|Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New|
Stats: 1,807,110 members, 3,550,912 topics. Date: Monday, 22 May 2017 at 10:28 PM
|Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 1:06pm On Nov 16, 2012|
Marijuana: Your igboness, this story is sounding more real, can one be so afraid of hell but still claims to be am atheist?
Me: Don't mind him, before I got to this padded wall, I use to think the same way
Marijuana: Abeg no raise your madness talk again before them no go legalise me
Me: Shut-up, have you seen the air being denied access from the anus
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 1:22pm On Nov 16, 2012|
Foxy_Rebirth: Marijuana: Your igboness, this story is sounding more real, can one be so afraid of hell but still claims to be am atheist?Fire burn the smoker
Air being denied access from the anus?! rotflmao hahahahaha! Weed no good oooo!
|Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 1:36pm On Nov 16, 2012|
Fire burn which smoker.... Chei.... Those that dwell on normal grounds shall not know the joy of space-roaming
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 1:42pm On Nov 16, 2012|
Foxy_Rebirth:skywalker get down from there!
|Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 1:52pm On Nov 16, 2012|
Owk o..... But you won't stop me when I ready to get high
|Re: African Nerd by micki83(m): 12:25pm On Nov 18, 2012|
Red-moss,dony tell me the story (by d way,see how I flipped ur nickname...cool,no) just ended like that ooo! Finish it nah abeg(and there had better be more garri cameos in it,lol)
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 2:59pm On Nov 18, 2012|
I have the continuation but Nepa dey dull. I will post asap
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 9:10pm On Nov 18, 2012|
I turn to behold another figure. Short and petite, with elfish ears, big brown eyes, yet mature looking in face. I remember him . He is the one they call Minion.
“What the hell? So I wasn’t dreaming?! It was all real?!”, I shriek out in terror
“Come out now, little one. No-on will hurt you now ”, Minion beckoned to the Ugly one in the bushes , totally ignoring my question.
The Ugly beast now pushes itself away from the cover of the vegetation. This thing was crouching all the while. As it stands up to its true height, I can’t help but momentarily forget my plight to wonder at his form. He is 3metres in height, with skin of red, bearing only two fingers on each of its two hands. Its face, I can’t describe its face, it is the most horrible sight I have ever seen. With eyes of pure wretchedness. Its countenance was difficult to look upon.
I quickly drop my machete. It is a useless weapon against such thick-skinned monstrosity. I look down to Jill, she is a brave dog. But her bravery has limits like anyone’s, she is shivering at my feet, letting off one or two frightened barks every now and then.
My Mother’s shout from inside the house suddenly startles me
“Ayomide! Why is Jill barking?”
F*ck! I totally forgot about my mother. What will I say? She won’t understand, she can easily die of an heart attack if I attempt to explain.
“She can’t see us. We are not fully materialized in your realm. We are only partly here”, said Minion in an apparent bid to calm me.
“But I can see you, my dog can see you”
“You see us only because we want you to. As for your pet, she is a beast of the gods. We can’t hide from her gaze”
“It is just the chickens!” , I shout back to my mother
“What do you want with me?” I ask Minion
“We have come to you with word from the underworld. Lord Hades wishes to give you details of your assignment. Come with me”
As I make my way toward Minion, suddenly a red hand pulls me back. Holding me a meter above the ground. I feel the two fingers of the beast against my neck. Jill barks out in my defence. The beast easily sweeps her aside with one swift kick.
“Let him be! Jargon! I say let him be! Stop this madness!”, I hear Minion shout out at the beast
But the ugly beast tightens its grip around my neck. I strike at the obviously uncontrollable beast with my machete, my blow lets off nothing but sparks. I am going out of breath. The world is darkening in my eyes. Everything is spinning. My head is heavy. I feel the cold hands of death.
As I black out I see a man on an okada, with a scythe in one hand. He rides towards me, blackness over his face, redness in his eyes. This is the god of death, Thanatos himself.
