Tonto's Terrible Tremolo by Charles Novia.

I have restrained myself for a couple of years from commenting on Tonto Dike's career after my last comments about her role in the soft porn movie she acted in two years back, were badly taken by her and she went on twitter to hurl infantile insults on my person with expletives and uncomplimentary remarks. My reaction to such then was just a dignified silence. After all, I had already spoken on her stunted talent as an up and coming actress and further comments on her incensed tweets were unnecessary.

All through the past few hours, the social media networks have been abuzz with the new singles of actress, Tonto Dike. She seems to have joined the actors of her ilk who have the moonlighting itch to delve into singing. While no one can stop such an ambition by those artistes, I do think those who surround such artistes are their worst enemies if they can't tell them the truth about leaving their sometimes doubtful day job. Well, I will! I listened to Miss Dike's two singles a few minutes ago and my initial speechlessness morphed to a nagging laughter and then subsided into a befuddled anguish.

I'm a music label owner (November Records) and have produced and Executive Produced acts like Majek Fashek, Terry tha Rapman, Zubby Enebeli etc. I know much about music and the slant of commercial music. But after listening to Miss Dike's songs, I'm inclined to align with the majorly negative comments about them on cyberspace. Ah-ah! Whoever produced her knew she has a bad voice for singing and masked our listening torture with the Autotune effect. But even the Autotune rejected any attempt to make a bad voice worse and Miss Dike came out sounding like she was in mid-stream orgasm instead of singing! Her anguished tremolos would have been better reserved for a horror movie sound effect than an attempt at joining the revered profession of music.

If Omotola got away with her last two terrible attempts at singing, it was because Omotola is a fantastic actress and her fans could forgive her musical failings after backtracking her body of work in Nollywood. With Tonto, I can't say much either for her acting depth. She's a one-dimensional actress in my opinion, who mistakes notoriety for fame. She needs more training in acting and this I say with all sense of professionalism as a movie Director. She might achieve greater heights in acting if she trains more. But she has no heights to achieve in singing. Only a downward plunge, the stuff bad endings in movies are made of.

http://lindaikeji..dk/2012/10/charles-novias-critique-of-tonto-dikes.html#more

Incisive

Okay o.
We don hear.

after listening to the song, I had nightmares. my laptop rejected it,cos it saw it as virus. however, after listening to the song via my BB, it said "error 507" reload software, it crashed.

This man said everything that needed to be said.

Chei, this man don finish our Tonto for us!

Bwahahahaha! I am liking Charles Novia more and more!

Now I wish he would turn his critiquing skills on Nollywood and the crap they churn out.

Lol. More and More, Can she seriously handle all of this?

And please, Charles, don't provide your criticism like it's some "Saturday Morning Presidential Announcement" next time.

Kaiii. Tonto ur in soup

;DLwkmd! Lmao!!!U r right Man!.. Dat her song is bad 2d ears.. Ma headphone is nw havin wahala after listenin 2 d "HI"

After listening to the song I lost 8GB of data, my new HP MINI displayed, a bad song was played on this computer which led to an unexpected error, System crashed..Tonto Dikeh must pay damages....

She should be encouraged after all criticism.

solidbroda: after listening to the song, I had nightmares. my laptop rejected it,cos it saw it as virus. however, after listening to the song via my BB, it said "error 507" reload software, it crashed.

Kai! lwtmb

Una don c somtin, e nor go funny. LOL

Na my Tonto dem dey yab like this?

Jack of all trade

Tried downloading the Tontolet's song but my fone rejected it. My fone is truely a
smartphone ...

Starblack M: She should be encouraged after all criticism.

Encouraged on wat? 2 sing? 2 take voice lessons? Haba! No matter how many lessons, encouragements, or songs she will never be a good singer. Not everyone is meant 2 b a singer. Its 2 late 4 her now, if she was serious about singing she wud have started training her voice at a young age. She should be happy that we are even tolerating her mediocre acting.

Now I feel listening to this song?

Are all these like publicity stunts for the song?

NA BY FORCE TO SING, TONTO DIKE, ABEG SINGING NO BE MECHANIC WORK OOOOOH. GOD DEY PUT AM FOR PERSON BODY LIKE 2FACE OOOH. ABEG NO DEY LET DOWN D MUSIC INDUSTRY OOH. AT LEAST WE NO SABI SING N NA WHY WE DEY FINISH U SO SINCE WE BE GOOD LISTENER.

Only a silly person wouldn't know Tonto Dike's doing all this for fame...
Ofcourse she knows she can hardly sing...she intentionally went to do this cos she knws she'll get such attention...I like her, in that, she does as she pleases without raising an eye brow...nothing beats being true to who you are..

Charles Rovia, or whatever your name is, I'm sure your preparing for Tonto's come-back, cos she'll so so burn you.
BTW, who's Zubby Enebeli? And where's Terry Tha Rapman today??

Mind your business sir!!

OBITUARY!
We wish to announce d untimely call to glory of two new songz "its ova" n "hi" who passed on shortly after dey were born.
Burial Arrangements:
Wake keeping @ Tonto dikehs recording studio,Oct 2012 right now
Body departs youtube mortuary shortly for lekki(tontos house) where it will be finally laid to rest.

They r survived by
Singer-tonto
Producer
Music director
And all d studio crew

Announcer for d family-Tonto

Adieu great songs. We shall meet to part no more

Rubbish!!! mumu man na to only to dey criticize u sabi. I knw say she no try but why making it hard on her? No be human being she be? she get right to sing and you kuma get right not to buy the song, than ranting.

If this man can judge an actress by her movie role,then he is getting it all wrong. In as much as Tonto is acting,there is nothing wrong with that. I can only criticise her nasty and insulting characters only outside acting pls.

All the nairalanders that are on my bbm contact should please re-add me.
I didn't press anything oh! My fone juz crashed.
Altho I'm suspecting tonto dikeh's song dat i downloaded.

ItsModella:
Exactly...and even with that she had the guts to insult us on twitter, like we're not the reason she's making her money. This is just the beginning for her. Until she learns some respect, nobody will encourage her. If it was Genny or Omosexy, people wouldn't have been hating this much because they're waaayy better than her.

Humans will always be humans that they are...No strings tho...

candieangel12:

Encouraged on wat? 2 sing? 2 take voice lessons? Haba! No matter how many lessons, encouragements, or songs she will never be a good singer. Not everyone is meant 2 b a singer. Its 2 late 4 her now, if she was serious about singing she wud have started training her voice at a young age. She should be happy that we are even tolerating her mediocre acting.

Humans will always be humans that they are...No strings tho...

Starblack M:
Humans will always be humans that they are...No strings tho...

Meaning?

Fuji Garbage Better dat shit i swear