ALIGA P.A.:
Wow! Seun you make me laugh laugh,, Read this,

A 3 year old boy was asked by his uncle to make a sentence. The boy immediately noticed a dog passing by and said, "uncle, this is a dog!". surprised, the uncle smiled and said, "That's good my boy. Now make a long sentence". And the boy smiled and said, "uncle, it is simple na, This is a dog ooooooooooooooooo!"

You guys made me laff so much, tanx.


@ aligapa.

Funny guys
Lol

Stella Obasanjo Died and went to heaven, she entered a room where she saw several clocks
she asked Angel Gabriel what the clocks stand for, Angel Gabriel replied and said each clock
represent a soul, when a soul lies it ticks,
She saw a clock that has never ticked and asked who owns it
Oh, That Bishop Samuel Ajayi Crowthers clocked, He never lied during his stay on earth answered the angel
and who owns this clock she asked again, that Sir Tafawa Balewa's clock it ticked once meaning he lied
once during his lifetime answered the angel, and this she asked again whose clock is this,
Thats Sir Nnamdi Azikiwe's Clock
it ticked twice meaning he lied twice, wow! she exclaimed
But pls where is my Husband Clock, General Olusegun Obasanjo Clock
oh, replied the Angel, His clock is in Jesus Office
He is using it as a Ceiling Fan

;d ;d ;d ;d ;d

Noah And Nigeria Government!!!!
One day the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "I will give you six months to build Me an Ark. At the end of six months I will send rain fall to cover the entire earth and destroy all bad people. However, I want to save a few good people, and the animals, two of every kind. So I am ordering you to build an Ark for Me," said the Lord.

And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark. "No problem," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain" thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping.

And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.

"Oga, a beg make you forgive me," begged Noah. "I don try - ah! ah!. De trouble were my eye see no be small, I swear. Dem tell me say I need certificate of occupancy before I go kuku build de Ark. I don waka Ministry of Works so tey I tire. Then, I come see say na money dem want, and I carry all de money wey I get gif dem. Na im dem tell me say make I add extra windows for "cross ventilation", and make I divide de toilet from de bath, so that if I de go toilet, another person fit de bath.

Anyway, I pay one engineer so, make im modify de plans for me. So, after I don finish dat one, I come go for forest to go get wood. Dem tell me say I no fit cut wood without permit from Forestry people. Anyway, I go see de forestry people dem and dem say I fit go cut de wood. When I reach de village now, dem no gree make I cut wood. Dem say I must gif dem their share - because na so one big man come from town come cut all de wood for here before for export, and he no pay dem compensation. Na waoh! and me think say government no de gree us export wood. Finally, as dem wan fight me, I quickly settle de village chief, and dem com gree say make I take de wood. Before I go carry de wood reach my house, na so so wahala for road. I settle police, I settle soldier, I settle customs, I settle immigration, I settle tax man, I settle local government, then when I don reach my house now, de truck driver and him boys say if I no settle dem, dem no go help me offload de wood. As I start to build de ark now, na im task force people come mark 'X' for de ark, say I no suppose to build de ark for dis place. Dem ask me say whether I no no say "environmental sanitation decree" no de allow dis kind thing for inside town.

Anyway I think say na my neighbor na im call dem, de man de jealous me well well. Wetin I go do, I settle dem too. "As I say make I kuku hurry finish de ark, na im de carpenters where de help me come talk say dem no go work again unless gif dem extra money. Me sef I surprise wen dem tell me say de here say na big government contract where I de do and plenty money dey inside. To cut long story, I settle dem too. Anyway, people plenty now wey de build de Ark, apprentice full ground.

As I begin to gather de animal dem, I come jam another trouble. De"404" people dem no want make I take their dogs, dem say na delicacy. Bushmeat and fowl people no gree me. Even de people wey de chop "isi ewu" come vex with me. Dem ask me whether I no no say meat don too cost these days, where I wan carry de small meat where dey ground. So, I wan tell you now say, I no fit find dog, fowl, goat, or bush meat, and infact I just manage get cow, as one mallam don nearly dagger me when I want take de cow dem."

"One day as I de build de ark now, na im NDLEA come arrest me carry me go prison for questioning. Dem talk say, dem hear say I wan carry de Ark smuggle cocaine & indian hemp to America. Later, sha dem come find say no be me dem de look for, so dem release me. I never even reach home, when SSS come arrest me for further questioning, say dem here say I be NADECO, and I wan carry de Ark go smuggle guns and bombs to come overthrow Naija government. Anyway, I come convince dem say I no know wetin be NADECO, dem release but tell me make I de report to force headquarters every day.

As I de gather de animal dem, na im FEPA come send me letter say I never gif dem environmental impact assessment for de animal shit where I go throway and de flood where You wan send. I tell dem say na You wan send flood cover de whole world. Dem no happy at all! Dem tell me say nobody fit do dat kind ting without permission from dem. Anyway, as de chief engineer say makeI show am de place where de flood go start, I give am map of de world, he no satisfy, so I settle am too."

