I found this and I thought I'd share.

Help! My Wife Is Not Interested In Sex

Question:

We are a young couple in our mid 20’s, both professionals, live alone, and have no children. I couldn’t wish for a better wife. She really is the whole package—intelligent, beautiful, and pious. We get along extremely well, share interests, and are always joking together. We genuinely are best friends, and I have absolutely no complaints what so ever…. except one. We very rarely (I mean once a month at most) have sexual relations, and I am really struggling with this.

I feel like I have tried everything, but nothing seems to be working. I have tried being patient when she is tired or complains of a headache. I just deal with it, but she seems to be tired all too often. I have tried ‘woo-ing’ her; when she gets home from work, I have cooked for her a 3 course meal, bought her flowers, and finished the household tasks so she can relax. I have surprised her with gifts, small things that I know she appreciates. I don’t use these gestures as some sort of currency for sexual attention, but my point is I’m not a lousy guy who does nothing for his woman! I have tried talking to her and telling her that I would appreciate more of this time with her, but it just doesn’t work.

Sex is a fundamental ingredient to a successful marriage, and I can’t help but feel like we are missing that salient ingredient. I know that men and women have differing libidos and appreciate that sometimes a woman is just tired!

What would you advise I do or say to improve the situation? I know that there is no malice intended by her refusal, but she just doesn’t seem to be interested in a sexual relationship.

Answer from the website's experts:

Frequency of sexual activity will vary from couple to couple. Although it is normal for couples to have differences in sexual desire, it is estimated that one out of every three married couples struggles with problems associated with mismatched sexual desire1 . There could be multiple factors contributing to your wife’s lack of interest in sex, including health issues, side effects of medications (e.g. birth control), depression, anxiety, fatigue, and/or stress. It’s a good idea to encourage your wife to get a medical evaluation. Have you also considered your wife’s beliefs about sex? Her hesitation may be due to cultural beliefs discouraging women from initiating or enjoying sexual activity. Perhaps your wife is dealing with unresolved emotional issues or other psychological barriers. Has she experienced sexual abuse? Does she share your positive characterization of your marriage? Is she afraid of getting pregnant? Another issue to consider is whether your wife’s needs are being met during sex. Are you pleasuring her? Have you discussed her preferences during sexual activity? Is she experiencing any pain during sex?

All of these factors can contribute to low libido.

Additionally, consider the fact that there may be gender differences in the sexual response cycle. Most people are familiar with the linear model in which sexual activity begins with desire, followed by arousal, and ends with orgasm. However, women’s motivations to be sexual are more complex and are not necessarily motivated by desire. Women may be seeking emotional intimacy and increased confidence about their self-image, and their decision to continue in sexual activity will depend on factors such as stimulation, time, and environmental and interpersonal context. If all of these elements are in place when women are approached and sexually stimulated by their partners, they will experience a circular sexual response cycle, with feelings of arousal leading to feelings of desire, which can then increase motivation for sexual activity. Generally, women take longer to feel sexually aroused, so expand your sexual repertoire and be creative in your pre-intimacy with your wife, focusing on holding, touching, and caressing, instead of just genital stimulation.

Outside of sexual activity, try a few different approaches. How often do you touch your wife affectionately without expecting it to lead to sex? Many women want to kiss, hug, cuddle, and hold hands without the pressure of sex. Make an effort to be intimate without being sexual. Instead of the usual dance of you pursuing your wife for sex and her pulling away—try not doing anything at all. Don’t initiate sex for a while, and see what happens. Her desire may be rekindled when there is some distance and you are no longer needy or dependent.

You are on the right track in expressing your affection to your wife through random acts of kindness. Use your friendship to have honest conversations about your concern. Be honest, and don’t take it personally. Your wife’s lack of interest doesn’t mean she’s not interested in you. She may be feeling ashamed and guilty, so be careful about engaging in a blame game. Ask questions. Find out what her expectations are, and given your differences in libido, you and your wife will have to negotiate a mutually acceptable goal for sexual activity. Work towards a mutual connection—emotionally and sexually. If all else fails, consider visiting a counselor with expertise in sexual issues.

