(CNN) -- On an historic autumn day in 2012,
online warriors from both sides of the epic Apple-
Samsung feud agreed to set aside their powerful
smartphones and resolve their tensions, which
had grown intolerable. What follows is the HTML
version of their agreement, the Cupertino-Seoul
Apple-Samsung Fanboy Treaty.
Conciliatory Treaty
WHEREAS, the respective Parties, the Apple
Fanboys (also known as "Apple Fanbois,"
"Fanb0yz," "iPhoners" or simply "The Mac
Faithful," among many other names) and the
Samsung Fanboys (also known as "Apple H4terz,"
"Galaxians" or "Androiders" seek a lasting peace,
both online and off, and...
WHEREAS, online forums, queues for new
products and technology blogs have become
polluted with smack talk, useless feature
comparisons and Photoshopped ads meant to
deride and belittle each other's device preference,
and...
WHEREAS both sets of Parties recognize
that a competitive market is both critical
and necessary for continued technological
innovation to benefit all, especially early
adopters...
NOW, THEREFORE, the Parties agree to
abide by the agreements herein,
enumerated in the terms of the articles set
forth below:
ARTICLE 1
Apple Fanboys agree not to keep bringing
up the August 2012 $1 billion patent verdict
against Samsung as a way of trying to squelch
any disagreement over who may have copied
what, recognizing that the case covered a limited
scope of features. Samsung Fanboys will similarly
cease efforts to end all arguments by discussing
"Open" versus "Closed" platforms, accepting that
there are numerous advantages and
disadvantages to each.
ARTICLE 2
Apple Fanboys won't list how many apps are
available for iOS (more than 700,000, since the
treaty brought it up) on every message board
about app development while Samsung Fanboys
will minimize cross-Party discussion of
expandable SD-card memory, replaceable
batteries, screen size, NFC technology or how
Android's notifications are still way better than
Apple's, even after Notification Center was added
to iOS and Mac OS X.
ARTICLE 3
Both Parties will agree that Widgets, often touted
as a selling point by Samsung Fanboys, are
actually kinda dumb, but then so is Apple's
"Podcast" app, which is just absolutely the worst.
Apple Fanboys acknowledge that Animated
Wallpaper would be a nice feature to have while
Samsung Fanboys admit that late at night, they
sometimes wake up screaming from nightmares
about product upgrade fragmentation across the
Android platform.
ARTICLE 4
Apple Fanboys vow to stop taking the words of
Steve Jobs (RIP) about going thermonuclear on
Google over Android as personal marching orders.
Samsung Fanboys agree to share some of the 50
Gigabytes of Dropbox storage that came with
their Galaxy S3 phone and to let Apple Fanboys
play around with the Swype keyboard feature
whenever it is requested.
ARTICLE 5
Both Parties agree to a complete and immediate
ban on mocking in the following manner: Apple
Fanboys will no longer pick up a Samsung Note
device and hold it up to their ear, shouting,
"HELLO!? I THINK THIS PHONE IS TOO BIG FOR MY
FACE!" Samsung Fanboys likewise agree to stop
posting images online of people holding up iPads
to take photos, superimposed with the word
"FAIL" on the image.
ARTICLE 6
Samsung Fanboys agree to immediately boycott
and disown television commercials making fun of
Apple customers standing in line. Apple Fanboys,
in exchange, promise to stop treating iPhone and
iPad launch days like a national holiday or, Steve
Jobs forbid, like the Woodstock of their generation.
ARTICLE 7
The oath to be taken by both Apple and Samsung
Fanboys upon ratification of this peace treaty shall
be in the following form: "I ....... do solemnly swear
allegiance to all sleek, cutting-edge, full-featured
mobile devices, be they made by Apple or by
manufacturers of Android-based products. Should
I feel the need to criticize, boast by comparison or
complain about a product that rivals the one I own
and use, such Internet-based venom will be
directed at a third-party target [namely Windows
mobile or, ha ha, BlackBerry users. LAME.]."
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the respective Parties sign
this Treaty by digital signature or QR Code, then
Tweet a link for all to see.
BY AGREEMENT OF BOTH PARTIES, war between
Apple and Samsung Fanboys is declared to have
terminated October, 2012.

edition.cnn.com/2012/10/19/tech/mobile/apple-samsung-peace-treaty/index.html