My fiancee snubs for hours and sometimes for days after a disagreement. It take a lot of talking and coercing from me to bring her out of that mood. Even if the problem is from her, it will take while before she realises it and apologise.

Is this normal? Or am I too blind to see something? Will it be unreasonable to call off a wedding which is in 4 months time? I love her and have known her for 8 years now but its a habit I've always detested.

I really don't know the action to take now. Please your adulterated candid opinion is wanted. Pour it out and tell me what you'd do if you were in my shoes. Lash me I won't get mad at you. Lol

I need to take a decision is the 4 hours before this chick drives me crazy. I'll rather painfully let her go now that regret it in years to come.

for u to have dated her for 8 yrs shows that her good sides outweighs the bad side.have u brought out time to sit her down and talk to her about it?anyway bear in mind nobody is perfect, probably thats ur own cross to carry!!!

Why did it take you 8 years to realize that you can't cope with this behavior

What she's doing is a form of emotional abuse aka silent treatment. She does this to manipulate you, and to feel powerful. She knows you'll always beg her even if she offeneds you, so she doesn't bother to apologise first.

Dude you need to wake up and smell the coffee, you are in real sh1t. Emotional abuse is a very serious thing, it can drive you into depression.

Talk to her, find out if she sees anything wrong with her actions and if she's ready to change.

If she's not willing to change, I'd break off the engagement. It's better than a divorce.

Just my two cents.

'i'd rather painfully let her go...' which means u are ready to let her go. Dude,i advice u tell her about this. Hw much u detest the habit and would love her to change.Also put it in prayer cos i think she's got an unforgiving spirit.After some weeks,try nd annoy her to see if their is any change.in all,don't let go without trying to help her overcome it.

binger: After some weeks,try nd annoy her to see if their is any change.

I don‘t subscribe to the above point, OP, do not toy with her emotion.
I believe in dialogue. Talk to her, and give her some time to change after careful observation. If she doesn‘t change, leave her & forge ahead.

Its so sad

Its so sad. The funny thing is that she is nice to a fault and loving like no one else. But I see this attitude of crawling into her shell for so long as a sign of disrespect and not caring how you feel at those moments. I think I'll go on with the wedding and after about 2 kids, if she doesn't change I'll divorce. Cos I don't think I'll want to start another courtship now. I just hope she doesn't get to read this before I delete it.

La Parisienne: Why did it take you 8 years to realize that you can't cope with this behavior

What she's doing is a form of emotional abuse aka silent treatment. She does this to manipulate you, and to feel powerful. She knows you'll always beg her even if she offeneds you, so she doesn't bother to apologise first.

Dude you need to wake up and smell the coffee, you are in real sh1t. Emotional abuse is a very serious thing, it can drive you into depression.

Talk to her, find out if she sees anything wrong with her actions and if she's ready to change.

If she's not willing to change, I'd break off the engagement. It's better than a divorce.

Just my two cents.

She never used to be like this but I just can't pinpoint when this attitude crept in. She knows she has this problem but what Ikm suspecting now is that she seems not to know how to deal with it. So should I be the one to live with it for the rest of my life if she doesn't change. It will be very painful to let her go cos she has very supportive right from my university days till now and even in my biz and my job. Financially, morally and emotionally. I just wish God can help me change this one thing about her. God pleaseeeeeeeee

G

That is what i call shakara. If i were in ya shoes, when i go vex, she go calm down to so say , i was just pulling ya legs

stpat1: I think I'll go on with the wedding and after about 2 kids, if she doesn't change I'll divorce. Cos I don't think I'll want to start another courtship now.

Then you don‘t need an advice any more!
Go ahead bro.

emiwanlee: That is what i call shakara. If i were in ya shoes, when i go vex, she go calm down to so say , i was just pulling ya legs

The problem is that I am very slow to anger. It will take a whole lot to get me angry and I think that's what's she's capitalising on. I will surely get my pound of flesh someday and it will be a period she least expects it. I will go ahead with the wedding and after about 4 years, I will so make her life miserable that she would wish she remained single

omotola1:
Then you don‘t need an advice any more!
Go ahead bro.

Yea, I think its the lighter option for me now. I'll just play along and if she changes fine, if not then I can let her go then. I really want her to be the mother of my kids.

stpat1: Its so sad. The funny thing is that she is nice to a fault and loving like no one else. But I see this attitude of crawling into her shell for so long as a sign of disrespect and not caring how you feel at those moments. I think I'll go on with the wedding and after about 2 kids, if she doesn't change I'll divorce. Cos I don't think I'll want to start another courtship now. I just hope she doesn't get to read this before I delete it.

I think you are a troll, you don't really need any advice.

What a waste of my precious time.

stpat1: My fiancee snubs for hours and sometimes for days after a disagreement. It take a lot of talking and coercing from me to bring her out of that mood. Even if the problem is from her, it will take while before she realises it and apologise.

Is this normal? Or am I too blind to see something? Will it be unreasonable to call off a wedding which is in 4 months time? I love her and have known her for 8 years now but its a habit I've always detested.

I really don't know the action to take now. Please your adulterated candid opinion is wanted. Pour it out and tell me what you'd do if you were in my shoes. Lash me I won't get mad at you. Lol

I need to take a decision is the 4 hours before this chick drives me crazy. I'll rather painfully let her go now that regret it in years to come.

Let me give u an advise I was n w has served me well.. if u can't live wit it,den u won't be able t live wit it. in dat vein, able irritation today will still be an irritation tomorrow n if u can't leave wit it today u won't tomorrow. better halt n reconsider. a stitch in time..

stpat1:

The problem is that I am very slow to anger. It will take a whole lot to get me angry and I think that's what's she's capitalising on. I will surely get my pound of flesh someday and it will be a period she least expects it. I will go ahead with the wedding and after about 4 years, I will so make her life miserable that she would wish she remained single

You be 'weak man'.