Source: http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/spouse/help-my-wife-is-not-interested-in-sex/

Do you agree with the tips given by the experts from the website? What would you advice this husband to do in this situation?

Well did it ever occur to Mr. here that wifey just got married for the title? And is repulsed by anything sexual with him? My friend once claimed not to like the thing and will do it once in a while with the BF, until she met SOMEONE ELSE!!! . She is a whole new human being. She like am wella! The only people that say it is overrated are those who havent gotten it well. . Being sexually compatible is very important. Men! Some virgins dey play russian roulette

It seems the wife is just frigid and needs to be in her comfort zone to find sex pleasurable with her husband. This kind of shyness is not helpful at all. The question for the husband is what/where is the key to unleash the "tigress" in his wife?

I will say you two should relax and plan a proper vacation. She may be extremely stressed at work and probaly a bit inexperienced with the whole thing. If you have not taken a proper honeymoon, take one now!

If you can afford it, take a vacation to somewhere you have never been before. Relax, have fun and the rest would just come naturally!

baby_123: Well did it ever occur to Mr. here that wifey just got married for the title? And is repulsed by anything sexual with him? My friend once claimed not to like the thing and will do it once in a while with the BF, until she met SOMEONE ELSE!!! . She is a whole new human being. She like am wella! The only people that say it is overrated are those who havent gotten it well. . Being sexually compatible is very important. Men! Some virgins dey play russian roulette

I disagree . . . there's a condition known as 'frigidity'. That's why the word exists!

Ujujoan:

I disagree . . . there's a condition known as 'frigidity'. That's why the word exists!

I also disagree, Frigidity is when you play dead in bed. Being frigid doesnt mean you do it once a month.

However:

I feel like I have tried everything, but nothing seems to be working. I have tried being patient when she is tired or complains of a headache.
very rarely (I mean once a month at most) have intimate relations,

This is not.

Wife could just be frigid.

@ OP, how will dis get to dem na considering dat d website already provided answers.

Poor boy! Once a month? Choi! That one na punishment o.
You've said it all, guys. The woman is just frigid.
The vacation sounds nice but being professionals in their various fields may make the vacation take long. I'll advice your weekends are spent out, in a hotel maybe.
No cooking, no washing no cleaning just gbenching. Seduce her till she loosens up.
Was she ever sexually harrassed? #justasking

Tgirl4real: Wife could just be frigid.

@ OP, how will dis get to dem na considering dat d website already provided answers.

Oh! Where is thy faith?

Anyways, do you know the number of men that are facing the same scenario who might learn from this thread? It is quite common and many couples have such a challenge.

maclatunji:

Oh! Where is thy faith?

Anyways, do you know the number of men that are facing the same scenario who might learn from this thread? It is quite common and many couples have such a challenge.

Quite true mac,
Years ago I worked in an office with a middle aged woman who told me that she had never,ever enjoyed s3x with her husband. She told me she hated s3x and only engaged in it to satisfy her husband and to procreate(this couple had three kids)
In fact she said she hated any thing to do with s3x, such as kissing and pre-intimacy. Could such a woman be classified as being frigid? The fact is that a lot of couples endure these kind of marriages but are scared to speak out for fear of what society will say about them.
Nice thread.

Mac, you've got a brilliant article up there.

The response from the experts is spot on. If none of what they've suggested is applicable in her case (i.e reasons why she might be the way she is with him), then she's just not into him.

Maybe they have a routine "born-again" kind of sex sef. Anyway if there are no underlying issues (history of abuse, health reasons, etc) then that their situation is a ticking time bomb.

T'is just a matter of time before the guy in question starts looking outside to satisfy his sexual needs, and I won't blame him for it. Afterall, body nor be wood.

