard time with doing that?

Always fighting . . .

jennykadry: @BB
Even when you want to ignore that grand ma, she just won't let me be. Tell me why she involved me in her post to chaircover? Wetin I do? It was between cc and herself

Lol, UJu Abeg go try your Okija juju on someone else, e no work for my side

Except you have odi eshi . . . my juju, sorry prayers will soon start taking effect!
Wait let me gather momentum!

Ujujoan:

Always fighting . . .

peacemaker

Ujujoan:

Except you have odi eshi . . . my juju, sorry prayers will soon start taking effect!
Wait let me gather momentum!

You get time to reply to yeye lecture, me? No time them fit kill themselves e no change nothing.

Abeg face front, phone ko, iPad ni. I resemble mugu? Waka

r231:

peacemaker

Before nko . . . My second name na peace!

jennykadry:

You get time to reply to yeye lecture, me? No time them fit kill themselves e no change nothing.

Abeg face front, phone ko, iPad ni. I resemble mugu? Waka

shorboboshorboshorobobo . . . (Speaking in 'tongues')

Kobojunkie:

I am not fuming in the mouth, am I? I can read without letting my emotions take over my brain functions. This is an open forum and in years to come, some of your children will learn of your IDs and open this up to find out the kind of conversations their mothers had online, and will learn the kind of person raising them, even if people pretend that people can express themselves one way online and another offline(something I don't buy).

If you feel bothered by someone to the extent that you start fuming in the mouth online, use the USE THE IGNORE BUTTON . . . no need for extended sermons. I happen to have more people insult me each single day on here than most people can boast of. Yet you rarely see me acknowledge these people. Why is it harder for mothers raising children who we are all supposed to deal with having a hard time with doing that?

Ewo!!
Na only 3lines me write na,Gadamn!!! Dis ur genesis alone, collect championship for wia Ivy dey o! See me thinking Ivy is d only one dat replies a paragraph wiv 3pages.Again... I get u tho!

Idowuogbo:
Ewo!!
Na only 3lines me write na,Gadamn!!! Dis ur genesis alone, collect championship for wia Ivy dey o! See me thinking Ivy is d only one dat replies a paragraph wiv 3pages.Again... I get u tho!

Ivy? Whose Ivy again? Do you read at all cause telling me you "I get you tho" right after posting digs that have nothing to do with what I am saying leads me to believe you don't even get what I am saying? And yes, it boggles the mind to know how many of you don't even bother reading to understand the essence of what is being said before you jump into attack/defense mode on here. And I can't help but wonder sometimes how old those I am dealing with really are when I read some of the responses. Again, this is what I said . . .

Kobojunkie:

I am not fuming in the mouth, am I? I can read without letting my emotions take over my brain functions. This is an open forum and in years to come, some of your children will learn of your IDs and open this up to find out the kind of conversations their mothers had online, and will learn the kind of person raising them, even if people pretend that people can express themselves one way online and another offline(something I don't buy).

If you feel bothered by someone to the extent that you start fuming in the mouth online, use the USE THE IGNORE BUTTON . . . no need for extended sermons. I happen to have more people insult me each single day on here than most people can boast of. Yet you rarely see me acknowledge these people. Why is it harder for mothers raising children who we are all supposed to deal with having a hard time with doing that?

cotton101: lastpage - in most cases ur right but in some cases the opposite is the case

nggold:
You are too intelligent for this.

kobojunkie: I believe I am happier today as a result of divorce. I don't rejoice that it happened but I am glad that it did

flowerpower: I can guarantee you the day I left my ex husband, was the day I smiled

ujujoan:
I'm really dissapointed in you for thinking this way!

Sorry to disappoint you! But that is just me.
l guess l dont think the way most people think!

I feel one has to weigh one's choices and choose the better of the two evil.....and for me, l think "working it out" would provide better and longer -lasting happiness than "breaking it up"!


A difficult marriage (most relationships, among brothers, sisters, family members, neighbors, husband/wife...are difficult anyway!) is bad - Agreed!

A divorce is terrible - Agreed.

Question is: Which is the better of the two evils?
All things being considered in arriving at that decision?

In my own thinking, its like when someone is told to say a single "to"
But REFUSED by saying 'I will NOT SAY "to-to-to"'! (Yoruba adage)

In that refusal, he has far exceeded the "initial requirement" (a single 'to') but not just that, he suffers double jeopardy by loosing the benefits associated with 'simple obedience'!

That is the rationale of divorce. The


Lastpage!