Suddenly a darkness descends. The beast acknowledging the presence, releases its grip from me and bows to its knees. I fall to ground, trying so hard to catch my breath. I can still see the god of death, he is angry, he is driving away from me this time. He is angry, I feel it. A soul has escaped his grip.
As soon as I regain my breath, I look up from the ground where I lay. I see Jill beside a pair of legs, I look up the legs to meet my mother’s face. She has clearly witnessed the whole strangling incident. I don’t know what she saw. But with the look of shock on her face, I know it can’t be good.
“What just happened?” , She asks amid frightened looks
|Re: African Nerd by Udee1(f): 5:03pm On Nov 19, 2012|
Wow! Being a huge fan of greek mythology, i have to commend u. Ur story is both hilarious and captivating. Pray, tell on!
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 6:47pm On Nov 19, 2012|
U-dee:Was almost about to quit the story. What is the use writing a story noone reads?
Will post the continuation asap
|Re: African Nerd by UjSizzle(f): 9:50pm On Nov 19, 2012|
Are u madt? Who says no one is reading?! Abeg complete the post joorh, u make laugh so hard before going to bed.
Lmao@Thanatos arriving on an okada
|Re: African Nerd by Udee1(f): 10:25pm On Nov 19, 2012|
Redmosquito:Pls don't quit o. We want to see how this ends
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 10:59pm On Nov 19, 2012|
Make una no vex ooo!
Tomorrow I'll post the rest
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 12:20am On Nov 20, 2012|
“What just happened?” , She asks amid frightened looks
“Erm…. Ermm……” , my brain tries so hard to figure out an explanation
“Haven’t I have always warned you to wear slippers anytime you come here” , she shouted, “Look at how you slipped and almost hit your head on those rocks” , she bends to lift me from the chicken-poo infested floor “All this chicken poopoo is slippery now! You want to wound yourself?”, she adds
I stand next to her, completely dazed by her statements, more dazed by the supernatural assault. I look to the sole of my feet. Lo and behold, I see the smears of chicken dung. I don’t remember stepping on any, I was completely away from the nearest pile. I turn to see Minion, he is fading away now.
“Thank me for the poo later” , he says
The ugly beast by his side, my earlier attacker, is now slouching under the weight of collars,foot-cuffs and handcuffs. A koboko brandished in the left hand of Minion as he holds onto the monstrosity.
Whatever punishment is going to be served out to this strange thing, it deserves.
Minion is completely gone now. The damn guy is a good set-up artist, I bet he was once a Nigerian. See how the guy just used sense to save the whole situation, and apparently my mother couldn’t arrive at any other logical conclusion. Hell! There was no other logical conclusion!
After receiving rounds of admonishments and pleas from my mother; admonishments for my rash behaviour ,pleas for more carefulness. I proceed to my original destination, the backyard where the gen is housed.
As I make my way to the gen house, I sight a small rat snake in the bushes. Mostly due to my laziness, partly due to my wisdom, I ignore it.
” It can’t harm us”, I assure myself “Besides we need more allies in the fight against the rats”, I add.
Unlike my mother, I prefer a softer approach towards Mother Nature. When my mother kills everything down to the last gecko, I simply drive them out of the house. So my mother won't kill them. That is how kind my soul is.
“Shuttup jare!” I rebuke myself” After all the chicken, goat, ram, fish, kpomo, shaki, pigeon………” The list goes on for another few seconds. I concur, I may not be so kind afterall .
I pull at the small gen once, twice. VROOOOOOM!! Its lets off its pulsating noise and noxious fumes all over the place. I curse NEPA in my mind. See the troubles they cause me daily.
I walk back into my room. I pick up my phone. I never get calls or messages, yet I always pick up my phone anytime I come back to it. I always have hope. Well my hope doesn’t exactly pay off now this time. I have a message from someone I don’t want to send me messages. Quadri!
