Maybe because our childcare are 100% taken care of by him ( from school,diaper changes to bedtime stories and tucking in at night) that's why I feel he doesn't need to do more....everytime a kid cries all she ask for is daddy.. even in the grocery store.. I'm like what

Sisi_Kill:

Lmfao, Jenny I have a story similar to that. About 6yrs ago, my older brother had this school mate, who had just arrived from Nigeria, over for a weekend visit. Throughout that weekend, the guy watched in shock as my brother did domestic chores. You could tell he wanted to slap my brother upside the head when he how deftly change his baby's diaper. . .with one hand. He all but called my brother a sissy and anyone who has met my brother knows he is nothing but a sissy.

Sure he is very particular about what the temperature of the bottle is before feeding the baby, he can tell you off the top of his head how many diapers a day his baby uses on average, Yeah he can tell the difference between a teething ring and a pacifier or a onesie from an overall but that does not make him a sissy because as soon as he's done with that he is jumping on his bike (which his wife hates) to go meet his club members for whatever it is they do there and when he gets back home, he is rewiring the sound system all over the house because he one time he heard a cracking sound when the music was playing amd his weekends are spent playing or refereeing one football league or the other.

The nature of his job allows him to work from home, so it is not uncommon to come home and see him with a bluetooth his ears, his mini pad in his hand conducting a meeting while warming his children's meals. I swear the two days a month he has to travel to his office in NY for their monthly meeting his kids and wife miss him so much. . .you'll think he's been gone for months on end.

Anyway, his friend was all over the place telling people how the thug they knew in secondary has become something else oh. Ah, come and see him doing laundry and feeding baby. . .how he feels sorry for him and he can't believe my mom allowed her son's head to be "exchanged" blah blah blah.

Well in August, we all met at a party and guess who is seeking opinion on what kinda diaper rash cream works because the one he used previously seem to compound the issue. . . Mr. Macho Friend!!! He went on about how they wash their baby's clothes seperately because he has found out the regular laundry detergent because it is too harsh for their baby's skin. He even went on to advice another dad to air dry baby clothes instead of using the dryer and then said proudly how his baby only used the size two diaper for like 3 weeks.

It was the funniest convo I had eavesdropped on in a long time because these were all men and see my brother feeling cool with himself because he is like the sage in the group. . .his kids (3) are all grown now. See him telling the other guys how girls are easier to potty train than guys blah blah. . .I swear you woulda thought they were discussing hedge funds or something.

What I have learnt is that it is not about the chores themselves, it is about how you see them. . .If see domestic chores are for women alone, then doing it becomes a big deal but if you feel domestic chores are just that. . .domestic chores and they need to be done, then it becomes a none issue.

The biggest misconception out there is that once men start doing these things, their wives will take advantage of them and start disrespecting them. That is funny to me because I count how many times my SIL pushes my brother out of the kitchen because he wants to start cooking or mircowave something to eat. She still has that old school mentality of setting table for her husband's food when dude is just okay eating over the kitchen sink (The fights they have over that ehn. . .Lol). The truth is women are generally easy to please. . .the best way to get away with not doing much is to show you are willing to do a lot (Please Cabal don't kill me for letting the secret out ).

Life can really be simple and hassle free. . .I don't understand why some like to complicate it with unnecessary turf wars.

Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, I know many of them like that. One who was always running his mouth about My hubby, I dont know what touched him but now he is more into domestics than Oga, even has a baby carier and carries his baby proudly feeder and all at family functions, see the expert way he changes diapers in fact when two of them get into it I feel like a mumu they have so much indept knowledge. He confessed to my husband that his home is so much better and calmer since he started spending more time at home helping out as opposed to leaving madam to deal with it all while hanging out or watching tv, says they have more couple time together and less stress and tension resulting in more and better quality bedroom activities.

jidegirl12:

I don't agree with that..... some things are must either way you want to slice it , agree or whatever... it's a must.

Calm down my sister, no be fight, we agree to disagree.

Fight ke? I'm just proving my point my apologies if I came across too tight

jidegirl12: Maybe because our childcare are 100% taken care of by him ( from school,diaper changes to bedtime stories and tucking in at night) that's why I feel he doesn't need to do more....everytime a kid cries all she ask for is daddy.. even in the grocery store.. I'm like what

Now I get where you are coming from, but remember thats you and your husband, another couple may have their own areas of strengths and it could be in cooking just like your husband is good with child care another husband may choose to support his wife by taking charge of the kitchen

debrief08:
My dear it takes a lot to piss me off, I may disagree but get pissed off for having a different opinion, No Nah. We are different. Well to us bills and chores are on the same level, we actually stayed up one night and shared bills and chores, we each try not to fail in our respective responsibilities. If I cant do something i inform him ahead of time and vice versa

I doubt this madam, lots f guys will nt descend this low, sharing chores wit u. just too much

bjcole: I doubt this madam, lots f guys will nt descend this low, sharing chores wit u. just too much

Descend low how Sir? Is it not our home? What about the bills we share is that descending low too? lol

debrief08:
Now I get where you are coming from, but remember thats you and your husband, another couple may have their own areas of strengths and it could be in cooking just like your husband is good with child care another husband may choose to support his wife by taking charge of the kitchen

And that where my problem lies .. The Kitchen...don't you think it's a woman's job to cook? What else is special then if my man cooks everything mbesides how good you are in bed? You understand my point ?

