jennykadry: @BB
That post of mine you quoted was directed at TV1

TV01 only referenced you when he humbly asked for clarification of your thread/post and in his second reference to you actually commended your family for the matured way they handled your Sister's case in sending her abusive guy packing. Asides from this, there was no malicious reference to you. . .


And the advise you gave freecocoa was sound, the one TV01 and co were concerned about where the ones which: : one minute was telling her its okay to stop talking about it, walk on eggshells, wallpaper over the cracks and sweep the issue under the carpet, and in the next breath in a bid to post to discredit the "balance crew" dredges up an abuse article showing signs to watch out for, and the irony is this article described about 80% of freecocoa's boyfriend's behaviour.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm


So it is either people are punching above their weight or just posting to get a pat on the back to feel amongst. . . SMH

debrief08: BusyBody, if you have a questiom please ask it.
My post you bookmarked was a joke aimed at Efe who wondered why men aho abused their wives find it hard to let go when the woman has left.
If you have a question ask it please. I have answered specific direct questions here. I really don't understand where all this is coming from? Even the Coogar who called for a thread, I showed him a thread for men, so really what is the issue?
If you want to ask Cotton what she did wrong ask please, she is at liberty to answer or not, me I have already answered over and over, the one I refuse to answer is an attempt to mock my Christain faith even I can't be that "slow" and docile to come and justify my relationship with God to any man or human.
So please expecting your questions.
Specific questions if you please.

Like I said before Debrief, I must have read over 100 posts of your experience in the hands of your ex in this family section, and I didn't have to ask you before I did that psychological profile of your ex, which you obviously didn't buy.

And like I said too, I have seen Cotton's different posts too and I am mindful of the need to respect her wish that because the guy is a popular guy, she does not wanna reveal much, so no need to muddy the water with assumptions that I have questions to ask her!!!


Now the crossed wires have been uncrossed, please I beg you, don't use that underhanded tactics of dredging up Cotton's name to garner sympathy or attract the baying mob, such do not wash with me. And una sabi say if I get question, I go still ask even if the person carry fire for head. Hope ur cool now.

@davidylan, word! What we've been trying so hard to show is that nobody can rightly blame their reactions on provocation. You can't say that you beat the dazzling daylights out of the woman you profess to love and cherish because she cheated on you. Is it not better to divorce her or separate from her for awhile if it's too difficult for you to live with?

I think that all this effort to "balance" things is really a crusade to excuse abuse.

coogar:


@ busy_body, i need to get my Halloween costumes - word on the street says you own all the shops @ finsbury park(where wedding dresses can be acquired at £30)! bikonu - help a brother.....

Yikes, I said this like 5 years ago nau

Go to Wilkinson's. Saw some in their Christmas catalogue and apparently they have more range online

freecocoa: Busy_Body, I didn't single you out, I only asked you those questions based on your posts which seemed to me like you were in the same boat with Guitarlife, I only wanted to understand your posts better, your reply to my question is what led to my conclusion, you didn't even answer the questions I asked but brought someone else into it via name calling, so please carry on by all means, I've since moved on.

Haha, no be your last snide post for this thread talk say "some people" should carry commot their fight from this thread!!! Now how does it relate to this story you are now telling!!! Me I wasn't born yesterday o. . .


And thanks for coming back today to let us know you had moved on since yesterday, well maybe you are just here to drop the straws you are clutching at, oh the irony.

Ihedinobi:

Honestly, this approach is getting tiresome. I don't know if you guys bothered to read through the thread at all. You appear to have just jumped straight into multiplying posts. It's already been dealt with what the possible causes of abuse were.

Again, I coulda sworn this was what "team Balance" was getting muffled for, wow, so you are a closet "team balance" supporter, feel free to come out of the closet to show your solidarity, afterall we don't bite





@Chic2pimp,

Hehehe, see ya life, when myself and ileke-idi's Father Sagamite was trying to convince you to wife our daughter that all we need as dowry is two singlets, one bathroom slippers and just one bottle of ogogoro, you dey yanga say our list is too extortionate, now Ihenenobi is scooping you trying to covet your arse. Berra be careful as he Is just about stepping outta the closet

hmm

Ihedinobi: @davidylan, word! What we've been trying so hard to show is that nobody can rightly blame their reactions on provocation. You can't say that you beat the dazzling daylights out of the woman you profess to love and cherish because she cheated on you. Is it not better to divorce her or separate from her for awhile if it's too difficult for you to live with?