BTW: Is everyone who disagreed with my position, a DIVORCEE?
I noticed quite a few amongst them and was wondering whether its just a "living in self denial syndrome" that is at play here? Anyway, God knows best, and He knows why He created "desire for the opposite sex" in we animates.

Nigerians are a wonderful bunch!! I think I have told the story of an abandoned wife(husband abandoned her, and her kids more than 18 years ago, with no money, only so he can go marry and drop other women) haranguing another woman for being divorced(the second woman was divorced by her husband, and receives alimony checks every month as a result).
The abandoned wife was fond of taking jabs at the divorced woman. Her reasoning was that(and she freaking believed this too) she was better off than the other woman simply because she was NOT DIVORCED.

lastpage - i left my ex cos i wanted to live and give birth to a live baby - had i stay married i would have died a mrs or lost a baby a mrs - having to deal with a miscarriage is hard enough having to deal with it with the frequent beatings and being dragged along the floor by my hair is a fate worse than death and not something i could have tolerated.

and yes i disagree with you but i don't disagree with the institution of marriage at all, I don't want to derail this thread - and everyone is entitled to their opinion.

u haven't disappointed me at all - each to their own my dear.

Kobojunkie: Nigerians are a wonderful bunch!! I think I have told the story of an abandoned wife(husband abandoned her, and her kids more than 18 years ago, with no money, only so he can go marry and drop other women) haranguing another woman for being divorced(the second woman was divorced by her husband, and receives alimony checks every month as a result).
The abandoned wife was fond of taking jabs at the divorced woman. Her reasoning was that(and she freaking believed this too) she was better off than the other woman simply because she was NOT DIVORCED.

oh yes the abandoned wife posse!! lol - thats what my former inlaws wanted me to be - after all his sister was a wife with an absent husband for 12 years so my own was a small case - too funny - how is an abandoned wife better than a divorcee my dear - please explain that one - ok its when the man can't get it up again and he has one illness and all his sisi's have abandoned him and he remembers that mumu he left 18 years ago who will happily take him back!! ok now i get it

@ Lastpage, can I ask you a question ?

When a marriage is treated as some kinda power play, the powerless partner remains at the mercy of his/her powerful partner. Should the powerless partner remain and continue to hope that mercy will be shown some day or show mercy to his/herself by leaving?

True That, Kobo and Cotton, we love the image of an abandoned woman spending all her time in prayer and fasting and rosary recital than one who fights back and takes control of her live.
Women are meant to be victims at the mercy of the man and not dare attempt to have a life and a future if the man decides to break their vows.
A divorced woman is "bitter and wicked", one who talks about it so others who feel and have been told divorce is the end of life is "unforgiving and bitter", divorcees should hide in a corner and shut up, only people who preach " marriage is not a bed of roses, cook, clean and lick the feet " are allowed to talk, and say "life as a divorcee is worse than death, who will marry you? Divorce is not an option" those are the ones who can talk.
Not to forget the "men are babies crew" big lie, marriage is between 2 adults, one of the adults is meant to be the head, how the head now becomes a baby who is totally dependant on the other adult without being responsible for any action and this same baby is supposed to lead the other over burdened adult, I bow for logic. Lol

lastpage:









Sorry to disappoint you! But that is just me.
l guess l dont think the way most people think!

I feel one has to weigh one's choices and choose the better of the two evil.....and for me, l think "working it out" would provide better and longer -lasting happiness than "breaking it up"!


A difficult marriage (most relationships, among brothers, sisters, family members, neighbors, husband/wife...are difficult anyway!) is bad - Agreed!

A divorce is terrible - Agreed.

Question is: Which is the better of the two evils?
All things being considered in arriving at that decision?

In my own thinking, its like when someone is told to say a single "to"
But REFUSED by saying 'I will NOT SAY "to-to-to"'! (Yoruba adage)

In that refusal, he has far exceeded the "initial requirement" (a single 'to') but not just that, he suffers double jeopardy by loosing the benefits associated with 'simple obedience'!

That is the rationale of divorce. The


Lastpage!

BTW: Is everyone who disagreed with my position, a DIVORCEE?
I noticed quite a few amongst them and was wondering whether its just a "living in self denial syndrome" that is at play here? Anyway, God knows best, and He knows why He created "desire for the opposite sex" in we animates.

Nice! . . . . Most of them are divorcees, or potential ones, and they are just looking for new members to join their club. Living in self denial is their mode of operation.

lastpage:
BTW: Is everyone who disagreed with my position, a DIVORCEE?
I noticed quite a few amongst them and was wondering whether its just a "living in self denial syndrome" that is at play here? Anyway, God knows best, and He knows why He created "desire for the opposite sex" in we animates.