Claus:

I did though. I said if it's microwaving, it could be either of us. It's somewhere there in my post.

On the vacuuming front, it is extremely rare for one of us to be doing something while the other is just lounging. So if she had to vacuum, I'd be doing something else (probably cleaning the toilet ) and if I had to vacuum, she'd be doing something else.

On the job front, we are both quite career minded, so it's highly unlikely either of us would quit a career to stay at home. It was a hypothetical question and therefore a hypothetical answer.

On my wife thanking me, I think the issue has now been reversed. The original issue was about men expecting to be thanked. That wasn't the case. My wife thinking I was doing her a favour is now from the woman's perspective of which I have little control. I know my wife though and I don't think she felt I was doing her a favour, she is just naturally quite expressive like that.

OK ma! I take back my claim to being a new age guy. LOL!

Please don't take it back, you just convinced me . . . you ARE a new age guy!

jidegirl12:

And that where my problem lies .. The Kitchen...don't you think it's a woman's job to cook? What else is special then if my man cooks everything mbesides how good you are in bed? You understand my point ?

No, I dont think there is a man or woman job, I used to but my husband taught me different, he showed me we are partners and we should be primarily concerned with enhancing each others lives and not limiting each other to stereotypes and gender roles. His Mother raised him well, I hope some day a lady will say that about me amen.
ANyway, someone else may not like doing what your husband does, open your mind dear, life has a lot to teach.
As for what else I have to offer beyond being a cook, I offer my total loyalty, friendship, companionship, laughter, encouragement, respect, Love and most importantly Partnership. He knows whatever he wants to do he has a willing accomplice to stand with him through it all. He knows he has someone to count on no matter what happens, sickness, death, challenges, etc, he knows I am 100 percent loyal.

Ujujoan:

Please don't take it back, you just convinced me . . . you ARE a new age guy!

Chai! I must mark this day, 8/11/2012, as a great day for me on Nairaland. Lol!

debrief08:
Descend low how Sir? Is it not our home? What about the bills we share is that descending low too? lol

I am really laughing out loud !

debrief08:
No, I dont think there is a man or woman job, I used to but my husband taught me different, he showed me we are partners and we should be primarily concerned with enhancing each others lives and not limiting each other to stereotypes and gender roles. His Mother raised him well, I hope some day a lady will say that about me amen.

ANyway, someone else may not like doing what your husband does, open your mind dear, life has a lot to teach.
As for what else I have to offer beyond being a cook, I offer my total loyalty, friendship, companionship, laughter, encouragement, respect, Love and most importantly Partnership. He knows whatever he wants to do he has a willing accomplice to stand with him through it all. He knows he has someone to count on no matter what happens, sickness, death, challenges, etc, he knows I am 100 percent loyal.

That's the Key!!!

debrief08:
Now I get where you are coming from, but remember thats you and your husband, another couple may have their own areas of strengths and it could be in cooking just like your husband is good with child care another husband may choose to support his wife by taking charge of the kitchen

absolute rubbish, no wonder ur marriages dont last over there. I reject it in Jesus name. i rather stick wit my naija babes not these London girls wit wrong mentality.

bjcole: absolute rubbish, no wonder ur marriages dont last over there. I reject it in Jesus name. i rather stick wit my naija babes not these London girls wit wrong mentality.

Oga Sir, I live in Nigeria, Married to a Nigerian, And for Nigerian Marriages lasting, visit a magistrate court on tuesday and thursday and see how many divorce cases are being filed and tried

bjcole: absolute rubbish, no wonder ur marriages dont last over there. I reject it in Jesus name. i rather stick wit my naija babes not these London girls wit wrong mentality.

Mr Benjamin Cole( lovely name by the way ) chill ax ... and take some clonazipam

Over where sir

Is Bjcole for real?

debrief08:
Descend low how Sir? Is it not our home? What about the bills we share is that descending low too? lol

U share wit him becos u have it, u can imagine after being a bachelor all these while, eating junk foods, i will now marry & still be in charge of d kitchen, God forbid bad thing. If u dnt ve time 2 cook 4 ur hubby, someone dat knows how, will soon collect am, period

bjcole: U share wit him becos u have it, u can imagine after being a bachelor all these while, eating junk foods, i will now marry & still be in charge of d kitchen, God forbid bad thing. If u dnt ve time 2 cook 4 ur hubby, someone dat knows how, will soon collect am, period

Oga This is just like saying because I took care of my bills while single now that am married if my husband doesnt take care of all the bills then someone else who will do that will snatch me from him.
My worth to my husband is beyond being a cook, He can always hire one, my worth to him is beyond food, by the way, I cook, He cooks we cook, Marriage is beyond food, any marriage that can be broken because of food is based on a wrong foundation.

