Here's Why you Need to Rethink Divorcing your Partner

Ending a marriage can not only take a toll on you emotionally, but also physically. Divorce rates are increasing across the world and the reasons range from alcoholism, physical abuse, infidelity, lack of communication, etc. In this day and age of drive-in marriages, quick divorces are no longer shocking. Several marriages end up in divorces. But there are marriages that do face ups and downs and finally make it to the other side. One has to understand, that a marriage is not a packet of instant noodles. You cannot expect it to magically “work”. You have to work on a marriage. So if things go awry in your marriage and you’re considering a divorce, ask yourself why. Go back to the time the problems started and try to understand if there is a pattern. Ask yourself how a divorce can help your current situation. There are several reasons to stay in a marriage and make it work.

[quote]1. For the children
Staying in the marriage for your children’s sake, is one of the prime reasons cited by couples who have considered divorce at some point or the other. Children from broken homes tend to suffer from more self-esteem problems than children whose parents are together. A child’s home is his/her safety zone. A broken home can cause severe emotional trauma to the child. Children, whose parents are together, have more of a sense of well being and are also proven to be more content. Problems at home also influence a child’s mood pattern, ability to concentrate, ability to be creative, etc. Children from regular homes adjust well to school and are better at making friends and coping with basic problems, such as bullying, peer pressure, etc.

2. The sanctity of marriage as an institution
If you believe in the inherent sanctity of marriage as an institution, you should work extra hard to keep it together. There are loads of people falling in love at first sight, getting married quickly and filing for divorce by the end of the month. Every other day, you hear of couples getting divorced. Marriage, as an institution, has become less holy. People seek quick fixes or rather, quick divorces, instead of ironing the differences. Be a role model and fight for your marriage. Be the couple that valued the institution of marriage and made it work, despite odds. If there’s anything worth fighting for, it is a relationship that once had promise and potential.

3. Divorce affects health adversely
Divorce brings with it all the unhealthiness attributed to a single life. A Chicago study involving 8,652 people aged 51 to 61, found divorced people have 20% more chronic illnesses such as cancer than those who never marry. They are also more susceptible to depression, heart ailments and diabetes, over the long term.

4. Humans are essentially social animals
The need for companionship is a basic human need. It’s nice to come home to a friendly face. Being with someone you love, brings out your nice side. In popular culture, the stereotyped “old maid” or “loser” is typically the crabby and annoyed single or divorced person.

5. Coping with the new void in your life can be tough
Most divorced people who suddenly have a lot of free time, do not want to go home to an empty house. Remember, when you were single, you killed time, chatted on the phone, surfed the net, etc., and then suddenly started work at 4 p.m. Most married people tend to be more efficient and organized at work. They tend to finish work on time, to be with their partner. Going home to be with someone you adore and love is certainly the best motivation to work faster and better.

6. Managing finances becomes more challenging
Finance is another aspect that makes people rethink their divorce. Most people also put off a divorce, because of the insane expenditure involved. Legal fees, child support, alimony/palimony, different living arrangements, etc., can dent a hole in your bank account. Married couples also tend to make more informed and less risky investment decisions. Additionally, when you’re single, you tend to spend a month’s salary on a dress or dip into your savings to take a vacation. With another person in the relationship, there is accountability and you have to spend responsibly. People also start saving only after marriage, because of the natural progression of their lifestyle.

7. Dating again after a divorce
When you get a divorce, you’ll be out in the whole dating zone again. Although that seems exciting for some people, the whole process of dating can be daunting. There are a few things you’ll never have to worry about, after you’re married. You’ll never have to be on your guard and be on your best behaviour to impress the other person. You can be yourself. You can burp and scratch when you want to. No need of worrying if your hair is limp or if your clothes are creased.

8. Multiple sex partners increase odds of STD
Although multiple sex partners sounds exciting, it places you at a risk that you will never be exposed to when you’re in a marriage. Contracting a sexually transmitted disease is more common in cases of single people. For some people, sex with your married partner becomes boring. However, sex can become more experimental and fun with a partner over the years. Not to mention the benefits of having only one partner and consequently safe sex.

[b]9. Coping with a new partner may be a task If you have invested a lot of time and effort in the relationship, it is a good reason to rethink the divorce. You have spent years getting accustomed to your partner’s way of life, likes, dislikes, habits, temperament, etc. Any other relationship and marriage will take as much time and effort. Are things really so bad, that you’re willing to throw all this away, to take your chance on another relationship that may or may not be the same? Chances of a second marriage ending in divorce are two-fold, as most people subconsciously look for someone similar to their first spouse.

10. Working with the current situation may be easier
If your partner is essentially a good person and you truly love him/her, you can find a way to work through this rough patch. As clichéd as it sounds, love does make the world go round. People do crazy things in love. You’ll definitely find it in you to spend some time and effort to make the marriage work.

