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What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive - Family - Nairaland

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What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by Obelomo: 6:43pm On Oct 29, 2012
One of my freinds is in the states she is 26, but she has bad past relationships. She is planning to be a single parent, plus she does not want to go to Nigeria and bring anyone here. Although, all the akata guys in her area are useless. Should she search a little more for mister right before she makes that decision?
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by Nobody: 6:47pm On Oct 29, 2012
I guess going home will not be a bad idea undecided
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by Obelomo: 6:49pm On Oct 29, 2012
Jidegirl, that is my feeling too!
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by Nobody: 6:54pm On Oct 29, 2012
Honestly, that's the last resort, I have many young girls I mentor in my church, and I sponsor too, I always tell them the same thing , I sent one home to stay with her grandpa for almost a year, she's engaged now, and happy( ps; result may vary but high chance of it happening)
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by baby124: 7:07pm On Oct 29, 2012
My dear, dont get yourself down about anything. it is all in your mind. matter of fact the heaviest runs girls have some of the best marriages. Is your past a sum of who you are? Are you now a new person? Do you believe in your heart that you are truly that person? Look, we all have pasts. even virgins have pasts or baggages. does that mean we should dig our graves and bury it? I dont like your attitude towards your life. We have all done some stupid things becaause of youthful exhuberance. Guys sef lie so much about their pasts. Any man that is so interested in your past, is not good enough to enter into the future with you. It is only God you need to cry to, and leave your burden at his feet. your life is between you and God. You also attract who and what you are. change your attitude to life, and learn from your past on what not to be. Then you will attract the right people. You dont need to give up your life to get a man. Keep living and improving your life and i promise you, your man will come. Be open to dating other people from other nationalities. Goodluck and dont let anyone make you feel you are worthless. If your immediate environment is negative move to a new place. kiss kiss kiss
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by Nobody: 7:12pm On Oct 29, 2012
baby_123: My dear, dont get yourself down about anything. it is all in your mind. matter of fact the heaviest runs girls have some of the best marriages. Is your past a sum of who you are? Are you now a new person? Do you believe in your heart that you are truly that person? Look, we all have pasts. even virgins have pasts or baggages. does that mean we should dig our graves and bury it? I dont like your attitude towards your life. We have all done some stupid things becaause of youthful exhuberance. Guys sef lie so much about their pasts. Any man that is so interested in your past, is not good enough to enter into the future with you. It is only God you need to cry to, and leave your burden at his feet. your life is between you and God. You also attract who and what you are. change your attitude to life, and learn from your past on what not to be. Then you will attract the right people. You dont need to give up your life to get a man. Keep living and improving your life and i promise you, your man will come. Be open to dating other people from other nationalities. Goodluck and dont let anyone make you feel you are worthless. If your immediate environment is negative move to a new place. kiss kiss kiss

What if she wants a Nigerian, it's never the same you know, let's be honest.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by baby124: 7:15pm On Oct 29, 2012
jidegirl12:

What if she wants a Nigerian, it's never the same you know, let's be honest.

Then she needs to move to a place where there are Nigerians or reach out more to the Nigerian community. Who do you think marries those heavy runs girls? Aliens? She doesnt have to move to Nigeria to get a man. She also doesnt say she is not open to other nationalities. Not everyone has to marry a Nigerian. Some foreigners are even more Nigerian than Nigerians. smiley
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by Nobody: 7:20pm On Oct 29, 2012
Okay o, if you say so, but IMHO...Naija is her best shot.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by dayokanu(m): 7:21pm On Oct 29, 2012
baby_123: We have all done some stupid things becaause of youthful exhuberance. Guys sef lie so much about their pasts. Any man that is so interested in your past, is not good enough to enter into the future with you.

You mean if a guy is asking you for marriage and he was a serial r@pist, murderer or ritualist you would not be interested?

OP, At 26yrs you are still young to take such drastic measures
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by baby124: 7:24pm On Oct 29, 2012
jidegirl12: Okay o, if you say so, but IMHO...Naija is her best shot.

You think naija people will still not find out about that past? leaving her life behind and escaping to naija is not the solution. She may still meet what she is running from there, even in a worse way. Naija is even a much smaller community that when you live abroad. Big mistake imo

dayokanu:

You mean if a guy is asking you for marriage and he was a serial r@pist, murderer or ritualist you would not be interested?

