A tad bit of history; Here yhu said this;...

Efemena_xy: @ poster, to answer your question, NO.

No, I can't and won't live my mother-in-law or any other in-law for that matter.

Even if the only accommodation I and my hubby i.e we both can afford, is a thatched shack under a tree in the middle of nowhere, then so be it.

Hand in hand, we'll ride the rough times together. That's my understanding of for better for worse.

To which I replied with this;...

nitlad: That yhur understanding has a very strong tendency of inclining towards a 'ME AND MY HUSBAND ALONE' philosophy which isn't very healthy.

Here, I pointed out that yhur somewhat warped understanding of "for better for worse" tends to be selfish, (except yhu want to argue selfishness is a healthy trait) which yhu didnt even bat an eyelid about! Rather yhu inquired to know why its not ok to live by the philosophy ME AND MY HUSBAND ALONE.

Efemena_xy:

Really? Pray, do tell me what's unhealthy about it?

'Twas then that I sought to know if yhu actually realise the details of the picture yhur painting when I asked;

nitlad: Yhu do realise what yhur saying implies that the ONE and ONLY person yhur husband should care about is yhu and vice-versa and any other person should go and rot in hell?

Efemena_xy: ^^ Really?

And where EXACTLY did I state that?

Go read through my post again. slowly this time. Then maybe, just maybe you'll comprehend it better without having to make silly inferences.

Yhu might not have and really dont have to literarily state something before it becomes apparent to discerning eyes and minds. While yhu stopped short of expressly stating what I noted, yhur posts have been riddled with innuendoes that are strongly suggestive of such.

nitlad: A tad bit of history; Here yhu said this;... To which I replied with this;...

I know exactly what I wrote, and in response to what. I don't need you to reiterate that for me thanks. What you need to do is to explain the basis of your accusation.

nitlad: Here, I pointed out that yhur somewhat warped understanding of "for better for worse" tends to be selfish, (except yhu want to argue selfishness is a healthy trait) which yhu didnt even bat an eyelid about! Rather yhu inquired to know why its not ok to live by the philosophy ME AND MY HUSBAND ALONE.

Now this is really getting interesting.

Tell me - What is your understanding of the idiom and phrase: for better for worse? Hmmm?

I'll tell you what it means to me. Infact, I'll break it down into smaller, bite-sized, easily digestable chunks so you'll comprehend better.

~ For Better For Worse is part of the marriage vow "... for better or for worse . . . in plenty and in want . . . in joy and in sorrow . . .in sickness and in health . . . as long as we both shall live....” A COMMITMENT made in that moment in time, standing before God, with God and other witnesses listening! I don't remember either of us including our in-laws in those vows. So how is our upholding that commitment to each other selfish, unhealthy and wrapped??

~ I don't know about you, but for me, the vow For Better For Worse isn't just empty words of tradition. It represents a genuine promise of commitment to my spouse and NOT to my / our inlaws. I believe the longevity and quality of my marriage depends upon it! So please enlighten me on how upholding our vows is selfish, unhealthy and wrapped??

~ Are you even married? I doubt you if you are. Now answer these:

[size=18pt].[/size]Who’s the first person you share good news with?
[size=18pt].[/size]Who’s the first person you go to for comfort in bad times?

If you’re married, I seriously hope you said your spouse. Because that’s what he or she is there for – “for better or for worse.” That little phrase in the wedding vows means that through good times and bad times, you promise to stay by your spouse, no matter what. So if my hubby can afford little else other than a thatched shack built my some Mallam in the middle of nowhere - you bet your bottom I'll pack my bags, frying pans, cooking pots, etc and pitch with him there. So how is standing steadfastly by my man selfish, unhealthy and wrapped??

~ Who do I sleep with every night? My hubby, not my inlaws. Whose there to attend to my needs when I get all freaky and frisky?? My hubby, not my inlaws. Whom do I cook for every day? Share intellectual stuff with? My hubby, not my inlaws. Whose kids did I have to push out?? My hubby's, not my inlaws'. The list goes on. I don't know about you but maybe polygamy / living under the same roof with your extended family rocks your boat. It certainly doesn't do it for me.

nitlad: 'Twas then that I sought to know if yhu actually realise the details of the picture yhur painting when I asked; Yhu might not have and really dont have to literarily state something before it becomes apparent to discerning eyes and minds. While yhu stopped short of expressly stating what I noted, yhur posts have been riddled with innuendoes that are strongly suggestive of such.

Based on your write-up, I seriously doubt you have any of the bolded qualities. Everything I've written has been expressed in simple, yet direct terms. There is nothing ambigious or subjective about my posts. Your desire to read between non-existent lines only goes to further prove you really, really do need to up your comprehensive skills.

