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Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by bright007(f): 7:45am On Oct 29, 2012
He is your father,there wouldn't be a you without him.So forget about what he has done to you in the past and help him if you can.
Don't do a titt for tat
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by denitro(m): 7:51am On Oct 29, 2012
Your Dad is your dad.
Look at the bigger picture. How much is a couple bucks a month?
I have a friend in a similar position.
He told me he sends his Dad money like once in 3 months even though the man
doesn't deserve it. His Dad set a bad example and he is making sure he
doesn't repeat the same mistake his Dad made.
He's an excellent father.
N.B
Buy a generator, send him a couple bucks once in a while and be happy.
Trust me - you 'll thank me later in life.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by beckyomas(f): 7:53am On Oct 29, 2012
i don't see any reason why some dudes here are insulting d op nd people who gave their candid opinion, Its not just right. Just state urs nd leave.
i guess some supporting d dad do not understand what d op has gone thru probably because they lived with their parents or didnt live long enough with them (incase of death?.
M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ opinion is dat U̶̲̥̅̊ don't owe him a kobo cos he probably didn't care if U̶̲̥̅̊ were dead or alive nd seeing dat U̶̲̥̅̊ had made it in life, he wants to take advantage of U̶̲̥̅̊ cos to me tasking U̶̲̥̅̊ shows he is not even remorseful nd unrepentant not even tendering any apology or explanation but starts billing U̶̲̥̅̊....
give him if U̶̲̥̅̊ can afford some, let him G̲̣̣̣̥Ợ̥ nd bill the̶̲̥̅̊ children he took care of since he didn't find U̶̲̥̅̊ worthy all along.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by fm7070: 7:56am On Oct 29, 2012
My dear sister, this is a complicated issue with a very simple solution.
I have come to realise that forgiveness is cheaper, better than revenge.
Revenge will cost you emotional turture and seed of guilt will be dropped in your heart.
Forgive him, you may not do all he asked of, but just let him understand that this is what you can afford right now.
Most importantly, you have to be very very careful with everything that surrounds your father and your half siblings.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by bknight: 7:57am On Oct 29, 2012
A lot of mediocre replies here will be encouraging BS:
Forgive him (even when he's not remorse?),
Give him (just) because he is ur father...

Op did not say she has not forgiven him...what responsible/caring father 'demands' a monthly allowance from his children?

Op do if u wish to...but if u genuinely came here to hear other opinions, then I'm sure its obvious dat u owe him no such thing as monthly stipend

Let ppl reap what you sow...will serve as deterrent to other parents who mistreat their own children for one reason or other but when life smiles on these children, same fathers (seeing what's to be gained in feigning repentance) shamelessly open their mouth to make absurd demands

Does he now genuinely act like a father and treats u like a daughter? Does he even give a sht abt u now?..but for material gains he now acts humbled...do it for him at ur detriment...he'd use ur money and still treat u as sh*t. A man with no heart has no heart!

angry

2 Likes

Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by chiomat: 7:59am On Oct 29, 2012
he should stop givin u conditions bcus u owe him nothing.



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Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Ymodulus: 8:05am On Oct 29, 2012
scopusng: Moro.n, look at you asking people to advise you if you should take care f your father or not.Big shame on you, now do the right thing or he get you coursed.Foo.l
you are the slowpoke here. fo.olish dirty he goat, stu.pid nigerian. people like u shud be denied access to the net. why insult the lady?! cant you just give her your advice without the insult! besides she owes him nothing!!!

guy no provoke my spirit dis morning because i fit bomb dis plane wey i wan enta dis mornin

4 Likes

Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by eduson002(m): 8:07am On Oct 29, 2012
To whom much is given,much is expected.That man gave u nothing,why does he expect anything from you?
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 8:10am On Oct 29, 2012
Ymodulus: you are the slowpoke here. fo.olish dirty he goat, stu.pid nigerian. people like u shud be denied access to the net. why insult the lady?! cant you just give her your advice without the insult! besides she owes him nothing!!!

guy no provoke my spirit dis morning because i fit bomb dis plane wey i wan enta dis mornin

Lmao grin grin grin Abeg no bomb the plane o grin grin No dey quick vex abeg grin grin
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by bknight: 8:14am On Oct 29, 2012
Ymodulus:
...
guy no provoke my spirit dis morning because i fit bomb dis plane wey i wan enta dis mornin...

rotfloma...
*u cld a bucket of d water from my eyes right now*....laffing out fcking loud!!! grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by buchibabe: 8:18am On Oct 29, 2012
pDude: Is your dad a yoruba man? lipsrsealed

Just asking o!

Hmmm! Ur "finding" trouble o.u want to start dis yoruba/ibo e-war .abeg o dia is no hair in my armpit o
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by deltadegre: 8:19am On Oct 29, 2012
Frankly speaking the poster owes the man nothing. But if you wish to help him in any little way you can, then go ahead and remain blessed in the Lord. If i am in your shoes i will not even bear his name. I will be proud to bear my mum's name and tell the world that i don't know who the hell is my father. weak men that always want the best but fail to build the best.................

