...

Let me borrow MrJaybrowns 3 Cs; You didn't Cause it, You don't have the power to control it and you can't change it.
It hurts a lot, but first step, realise that it wasn't your fault. You didn't fail in anyway and "push" him to cheat. Whatever problem you had could have been worked out.
Secondly recognise that you can't change or erase what happened, you have to live with it
Third step, you didn't catch him, he confessed because he knew he made a mistake and is willing to stop and focus on your marriage.its hard to forgive and I know people expect you to "just get over it" but trust betrayed is hard to get back.
My advice is first stop blaming yourself, stop seeking for answers, it happened, if you are willing to let go then start with his help to rebuild love and trust. See why I have a problem with women who do things solely for the benefit of the man, if you had gotten the implants because you felt like it and not because you wanted to please him you wouldn't feel as bad as you do now.
People make mistakes, but when they are mature enough to own up and seek for a way forward I say they deserve a chance, you also hurt God everyday but God still causes sun and rain to fall on you, don't be like the servant whose debt was forgiven yet put his own debtors in jail for less.
Where I would have had a problem was if he was an unrepentant cheat but he is not, please pray to God for Grace and a forgiving spirit, its hard but its possible, also don't suppress your emotions, if you need to lash out, go somewhere quiet and lash out, if you need to cry go and cry. What you are doing is avoiding your emotions, you are scared of reacting so you won't do something that will aggregative the issue.
But when you react, if you are like me then the issue is over and done with and you can start rebuilding your relationship.
Best wishes

debrief08: Let me borrow MrJaybrowns 3 Cs; You didn't Cause it, You don't have the power to control it and you can't change it.


It hurts a lot, but first step, realise that it wasn't your fault. You didn't fail in anyway and "push" him to cheat. Whatever problem you had could have been worked out.


Secondly recognise that you can't change or erase what happened, you have to live with it


Third step, you didn't catch him, he confessed because he knew he made a mistake and is willing to stop and focus on your marriage.its hard to forgive and I know people expect you to "just get over it" but trust betrayed is hard to get back.
My advice is first stop blaming yourself, stop seeking for answers, it happened, if you are willing to let go then start with his help to rebuild love and trust. See why I have a problem with women who do things solely for the benefit of the man, if you had gotten the implants because you felt like it and not because you wanted to please him you wouldn't feel as bad as you do now.
People make mistakes, but when they are mature enough to own up and seek for a way forward a say they deserve a chance, you also hurt God everyday but God still causes sun and rain to fall on you, don't be like the servant whose debt was forgiven yet put his own creditors in jail for less.
Where I would have had a problem was if he was an unrepentant cheat but he is not, please pray to God for Grace and a forgiving spirit, its hard but its possible, also don't supress your emotions, if you need to lash out, go somewhere wuiet and lash out, if you need to cry go and cry. What you are doing is avioding your emotions, you are scared of reacting so you won't do something that will aggreviate the issue.
But when you react, if you are like me then the issue is over and done with and you can start rebuilding your relationship.
Best wishes

GBAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



You should forgive him because the fact that he told you is important and you would never have found out if he didnt tell you.Sounds to me like he told you because he was sick of the guilt; not because he felt you deserved to know.He obviously cares enough to be honest with you.


Your husband has confessed because he love's you.I understand how you feel but trust me this man loves you give him a chance again,be better than him and forgive.

you guys should probably go on vacation just to bring back the spark like the old times,create more time for him,keep focusing on his good qualities,and also make yourself more seducing to him.

Shalom

i just hope dis is not another script,anyway, if its actually real, then take to debrief's counsel, she said it all. Also, remember that continuos forgiveness is an essential ingredient in marriage.