And I mean this in a nice way.

By the way, what's with the yhu, you keep typing??!! It's the same three letter word as you and isn't that hard to type!!

i can live with my parents.

the thing is when your parents consider

that their own parents didn't disturb them,

they wont give you and your husband or wife any problems

Efemena_xy:

I know exactly what I wrote, and in response to what. I don't need you to reiterate that for me thanks. What you need to do is to explain the basis of your accusation.




Now this is really getting interesting.

Tell me - What is your understanding of the idiom and phrase: for better for worse? Hmmm?

I'll tell you what it means to me. Infact, I'll break it down into smaller, bite-sized, easily digestable chunks so you'll comprehend better.

~ For Better For Worse is part of the marriage vow "... for better or for worse . . . in plenty and in want . . . in joy and in sorrow . . .in sickness and in health . . . as long as we both shall live....” A COMMITMENT made in that moment in time, standing before God, with God and other witnesses listening! I don't remember either of us including our in-laws in those vows. So how is our upholding that commitment to each other selfish, unhealthy and wrapped??

~ I don't know about you, but for me, the vow For Better For Worse isn't just empty words of tradition. It represents a genuine promise of commitment to my spouse and NOT to my / our inlaws. I believe the longevity and quality of my marriage depends upon it! So please enlighten me on how upholding our vows is selfish, unhealthy and wrapped??

~ Are you even married? I doubt you if you are. Now answer these:

[size=18pt].[/size]Who’s the first person you share good news with?
[size=18pt].[/size]Who’s the first person you go to for comfort in bad times?

If you’re married, I seriously hope you said your spouse. Because that’s what he or she is there for – “for better or for worse.” That little phrase in the wedding vows means that through good times and bad times, you promise to stay by your spouse, no matter what. So if my hubby can afford little else other than a thatched shack built my some Mallam in the middle of nowhere - you bet your bottom I'll pack my bags, frying pans, cooking pots, etc and pitch with him there. So how is standing steadfastly by my man selfish, unhealthy and wrapped??

~ Who do I sleep with every night? My hubby, not my inlaws. Whose there to attend to my needs when I get all freaky and frisky?? My hubby, not my inlaws. Whom do I cook for every day? Share intellectual stuff with? My hubby, not my inlaws. Whose kids did I have to push out?? My hubby's, not my inlaws'. The list goes on. I don't know about you but maybe polygamy / living under the same roof with your extended family rocks your boat. It certainly doesn't do it for me.



Based on your write-up, I seriously doubt you have any of the bolded qualities. Everything I've written has been expressed in simple, yet direct terms. There is nothing ambigious or subjective about my posts. Your desire to read between non-existent lines only goes to further prove you really, really do need to up your comprehensive skills.

And I mean this in a nice way.

By the way, what's with the yhu, you keep typing??!! It's the same three letter word as you and isn't that hard to type!!

Trust me I perfectly understand the marital vows way more than yhu think I do and even probably more than yhu do yhurself...
This much I'd say to yhu, cos yhu keep going on bout this yhu and yhur hubby ish; Commitment to marital vows/marriage doesn't mean or say yhu shouldnt be RESPONSIBLE to other people. Thanks.


About the 'yhu', its not like I'm drafting some M.O.U. between myself and some corporation or country that I have to be all formalities. And its mur like an internet signature thing with me lol.

^^ And what has responsibility to other people got to do with commitment to my matrimonial vows?

Or better still, how do you equate responsibility to other people with living with your mother-in-law? Does living with your mother-in-law make you a more responsible individual? I don't think so. If anything, it shows that you're incapable of standing independently on your own two feet. It also potrays you as a person unable / unwilling to "cut the apron string and fly the nest".

Let's also throw in a bit of religion here (assuming you're a Christian?) Does the good book not very clearly state that "... A man shall leave his home / parents and be cleaved with his wife..."? So what exactly is your point??

My very first post on this thread was in direct response to the question asked by the thread starter: Can you live with your mother-in-law?
And my answer to that is an emphatic NO, for the reasons I've already given you.

I'm still waiting for you to enlighten me on how upholding the sacred promise "for better for worse" is Unhealthy, Selfish and Wrapped.

And what's wrong with "going on about I and my hubby ish?" Do you have a problem with it? Or am I meant to be ashamed of him or something? If I have to blow my trumpet about him / us from the rooftops, then I will. So just deal with it!

Shikena!

Efemena_xy: ^^ And what has responsibility to other people got to do with commitment to my matrimonial vows?

