@Poster,

I am a Non-Nigerian married to a wonderful Nigerian Man for the past year. We have yet to procreate; However, we discuss child training values and thus far we agree. I, being AA Woman was raised with the type of home you described in you post. We were to respect our Elders and respond; yes ma'am, yes sir, etc.

With that being stated, I can certainly understand you and your husband position in not wanting them to spend too much time with their cousins. However, one cannot protect their children at all times (as frustrating as that can be). So even if they are not with their cousins for lengthy amounts of time, unfortunately, they will still be exposed to such things in school.

Also, abeg forgiveness, but where do you reside? If in the US like I, it is far more difficult to maintain your/my/my parents moral fibers. The best one can do is what you are doing. Constantly reminding your children that they do not have to emulate everything they are exposed to.

As a child, I was ridiculed for the structure my parents maintained in our household. Yet, I then, did not care. Being different make one extraordinary, lol!

I hope this helps, God Bless You!

There was this Nigerian lady that came here once, she sat on her fat ass and asked my daughter to get her a glass of water . "Bring me water" I told her my child is not a slave and if she cant put please my daughter is going no were.

Whatz wrong in your visitor asking for a cup of water from your child. You have to evaluate your reasoning. I dont see anything wrong in that.

they will not say no when some bastard grown up is trying to mess them up.

yet you claim you are doing gud.

Am not saying they should be rude but children are not slaves and have the right to a mind of their own.

When u call people bastard in their presence.

I use bad language too .
But I also Tell the kids its anti social to use bad language And i need it as an outlet when am in a bad mood

What an irony!! Maybe Bad lang is now new adult lang.

@Poster
Carry on with what your are doing, you will get your reward.

amarilo:

Whatz wrong in your visitor asking for a cup of water from your child. You have to evaluate your reasoning. I dont see anything wrong in that.

Nothing wrong with a visitor asking for something to drink in a polite way , but to just say " Bring me water " is just plain rude. Although i must say that were i am from it is considered to be very rude to ask the person you are visiting for drink/food. You wait untill it is been offered to you.

So, since we are talking about upbringing of kids. I have been to several Nigerian or mixed party`s and i have whitnessed on several occasions that somebody demanded for something to eat within 5 minutes after she arrived.
When we celebrated our daughters 1st birthday we saw Nigerian kids throw chickenbones all over the place , not in the bin. And most of the time some Nigerians visit us with their kids , afterwards our place will look like a bomb hass been thrown on our house. Their kids touch everything in OUR home and the parents will not even say anything about it. I sometimes feel like i am a " police officer " watching somebody`s elses frickin kids.
O well, yeah kids in Nigeria are better raised than here LOL

I also wonder why marry a foreigner if you want to raise your kids 100% Nigerian anyway??
Those who are not willing to compromise better look for a partner from their own country/tribe.

To poster : How would you feel if your husbands family would not allow their kids to visit your house because of the way you bring your kids up?

monatoetje:

I also wonder why marry a foreigner if you want to raise your kids 100% Nigerian anyway??

I know right?

@eniola, don't try to raise your kids 100% nigerian because they will grow up and will not fit in with their peers and their non-nigerian surrounding (your children's friends, teachers etc won't be Nigerians and there will be cultural conflict). they will be confused and have identity crises. lol
Just raise them in the right way as you would raise a good child. just teach them Nigerian ways and cultures but don't try to change their interactions with the outside world ex. make them know that it's not ok to use "WHAT?" with you but they can use it with others that are ok with it.
ex. calling ppl by their first names. most Nigerians will be pissed but other people let their children, nieces etc call them my their first names and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just cultural difference not lack of respect.

what's the Nigerian way?

bawomolo:

what's the Nigerian way?

how can you not know the nigerian way? the way u were raised of course

take them to Nigerian parties, cultural gatherings,

Cook Nigerian food for them


Help them learn a Nigerian language, Nigerian songs, Nigerian words


Show them Nollywood/Nigerian movies

Take them to Nigeria if you're not afraid to do so and can afford it


etc

I am white & have a 7 week old daughter whos father is nigerian. I would love to teach our daughter about the Nigerian culture, anyone have suggestions, recommended books or websites? Any positive feedback is appreciated.

but I believe that there is a fundamental difference between my African household and their American one

I have to disagree and perhaps you are being judgmental. Every American household I'VE ever entered has exactly the same values

or rules for child rearing as the ones exercised in your home. I capitalized the word 'I've' because I'm only speaking from my own experiences.

Of course some parents are going to be, what you and I would consider, lax in child-raising. And I'm sure this happens from coast to coast,

from continent to continent. You have to do what you consider best for your children. Even if you allow your children to stay overnight at

an in-laws, you have to explain to them that even though this or that is acceptable at someone else's home, it will not be tolerated by you

and your husband. That's why it's called 'raising', the process takes years and years, but it sounds like you're on the right track! Job well done

so far!

^^^^

You grew up in an African household? You don't know how lax an African parent can or cannot get compared to their counterparts. If you don't know what that fundamental difference is, I'll give away a major part of it: deference to parents at all times and little room for disrespect. The African (actually, I'm only familiar with the Nigerian household based on my own experience and my own conversations with other Nigerians, I can't speak for the other parts of Africa - that's something the original poster might have taken for granted) household and system of child rearing is not necessarily superior but it's definitely distinct from the typical household in some other countries.

You grew up in an African household?

No

I think people of the world need to get off there self righteousness with there so called cultural ways that dont mean nothing. I am living witness that nigerian nor anybody else way isnt superior. Nobody is perfect. Im married and living with a nigerian women and her 17 year old son. I dont see anything superior about her raising to her son or anything about him that says he has good raising. He is my stepson so thats why it matters and we have had issues and im constantly on him and his mother. Im the better child raiser in this marriage. Trying to teach him so much that he never been shown nor taught nor told. And his mother. He especially needs to be taught that here in black america people dont cater to young adults, you will respect your mom and our house, and grow up and learn to take responsibility for self. I wont allow any less. Im born and raised in america and he came here with the wrong attitude. So please if you are not God then you are not superior