Seek professional help before you take the big decision. A trained and certified counsellor will help you sort differences, and your marriage could become stronger than it was before.

Only an immature person, yet to understand real life, would come up with a one-sided, childishly simplistic view on such a serious issue.

Do you understand that divorce is not something taken lightly by those who undergo it? What advice would you give to couples submerged in domestic abuse? Heaven forbid, but if your daughter, sister, aunt, mother or any other female member of your family is married to someone who beats the living daylights out of them - on the slightest issue / provocation...would you still advice them to sit tight?

Are you of the mindset that where the children are concerned, it's better for them to have a dead married mother? Or a mother who up sticks and leaves before she is killed? Or you believe a dead mother can look after her kids from the grave?? Same thing for men in violent relationships.

What about families where one spouse is a chronic alcholic, drug user or even a serial cheat? Would you would advocate for the partner to sit tight and possibly get sent to an early grave (from picking up STDs and other sexually transmitted nasties?)

Real life is not all black and white. There are shades of greys that need to be considered. Only a mature person would understand that.

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Sorry mate, but these are no reasons why I shouldn't be divorced next month!

Efemena_xy: Only an immature person, yet to understand real life, would come up with a one-sided, childishly simplistic view on such a serious issue.

Do you understand that divorce is not something taken lightly by those who undergo it? What advice would you give to couples submerged in domestic abuse? Heaven forbid, but if your daughter, sister, aunt, mother or any other female member of your family is married to someone who beats the living daylights out of them - on the slightest issue / provocation...would you still advice them to sit tight?

Are you of the mindset that where the children are concerned, it's better for them to have a dead married mother? Or a mother who up sticks and leaves before she is killed? Or you believe a dead mother can look after her kids from the grave?? Same thing for men in violent relationships.

What about families where one spouse is a chronic alcholic, drug user or even a serial cheat? Would you would advocate for the partner to sit tight and possibly get sent to an early grave (from picking up STDs and other sexually transmitted nasties?)

Real life is not all black and white. There are shades of greys that need to be considered. Only a mature person would understand that.

These are just pieces of advice. The choice is yours.

OP, wouldn't it be better to feel single dan get abused?

Imanuelle: OP, wouldn't it be better to feel single dan get abused?

Why marry in the first place? someone who's going to abuse you didn't change overnight, the signs were there already.

Betterstill, we should learn to understand situation, accept before jumping into it.

@ OP YOU TRIED SHAA, BUT FOR YOU TO WAKE UP THIS MORNING AND DECIDE TO TYPE A DIVORCE LESSON IS WHAT A CANT UNDERSTAND, DID YOU FIGHT WITH YOUR WIFE YESTERDAY? ME I FEAR O

DANILSA: @ OP YOU TRIED SHAA, BUT FOR YOU TO WAKE UP THIS MORNING AND DECIDE TO TYPE A DIVORCE LESSON IS WHAT A CANT UNDERSTAND, DID YOU FIGHT WITH YOUR WIFE YESTERDAY? ME I FEAR O

These were nt type this morning, but yesterday.

Divorce already deleted frm my DICTIONARY , so not my OPTION.....................................B.I.I

dridowu: Divorce already deleted frm my DICTIONARY , so not my OPTION.....................................B.I.I

Good decesion from you.

Ohh so u recommend statying with an abusive partner and mayb ending up in d morgue.

What about d lady stabbed 76 times by her husband,if she had followed her instincts perhaps wuld b alive today

Timijo gave ten reasons not to get a divorce. Not all the reasons so we shouldn't crucify him. He also showed he was quoting from a source and that source is obviously not Nigerian. Instead of spiting him, we can respond with our own ten reasons to get a divorce.
As far as I am concerned,marriage is holy and is for life. The only times when separation (not divorce and remarriage) may be advisable is in life-threatening situations.

azpekuliar: Sorry mate, but these are no reasons why I shouldn't be divorced next month!

Good for you.

I was just saying to myself that these points are meant for Oyinbos and not Naija peeps then I saw Chicago,your points are certainly not a good reason for a wife to stay in a hellish marriage especially when the man is a wife beater,haba which woman go dey kampe make one man turn her face to punching bag.
STDs:- Even marriage couples who are efficiently managing their marital affairs still keep multiple partners,I don't think the issue of STDs is enough reason for one to endure a horror marriage.
Its better to be single than to live with a man/woman who brings you nothing but sorrow,that's direct entry to early grave oooooo.