The message went thus;
“Haa! My guy! My father may call you anytime soon. I took some money from him. I told him I borrowed 25k from you. My gf needs my help. If he calls just tell him I took the money for deans fee or something like that. Thanks“
First of all, let me introduce you to Quadri. Only God knows how he got the name sef. The guy’s parents are Christians oooo! Pastors infact. If you are ever looking for an agbero in university, he fits well well! He is the kind of jovial guy who has an unknown past, a strange looking elbow, compressed head, black face,smoker lips, thief eyes,ugly hands, obnoxiously loud bass voice, rare but dangerous tempers. He is just always annoying. Did I mention? He spoils relationships, as in boyfriend girlfriend relationship.
The worst part. Girls actually dig this dude. People like this confuse me when it comes to girls. See the stupid boy now, stealing money for his girlfriend. I just sit there on my hard-as-packo bed and pity my present status.
I receive another message from him
“My guy. I will pay you 2k if you cooperate”
Two thousand naira?! WOW! Did I also tell you he is a nice faithful friend? He is tall, dark, muscular, handsome, generous, infact hehn he can make any lady happy. He is smart, organised, composed, orderly, clean….. nothing else comes to mind now, but you know what I mean.
I smile at my phone. Sorry, I meant the message. There is nothing worth smiling about in my phone. Stupid piece of RIM poo!
I suddenly feel hot breath against my face. I move my eyes up. What I see terrifies me beyond words.
|Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 8:24am On Nov 20, 2012|
Marijuan: Could this be a movie in the making your Igboness
Me: Well, everything happens in slow motion when you are high on weed
Marijuana: Don't tell me I'm a weed, I thought I am medicinal
Me: That's what medical experts wants us to believe but we both know that taking you can turn ones life to a movie in HD
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 9:23pm On Nov 21, 2012|
Sorry for delay. My Powerpack blew. F*ck NEPA
A pretty girl stands before me. F*ck Kim K. This girl is like an angel. Her black skin shone with so much radiance. She stood tall and mighty, almost as tall as me, almost as mighty as a myth. She is dressed in a white flowing dress; she deserves to wear white, not like those hypocrite brides on their wedding day. Her lips look succulent, like unripe pawpaws. Her eyes are set beautifully, the way my mother sets meat in stews; they are wide not bulging. She is just perfect.
I am terrified, more from the fact that she is in my room than the fact that she points a 4-inch blade at my neck; I have never had a girl in my room before. My sister is not classified as a girl, she is a nincompoop .
I am beginning to fall in love. No! Sorry Lust. She looks like the prototype of the coca-cola bottle. Pretty hips, Nice fronts, firm behinds. All in line with an angelic face.
I can’t believe white racists actually called us monkeys.
“You are the dark one’s dog”, she blurts out
I immediately get a hold of myself. Me?! Dog?! Who the hell does this girl think she is? I don’t care how she appeared in my room; Minion’s magic appearance has striped the act of its usual surprise. And I don’t care how pretty she is? Okay! That last part isn't so true. But what insult!
I stand from my pako bed to push her blade aside. She is shocked by my fearlessness.
“Who are you? How dare you call me a dog?”, I am getting really angry now. My stammer is coming to the surface. I don’t say a word after. If I do, I will just stammer into oblivion. I just frown at her, a seriously angry frown.
“You should know this, ignorant one. Hades is a tricky god.” She warns, she has regained herself after what seems to be an eternity.
“He will bring you pain, one way or another. Whether you win or lose”, she adds
“Why should you….you….” , I try to calm myself
“Why should you care?!” , I ask slowly
“We are Herculines. The blood of noble Hercules flows in my veins. We fight to rid the world of Hades”, she says enthusiastically
“We?!” , I ask
“Yes!”, she replies ,”The Circle of Labours”
“So, basically you guys are against Hades. Why?!”, I inquire angrily
“He is a being that should be cut off from the living. What business does the god of the dead have with life?”