1 Like

Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 8:19am On Oct 29, 2012
Help him if u have the dough. What's there sef?
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by yuzedo: 8:21am On Oct 29, 2012
There are fathers and there are FATHERS...!

This man is not your father, he only provided se(m)en for your conception..

Treat him like you would a neighbour, or a colleagues dad, or your landlord... He did not fulfil his divine obligations in your life, thus, you needn't fulfil yours in his life.. Unless you want to out of the goodness of your heart, but YOU OWE HIM NOTHING.

... Everyday, I hear stories, and everyday, I just want to tell my dad how proud I am of him! Gosh, that man fulfilled EVERY role a father ought to.. Without being the richest man in the world, Head and shoulders above the average father,Even till today. Bless you VIG!

3 Likes

Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by bknight: 8:23am On Oct 29, 2012
Only in a matter of life/death u owe to stay alive...because his spermatozoa brought u alive as some have poinnted out. Do whatever u can to make him stay alive but wasting out ur money on his indulgences/luxury living... generator? shocked the papa never start grin grin grin

With all objectivity and no sentiments: As u lay ur bed...

undecided
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Gratia(f): 8:23am On Oct 29, 2012
Of course he's takin advantage of u,,All I can tel u is buy him d generator if u can afford it but payin him Salary is not advisable because if u start payin him monthly nw, u wil b in trouble if u stop d payment 2moro.GIVE HIM MONEY WHEN IT's NECESARY (probably 4rm time to time) and WHEN U HAVE. Be wise don't accept d salary tins.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by bigtt76(f): 8:27am On Oct 29, 2012
My dear, your mother knew the reason why she wanted you to reunite with your dad ....its called FORGIVENESS and like she rightly said 'Honor thy father and thy mother ......' forget about the past. He may not have acknowledged you in his numerous books BUT do you know what he has in store secretly for you?

Please oblige his request in anyway you can. He trust and have faith in you which is why he wants you to cater for his needs. Once again ....please do not ignore him!

jjgirljay: [b]i was raised by a single parent,i turned out great and made my mother proud. shes made it a big issue for me to meet my dad,i finally did and honesty we had nothing much to talk about and to my surprise i am a carbon copy of him.

my dad is had 2 wives since then and loads of half caste kids. i got close to my sister and we did keep in-touch,shes the opposite of me. she made her beauty get her all she wants.

my fathers kids are all grown up and living around world,i moved back few years ago and again my mother reunited us. (she say honor your father and you mother so that your days may be long)

my dad fell sick and money was needed,i gave more than half,now hes recovered and he wants a generator and a monthly income from me.

my questions; do i owe this man anything?
he did not in anyway provide for me,why is he asking me for anything?
hes a writer and of all the 36 books he wrote,i was not acknowledged in it.

what do i really owe him?
[/b]
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Rooneyboy(m): 8:28am On Oct 29, 2012
Monthly salary !!!

What for ?

Or are u employing him to be a dad to u ?

2 Likes

Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by ektbear: 8:32am On Oct 29, 2012
Q: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me?
A: Yes
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by fm7070: 8:37am On Oct 29, 2012
@Ymodulus:
It is evident that you will end up becoming a worse father
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by NeilOssai(m): 8:52am On Oct 29, 2012
2 wrongs dont make a right'....do 4 him wat he could'nt do 4u' n i bet, u will make him suffer d more...afta all any how ur papa b ooo na ur papaaa...
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by pufectskin: 8:56am On Oct 29, 2012
Dats bull..it! Dat man is selfish and it is absolutely ridiculous for him to demand anything from u.
He spent his best days screwing around and making babies all over d place, treating women like shit (a man with lots of women n kids he is not taking responsibility for their upbringing has no respect for women and has no dignity. He is just a sperm donor) and now he returns after wasting his life away to ask his grown up kids to take care of him.
Are u freaking kidding me? Where was he when she needed a father figure in her life to help with homework, to give advice on men, to pamper her with gifts, to run to after work?
If u ask me, I am sure he feels more like a stranger to her. Now he wants to play d guilt game; make her feel guilty for not taking care of her sooo called blood dad. Excuse me! What if she had a step dad dat took very good care of her instead? She'll take care of 2 fathers? Or she'll ditch her step dad and start caring for her blood dad? Cos blood is sooo important...dats crap...I am outta here
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 9:00am On Oct 29, 2012
Your story is similar to mine. My own father impregnated my mun in high school and never bothered to know if I were alive or death. He married another woman , got other children and trained them in the university. Anytime I met him that I needed money for school, he would give me stories and my mum saw me through school.
During my wedding, I refused to invite him and deliberately omitted him from my programme, then village people surfaced from no where calling it an abomination. I eventually invited him but shame didn't let him to be free as I saw people congratulating him while I just laughed.

