Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me - Family - Nairaland
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| Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by jjgirljay(f): 10:01pm On Oct 28, 2012 |
[b]i was raised by a single parent,i turned out great and made my mother proud. shes made it a big issue for me to meet my dad,i finally did and honesty we had nothing much to talk about and to my surprise i am a carbon copy of him. my dad is had 2 wives since then and loads of half caste kids. i got close to my sister and we did keep in-touch,shes the opposite of me. she made her beauty get her all she wants. my fathers kids are all grown up and living around world,i moved back few years ago and again my mother reunited us. (she say honor your father and you mother so that your days may be long) my dad fell sick and money was needed,i gave more than half,now hes recovered and he wants a generator and a monthly income from me. my questions; do i owe this man anything? he did not in anyway provide for me,why is he asking me for anything? hes a writer and of all the 36 books he wrote,i was not acknowledged in it. what do i really owe him?[/b] |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Busybody2(f): 10:05pm On Oct 28, 2012 |
Wow, is all I can say for now. Many hugs to you too. Yes he is taking advantage of you, like the typical Nigerian parent, but if you have the means to help him, then go for it. 4 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 10:09pm On Oct 28, 2012 |
yes ur father is taking advantage of u if u didn't have money u think he would be giving u face 7 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by k2039: 10:13pm On Oct 28, 2012 |
You owe him only one kobo and that's for bearing his surname. Frankly you owe him nothing,but if you have you can give him,besides God already glorified your mum,you mum smiled last,she won,so just do it for mum's sake Oju ti awon ota e. 8 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by slimyem: 10:19pm On Oct 28, 2012 |
Ask yourself this question... Would you help a random person if they needed help? Would you help an old neighbour? I know its different and you feel bad about the relationship you didn't have with him but he is human first before he is your father. I'm sure he regrets that mistake even if he doesnt say it out loud.. ..maybe he is acually taking advantage of you... ..maybe he isn't...but i think you shouldn't dwell on it so much.You can't change the past but you can affect the future. See it as a chance to have a relationship with him now... If he truly needs help and its within your means....please do. 21 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 10:26pm On Oct 28, 2012 |
My Motto is do what you are comfortable with doing, dont do more than you can, when you do something and start complaining for inconvenience then the purpose is lost and you are pouring water on sand. If you want to help out your daad, do that because it is okay with you and do what what you wont complain about. Talk to him about your hurt feelings about being excluded, believe me, I know how an apology can work wonders, sometimes just an explanation as to why is good enough. Ask him you deserve an explanation. Like I said, do what you can, dont be emotionally blackmailed or cajoled 4 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by baby124: 11:04pm On Oct 28, 2012 |
I always say, only do what you can afford to lose and look carefully at the person's condition, you can judge if they will become a liability. Am sorry, but Nigerians are very good at this. Should you give them any opening or perception that you have money. Hmm! The whole family's problem becomes yours. The only person you owe such a duty to is your mum. And I think she is trying to do too much because she feels like you may have been cheated of having your father in your life. I suggest you tell your mum you can't afford it. Because the day they need and you can't give, that is when you will hear it. Its best to play down your income sometimes. Tell the man that you had to borrow money for his treatment and you are still paying it off. Tell him you will give him what you can afford because right now things are a bit tight. Let his other kids give him salary. 9 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by obowunmi(m): 1:58am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Forgive your father. You owe him nothing - but you owe him your forgiveness. Giving should come easy if you have forgiven him. 1 Like |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by freecocoa(f): 6:10am On Oct 29, 2012 |
My sister you owe the man absolutely nothing but if you can afford it then fine, although I'll advice against the salary thingy, if I were the one, I'd rather give him money when I feel like or want to, he is not in the position to demand nada from thee. |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by nanaman(m): 6:22am On Oct 29, 2012 |
My dear sister,you have won. That's what your mother want so continue to do it for him only if you have & you may go extra mile to assist him. Your mother as seen it all, that is why she wanted you to meet him & she knows where it would end. Do your best for him,see it as if you're helping a friend in need. Your reward would come in folds. He's eating poison which he knows. Your name may not be in his books but I can confirm to you it would be in his WILL. |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by hollandis(f): 6:30am On Oct 29, 2012 |