“I can’t help your silly quest. I have too much at stake”
“Why stand with death? What could the dead possibly offer you? Turn your back on the darkness!”, she goads on
“What do I have to gain?! You don’t know why I work for him, do you? I am a warrior of life, I stand for life”
“We do! We know why you work for him. He tells you the world of mortals is about to collapse, doesn’t he? He tells you to save your race, doesn’t he?”
“Isn't he right?!”
“Believe no word of Hades. Words fall from his mouth like poo from a.ss”, she shouts angrily
“There is enmity between us. She speaks under the influence of hate”, a voice says
Minion is in a corner of the room now. He is dressed in a big Yoruba abgada, the fila(cap) is compressed onto his head. His back is leaning on the wall. His head bent down. His eyes on the ground.
The pretty girl on seeing him swifty raises her sword to strike him a terrible blow. Jargon, who appears to be Minions’ guard, quickly appears before him to shield his master.
The blow sends nothing but red sparks scintillating off Jargon’s arm.
The pretty girl throws away the sword, baring her fist. Ready to fight.
“The circle won’t allow this” , Minion quickly says “Zeus forbids this”
She stops whatever it is she wanted to do. Then she turns towards me.
“But Zeus doesn’t forbid this!” ,she says as she walks towards me, fists brandished.
|Re: African Nerd by Udee1(f): 10:29pm On Nov 21, 2012|
Ah... a new twist. Me likey
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 10:30pm On Nov 21, 2012|
U-dee:Me was scared you not likey
|Re: African Nerd by UjSizzle(f): 11:50pm On Nov 21, 2012|
Oooo war!! Ho Hercules
|Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 9:02am On Nov 22, 2012|
I take everybody beg you... No leave us for suspence abeg.....
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 10:23am On Nov 22, 2012|
Girls shake their asses
Boys shake their swag
I have none of these
So I shake what I got
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 6:33pm On Nov 22, 2012|
“What is this girl thinking?” I ask myself. She wants to cry ooo! As she approaches I just warn her off.
“I am not in the mood ooo!!! Don’t annoy me ooo!!”
She keeps coming
POW!!! BUSH!!! KRAK!!!!!
I think I cracked something.
Five minutes later, I am on the floor. A crumpled mass of blood and battered flesh. I catch sight of Minion, he just stand there doing nothing. A smile!? Did he just smile?! Jargon too just looks on. None interfered in this bashing.
The floor is cold, every bone in my body hurts. I feel like a truck just hit me. This girl has finished me. She is standing above me now. My 6ft plus height, reduced to nothing. All the hours I spent in the hostel gym, I could have chased skirts with Quadri instead. All the push-ups, pull-ups, chin-ups and every other up I can think off, it was all just a way to burn off food, finish. No single iota of strength gained. All the fight technique books, and yet look at me. At the feet of a beauty I lay, beat-up and sorry.
She pulls me up from the ground. Hell! This babe is strong. She raises my face to hers
“The circle always wins. Darkness must be vanquished and….. “
As she speaks I watch her lips. I time them, almost there.
I let out my breath into her face. Her lips were parted. Three days of beans, eba , fish and stuff like that. All decayed and rottening in my unbrushed mouth. I let off my poisonous mouth fumes all over her face.
“NYAAAA!!” She screams a terrible scream of disgust
She pushes me away. I fall again to the ground, back to by twisted battered form.
Anything can be a weapon, even bad breath.
I outstretch my hands to Minion, he is my only chance
“Help me! “ I mutter under painful breath
He ignores me
“Just a little longer”, Jargon says
She wipes her face with her white dress. It rose to her face as white, it fell back colour green. I never knew my breath fumes were that colourful . She stares at her stained dress. She must really be a clean freak, for she just jejely walked back to get her sword. Picked it and comes towards me.