Disadvantages of not test driving your intending spouse.

If you had bleeped him while dating maybe you wouldn't have tied the knot. But the idealistic being virgin till marriage is what you are paying for now.

Your own sex drive is way higher, there is no way of knowing that if you don't test drive.

lesson for unmarried ppl. Fuckkk the hell out of your fiancee before saying I do else you get stuck with a one minute man

Some things cant be taught.

Similar issue on this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/432672/unromantic-husband

I think women who have never felt an orgasm feel this way, not saying there are no frigid women though.

Richvkunt:

Quite true mac,
Years ago I worked in an office with a middle aged woman who told me that she had never,ever enjoyed s3x with her husband. She told me she hated s3x and only engaged in it to satisfy her husband and to procreate(this couple had three kids)
In fact she said she hated any thing to do with s3x, such as kissing and pre-intimacy. Could such a woman be classified as being frigid? The fact is that a lot of couples endure these kind of marriages but are scared to speak out for fear of what society will say about them.
Nice thread.

For some people I seriously believe it's mind over matter. This wife seems to be one of such. The husband has to conquer her heart before her body becomes available to him.

Why he hasn't conquered her heart is the missing factor he needs to figure out.

well my on view on this is that she (wife) might have had bad experience(s) so its normal if shes feeling scared or irritated. My advice to the man(husband) is that he should learn to be more romantic, friendly and free with his wife, i bet she would loosen up if he makes the right moves *free lessons on this issue* lol

Sirheed89: well my on view on this is that she (wife) might have had bad experience(s) so its normal if shes feeling scared or irritated. My advice to the man(husband) is that he should learn to be more romantic, friendly and free with his wife, i bet she would loosen up if he makes the right moves *free lessons on this issue* lol

I think it goes way beyond this. One of the greatest things a marriage needs is genuine friendship and the man is claiming they have it. However, I am beginning to believe the negative experience angle. Maybe the wife is greatly afraid that she might lose him if she tells him what the real problem is.

"Loose him" how?

mayb this woman was abused when she was younger and since our society like to sweep that kind of thing under the carpet, the dust is trying to escape and doesn't know how.

or mayb she is just not into the husband cos as a woman i don't know how i can be lying next to my husband no marital problem and the thing no dey hungry me - na wah o some people are strange if there is no underlying issue

All the guy needs to do is ask the woman what she likes. Men have fragile ego's and women don't like dashing it. Most people fake, and there comes a time when you get tired of faking. The "I have a headache" line is a classic that seems consistent. . Guys shouldn't be afraid to ask questions, or learn something new. Explore and be spontaneous. Also, don't judge and call the woman ashawo! Who knows their body better than the woman? A woman can teach a man a lot about her body and intimacy. So be open and enjoy.

Sex is an important part of marriage.

@

baby_123: All the guy needs to do is ask the woman what she likes. Men have fragile ego's and women don't like dashing it. Most people fake, and there comes a time when you get tired of faking. The "I have a headache" line is a classic that seems consistent. . Guys shouldn't be afraid to ask questions, or learn something new. Explore and be spontaneous. Also, don't judge and call the woman ashawo! Who knows their body better than the woman? A woman can teach a man a lot about her body and intimacy. So be open and enjoy.

Try to get married.

well said every one, for the guy, its good to know when things are working out fine or not, so dont deceive your self claiming your a good man n all, settle down and pay more attention to your woman, you just might find that little thing.

Some women grew up in homes, churches and around ppl that told them that sex is sin. Talking from personal experience. For such a woman, even after marriage, its difficult to open up. Its takes a lot mental detoxification and re-indoctrination to make her enjoy sex. This kind of women would never enjoy sex with their bf no matter what u do or say cos they feel its dirty.

Then they also need better understanding to enjoy it in marriage cos pyschological chnage is not always automatic.