jjgirljay: [b]i was raised by a single parent,i turned out great and made my mother proud. shes made it a big issue for me to meet my dad,i finally did and honesty we had nothing much to talk about and to my surprise i am a carbon copy of him. My own 2 cents -Just because you are blood does not make you family.You've got to earn it Yours Sincerely Hollandis N.B -why is your mum showing you off ?it might be dangerous for you 6 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 6:35am On Oct 29, 2012 |
biology does not equal responsibility a sperm donor is no different from a man that abandons his own child so what does the poster owe this man, hmmm this has got me think maybe i should put a clause on this money i am saving every week for my child b4 one useless old man tries this same thing 2 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by cnwamo(m): 6:37am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Dunno what I would do if I were You cos I had both parents together buh I don't believe you owe him anything and also as concerning the salary I can't stop laughing, why in the world would he demand such from You. My opinion don't give him a dime as salary. SHIKENA |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by passionate88: 6:38am On Oct 29, 2012 |
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| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by likethat(m): 6:39am On Oct 29, 2012 |
my dear this same happened to me. Doing anything for him will not change his mind to like, love or prayer for you. The more he sees you, he will remember what caused the problem between him and your mummy. Also, he will thought that you are doing it to take revenge. And if you want to help him just send money only to him, don't go to him or receieve his calls. The same venom in him against you and your mummy it still there. What happened to other children he has from other women? Becareful ooooooo. The more you receive call or see him the harder the task he will give you and if you did not fulfill it then the battle begins. You know he is getting old his venom has become thick, strong and more wicked. 1 Like |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 6:42am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Is your dad a yoruba man?  Just asking o! |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by martyns303(m): 6:52am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Why did he abandon ur mom but still kept 2 wives? Why would he neglect 1 child but still accomodates "bunch" of others. Obviously he doesn't appear to be someone who don't take responsibility for his family so what really went down between ur mum n him? Bothered asking? Was he totally to be blamed? Why didn't ur mum introduce u all this years? |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by chiefbatiatus(m): 6:56am On Oct 29, 2012 |
freecocoa: My sister you owe the man absolutely nothing but if you can afford it then fine, although I'll advice against the salary thingy, if I were the one, I'd rather give him money when I feel like or want to, he is not in the position to demand nada from thee. Best advise, besides he is an ingrate if he demanded anything, infacct he shouldn't even plead for it |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 7:06am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Buy him the generator. As far as i'm concerned, the monthly stipend should not be your responsibility. |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Ariyke: 7:07am On Oct 29, 2012 |
U owe him no dime bt if u are in the position to help why nt glorify the name of God through him. |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by sizzlers(m): 7:08am On Oct 29, 2012 |
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| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by kingsleyd(m): 7:10am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Forgiving others is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself. Staying angry is like taking poising yourself hoping it will hurt them. He is still ur father, look after him irrespective of whatever he has done to u in d past 1 Like |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by akinsdeji(m): 7:11am On Oct 29, 2012 |
freecocoa: My sister you owe the man absolutely nothing but if you can afford it then fine, although I'll advice against the salary thingy, if I were the one, I'd rather give him money when I feel like or want to, he is not in the position to demand nada from thee. Nice advice,freecocoa: My sister you owe the man absolutely nothing but if you can afford it then fine, although I'll advice against the salary thingy, if I were the one, I'd rather give him money when I feel like or want to, he is not in the position to demand nada from thee. Nice advice,freecocoa: My sister you owe the man absolutely nothing but if you can afford it then fine, although I'll advice against the salary thingy, if I were the one, I'd rather give him money when I feel like or want to, he is not in the position to demand nada from thee. Nice advice, |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by chucky234(m): 7:15am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Many comments here have so far made it clear that you owe him nothing but to be sincere you owe him something more important than all the love your mother showed you in his absence,you owe him your life because he made it possible for you to grace this world. I had a similar experience but today I give him indirectly by offering assistance to the children of his second wife,OP you owe your father your life and should offer him assistance whenever you can to appreciate the fact that he made it possible for you to grace this world and have a living. 