As much as I suspect this thread as one that was created to "show the cabalites who preach that they trust their husbands also have troubled marraiges" I will not ignore it because so many people face this same situation and it is a reality so many couples live with.
If this story is true poster like I said earlier, its healthier to stop holding it all in, you are not super woman, you have been hurt, its okay to feel hurt and react, keeping it in will break you down, stop pretending all is well and building resentment. React now, work on your marriage rebuild trust and move on.
I know women are told to expect this and not to react so as not to push him away but I have learnt that is wrong, deal with issues as they come, it helps you avoid anger, bitterness and resentment

Debrief nailed it.
@op you have to forgive yourself and then forgive him...talk it out, cry, throw a fit but don't take too long at shutting him out. Don't even try to numb your feelings...believe it or not but he is also hurting, he made a mistake and had to debate on how to confess because it was probably weighing him down...
So do whatever you need to do, be by yourself for a while to sort -perhaps a little vac- out your feelings but don't take too long because when he is over his guilt and sadness at hurting you, he is probably gonna start to resent your 'saintly' attitude...I hope you understand what I am trying to say...
So, please allow him to do little things for you...because those little thing will build up your foundation of liking, loving and then trusting him again...cheers.

chaircover: Debrief thank you. You have spoken wisely. . . . .and yes if this is another prank of the anticabalites, thank you for opening these threads which discuss the issues that some people are going through in real life but are too shy to open their own threads. So yes You are gong a great job at helping mankind. Eku ishe Oluwa

@ poster I can imagine how you must be feeling right now; the disappointment and the hurt and It makes it even more of a blow to you because it came out of the blue and he has been a good husband and dad up until now and so the shock is even greater.

All i will say in addition to what people have said is that dont rush yourself to get over it. We all react to things differently and we all heal at different times. It best to heal naturally than to force it and still hold resentment.

You have done the right thing which is to go for counseling. Can I ask if it is a professional counselor you went to see or if it is informal counseling?

What you need to do is to also sit your husband down and explain to him that you are going through a natural grieving process and it may take time for you to get over it and he should not rush you. It also helps him to realize the gravity of what has happened and he shouldn't expect you to suddenly snap out of it like yesterday. But reassure him too that you are still committed to the relationship and you will get over it in time.

Take it a day at a time and try and do simple things together as a couple to try and bring the spark back. I am not saying take a big vacation together as this may be counterproductive & you may spend the whole time arguing, but a short date out, go shopping together, do things as a family together etc will help bond again and bring the laughter back in your lives.

When you feel emotionally stronger, you must also both sit down and discuss what it was if any that made him do what he did, so that you can both start closing any gaps in your walls.

Laugh wan kill me here, Our iya they have turned you to an Professional Comedian oh. hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa. No be small thing oh. You are right about not rushing and the big vacation, the cheated person is expected to snap back by that gesture and when hel she doesnt, another wahala.

This section is becoming a joke.

Debrief08 said it all.
In addition please find it in your heart to forgive him totally. Of cause its not easy to forget.Pele dear.
All will be well

I no fall for this one Lai lai

Actually I have adifferent opinion. I think you should divorce your husband. What does he mean!!! The insult. He had the guts to have an affair then come and tell you? Does he think you are a woman who has no self esteem? As the real witches here like Jennykadry aka "iya aje" and "woe is me" debrief08 will tell you, no woman should stand for such nonsense.
Call your husband and make him understand that you are not such a doormat. Even if you don't divorce him at once , you must pack out for at least 6 to 8 months to teach the blighter a lesson. What nonsense, I am really upset at his behavior.

Johndoe100: Actually I have adifferent opinion. I think you should divorce your husband. What does he mean!!! The insult. He had the guts to have an affair then come and tell you? Does he think you ra ea woman who has no self esteem? As the real witches here like Jennykadry aka "iya aje" and "woe is me" debrief08 will tell you, no woman should stand for such nonsense.
Call your husband and make him understand that you are not such a doormat. Even if you don't divorce him at once , you must pack out for at least 6 to 8 months to teach the blighter a lesson. What nonsense, I am really upset at his behavior.