The difference in opinions is probably related to where many of us reside. As for those of us, who live in the UK or US, life goes on after being divorced. There may be a few frowns from relatives, but in general no one treats you poorly because you are divorced. Being divorced does not stop you from dating or remarrying. Also, most women are able to support themselves financially without a husband. I have been free from my ex for a few years and I enjoy life. However if I had to deal with the social stigma and financial hardship experienced by many 9ja women, I would probably choose a ruined marriage over public ostracizing any day.

Kobojunkie:

Ivy? Whose Ivy again? Do you read at all cause telling me you "I get you tho" right after posting digs that have nothing to do with what I am saying leads me to believe you don't even get what I am saying? And yes, it boggles the mind to know how many of you don't even bother reading to understand the essence of what is being said before you jump into attack/defense mode on here. And I can't help but wonder sometimes how old those I am dealing with really are when I read some of the responses. Again, this is what I said . . .

Jeeez!!! Calm down...
Are we fighting?
Do I have to reply your comments in paragraphs and pages so u no I read ur genesis? "I get u" means u have a point.Now breathe.... Damn!!!

P.S- Ivy= Ivywna

lastpage:


Sorry to disappoint you! But that is just me.
l guess l dont think the way most people think!

I feel one has to weigh one's choices and choose the better of the two evil.....and for me, l think "working it out" would provide better and longer -lasting happiness than "breaking it up"!


A difficult marriage (most relationships, among brothers, sisters, family members, neighbors, husband/wife...are difficult anyway!) is bad - Agreed!

A divorce is terrible - Agreed.

Question is: Which is the better of the two evils?
All things being considered in arriving at that decision?

In my own thinking, its like when someone is told to say a single "to"
But REFUSED by saying 'I will NOT SAY "to-to-to"'! (Yoruba adage)

In that refusal, he has far exceeded the "initial requirement" (a single 'to') but not just that, he suffers double jeopardy by loosing the benefits associated with 'simple obedience'!

That is the rationale of divorce. The


Lastpage!

BTW: Is everyone who disagreed with my position, a DIVORCEE?
I noticed quite a few amongst them and was wondering whether its just a "living in self denial syndrome" that is at play here? Anyway, God knows best, and He knows why He created "desire for the opposite sex" in we animates.

To answer your question . . . . No, I'm not a Divorcee. I don't have to be to disagree with you!
But marriage is meant to be a beautiful thing. Not ruling out challenges o . . but c'mon! When something that's supposed to be beautiful turns ugly, why bother holding on.
I'm not an advocate of divorce either, but sometimes, that's the only way out!

PS: Not saying that's the only way for psalm . . . I think in the end it all boils down to what she wants. But if I had a husband who will stand by me like her husband did, I'll do EVERYTHING I can to make the marriage work! but then that's just me!

Idowuogbo:
Jeeez!!! Calm down...
Are we fighting?
Do I have to reply your comments in paragraphs and pages so u no I read ur genesis? "I get u" means u have a point.Now breathe.... Damn!!!

P.S- Ivy= Ivywna

What are you doing here? You are supposed to be in the buka, alhaji lamido has been waiting for his amala and you are here playing, c'mon will you get your fat a$$ outta this place before i change am for you.

Children of nowadays always making someone hangry

jennykadry: @BB
Even when you want to ignore that grand ma, she just won't let me be. Tell me why she involved me in her post to chaircover? Wetin I do? It was between cc and herself

Lol, UJu Abeg go try your Okija juju on someone else, e no work for my side

What is Chaircover's alledged offence - Chaircover chooses to sit on the fence alongside others and refuses to get involved in her aids and malaria campaign. Na she go dictate how Chaircover spends her free time on NL ni


No be Ivynwa start the whole thing with her condescendingly obnoxious below-the-belt "Jenny you call yourself a Mother, your children must be . . ." comment, you come retaliate with equal measure she come dey cry wolf, same thing she did on the suicidal thread and now here, and she go still dey do like Ms-butter-wouldn't-melt-in-her-mouth, sheesh And on top wetin she wan attain martyr status? She says Jenny is this and that, okay then admonish and correct Jenny with love then, no oh she carry agidi on top head like okrika made fan say she has to dethrone Queen Jenny or she will not back down, as if na kindergarten class we dey, shuo

I guess since she is hellbent on her aids and malaria campaign, you should be the bigger person then and start ignoring her, you should even dash her your crown that she crowned you biko nne.