3 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Omuha(m): 7:16am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Seriously,are you asking? Of course,the old man is taking advantage of you. I don't think he deserves anything from you other than the help you rendered when he took ill. A man should not reap where he has not sown. Now,ask yourself,if you had turned out to be the one in need of his assistance-financially-would he have rendered any. If you give what he asks,how would he ever know he did wrong. I am sure you ran to him like a helpless child who is seeking daddy's face,that's why he thinks it is his right to get things from you in return for granting you audience & acknowledging you. |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 7:22am On Oct 29, 2012 |
You can buy him the generator if u can afford it. But monthly income when he is not working for u. No way. No parent should ask his children for monthly income. It's just not rite. You give him if u feel like. Apparently he has not earned it otherwise u won't be having second thots. Besides you're not his only child. Wat abt his other children that lived with him. Why doesn't he ask them? |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by scopusng(m): 7:23am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Moro.n, look at you asking people to advise you if you should take care f your father or not.Big shame on you, now do the right thing or he get you coursed.Foo.l |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 7:27am On Oct 29, 2012 |
I also had similar problem with my dad though he just married my mum.my dad swore with his life that he wasn't gonna sponsor his female children just three of us out of six to the university.he believed that women don't need to further their education. My mum took it as a responsibilty with her little earnings to train me and my sisters up to masters level.Now,my papa don they boast say im get masters degree holders. He demands more money from us more than my mum.but na my papa na! Will I deny him of money? I don't have the mind to do that. @op,he is your father.you don't have any other one.if you have you give.don't make it a mandatory thing that you must give.what of the other kids? I guess they should be doing well too.make you shine your eyes too to avoid your other siblings being jealous of you.this kind thing fit bring enemity between you and your siblings. |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 7:34am On Oct 29, 2012 |
See it this way, there wouldn't be a 'you' without him. Some people just want to have a glimpse of the man who fathered them even for 10 seconds. You've heard of people going round the world to search for their biological parents. In my opinion, help him if you can afford it. He just wants to have a 'feel' of his daughter in his life. Perhaps, if he too has a second chance he might do things differently and be a part of your life. 2 Likes |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 7:36am On Oct 29, 2012 |
He is out of line for demanding a monthly income from you so you should respectfully decline that request. If it were me, my only financial contributions to him would be to help in case of emergency like you did when he was ill. For the most part though, I would keep him at arms length. Of course you should forgive him and it sounds like you have quite frankly but forgiveness doesn't mean you have to finance his greed and opportunism. 1 Like |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by werepeLeri: 7:38am On Oct 29, 2012 |
Most of these postings have shown vividly how people treat their parents. Simple. Or put in another way, they are people who have never given a dime to their parents but will even still want to take from them at any opportunity. OP - if you can, help your father. Dont bring your personal issues here - they will rubbish you. |
| Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 7:39am On Oct 29, 2012 |
why do people do this - why is this man trying to reap where he did not sow, i ask again if this person didn't have money do you think the so called father would even be around. for those saying he should cos of blood - so tell me what is the difference between these men who abandon their children and sperm donors. if thru this man's wickedness this girl got ill when she was younger and became disabled or suffered a chronic life long condition do you honestly think this man would help his so called blood and child. when a man has a problem with the mother that is between him and the woman - the child has done nothing is a different person who also deserves a relationship with the father - there are consequences in life - if u don't give a s/hit about a child when they need you most what the f*** do u expect when you need them most. honestly its this mentality that makes some people abandon their children then come 20 years later saying u are my blood so u owe me - COMPLETE BS 3 Likes |
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