"I never knew the darkness to be this impure", she says
“ Herculine! What is this?”, a woman shouts with shock in her voice
The woman is dressed in the same attire as this young beauty. She too is beautiful. Her jaw is neatly set, her long hair thrown back. I look closely at the hair, it is not Brazilian, it is hundred percent African .
“If I survive this, I must marry from this tribe”, I think to myself. I am near death and that is all that comes to my mind! I am really weird, I know.
The pretty girl turns to face the woman, who seems to be her mother .
A mighty slap to the face is delivered by mother to daughter
“ Why display such dangerous belligerence?! You want to shame the circle?”, she says angrily
The girls just stares down to her feet. Her hair thrown over face by the blow.
I am fading again into the darkness. I see the one on okada again. He smiles this time. He has me in his reach twice in one day. He wont miss this time.
Just then, at that moment. Minion rushes to grab me by the chest, I am being brought back. All becomes brighter but the god of death dims off. I still see the god of death, he is raging mad. He tears out the back seat of the okada in his fit of rage. He drives out of sight once more, but not before giving me a word
|Re: African Nerd by micki83(m): 7:01pm On Nov 22, 2012|
Hahaha! Red-moss,u're d biggest clown abeg:u timed her lips,and "haaa"!ur breathe is ur only weapon! OMG! Too funny!
Say what u will abt minion though,one thing's for sure: d guy doesn't joke with his wardrobe;he changes clothes more than Beyonce on a world tour.now,that's a true fashionista!
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 7:05pm On Nov 22, 2012|
micki83: Hahaha! Red-moss,u're d biggest clown abeg:u timed her lips,and "haaa"!ur breathe is ur only weapon! OMG! Too funny!Minion: Come mortal. Follow me to the Underworld, let me dress you up real good!
|Re: African Nerd by UjSizzle(f): 1:05am On Nov 23, 2012|
Lol fish breath
|Re: African Nerd by Ollyfad(f): 4:24am On Nov 23, 2012|
micki83: Hahaha! Red-moss,u're d biggest clown abeg:u timed her lips,and "haaa"!ur breathe is ur only weapon! OMG! Too funny!i nearly tear down my roof with lafta.d suspense na killer abeg continue
|Re: African Nerd by Udee1(f): 9:22am On Nov 23, 2012|
Who says poor hygiene doesn't come in handy? Lol!
|Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 11:42am On Nov 23, 2012|
Strolls into thread
Grabs Minion by the ear
Pulls him out
Sends him back in after stealing his clothes
**Marijuana get power**
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 9:30pm On Nov 24, 2012|
“Death can’t be cheated, mortal. Your star isn't bright enough”
Of course no one can cheat death, everyone knows that. Why would a god need to threaten me with the truth?
I am slightly confused, but I ignore it.
I feel alive, I feel strong. But I still lay on the floor, shame still heavy on me.
The woman walks towards me and Minion.
She bows her head, with clasped fingers.
“Forgive the circle, o being of the underworld! We apologise her foolishness”
“She is very well forgiven, but she must endure labours, let us see how much of Hercules she is”
At first the woman seems shocked, after some time she replies
“Is there no other way to appease the great darkling?!”
“What is labours?”, I ask Minion quietly
“Shut up”, he rebukes
“Why must we do as they say, mother?. Are we not beings of light and justice?! Why shall we accede their demands? Are we not sworn enemies? What place does darkness have in the light?” , the young girl asks, the one I now know as Herculine.
“Is day and night not a scale? A balance reached by the dual-efforts of the light and dark. There is much you do not know, daughter. There is still much you have to learn”
“We agree to the task of labours, as long as it regains the balance”, her mother adds
“No! Mother you can’t!”, Herculine says in terror
“Yes! I have”, her mother replies sadly
“What is labours?” I ask Minion again
“Shuttup” he rebukes again
I am vexed now. I hold Minion by the throat, Jargon rushes to his aid.