Heheheheee, Just as I thought. Script coming up nicely abi? Lol

I have nothing to do with the OP. just giving her the kind of advise any woman would give her.

debrief08:
Heheheheee, Just as I thought. Script coming up nicely abi? Lol

Johndoe100:

I have nothing to do with the OP. just giving her the kind of advise any woman would give her.

I hear, Script didnt act out as some people planned and they couldnt hold themselves had to come and give what they supposed was the advice "members of the cabal " will give.
Bravo Bravo, Good one

Na wa O. You know what? Let us have a showdown so that this rubbish can stop. Virtually every thread in this section is turned into a slugfest between the perceived Cabal (Who are even beginning to believe in the ish) and their perceived opponents abi na enemies leaving hapless posters confused.

Can't we all just argue our points or present our opinions without reference to some group or the other. It really is becoming irritating.

I am willing to create a thread where you guys can have a go at what you perceive to be the twisted ideology of your perceived opponents and they can respond.

Adeolu60: I am a nl regular but I need to hide my identity to do this, I just went through a very heartbreaking news from my husband on our family vacation this summer that he has been in a relationship for almost a year and he just broke it and now it's over and he wanted to apologize for this.

My jaws dropped and I lost my appetite right away, seriously I am very sad right now,I trusted this guy with all my heart, we are doing very well, we are both proffesionals and most of all we have *children together and he is a very good Dad.

I can't tell my family because they will have no more respect for him especially my siblings of his age, I ve been dealing with this since June and I'm about to burst, I feel numb and depressed everytime and now I stay longer at work doing nothing just to make sure he is in bed before I get home but he is always waiting for me.

we have been to therapy and family councelling but you know I still feel very hurt and unsettled.

I think I have said enough for good readers (especially women)to understand how I feel.

And just so you all know, I am an average good looking proffesional woman with kids,with a very good statistics and I actually just got b.implants(9k), it's not easy going through surgery just cause you want to spice up your sex life.

Anyways my question is: Could a relationship/marriage can ever be stronger again after an Affair? What's next for me?

please this is not a joke, its real, be serious, thank you.

put the incident behind you and increase your husband's diet in fucking! time heals faster than you think. moping about his infidelity is not going to change what has happened!!

maclatunji: I am willing to create a thread where you guys can have a go at what you perceive to be the twisted ideology of your perceived opponents and they can respond.

LMAO. What a saturday

jennykadry:

LMAO. What a saturday

I Swear

jennykadry: I no fall for this one Lai lai

Jenny it's true and it's not a joke, so if you really have something to say then I'll really appreciate that. You know me on this forum and like somebody said I'm the last person to reveal my real user name cos of the way I portrayed my family which was what I thought it was really cos I'll never know he's cheating on me. I almost have a heart attack in Mexico when he told me !

I'm very ashamed of myself, you know that feeling that you failed as a wife?

Adeolu60:

Jenny it's true and it's not a joke, so if you really have something to say then I'll really appreciate that. You know me on this forum and like somebody said I'm the last person to reveal my real user name cos of the way I portrayed my family which was what I thought it was really cos I'll never know he's cheating on me. I almost have a heart attack in Mexico when he told me !

I'm very ashamed of myself, you know that feeling that you failed as a wife?

you didn't fail as a wife - your husband is just more hyper sexual. increase his dosage and all would be well! the fact that he cheated on you does not mean he loves the other woman more than he loves you!

Madam if your story is true then no need to empahasise on your membership you can simply post why the empahasis on who you are? Do you want us to start guessing? Why are you trying so hard to convince us of your membership of the "cabal", you didn't even bother about the advice given to you. The aim of using a new I'd is for privacy why then do you have to keep stating that you are a member and you have potrayed your marriage as perfect. Kai cabal cabal cabal

debrief08: Madam if your story is true then no need to empahasise on your membership you can simply post why the empahasis on who you are? Do you want us to start guessing? Why are you trying so hard to convince us of your membership of the "cabal", you didn't even bother about the advice given to you. The aim of using a new I'd is for privacy why then do you have to keep stating that you are a member and you have potrayed your marriage as perfect. Kai cabal cabal cabal

Any time we post on any thread in this section, we risk wasting our time, giving advice to someone who doesn't need it because the story they have posted is not theirs and so on. However, we do so because we realise that somebody else reading might benefit from it, even we can benefit from the discussion.