OP, At 26yrs you are still young to take such drastic measures

Even these people get married. I think the OP is down on herself too much and may actually be over judging herself based on her upbringing, and family or society expectations. I also think it is a bit too drastic to compare her to all these criminals. She did not kill anyone.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by dayokanu(m): 7:29pm On Oct 29, 2012
baby_123:

You think naija people will still not find out about that past? leaving her life behind and escaping to naija is not the solution. She may still meet what she is running from there, even in a worse way.



Even these people get married. I think the OP is down on herself too much and may actually be over judging herself based on her upbringing, and family or society expectations. I also think it is a bit too drastic to compare her to all these criminals. She did not kill anyone.

You said anyone interested in your past is not worth it, So I am asking if you would or wouldnt be interested if you heard rumours that your fiancees was a ritualist, murderer, child molester or a wanted criminal on the run before he met you. So are you not going to ask any kind of question about your potential partners past? Below was what you posted

baby_123: Any man that is so interested in your past, is not good enough to enter into the future with you. kiss
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by baby124: 7:35pm On Oct 29, 2012
dayokanu:

You said anyone interested in your past is not worth it, So I am asking if you would or wouldnt be interested if you heard rumours that your fiancees was a ritualist, murderer, child molester or a wanted criminal on the run before he met you. So are you not going to ask any kind of question about your potential partners past? Below was what you posted


Your comparisons do not apply in this situation. And they are clearly unfair. We all know what she is trying to get at. So it is very very unnecessary of you to make such a comparison. And i also said even these people get married too. So what is your issue. Are you trying to say her life is over? Please, spare me.

OP, dont listen to all this. Be patient and work on your self. Make sure you are ready for the man you want when he comes. By then, even what ever past you have wont matter. Because a good man that is worth it knows what he is looking for and what matters. Only little kids dwell on childish things. Even most men will never tell you their pasts. Only their immediate past girlfriends. shior! You also dont have to say what you are not asked. And even then say what you think you need to say. You dont owe anyone any story. Leave anyone so concerned about such an issue, because it will only be a way to abuse you in the future. Before you open up to anyone, and i mean anyone about your life be very careful. because it is these same people that will use it to insult you. Whatever your sins are, it is between you and God alone.take note.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by dayokanu(m): 7:44pm On Oct 29, 2012
^^ My point is that its ideal to know the past of anyone you are trying to get married to.

People marry armed robbers and murderers knwoingly, Not in ignorance.

if you know your fiancee is a criminal nothing stops you from still marrying him, the "crime" is for your fiancee not to tell you before getting married to you
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by tpia5: 7:49pm On Oct 29, 2012
jidegirl12: Honestly, that's the last resort, I have many young girls I mentor in my church, and I sponsor too, I always tell them the same thing , I sent one home to stay with her grandpa for almost a year, she's engaged now, and happy( ps; result may vary but high chance of it happening)

Thats quite interesting.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by baby124: 7:50pm On Oct 29, 2012
dayokanu: ^^ My point is that its ideal to know the past of anyone you are trying to get married to.

People marry armed robbers and murderers knwoingly, Not in ignorance.

if you know your fiancee is a criminal nothing stops you from still marrying him, the "crime" is for your fiancee not to tell you before getting married to you

This is what is important to you. Do you speak for all men? No. I know many many runs girls very happy and well married to men that know exactly who they are. But the essence of the person is who those men chose to get married to not their pasts. Everyone has their requirements, this is why she has to be careful and look for the right person. Life is not over until it is over and no one should be condemned in such a manner because of wrong decisions. She is clearly aware and remorseful. We dont need to fuel her issues by some how saying she is not good enough, or is a bad person. Not everyone does bad things during the day. Some people have done things that is between them and God. Ask how many people that have been raped in naija uni's who can point out their rapists who are married and did not say a thing to their wives. so what gives? Plese let us be a bit sensitive. If she will pay for her misdeeds, she will in one way or the other. But she is not a condemned person or a useless person undeserving of love or a chance at happiness.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by tpia5: 7:53pm On Oct 29, 2012
Obelomo: One of my freinds is in the states she is 26, but she has bad past relationships. She is planning to be a single parent, plus she does not want to go to Nigeria and bring anyone here. Although, all the akata guys in her area are useless. Should she search a little more for mister right before she makes that decision?