I think that all this effort to "balance" things is really a crusade to excuse abuse.

and that's where you keep getting it wrong....
you and i might/will not physically abuse a cheating partner but there are men out there who would.....why then would any woman do something that could make her prone to physical abuse?

so because jungle justice is wrong means i should go to the market and steal N20? people have different thresholds when it comes to anger - so women should be told not to provoke and risk being physically abused! the hypocrisy here becomes clearer when these women pounce on their husband's mistress - that's when you would understand raw anger!

Boy am I glad to see Davidylan on this thread, we know he ain't no WIMP, he is VERY INTELLIGENT and most important of all he is a CHRISTIAN. He can right the wrongs of those men

- Who believe any man who does not aggressively condemn Abused women is a wimp.

- Who believe only the ungodly suffer abuse.

- Who isn't aware enough to know saying something is this does not necessarily mean preclude other things i.e saying women are abused does not automatically mean men aren't.

In short, he can finally put a FULL STOP to this man vs woman war and let's get back on track (wherever that is again)

coogar:

yes, people like you and i would kick such a woman to the curb but there are men out there who would use their fists on a cheating partner. it's sad but it's true. physical abuse is not justifiable but at the same time a woman should not provoke a man to such dizzying heights of control loss!

Adding the word "but" there just ruined your entire sentence. There is no justification for abuse period. No ifs or buts.

What do you mean by a woman should not provoke a man to dizzying heights of control loss? Are you implying men are animals with no discipline?

davidylan:

Adding the word "but" there just ruined your entire sentence. There is no justification for abuse period. No ifs or buts.

What do you mean by a woman should not provoke a man to dizzying heights of control loss? Are you implying men are animals with no discipline?

people(men and women) can be animals without self control - anger can turn the most gentle of men into physical beasts....to deny these things is delusion! you mean you have never seen these angelic women turn to beasts when they catch their husband's mistress? davidylan, abeg get some perspective!

coogar:

if you knew that, why then did you come up with the men are physically stronger than women and men are more likely to abuse.....don't you think that kind of stuff is misleading? do i need to be physically stronger than you to verbally abuse you? to emotionally abuse you? to financially abuse you? can you not see your oversight here or you want me to type in greek?

What oversight? You went on a crusade against the fact that the abused on this thread were all women and that thus the purpose of the thread was to vilify men. I called you out on that is all.

There is a thread specifically for men (which was where you went to get material to use against me) and some men have spoken there. I did too. This thread is for everyone who made it out of an abusive relationship alive. Incidentally, the ones who made bold to tell their stories were all women. And some of their stories were about the most despicable instances of physical abuse. I offered an explanation for that to eliminate your grouse with it. Why is that an issue?

While I fully appreciate the damage that emotional and psychological abuse can do, I insist that physical abuse has the most immediate result of death. A woman's caustic tongue can corrode a man's life so that he expires before his time. 76 stab wounds however don't kill slowly.

Ihedinobi and David

Let me ask, If your wife is sitting on your mom and beating/choking the life out of her. Would you walk out like a REAL MAN?

What of if a woman grabs a knife and threaten to stab you in a close room with little to manoever and the only option is a struggle with her, Would you act the REAL MAN and put your hands down?

sleekdot: Ihedinobi and David

Let me ask, If your wife is sitting on your mom and beating/choking the life out of her. Would you walk out like a REAL MAN?

What of if a woman grabs a knife and threaten to stab you in a close room with little to manoever and the only option is a struggle with her, Would you act the REAL MAN and put your hands down?

unfortunately, those situations don't count here.....it's extreme, it can never happen, women don't do fisticuffs, women can't act like thugs and all manner of excuses would soon be flying out.........

coogar:

people(men and women) can be animals without self control - anger can turn the most gentle of men into physical beasts....to deny these things is delusion! you mean you have never seen these angelic women turn to beasts when they catch their husband's mistress? davidylan, abeg get some perspective!

Of course i do have perspective. A man with no capacity to tame his temper in the face of extreme provocation should leave another man's daughter alone until he has matured.

sleekot - those examples are a bit extreme

lets be real here - ABEG

sleekdot: Ihedinobi and David

Let me ask, If your wife is sitting on your mom and beating/choking the life out of her. Would you walk out like a REAL MAN?

What of if a woman grabs a knife and threaten to stab you in a close room with little to manoever and the only option is a struggle with her, Would you act the REAL MAN and put your hands down?