@ op, ever heard of the term 'Irreconcilable differences'. From the little I know,couples such as Ryan Reynolds+ ex wife's Scarlet's divorce have been traced to this word which I think is a camouflage for long term incompatibility.

I'm particularly worried that you're already planning to divorce pre marriage. Good grief, this is a defeatist attitude. If you love her enough, let her know how much this attitude is hurting you. You can prolong the courtship period and give her allowance to change. Never, marry anyone that you're already planning to have a whooping miserable 4 years with. Except you're a sadist/ psychopath, your partner's misery = your misery, and d'u really want to bring a child up in a hostile environment.

I believe she can change, but she'll need to make a conscious decision to do so. Expect lapses along the journey till she attains self mastery. It might also help if you can look back and identify if there are certain stuff you do that triggers the silent boiling anger. It might seem trivial to you but be major to her. Honestly, wish u guys make it.

Try snubbing her too and see the outcome. Man up.

I was gona add my 2 cents but since you hv already decided to go on ahead and marry her n divorce her later, I have nothing more to add. Carry on jare, nothing do you lol

stpat1: Its so sad. The funny thing is that she is nice to a fault and loving like no one else. But I see this attitude of crawling into her shell for so long as a sign of disrespect and not caring how you feel at those moments. I think I'll go on with the wedding and after about 2 kids, if she doesn't change I'll divorce. Cos I don't think I'll want to start another courtship now. I just hope she doesn't get to read this before I delete it.

na u sabi

stpat1: My fiancee snubs for hours and sometimes for days after a disagreement. It take a lot of talking and coercing from me to bring her out of that mood. Even if the problem is from her, it will take while before she realises it and apologise.

Is this normal? Or am I too blind to see something? Will it be unreasonable to call off a wedding which is in 4 months time? I love her and have known her for 8 years now but its a habit I've always detested.

I really don't know the action to take now. Please your adulterated candid opinion is wanted. Pour it out and tell me what you'd do if you were in my shoes. Lash me I won't get mad at you. Lol

I need to take a decision is the 4 hours before this chick drives me crazy. I'll rather painfully let her go now that regret it in years to come.

Brah... Its bizarre that you have dated this gurl for 8 years and didn't come to this until now. Is it that you haven't been telling her or its that she is just too adamant to conform with it? Whatever it is, I would propose you call her and have a thorough discussion with her as regards this issue and how much pains you feel whenever she acts so. That is if you have not done this before, but if you have done this before now and she proves adamant, well... I think you are in a better position to decide what to do. One thing I always say to people is that, in marriage, you have to appreciate your partner's virtues and convince yourself through and through that you can live with the person's short-comings for the rest of your life. If, after doing the math, the virtues of the person is out-weighed by the person's vices, or rather you feel you can't really tolerate the person's vices for the rest of your life, then what I encourage is backing-out.. So, the choice is yours for the making. Choose wisely..

I wish you all the best.

Pls run for your life, SHE CAN NEVER EVER CHANGE... if she cannot change since the last 8 years, what makes you think she will change after you marry her? USE YOUR HEAD BOI...

I am talking from experience. The 9JA girl i was supposed to marry had same problem, and shes not humble. All Igbo girls i know are humble, but my ex seems to be too pompous or maybe too stubborn, after each argument she would expect me to pet and pamper her for long bc she can let go.

When i realized she cannot change, i dumped her and married a Ghanian queen. She was too pretty and very brilliant so it wasn't easy for me to take that decision. And I didn't talk to any girl for several months thereafter.

Today am happily married with 3 beautiful children. My ex got married 2 years ago and got divorced sometime this yr, she was divorced bc of the same problem that made me to dump her.

You're giving her too much attention. Ignore her and she'll come round.

Gloriagee: @ op, ever heard of the term 'Irreconcilable differences'. From the little I know,couples such as Ryan Reynolds+ ex wife's Scarlet's divorce have been traced to this word which I think is a camouflage for long term incompatibility.

I'm particularly worried that you're already planning to divorce pre marriage. Good grief, this is a defeatist attitude. If you love her enough, let her know how much this attitude is hurting you. You can prolong the courtship period and give her allowance to change. Never, marry anyone that you're already planning to have a whooping miserable 4 years with. Except you're a sadist/ psychopath, your partner's misery = your misery, and d'u really want to bring a child up in a hostile environment.

I believe she can change, but she'll need to make a conscious decision to do so. Expect lapses along the journey till she attains self mastery. It might also help if you can look back and identify if there are certain stuff you do that triggers the silent boiling anger. It might seem trivial to you but be major to her. Honestly, wish u guys make it.

Pls I'll advice you resign from your present job and take up counseling. Thanks

roymary: Try snubbing her too and see the outcome. Man up.

U beat me to dis @ op try beat her 2 her game by snubbing her for days after any disagreement no be person go tell her 2 change

tai2: You're giving her too much attention. Ignore her and she'll come round.

No mind the MUMU OP jare!!! At 2012, see terrible JAmb questions?
@OP I expected u to Av taken d bull by the horn by nOw, instead of wasting my precious time replying ur babish threAd! SMH!

LMAO.... ;DLMAO....

stpat1: Hmmm you wouldn't believe it, she has been behaving herself. There was a chick that briefly came into my life sometime back and I gave her all my attention. I think this really got her shaken up.
She has been d cool chick I've wanted her to be for about 6 months now. I no know say the fear of another woman taking your man away is the beginning of wisdom o

Lolzz...

Hmmmm....

So u used her to get ur galfriend's attention rite? Smh!