These days,i think Women enjoy it when they find themselves in an abusive Relationship.You lay all your life,love Trust and everthing a woman needs in a home,You make sacrifices but they just prefer it when they are Abused.They seems not to Value the atmosphere of peace at home!They prefer it when there is tension and fear.They prefer it when they hear the souind of your car,thier heart skips.Wereas its not suppose to be so and its never the man's intention to have a hostile Environment.
To me No man is happy laying hands on his wife or Girlfriend.But these days you see a woman asking the spouse "What will do if I say or do it again?"Some people have the patience to walk away but some don't.Proverbs 14.1 says A foolish woman tears down her home with Anger.Women too should look inwards and make amends.
They should stop imititating the characters they read or see in movies.
Women are the builders of the Home,Men are just Caretakers looking for diaily bread for the family

Why allow all the hurtful drama;look very well before you leap.More often than not,divorcees have been known to spot and ignore red flags during courtship

I may not know much abt divorce but I know children from broken homes aren't always introverts. Trust me I know. Divorce seems to spur them on to do gr8 things. Just my two cents ppl don't crucify me.

A DIVORCE IS BETTER THAN AN EARLY GRAVE.

ONCE YOUR SPOUCE IS CHEATING ON YOU, YOU BETTER RUN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE.

A RUNAWAY COWARD LIVES TO FIGHT TUMORROW AND TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN, WORK WELL, ARRIVE HOME EARLY, LIVE A HEALTHY LIFE AS AN OBJECTIONS TO SOME OF YOUR POINTS STATED.

@OP, God bless you for this wonderful advice, for those who do not accept your advice let them look inwards and find out why their marriage is not working, if your husband suddenly became abusive you need to check yourself and adjust where possible as i believe that unless you are married to a mad man, no man lays a hand on a woman who said nothing, no man hit a respectful and humble wife, the women that enjoy their marriage are the loyal and humble wife's and these are the women that can change their husband for good, such women people outside always say they control their husband. i have always said that a woman holds the key to a successful marriage.

chucky234: I was just saying to myself that these points are meant for Oyinbos and not Naija peeps then I saw Chicago,your points are certainly not a good reason for a wife to stay in a hellish marriage especially when the man is a wife beater,haba which woman go dey kampe make one man turn her face to punching bag.
STDs:- Even marriage couples who are efficiently managing their marital affairs still keep multiple partners,I don't think the issue of STDs is enough reason for one to endure a horror marriage.
Its better to be single than to live with a man/woman who brings you nothing but sorrow,that's direct entry to early grave oooooo.

Are u saying that the oyinbos are the only people to enjoy their marriages while the blacks continue to have broken homes?

Ok

For you to be in a marital situation that you think that its worth thinking of divorce, i want you to think twice ,think about the 10 reasons stated and also think about the vow and convenant you made in front of man and God stating that its until death do you and your partner path.... this alone is not a joking statement that you think God will over look, further more with the idea of getting remarried , what will give you the impression that the new 1 is going to be a good one, have you thought of how to cope with the shame in the society, have you thought about it if its gonna be jumping from frying pan to fire.......Whoever advises another person to get a divorce let the person know that he/she already has a curse on their head.

1 thing i want people to understand is that for you to say to some1 " that i do " at the alter in front of man and God means you are ready to face whatever comes in future in marriage in good times and bad times...... so why should you break such a convenant u made in front of witnesses.
Why do you want a shameful life that creates another problem for the society where some fools who will not help better the situation you are in will tell you too leave your spouse while another fellow comes to steal another persons spouse whose price has been paid and has bore children , and has mated with their spouse.

Know this that for you to marry a divorcee their is a curse on your head .... take it or leave it.
Therefore i have come to the resolve that getting a divorce is not good rather work on your marriage and try to make it work for you also , try not to be a victim of bad advisers but rather take your stand.

eastman11: @OP, God bless you for this wonderful advice, for those who do not accept your advice let them look inwards and find out why their marriage is not working, if your husband suddenly became abusive you need to check yourself and adjust where possible as i believe that unless you are married to a mad man, no man lays a hand on a woman who said nothing, no man hit a respectful and humble wife, the women that enjoy their marriage are the loyal and humble wife's and these are the women that can change their husband for good, such women people outside always say they control their husband. i have always said that a woman holds the key to a successful marriage.

It's a 2 way thing, no woman insults or irritates her husband unless the husband provokes or does "negative" things. the over-all thing is never to marry anyone you are not okay with (attitude and lifestyle), thinking you can change them after marriage.

If you can't tolerate anything during courtship, do not marry thinking you're going to change the person after marriage.

eastman11: @OP, God bless you for this wonderful advice, for those who do not accept your advice let them look inwards and find out why their marriage is not working, if your husband suddenly became abusive you need to check yourself and adjust where possible as i believe that unless you are married to a mad man, no man lays a hand on a woman who said nothing, no man hit a respectful and humble wife, the women that enjoy their marriage are the loyal and humble wife's and these are the women that can change their husband for good, such women people outside always say they control their husband. i have always said that a woman holds the key to a successful marriage.

You have said it all.

Boat load of crap