Hence, I think we should de-emphasise this question of "if your story is true?".

chaircover: Debrief thank you. You have spoken wisely. . . . .and yes if this is another prank of the anticabalites, thank you for opening these threads which discuss the issues that some people are going through in real life but are too shy to open their own threads. So yes You are gong a great job at helping mankind. Eku ishe Oluwa

@ poster I can imagine how you must be feeling right now; the disappointment and the hurt and It makes it even more of a blow to you because it came out of the blue and he has been a good husband and dad up until now and so the shock is even greater.

All i will say in addition to what people have said is that dont rush yourself to get over it. We all react to things differently and we all heal at different times. It best to heal naturally than to force it and still hold resentment.

You have done the right thing which is to go for counseling. Can I ask if it is a professional counselor you went to see or if it is informal counseling?

What you need to do is to also sit your husband down and explain to him that you are going through a natural grieving process and it may take time for you to get over it and he should not rush you. It also helps him to realize the gravity of what has happened and he shouldn't expect you to suddenly snap out of it like yesterday. But reassure him too that you are still committed to the relationship and you will get over it in time.

Take it a day at a time and try and do simple things together as a couple to try and bring the spark back. I am not saying take a big vacation together as this may be counterproductive & you may spend the whole time arguing, but a short date out, go shopping together, do things as a family together etc will help bond again and bring the laughter back in your lives.

When you feel emotionally stronger, you must also both sit down and discuss what it was if any that made him do what he did, so that you can both start closing any gaps in your walls.

Thank you cc and yes we went for I think 7 sessions of therapy with a registered phycologist. And this is not a script or something, it's part of my life that I'm not very proud of.

And yes I told him it will take a while for me to get back to normal cos he is like a stranger to me right now, ohh I just can't stand him esp when he talks sometimes, I know it's harsh but he always plays this role of mr perfect anytime we talk about infidelities.

We go out once a week for coffee/ ice cream just to talk and have alone time(as per professional advice) but half of the time we argue and just go back home early to jack janiels on the rocks(scotch on the rocks).

I really just need a third party advice, and i think this place is the only place I'll get answers (just have to be smart about whose to follow).

my best friend is white and the first thing she said was just leave him, he's a jerk! And I can't tell my family cos they thought we have the perfect marriage and always use me as an example for my sister.

and the last time I called my Daddy and told him about my hubby's late nights ( that was last year) you know what he said? Just leave him be and take care of your children, boys will be boys, I just said ok Dad and since then I never told him bad stuff about my family.

And thank you for all your advice and suggestions, I'm trying my very best to make this work. It means so much to me.

maclatunji:

Any time we post on any thread in this section, we risk wasting our time, giving advice to someone who doesn't need it because the story they have posted is not theirs and so on. However, we do so because we realise that somebody else reading might benefit from it, even we can benefit from the discussion.

Hence, I think we should de-emphasise this question of "if your story is true?".

Thank you Tunji, I appreciate that, I don't know what Debrief want me to say really, is this situation worth me jumping up and down?

coogar:

put the incident behind you and increase your husband's diet in fucking! time heals faster than you think. moping about his infidelity is not going to change what has happened!!

You'd think cooger, if that really makes men stay with their wives , my hubby wouldn't have done this, he have the best sex life ever!

I even used my bonus for b. implants to make things hotter, mehh ,

and I didn't just got them cos of him(as per debrief) ,
I've always wanted a mommy makeover when I'm done having kids and I did.

Adeolu60:

Thank you cc and yes we went for I think 7 sessions of therapy with a registered phycologist. And this is not a script or something, it's part of my life that I'm not very proud of.