Lastly, na wa for the people wey wan be your e-enemy by fire by force oh, una nor see the tower of Babel confusion wey dey unfurl right before our korokoro eyes, hehehe. . . Abeg I nefa read my Bible reach that side. . . So fill me in on what exactly happened towards the end. . . Please make my day and tell me that that tower of Babel crashed on their heads biko Chai Nairalanders ehn

naijababe: @ Lastpage, can I ask you a question ?

When a marriage is treated as some kinda power play, the powerless partner remains at the mercy of his/her powerful partner. Should the powerless partner remain and continue to hope that mercy will be shown some day or show mercy to his/herself by leaving?

I know some people, mostly women who defend their Husbands that they beat them because they love them, that they control them because they love them a lot, that they are extremely jealous and don't want them to have friends, go out, etc, because the man has "plenty" love for them i.e love is shacking the man

pslm23: He's a widower. before we got married, we talked about having kids. 3 as a matter of fact.

Androgel is a cream used to treat low testetorone in men but usually it is men who have no intention of having more kids that use this cream because of what it does to the s.p.erm count! and they tell any woman who has intentions of having children, not to come in contact with the cream cos it will affect her ability to get pregnant. He never told me that he had started using this cream until the day of my ER when it was time to collect his sample and it turned out that he had not even one swimmer alive. He was told to stop using it for the next 6 months so his count will come back up. He did not. He continued using it.

When he gave me his confession after i caught them, he told me that he was very relieved now to have that secret off his back because the guilt has been hitting him hard. He knew he didn't want any more kids early last year but he says he didn't know how to tell me!

I was a good wife. i respected him as best as i could. He was my best friend, the only family i had here. we had rocky times in the marriage but that is normal! We still weathered all storms and made it past 10 years.

Right now, i guess the Androgel is working big time and making him feel all macho cos he was the first to sign the papers and all and he is living his life to the hilt! I would never have stood in his way if he had just been honest with me from the first time he started feeling like he wanted out of the marriage! Better i walked away healthy than have to perform "wifely" duties with a man who just came from another street walker's arms!

I posted what i was going through here because during my IVF journey, many of you gave me the strength i needed to see this thing through. I am not asking for pity, love or condemnation. I just wanted a shoulder to cry on outside of my sister's, i just wanted anybody that knows or has been through a divorce to encourage me. Dealing with property division, insurance stuff and so many other things you built together can be very tough, knowing that in about 3 weeks, i will have my father's name back after being known as something else for so long, knowing that he will go on and keep having a fantastic life while i am here afraid to move on and trust another person! My dreams of having my own child will happen with or without a husband! The eggs that were collected on that faithful day are presently being frozen and stored at the clinic until i decide whether to go ahead with a donor! Right now, i'm in no frame of mind to make any decisions regarding them.

I do sincerely thank all of you for your positive feedback and encouragement and even those who gave their negative comments, thank you! Everyday is a learning process. I have learnt a thing or two from what has happened! Good and bad
Today i am stronger than i was yesterday and it is because of those of you here that reached out to me privately and here.

Thank you!

Something is off. While I have not followed the entire story, I don't think a man can support you during IVF, probably spend money on the said IVF only to be sabotaging the whole effort. I believe the man really is not able to produce viable sperm cells anymore despite getting off the androgel and he was lying about his claims that he never got off it either to scatter the marriage or to somehow save face.

Men deal with inability to produce viable sperm cells in different ways. Many men will even refuse treatment, obstinately making absurd claims like my father had ten kids, so there is nothing wrong with me.

My guess here is that he probably wants you to get with another person that can give you the kid you desperately wanted, as opposed to him staying in the marriage and feel inadequate as a man.

Anyways, whatever the case is, you are better off divorced from this man. You will be much happier in the future...

^^^^^ and that happpiness will be in the near near future.

After reading this thread, I had tears in my eyes while I went to find your IVF thread, and all I can say is, lady, you are strong.

You know what you need to do, do not be afraid. You need to apply the strength and resilience you had while going through your IVF in this situation. You need to have that faith in God just like before, that you are going to be fine, even though it may seem cloudy right now, sunshine is on its way. You need to get closer to God, rest all your issues, I mean all of them, at His feet. Ask Him for the strength to go through this and to heal you. Listen to God too. Do as He commands when He speaks to you. Remember His plans for us are perfect (even when we might not agree).

You also have to forgive your husband for what he did, this is the only way you can move on. By forgiving him, you are setting yourself free. I always read this saying by TD Jakes when I am down: "When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible says that they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. (John 2:19)..... It does not mean they are bad, it just means that their part of the story in your life is over.......Let Them Go!!!!"