Or better still, how do you equate responsibility to other people with living with your mother-in-law? Does living with your mother-in-law make you a more responsible individual? I don't think so. If anything, it shows that you're incapable of standing independently on your own two feet. It also potrays you as a person unable / unwilling to "cut the apron string and fly the nest".

Let's also throw in a bit of religion here (assuming you're a Christian?) Does the good book not very clearly state that "... A man shall leave his home / parents and be cleaved with his wife..."? So what exactly is your point??

My very first post on this thread was in direct response to the question asked by the thread starter: Can you live with your mother-in-law?
And my answer to that is an emphatic NO, for the reasons I've already given you.

I'm still waiting for you to enlighten me on how upholding the sacred promise "for better for worse" is Unhealthy, Selfish and Wrapped.

And what's wrong with "going on about I and my hubby ish?" Do you have a problem with it? Or am I meant to be ashamed of him or something? If I have to blow my trumpet about him / us from the rooftops, then I will. So just deal with it!

Shikena!

Eh... Arising from the fore-going, I think its safe to say yhu do not understand anything I've posted so far. Do yhu now see the need for me to chronicle our posts and exchanges on this thread like I did earlier?
Yhu would do us both a lot of favour if yhu went through my posts again painstakingly and get the point of my argument.

^^ Oh yeah?

Reiterating or repeatedly quoting my posts does not answer my questions, nor does it exempt you from having to defend your claims, whatever you think they are.

Your arguments so far are pointless, your accusations baseless and your claims are illogical. Trying to shift the goal posts, re: responsibility = commitment = living with inlaws, actually throws you in poor light and further proves you are yet to discern the difference between a factual argument and an emotional argument.

You most definitely base your arguments on emotion, no matter how baseless they are. Do yourself a favour by comprehending first before getting into arguments "on the fly".

There really is no shame in asking for clarification if you don't understand something. Now, I'm not going to waste anymore of my precious time arguing with you. BUT, to make you feel better, and more of a man, I'll let you have the last word on this. Thanks.

^^^^^
Whoa!... I thought the least yhu could do was to at least try and understand me. But seeing yhu wouldnt even try or make an endeavour, I just have to let it slide.
Whatever works for yhu Ma'am. The floor is all yhurs.

I ve been in ur shoes. D mil myt be outwardly nice but behind closed doors, will be coaching ur hubby wrongly. Just be very prayerful.

You did nothing wrong my dear. I believe in a healthy dialogue btw couples. Call your husband and talk to him. Don't see it as your right that he helps out in the kitchen.

Flakeey:
My family stays in the same building with my mother-in-law but different flat…
Due to expensive house rent in Lagos, mother-in-law advised that we moved in to the vacant flat and from there we can plan how to start something on our own land instead of wasting money on house rent. Despite all advise from friends and family not to stay in the same building with my in-laws I turned deaf ears to them and assured them my mother-in-law is a very nice woman, I shouldn’t have any problem with her and moreover, we won’t be staying in the same flat.

To be candid, I don’t have any problem with my in-laws but the problem is my hubby.
After we moved in, he gradually stopped doing some things he normally did before, like helping me with domestic chores, taking a walk with me in the evening during weekends. He helped with cooking anytime he gets home from work early but now, it has stopped…he would be in his mother’s flat waiting for me to come and do the cooking. I asked him twice why he doesn’t cook anymore whenever he comes home earlier than I do, he told me he has spoilt me and he wouldn’t want that to go on. We started arguing where we raised voices at each other and lots more.

Now, any little misunderstanding between us, he would stop eating my food and eat from his mother’s, sometimes he would even abandon me in our flat to play and be with his family.

My questions:
1. Am I wrong to have supported my hubby in staying with my mother-in-law?
2. Can you live in the same building with your mother-in-law or can you and your wife live with your parent?
3. in this kind of situation, what can/should I do?

Pls I need your advice

To answer your questions;
I will not stay in the same building with my mother inlaw as we both in love with the same man does not matter if she is nice or not.If it is half room we can afford i would rather be there let’s manage our lives together according to our pockets.
I got married very early and in all these years my husband cannot cook to save his life but is happy to take his plates to the kitchen and do bits around the house even without being asked.

If your husband has decided not to cook anymore then you do the cooking.”when he said he has spoilt you by doing the cooking”I can’t help but think that someone has said this to him.

If he does not do the cooking or domestic chores anymore that is okay ,you do it at your pace.But let him know you miss taking walks with him and you enjoyed it.

To raise voices never solved anything ,as at that point you are both fired by adrenaline and say hurtful things you don’t mean and cannot take back.

All you are experiencing is teething problems and it will pay,you will learn to pick your battles wisely and discover not everything is an issue.

Treat your man like a King and you will enjoy your marriage.

No big deal but NOOO