And yes I told him it will take a while for me to get back to normal cos he is like a stranger to me right now, ohh I just can't stand him esp when he talks sometimes, I know it's harsh but he always plays this role of mr perfect anytime we talk about infidelities.

We go out once a week for coffee/ ice cream just to talk and have alone time(as per professional advice) but half of the time we argue and just go back home early to jack janiels on the rocks(scotch on the rocks).

I really just need a third party advice, and i think this place is the only place I'll get answers (just have to be smart about whose to follow).

my best friend is white and the first thing she said was just leave him, he's a jerk! And I can't tell my family cos they thought we have the perfect marriage and always use me as an example for my sister.

and the last time I called my Daddy and told him about my hubby's late nights ( that was last year) you know what he said? Just leave him be and take care of your children, boys will be boys, I just said ok Dad and since then I never told him bad stuff about my family.

And thank you for all your advice and suggestions, I'm trying my very best to make this work. It means so much to me.

To be honest, I cannot stand cheating and don't know how to advise anybody to take it. However, I also know that it is not exactly pragmatic that you should just walk out of your marriage. So, I guess the solution lies somewhere in-between.

Let your husband know that things cannot exactly be the same again and demand that he tells you why he cheated and why he is confessing now.

Allow him to try and make amends if he is truly remorseful. If he isn't, prepare for the worst.

Breast implants? Dammit!! You should have got butt injection - big batty is winning right now, I tell ya...

Topic:

- Take a break..
- Get back to normal life..
- Heal your heart and soul..
- Forgive and forget..
- Have a heart to heart conversation with him..
- And build your relationship back up from the scratch..

The 'devil' you know is better than the 'angel' you don't know(that's if you truly love this guy) - it's safer to be with him... And this would only make the relationship and love stronger..

Life is short..

debrief08: As much as I suspect this thread as one that was created to "show the cabalites who preach that they trust their husbands also have troubled marraiges" I will not ignore it because so many people face this same situation and it is a reality so many couples live with.
If this story is true poster like I said earlier, its healthier to stop holding it all in, you are not super woman, you have been hurt, its okay to feel hurt and react, keeping it in will break you down, stop pretending all is well and building resentment. React now, work on your marriage rebuild trust and move on.
I know women are told to expect this and not to react so as not to push him away but I have learnt that is wrong, deal with issues as they come, it helps you avoid anger, bitterness and resentment

Yeah Debrief and that's why I honestly came on here to talk and not make fun of myself in front of family and friends cos the last thing I need right now is adding salt to my injury and you know how story travel,

I also don't want anybody to insult him cos if this situation ever go away they will still be rude to him one way or the other and you know what I mean .

But the thing about venting you explained to me is just that everytime I talk about it, it makes him very uncomfortable and he says maybe telling me is not a good idea, it's a repeated thing and it has come to a stage that I have to keep my emotions in and work it out myself,

I'm back for my therapy (solely) cos I've had self esteem issues since I was young and I hope I get back to where I was before this situation threw me back to square one.

And I have kids that constantly needs my attention too, it's just too much!

But thank you for your advice, thank you.

shymexx: Breast implants? Dammit!! You should have got butt injection - big batty is winning right now, I tell ya...

Topic:

- Take a break..
- Get back to normal life..
- Heal your heart and soul..
- Forgive and forget..
- Have a heart to heart conversation with him..
- And build your relationship back up from the scratch..

The 'devil' you know is better than the 'angel' you don't know(that's if you truly love this guy) - it's safer to be with him... And this would only make the relationship and love stronger..

Life is short..

Ohh, those are even more expensive and besides I have a moderate size do I don't need them! The top ones are the ones that needed a makeover and can't go back to the way it was cos breast feeding for over 2yrs is no joke!

I'm tring to do those 6 steps one at a time and hopefully we'll get there, cos I am still attracted to him and that's what he said too and I'm not ready to date all over again and make my kids miserable cos that's exactly what I went through , money & gifts don't buy love for kids.

And you're right about the devil quote, and life's too short.

Thank you.

I know who this OP is but ayam not telling.