You have to let it go! That's why you need God to deal with this, He will give you His peace.

@pslm23. This is so sad. I don't even know what to say!
Please don't let this weigh you down too much....look for a distraction. E.g take a trip to a place where no one knows you and try to revive the joy in ur heart.
Sometyms its d thot of 'what people who knew us say about or think of me' that makes it so much harder to deal with a breakup.

If u can take a break, move away from the people who u feel would judge u in one way or another (cos believe me,some of ur friends will blame u a bit and he may tell people things about u to make himself look good).

If u can afford it, go shopping for new clothes, things dat would make u feel good. All day, look beautiful and go to places where u can meet new people. Don't expect u to do rebound relationships but trust me, a compliment here and an attention there would build up ur self esteem and make u get over him fast!

Then IF there is a possibility that he may repent and u REALLY wanna work things out, then u must make urself look appealing like when he first met u and act okay till ur pain heals.
I say act cos if u want him to know what he has missed,then u must show him directly or thru reports he will get from mutual friends. If he likes the chase, then act non-chalant about d divorce even if u cry and pray in ur bed.This is if u want to work things out later.

Meditate on pleasant things happening to u. When u feel down,have a daydream about having all u ever wanted,hot body,sexy outfits,heads-turning strut and smile,Young God fearing man of ur dreams all over u, u preggy without stress with twins or triplets,etc.
It may sound foolish but try it a few times if u won't feel different about things.

I know a number of friends who invested btw 5 to 12 years of their lives,youth,time and money in relationships and when d guys were ready to settle down,they picked someone else and the girls were left without even a dime or a sorry! Not quite the same I know but then,its a betrayal too and if this worked for them,I guess it does work. I even have a colleague that used a rebound relationship (platonic with mutual understanding btw herself and the guy)to recover from a breakup, everytime she wanted to call her ex, she called the new guy. So she didnt feel so bad all the tym as she had someone to talk to.Not advisable tho cos most tyms it backfires.

Above all, you have God to turn to!Ask Him to prepare a table before u in the presence of your enemies and restore your soul.

I wish u the best. It is well with you IJN....Amen!!!

My goodness.Some men gosh.

You know what, bear the pain and do not try to suppress it. The anger bitterness revengeful feelings are normal just don't act on them.
What I know is that this pain you are feeling right now will lessen with time and more so when you find that loving guy who will turn your life around.
And as you continue healing, embrace any positive encouragement coming you way.Go out and make friends who will not keep reminding you of the past but talk positive about future.
You will soon discover that you can tell your story without pain and anger and that is the time to move on and trust me you will.
In the meantime God is not asleep.He knows how best to avenge and he sure will esp if you played your role well.
I can't wait to hear you open a thread about him begging to be part of your life again. That is when you smile and tell him sorry. I am a new person with a loving caring man.
Now please don't be too negative or hard on yourself.You will not die but live to enjoy all goodness in life.
At times we spend too much time looking at a door which is closing we fail to see the one opening.
Focus ahead and not on the past pain,Pick up the broken pieces (not all can be picked but whatever you can, pick) God will seal the gaps.
Eat well,mingle,force a smile,engage in a hobby and live.Do not lock yourself up and hide in a cave.
The world will judge you for sure but sorround yourself with positive people.Listening to other people's trials also helps one not to feel like the world is caving in on them
Take heart cz It will be well.
Wish I could give you a hug but just receive it online.

Psalm23, this is blendy77, I honestly don't know what to say. I haven't been to this family section in a long while so was really shocked to see this today. When you said you won't be posting on the ivf section in a long while, I generally assumed its because you won't be doing any procedures this period. My sister, its really sad to read this but it is well. Are u still in the US and Can I call u through ur mobile line? Pls reply via email. It is well!

chaircover: Pslm23 has asked me to update the thread as she knows that a lot of people want to know how she is faring

She says thank you to everyone who have her in their thoughts and prayers and for the love and encouragement she has received in this thread. She was moved by the overwhelming support from people and that she is getting stronger on a daily basis and says that she will come back and update the thread herself very soon.

please continue keep her in your thoughts and prayers

She should take her time, I understand she's going through a lot. But she should pls let us know that she is well at some point. Thanks for the update though @chaircover.
Sending Pslm23 loads of e-hugs!!

gentlegg:

Well you guys are entitled to your opinion, but as far as am concerned, NO MARRIAGE IS IRREPARABLE. Believe it or not, Divorce is not a solution to any marital problem.

dear sweet lawd