“Not one step!” I say to Jargon
“Don’t you make deals on my behalf!” I spit out at Minion
He is visibly shaken, surprised by my audacity as I release him from grip.
“I am the one who was attacked. I think I have the right to state what I want as appeasement. I declare no qu’e saw, whatever that means. All sins are forgiven” , I say as I rise to my feet, shame replaced by courage
“Thank you, mortal” the woman says, “We are grateful for the kindness “
I see a smile of relieve on Herculine’s face. She catches me staring, quickly turning her smile into a frown. See shakara.
” Something might actually come up between the both of us” I think “But not until I brush”
Soon, mother and daughter are gone, into thin air, just like that.
As soon as they leave, Jargon grabs at me. Raising me by the neck with one hand.
Something within me just got ticked off. I just feel enraged by the continuous flow of assault I have been fed in a single day. Everyone seems to enjoy picking on the puny mortal. I have had enough.
At first, I think of exhaling the breath of death, but Jargon is a really disgusting being. Bad breath pass bad breath.
I lay a single hand on the arm of Jargon, the arm that holds me in the air. And with that single touch, I smell burning flesh. The red thick armour-plated skin of Jargon is completely burnt under my palm.
Jargon shriek in terror. Releasing me from grasp. Running behind its master, Minion, for protection.
Minion just stares on. The air around my palm is sizzling now. The temperature in the room is rising.
And just as suddenly as I begin to feel powerful, I fall powerless. No more heat in my hands, no more fire in my eyes.
“ You will need training” Minion says dryly, seeming highly unimpressed
|Re: African Nerd by Redmosquito(m): 11:42pm On Nov 25, 2012|
“You need the royal meal”, he adds before leaving
I am alone now.
This day has been very strange. I look out my window, it is still afternoon. My journey to the underworld has manipulated time.
I don’t feel hungry yet. I browse the internet for a while. Download one or two softwares from piratebay. Chai! The internet is becoming something else oooo!! See as p.o.r.n just dey chase me up and down.
My Mother suddenly bursts into the room. I am quick-fingered enough to hide the rancid babes.
“Won’t you eat this morning?” she queries” I have made eba ooo! Gbenga and Simbi will soon be back ooo”
“Okay! Okay!!”, I reply. She should just go away already. She might be tempted to look into my laptop.
She leaves. I keep on with my internet browsing.
The sounds flutter through my windows, like poo from a.s.s. I hear the cries of the chickens, something is chasing them.
I quickly run out of the house to meet them. My mother is already shouting at me to investigate the cause of all the ruse. What I do see is nowhere near a surprise.
Jill is standing there in front of this poor bird. Her mouth stuffed with feathers, the bird flaps and scratches at Jill all to know avail. The bird is cornered, her heart in her mouth.
“Jill!!” , I cry out.
She is startled by my angry call. She knows that she isn't supposed to play with those birds, they always end up dead. I have caught her red-handed this time. She eyes me suspiciously, trying to figure out her next plan of escape. I know this dog well. If I don’t act fast, she will escape punishment.
“Jilly!! Jilly!!” I coax her “Come girl! Come !!”. I approach slowly
She is falling for it. She takes one step, two steps. She is almost within my reach now.
“This dog don die today”, I tell myself
F*ck!! She bolts away, the space between my legs wide enough to permit her escape. I turn to hold her by the tail. This dog is too fast. I lose balance.
“Jill!!!”, I call out once more before falling to the floor.
While I lay on the floor, contemplating all the evil things I will do to this dog. Jill decides to come back and apologize. How does she do it? By plastering her wet tongue all over my open mouth.
|Re: African Nerd by UjSizzle(f): 12:15am On Nov 26, 2012|
Lmao doggy slobber
|Re: African Nerd by FoxyRebirth(m): 8:32am On Nov 26, 2012|
|Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health |
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket
Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2017 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 232