"As you see me de cry so, na because ee dey like say dis wahala no de finish. De local government chairman where my house dey come call me tribalistic. Him talk say almost all de carpenters and labourers wey de work for me come from my village. Him talk say I must gif work to some of de town boys. I tell am make he send them, him no gree. Everyday him go send "area boys" to come cause wahala for me. Dem wan spoil de small part of de ark where I don build so. Dem no dey gree us work again. Every day where dem come here I must gif dem money otherwise, dem wan scatter de Ark. Oga Lord, I tell you, I don tire, even sef de other day, tax collector come, come say I never pay tax, say dem wan arrest me. I tell dem say I don pay tax last year, dem tell me say dis year I must pay de tax in advance, so I don kuku spend all de money where I get for settling. "Make I tell you de truth, I no think say I go fit finish dis your Ark sef, even if you gif me five years."

Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean say you no go send flood take destroy de earth?" Noah asked, hopefully.

"Wrong!" thundered the Lord. "But being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the Earth, but with something far worse than a Flood. Something Man invented himself."

"Wetin be dat?" asked Noah.

There was a long pause, and then the Lord spaketh his Last Word, "Government.

Please find out time to read this long but educating joke.
Omo Naija.
A Nigerian and an American were traveling on a Lufthansa Jet to New York and the both was seated side by side on the plane.
The Nigerian wanted to catch some winks considering the distance of the flight but the American interrupted his nap and came up with this brain-teasing idea which the Nigerian objected initially but later budged.
The idea is this: If I ask you a question and you didn’t answer correctly, you will give me $50,while if you ask me and I didn’t answer correctly, I’ll give you $500.
The Nigerian obliged and the American asked: What is the distance b/w heaven and earth?
Nigerian: I don’t know, he gave him $50 and the American told him the answer.
Now is the Nigerian’s turn and he asked thus:
Nigerian: What goes up a hill with two legs and comes down with three legs?
American: Wait a minute, he brought out his laptop and started surfing the net for over twenty minutes searching for the answer but all these still without an answer. He now gave the Nigerian $500 and asked the Nigerian for the answer,
The Nigerian said that he doesn’t know the answer and gave the American $50.
Now the turn of the Nigerian, the American quitted confessing that the Nigerian is trickily intelligent.
The Nigerian told him that he is an OMO NAIJA.

A student of UNIBEN about to read his book, grabbed a coin, Flipped it in the air & said,
“Head, I go to sleep.”
Tail, I watch a movie.
If it stands on the edge I’ll study

It takes 15 trees to
produce the amount
of paper that we
use to write one exam.
join us in promoting the noble
cause of saving trees.
SAY NO TO EXAMS.

How 2 spend 3hrs in exam hall?
(2pm to 5pm)
2:00- 2:10 write d reg. no.& sub code
2:10-2:40 read carefully d instruction given
2:40-3:40 read d question paper twice
3:40-4:15 see if you understand any question
4:15-4:20 ask 4 water & drink
4:20-4:50 check whether U’ve filled all d details carefully
#Last 10 minutes relax.

A Teacher of Jss 111 class in Ugbo-orimiri Secondary school,Ikot-Ekpene in Akwa Ibom State,asked one of his students this question:
Teacher: If it takes three men five days to clear a small bush in a plot of Land,how many days will it take five men.
Student: (In pidgin English) Aunty,if three men don cut the grass,the five men wey you talk go come pack am,then burn am and this go take them one day.Aunty,how five men go begin cut grass when those three men don cut am finish,Aunty,check well unless say na for another land.Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hope: Yesterday as we were going to opebi, getting to Allen junction we saw Baba suwe shotting a film .we stop and look suddenly one of the girl say hey heylook over there they are shotting another film we ran over there only to to see two area boys fighting with a okoda rider i didnt wait for anybody to tell me to run for my life b/cos the film has just begin.

?

Three men brought their pregnant wives into the hospital for delivery. The three men sat at the paitent ward waiting when a nurse came in after 30minutes of panicking. She said "who is Mr. Peters dat works 4 three crown milk industry".
Mr. Peters stood up & identified himself. The nurse then said "congratulation, ur wife just put to bed a three bouncing baby boys".
30 minutes later again, the nurse came back & asked "who is Mr. Paul dat works for 7up company". Mr. Paul stood up & identified himself. Congratulation sir, ur wife hav just put 2 bed seven bouncing baby boys!
When the 3rd man, who's name is Mr.Timoty noticed wat was happening, he ran away! Do u know why??
Becus, Mr.Timoty worked for 33lager Beer.

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A wife suspected her husband for having sex with their maid, so she set a trap for the husband by sending the maid to village for weekend without telling her husband. At night, the husband told his usual story 'darling, i want to go and watch wrestling match in the sitting room.' he left. the wife silently went to the maid's room lying on the bed naked with no light, he opened the door, joined her on the bed without wasting time and without a word, he had sex with her, after the fifth round she said 'it is enough, i catch you, so this is how you used to have sex with her, you will do two rounds telling me you are tired. five rounds now, you are still demanding for more.The gateman replied. "'sorry madam na me ibro i don't know you are the one.

[quote
author=dayojong]A chinese man and his newly wedded, pretty chinese wife
moved over to Nigeria to have a taste of Africa. After a while, the
wife got pregnant and finally gave birth to a black baby! The chinese
man named the baby...''SUM TIN WONG'' [/quote] lol lol lol

yup ....

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baddoentworld:
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