Ok this is now turning into a joke.
Do we now have to turn to clearly ridiculous situations just to prove a point? If my wife is beating my mom then SHAME on me for lacking enough good judgement in selecting a mate.

With regard to your second point... get serious bro. You have now moved to a completely different scenario, when it comes to life and death... you do need to protect yourself however that is not the point of this thread.

coogar:

and that's where you keep getting it wrong....
you and i might will not physically abuse a cheating partner but there are men out there who would.....why then would any woman do something that could make her prone to physical abuse?

so because jungle justice is wrong means i should go to the market and steal N20? people have different thresholds when it comes to anger - so women should be told not to provoke and risk being physically abused! the hypocrisy here becomes clearer when these women pounce on their husband's mistress - that's when you would understand raw anger!

You're free to explain it as you wish but I'll tell you straight out that it is insanity to physically attack anyone, to say nothing of someone you've sworn your life to, for any reason. I don't care what thresholds exist. Fact is you cannot blame your actions/reactions on provocation. Being human means that you have brains and can process possible responses to a given stimulus to choose the best.

cotton101: sleekot - those examples are a bit extreme

lets be real here - ABEG

are you saying there are no violent women out there who beat their MIL or go violent and stab their husband? Just like men beating women that we have spent days here are a bit extreme, I believe there are women too who can be extreme

sleekdot: Ihedinobi and David

Let me ask, If your wife is sitting on your mom and beating/choking the life out of her. Would you walk out like a REAL MAN?

What of if a woman grabs a knife and threaten to stab you in a close room with little to manoever and the only option is a struggle with her, Would you act the REAL MAN and put your hands down?

SMDH!!!

davidylan:

Ok this is now turning into a joke.
Do we now have to turn to clearly ridiculous situations just to prove a point? If my wife is beating my mom then SHAME on me for lacking enough good judgement in selecting a mate.

Then can we also conclude this thread by saying shame on the women who chose to marry those men who are abusing them for lacking enough judgment?

With regard to your second point... get serious bro. You have now moved to a completely different scenario, when it comes to life and death... you do need to protect yourself however that is not the point of this thread.

The point is there are no absolutes in life. I pray never to be in a situation to beat a woman. I would leave it at that but saying I wont defend myself in a case of life and death because the attacker is a woman is plain idealistic.


I pray never to kill another human but if I meet a man r@pping my daughter and I have a gun then at that point I would make an exception to my prayers

cotton101: sleekot - those examples are a bit extreme
lets be real here - ABEG

sleekdot, what did i tell you?

davidylan:
Of course i do have perspective. A man with no capacity to tame his temper in the face of extreme provocation should leave another man's daughter alone until he has matured.

hahahahaha - so easy for you to say....
but we all know this is a very difficult situation - even the law understands this extreme cases of a man walking into his bedroom only to find his wife and another man under the sheets - abeg men and women should show mutual respect to one another! this delusion that a woman can do as she pleases and a man must be a "REAL MAN" and withstand such rubbish is misleading!

Ihedinobi:
You're free to explain it as you wish but I'll tell you straight out that it is insanity to physically attack anyone, to say nothing of someone you've sworn your life to, for any reason. I don't care what thresholds exist. Fact is you cannot blame your actions/reactions on provocation. Being human means that you have brains and can process possible responses to a given stimulus to choose the best.

i can stand your ignorance - it's your hypocrisy that i cannot!
you are telling me humans have brains and can process responses to stimuli? so what makes you think the human brain of the people who snap are the same as yours? what makes you think the message they get from the brain is not to commit violence? the biggest mistake you can ever make is to assume everyone is wired like you are - you would be sorry......

How did we get here from the opening.

I saw this thread growing and growing I thought it was a joke. It has taken me over 24hrs to catch up

dayokanu: How did we get here from the opening.

I saw this thread growing and growing I thought it was a joke. It has taken me over 24hrs to catch up

Lol bro' you bin late for class. We've touched on Finance, interpersonal skills, religious knowledge, ethics and semantics to name a few. However, we appear to be struggling with problem solving and conflict resolution. Any ideas?

Best
TV

sleekdot: Ihedinobi and David

Let me ask, If your wife is sitting on your mom and beating/choking the life out of her. Would you walk out like a REAL MAN?

What of if a woman grabs a knife and threaten to stab you in a close room with little to manoever and the only option is a struggle with her, Would you act the REAL MAN and put your hands down?

