jhydebaba: You don't need to get out of domestic violence, its for better for worse sister.

Mrs.Chima:


Me or my friend

jhydebaba:
Both

Mrs.Chima:


Why would I be in an abusive relationship encouraging someone else to get out

Are you on your period?

jhydebaba: You don't need to get out of domestic violence, its for better for worse sister.

Mrs.Chima:
Have you ever been in a domestic violence relationship and if so, how did you remove yourself from it?

Mrs.Chima:
Have you ever helped someone remove themselves from an abusive relationship?

Mrs.Chima:
What are your thoughts on domestic violence in marriage or dating?

Mrs.Chima:
I have recently encouraged a friend of mine to leave her abusive partner because she would always cover herself with make up and hoodies.

Mrs.Chima:
I told my husband about this situation and he suggested that I remove myself from the equation and we got into an argument because I felt like he was supporting the abuser.

Mrs.Chima:
My husband said that he does not want his wife involve in something that has nothing to do with me and he will hurt a mofo if harm come my way.

Mrs.Chima:
In some way, I am touched but still mad at him because I feel like if it was his sisters or mother ...he would be like Boko Haram with atomic bombs. Why is it when it is someone that is not family...men will turn their heads?

Mrs.Chima:
My friend won't press charges and I am afraid for her children.

Mrs.Chima:
She has two girls and one boy. She shared with me that her son is imitating the abuser by threatening to kill her and she need to sleep with one eye open. That bothers me because I know if she doesn't get out...she will be in a body bag.

Mrs.Chima:
I have successfully helped women get out of abusive relationship because their families were involved but she has not family that live in our region. She moved from her hometown to be with her partner and I was introduced to her by a survivor. This is exactly what she looks like and it is no lie.

Mrs.Chima:
How can a woman or man get out of an abusive relationship and do you think it is easy to do so even with a sure way out?

Long One: ^^^I’m curious, what was it you did, a butt job perhaps?

Mynd_44: I dont get why some women will stay with an abusive woman. Its something I am desperately trying to understand

CrazyMan:
Nope I've never been in any.


Emm...not really.


From my thoughts and views...I feel domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only...to gain and maintain total control over you.


Well...you did the right thing (by asking her to leave), I mean...you cannot allow a spouse to treat you poorly, or you’ll wind up hating yourself, your mate, your relationship and your life.  Since your husband is unlikely to change his behavior without being forced into it, it’s going to be up to you to enforce changes in your marriage. 


If your husband asks you to refrain yourself from that subject, then obey him and avoid bringing it up so peace can reign in your home.


He's right you know...what happens in their home is actually none of your business.


Note the bolded...some men just prefer to stay away from other people's territories. They hate engaging themselves in battles that have nothing to do with them or their loved ones. I won't blame him for that.

If you feel much concern for her, then you can report the matter to the authorities (police, court etc)


Are you sure you've convinced her enough? She has been assaulted physically and according to the law, she definitely deserves justice.

Her children is not the issue here...the issue is that she deserves the right to a happy life, she deserves peace of mind...that which her husband has denied her of. So I feel it would be proper if she takes legal action against him.

If she's a christian, she can take the case to God, but in the mean time she must rise up and fight for her right as a woman.


I thought you said you advised her to leave the house for a while?

Don't tell me she's still in that house.


I couldn't actually comprehend your statement here...but from the look of things, it seems you're her hero. I'm sure she would forever be grateful to you.


Well...there're many ways, she can decide to pack her things and leave if her partner is a threat to her life.

She can go for counseling. Counseling therapy has been proven over the decades to be a way to help the situation...but most couples refuse the counseling method. They refuse outside help thinking they can work it out or iron their own differences out. Maybe they're ashamed to tell people (their friends and families) what they're going through.

What you should or rather she should note is that if you don't train yourselves to look at your arguments as a couple in a more constructive way then chances are you are bound to repeat the same mistakes again and again, until you all get tired and frustrated with the same resurfacing of the problem.

Long One: ^^^I’m curious, what was it you did, a butt job perhaps?

*Kails*:




I think sherm heads have officially made comebacks on NL.

One must take a beating in the name of some unrealistic vow? Im sorry but if this is what marriage means...i will pass.

Mynd_44: I get your point but I find it hard to stomach. Domestic violence is simply evil.
I know of an instance where the man actually beated his pregnant wife to death

Mrs.Chima:


Wow. My husband also said in NIgeria...people do not get involve in couple's disputes. But at what point is enough is enough when a woman is walking around with black eyes and swollen lips?

Why doesn't he just leave her and set her free?

Mrs.Chima:
The part where you didn't understand my statement...I said that I have helped women leave their abusive partners but for some reason I can't convince her to leave her partner. She is left her hometown to be with him so she doesn't have family members she can call in the area.

Hope you understand now.

*Kails*:


No sirrrrrr.
trust, Everything about me or on me is 100 percent real.

Mrs.Chima:


This is not a sexual topic.  Comot for here!  

tellwsdom: This OROBO don come again

Mynd_44:
She should set herself free

Mrs.Chima:


Your mammy.

Sweerie, whats this topic all about again?

CrazyMan:
Ok...now I do.

Wao that's a hell of a sacrifice she made (living in a town with no single family member)

Let me ask...since you desperately want to help this lady, have you thought about meeting her husband before? (I would advise you to go alone if at all you want to engage him in a conversation) What kind of person is he? Does he drink? Is he on drugs?

If you want to help this poor lady, there are many ways you can do it.

Mrs.Chima:


He wont let her.

Mrs.Chima:
I have met her husband and he works in construction. You are not allow to drink nor smoke drugs on construction contracts in my area. If you dropped dirty..you are fired.

Mrs.Chima:
What other ways i can help her but talk to her and offer to help pay for hotel? I have to watch my hubby as well....he want me to mind my business.

MarcAnthon: Chima, you still alive?

As for your friend, if you live close by, quietly call 911 next time you hear an altercation. Women that continue to remain in abusive relationships need to be saved from themselves. She might be killed one day, and you will have guilt in your heart.