YES NAH

debrief08:
Oga Sir, I live in Nigeria, Married to a Nigerian,And for Nigerian Marriages lasting, visit a magistrate court on tuesday and thursday & see many divorce cases are being filed and tried

naija marriage is still better, & its this ur mentality that breaks most homes. I ve read too much of how gud ur husband is in domestic chores here that i wonder if he is really d man @ home. I dont think u shd be celebrating this, if he enjoys it gud 4 him, but it is nt his role

debrief08:
Oga This is just like saying because I took care of my bills while single now that am married if my husband doesnt take care of all the bills then someone else who will do that will snatch me from him.
My worth to my husband is beyond being a cook, He can always hire one, my worth to him is beyond food, by the way, I cook, He cooks we cook, Marriage is beyond food, any marriage that can be broken because of food is based on a wrong foundation.

What is the benefit of trying to speak sense to a brick wall, I wonder? Brick is dense AND porous you know?

bjcole: naija marriage is still better, & its this ur mentality that breaks most homes. I ve read too much of how gud ur husband is in domestic chores here that i wonder if he is really d man @ home. I dont think u shd be celebrating this, if he enjoys it gud 4 him, but it is nt his role

Lol, Our Mentality has built us a very happy free and no tension home, I bless God for him everyday and Bless his parents for raising him to be my King, I boast about him and he does the same about me, I hope you and your wife are just as happy even happier.
Whatever works for you Sir, We are happy with our own mentality, it works really well for us. We have the best of fun, home full of dancing and laughter. I wish you the same in your home sir, relax and enjoy your wife and family. When all is said and done it wont be how "manly" you are that God will ask you but how well you took care of all your familys physical, emotional and spiritual needs and how happy you made them, How many times you made them laugh and smile as opposed to how many times you made them sad or cry

ileobatojo:

What is the benefit of trying to speak sense to a brick wall, I wonder? Brick is dense AND porous you know?

My Sister, na my fellow sister I dey try to help, who knows he may pick up something and put a genuine smile on her face

jennykadry: True @ Claus

Location is the key word in your post. I for one think,its mostly because they have more support system in Nigeria as opposed to the west were take for instance, we pay 70 dollars per day on child care. The men here tend to adjust in a way that, they are taking care of the kids when wife is at work and vice versa.

Did you actually mean 70dollars a day for a childs upkeep?Then one wonders how much you earn? find that to be an exaggeration anyway.

Before nko? na slave u married.

debrief08:
What about when the couple splits bills down to the middle? Should the Wife still be responsible for all chores?
Secondly saying men are naturally lazy with chores is like saying women are naturally lazy in having careers, how did the man survive before he married? How will the wife provide for her self before she married? I believe every one of every gender is capable of performing every task, there is no role selection, I can be just as good as a provider as my husband in case of Job loss, sickness and death and He can be just a good a home maker in case I die, i am sick or unable to perform roles I normally perform. No one should be totally dependent on another.
Like you said whatever works for each couple.

101 likes

debrief08:
My Sister, na my fellow sister I dey try to help, who knows he may pick up something and put a genuine smile on her face

.

It's true sha. Nothing wey God no fit do!

yankidelta:

Did you actually mean 70dollars a day for a childs upkeep?Then one wonders how much you earn? find that to be an exaggeration anyway.

$70 a day for child care i.e. nursery. Very normal. We pay £50 a day here per child, approx £1k a month.

Don't know about others but from day one, i have seen domestic responsibilities as something a man doesn't need to be told to take onboard!

Claus:

$70 a day for child care i.e. nursery. Very normal. We pay £50 a day here per child, approx £1k a month.

Almost $2k a month ! For just one kid?

And she will be busy doing what?
I see it as my sole duty to take care of the bills,while she takes care of the kitchen and my kids.
Shikena!!
I don't care if the lady in question is raised in Nigeria or abroad.

jidegirl12:
Mr Benjamin Cole( lovely name by the way ) chill ax .. and take some clonazipam
Over where sir

well since u ve given me benjamin cole, no qualms, i just dont like d way u girls r taking this issue. I almost got married 2 one lady that works wit Agip some yrs ago, i envisaged this & i had 2 back out, she doesnt cook, only restaurants, even 2 help me wit house chores was wahala. This my wife when we were dating, my friends usually come 2 my house 4 lunch.