Well darn! When all else fails, the darn hypothetical's gotta be pulled out.

Assuming such a scenario is even conceivable, it's evident, as David said, I made the wrong call choosing her. And, oh yeah, I'd get her off my mom and dispossess her of the weapon however I can manage that.

Now I've answered you, can you draw a parallel between that hypothetical and the subject under discussion here?

coogar:
hahahahaha - so easy for you to say....
but we all know this is a very difficult situation - even the law understands this extreme cases of a man walking into his bedroom only to find his wife and another man under the sheets - abeg men and women should show mutual respect to one another! this delusion that a woman can do as she pleases and a man must be a "REAL MAN" and withstand such rubbish is misleading!

What law? You would be facing first degree murder for this in the US regardless of if you found her in bed with 20 men.

sleekdot:
Then can we also conclude this thread by saying shame on the women who chose to marry those men who are abusing them for lacking enough judgment?



The point is there are no absolutes in life. I pray never to be in a situation to beat a woman. I would leave it at that but saying I wont defend myself in a case of life and death because the attacker is a woman is plain idealistic.

@bolded, an excuse if ever there was one!

I think at this point i will simply ignore sleekdot and coogar's posts... winning an argument should not come at the expense of common sense.

coogar:

people(men and women) can be animals without self control - anger can turn the most gentle of men into physical beasts....to deny these things is delusion! you mean you have never seen these angelic women turn to beasts when they catch their husband's mistress? davidylan, abeg get some perspective!

Isn't this the same poster that said he would never believe the most gentle of men can turn into beasts overnight while he was trying to discredit some of the stories of this thread??
What's with the contradiction?

davidylan:

What law? You would be facing first degree murder for this in the US regardless of if you found her in bed with 20 men.

ejoor, help me tell am. I was going to tell him too. It's these guys who make their own laws that think in this manner.

davidylan:
What law? You would be facing first degree murder for this in the US regardless of if you found her in bed with 20 men.

its not the same in the UK....if my actions are "immediate" - may their gentle souls rest in peace or worst case scenario, voluntary manslaughter!

slimyem: Isn't this the same poster that said he would never believe the most gentle of men can turn into beasts overnight while he was trying to discredit some of the stories of this thread??
What's with the contradiction?

apply common sense, aunty!
i said that the most gentle of men cannot turn to beasts overnight without any reason....the cases we have been hearing here is that a man woke up and started beating his wife without reasons - how is that possible? why are you then likening it to a man that is provoked by the actions of a woman? did you miss your supplements of vitamins this morning?

dayokanu: How did we get here from the opening.

I saw this thread growing and growing I thought it was a joke. It has taken me over 24hrs to catch up

Well we are trying to keep it balanced.

Apparently this thread comes off a tad gender biased because only women have been talking about their abuse experience and it seems there is no room for men to do the same.

Of course it is kinda hard for a man to share his experience considering when one of 'em did, it was used against him by another guy.

The irony, eh?

slimyem: Isn't this the same poster that said he would never believe the most gentle of men can turn into beasts overnight while he was trying to discredit some of the stories of this thread??
What's with the contradiction?

Good question. I think they're coming full circle to admitting that their argument is that abuse is justifiable.

Ihedinobi:

Well darn! When all else fails, the darn hypothetical's gotta be pulled out.

Assuming such a scenario is even conceivable, it's evident, as David said, I made the wrong call choosing her. And, oh yeah, I'd get her off my mom and dispossess her of the weapon however I can manage that.

Now I've answered you, can you draw a parallel between that hypothetical and the subject under discussion here?

You mean its inconceivable for a woman to be violent to attack her MIL or to attack her husband. No wonder some posters earlier have alluded to it that some people dont want to hear the truth. Coogar mentioned earlier a show called "Snapped" which shows women that killed their spouses. So if you are in a situation to save your life by using your physical strenght to disarm a woman or your wife You would act the REAL MAN and walk out. Excellent.

TV01:

Lol bro' you bin late for class. We've touched on Finance, interpersonal skills, religious knowledge, ethics and semantics to name a few. However, we appear to be struggling with problem solving and conflict resolution. Any ideas?

Best
TV

Hehehe, hilarious



Una see am so, na wah for the plenty plenty deliberate "reading out of context" unfurling on this thread in the last hour Peeps dumbing themselves down. . . I have seen it all, but this takes the cake.