She can also let people know she is searching.

Sometimes they do come up with good options although admittedly nothing is guaranteed in this life.


This is why i often encourage well to do nigerian ladies to get involved in welfare ( eg the current flood situation in nigeria) et all.

You just never know where you can meet someone.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by dayokanu(m): 7:54pm On Oct 29, 2012
baby_123:

This is what is important to you. Do you speak for all men? No. I know many many runs girls very happy and well married to men that know exactly who they are. But the essence of the person is who those men chose to get married to not their pasts. Everyone has their requirements, this is why she has to be careful and look for the right person. Life is not over until it is over and no one should be condemned in such a manner because of wrong decisions. She is clearly aware and remorseful. We dont need to fuel her issues by some how saying she is not good enough, or is a bad person. Not everyone does bad things during the day. Some people have done things that is between them and God. Ask how many people that have been raped in naija uni's who can point out their rapists who are married and did not say a thing to their wives. so what gives? Plese let us be a bit sensitive. If she will pay for her misdeeds, she will in one way or the other. But she is not a condemned person or a useless person undeserving of love or a chance at happiness.

The men who married the runs girls knew who they were and they have no problem with that

Some women have knowingly married armed robbers and they dont have a problem with it.

Its wrong to hide your past from your intending spouse

If one person doesnt like your past there is always someone who would love you for who you are regardless of your past.

Hiding is the wrong thing
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by baby124: 7:58pm On Oct 29, 2012
dayokanu:

The men who married the runs girls knew who they were and they have no problem with that

Some women have knowingly married armed robbers and they dont have a problem with it.

Its wrong to hide your past from your intending spouse

If one person doesnt like your past there is always someone who would love you for who you are regardless of your past.

Hiding is the wrong thing

I did not say she should hide, i said she should say what she is needs to say and not more than necessary. She is also not obliged to say a word. Better still to find a man that doesnt care about all that. For you it is important and am sure that is one of the first things you ask a woman you want to take seriously. Nothing wrong with that. smiley
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by tpia5: 7:59pm On Oct 29, 2012
baby_123:

You think naija people will still not find out about that past? leaving her life behind and escaping to naija is not the solution. She may still meet what she is running from there, even in a worse way.

You have a point but at the same time, it depends because on average, nigerians overseas do tend to have more baggage than those at home, speaking of the youths here, not the aristos back in nigeria.

And also depending on location, generally speaking.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by duplovam(f): 8:01pm On Oct 29, 2012
tpia@:

And also depending on location, generally speaking.
It depends also on weather and mood, relly. wink
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by tpia5: 8:04pm On Oct 29, 2012
I do get dayokanu's point however ( i think) which is, in these days of yahooyahoo, globalization and 419 scamming, its difficult to say young men in nigeria do not also come with their own baggage.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by baby124: 8:05pm On Oct 29, 2012
tpia@:


You have a point but at the same time, it depends because on average, nigerians overseas do tend to have more baggage than those at home, speaking of the youths here, not the aristos back in nigeria.

And also depending on location, generally speaking.

Who are the youths in Nigeria? Are they not the Aristo's and yahoo majority? . When we are talking about pasts lets not even go to the ones in Nigeria. You should see people talk. grin cheesy. Almost everyone has a very bad story attached to their names. So going to Nigeria where the amebo is epic is not a very wise decision. cheesy. Plus, i dont know how anyone will abandon their life to find a man. What if it doesnt work out? She said shes not willing to bring a man here, is the man that will marry her in Nigeria willing to marry her or her ability to live here? Can she live in Nigeria forever?
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by Nobody: 8:10pm On Oct 29, 2012
dayokanu:

You mean if a guy is asking you for marriage and he was a serial r@pist, murderer or ritualist you would not be interested?

OP, At 26yrs you are still young to take such drastic measures

Abeg bros, is there a story behind this gal cos I'm kinda blank with these @baby story about the op's past.
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by Obelomo: 12:57am On Nov 01, 2012
Thanks guys! God bless u all!
Re: What Is Ur View As An African Perspctive by MrsChima(f): 2:49am On Nov 01, 2012
Po thang...

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