Till this day, I don't think I can ever forgive him. So, my dear, you owe him nothing.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 9:01am On Oct 29, 2012
bigtt76: My dear, your mother knew the reason why she wanted you to reunite with your dad ....its called FORGIVENESS and like she rightly said 'Honor thy father and thy mother ......' forget about the past. He may not have acknowledged you in his numerous books BUT do you know what he has in store secretly for you?

Please oblige his request in anyway you can. He trust and have faith in you which is why he wants you to cater for his needs. Once again ....please do not ignore him!


No he doesnt. He sees her only as a tool he can manipulate for his own selfish ends perhaps realizing his other children could care less about him.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by pufectskin: 9:04am On Oct 29, 2012
I actually know a very close family friend (dad's childhood friend) who is like dis. Extremely selfish man with no self control. Left his wife (who had 3 kids for him), went around mscrewing n gettng other kids...d 3 kids from d first wife were neglected by him and even worse, dey lost their mom...dese 3 girls managed to get their lives sorted out...d older got a scholarship went to d uk, and made sure she sorted her two little sisters out too. Now dey r extremely successful accountants and lawyers in d UK. Very very successful young women and now d guy wants some piece of d cake.
D girls don't give him a dime! Not 1 kobo...if they do, like when dey sent him £100 each, its just a gift like for bdays or smtg...but to expect some regular help from them; he'd hv to forget it.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Gwazah(m): 9:06am On Oct 29, 2012
Why are people sayin u shuld 4giv him (1) Ur father did not ask 4 4givenes (2) he did not stil recognise u as his daughter (3) he wil sacrifys u 4 any juju if he gets one (4) if he has a way u wil lose ur job or fall ur business. Quote me anywere. Reasons, giving birth 2 a child wit out care is as gud as killing, u are lucky not 2 be a prostitute cos of hardship, seen u alone is enof 4 him 2 apologise not even whn u care 4 him but yet he demand more (oliva twist) pls leav dat man alone.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by obowunmi(m): 9:17am On Oct 29, 2012
You don't forgive because someone asks for it. You forgive to set yourself and your spirit free. If you take care of him, when he dies, you won't have any kind of guilt. Do what you have to do now while he is alive and move on. You might not know it, he might not say it but your father wants your forgiveness.

2 Likes

Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by Nobody: 9:18am On Oct 29, 2012
slimyem: Ask yourself this question...
Would you help a random person if they needed help?
Would you help an old neighbour?
I know its different and you feel bad about the relationship you didn't have with him but he is human first before he is your father.
I'm sure he regrets that mistake even if he doesnt say it out loud..
..maybe he is acually taking advantage of you...
..maybe he isn't...but i think you shouldn't dwell on it so much.You can't change the past but you can affect the future.
See it as a chance to have a relationship with him now...
If he truly needs help and its within your means....please do.
there is a difference detween helping someone in need and
giving money to someone who is just interested in what he can get from u. I will advice she helps him to survive. But dont pay for his luxuries. The genrator dont buy. Monthly income share it with the other grown up children. Dont take any responsibility alone.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by bigtt76(f): 9:24am On Oct 29, 2012
...And so he does not deserve forgiveness from his daughter? We don't even know how she was conceived sef whether as a love child or what happened? Do we even know if her mother rejected all entreaties from the dad when she gave birth? These are salient issues we need to consider when advising the poster. If he saw nothing good about her, he would not have requested what he did.

Remember the story of Jacob and Esau? Jacob obviously was loved by the mother and always home to do her bidding. This also translated to Jacob assisting the mother in feeding their father Isaac as at when due grin but when it came to blessing time ...Esau was the chosen one by their father and only missed it through their mother's act. To the poster's issue ....this might just be a re-enacting of the story.

davidylan:

No he doesnt. He sees her only as a tool he can manipulate for his own selfish ends perhaps realizing his other children could care less about him.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by buchibabe: 9:29am On Oct 29, 2012
Well.... Forgive him.do it just because of God not because of him.
Bt I dnt support d idea of monthly salary,esp if u know ur nt up to d task.dnt start what u cnt finish.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by chyket(m): 9:33am On Oct 29, 2012
Forgive your father and do all you can do to make his life comfortable.Two wrongs can't make a right and also know that without your Dad,you won't even be born not to talk of achieving any success.
Re: Is My Dad Taking Advantage Of Me by bigtt76(f): 9:34am On Oct 29, 2012
Exactly my thots too. He's probably using the request as a way to bring her closer to him. I mean with 36 books to his credit (hope say o be Wole Soyinka or Chinua Achebe e bi sef grin) ....de man for fit sell half or still de get royalties except say na those get rich quick books oooo grin
obowunmi: You don't forgive because someone asks for it. You forgive to set yourself and your spirit free. If you take care of him, when he dies, you won't have any kind of guilt. Do what you have to do now while he is alive and move on. You might not know it, he might not say it but your father wants your forgiveness.

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