A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless.
"Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die,
they inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off
quite satisfied.
Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into
the kitchen.
"Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"
What do you mean? says his mother.
Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both her
balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling
"God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!"

Mom took little johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.
Doc. said, how did such a thing happen? Johnny said, "It's
that damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned
sharp."

Ha ha ha very funny

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd
scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.
To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu.
Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."

A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a
small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider.
"Why do you want cider?" asked Mom.
"To take the pain away," sobbed the little girl.
Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass.
The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink.
"It doesn't work!" she yelled.
"What do you mean?" asked Mom.
"Well," sniffed the little girl, "I overheard my sister say that
whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in
cider."

Biology Class

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose
levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and
asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as
in sugar
in male semen?"
"That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical
info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste
sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor
girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she
had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books
without a word and walked out of class, and never returned.
However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was
classic,
Totally straight-faced he answered her question, "It doesn't taste
sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your
tongue and not the back of your throat."

Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon.
While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up
by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish
his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down
the fairway, he collapses on the green. Mike and Keith run up the fellow
to help. After feeling the old man's pulse, Mike tells Keith to run to the
club house and call 911.
Keith leaves and returns about two minutes later after making the
call. Upon returning Keith, sees the old man naked and bent over a nearby
bench. Meanwhile, Mike is screwing the unconscious man vigorously. Keith
in astonishment says, "Hey, What are you doing? I thought you were going to
give him CPR." Mike replies, "Well, it started off that way."

There was a large nuclear accident and one of the worlds largest
cities was totally
destroyed. There were millions of people dead it was a real tragedy.
With that many people
of course things got backed up at the pearly gates, where they have to
interview everyone.
The people were lined up for miles. Then at the front of the line a
large cheer went up, and
there was much rejoicing. Of course the people at the back of the line
were curious about
what was happening. Finally one man stepped out and called toward the
front of the line,
"what's going on?" Someone called back "They ain't gonna count
fucking."

Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to
their position in life,
and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each other. The first one
says, "My husband is
taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then
looks at the others
with a superior demeanor. The second one says, "Well, my husband just
bought me a new
Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride. Young woman number
three says,
"Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and
we don't have
many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my
husband is that
fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
After this, the first one
looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make: I
was just trying to
impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well,
it's not to the French
Riviera, it's to my folks' house in Terre Haute for two weeks." The
second one says,
"Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes; it's a Plymouth."
"Well, I've got a
confession to make myself: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one
leg."

A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother
wants to show her
daughter that she's a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open
up and talk about
dating boys and what it's like for her.
Mom: So, now that you have started dating, what's it like getting
intimate with young
men?
Daughter: Oh you know how it is, boys are always insensitive and never
care if intimacy
isn't working for me.
Mom: How?
Daughter: Oh, stuff,
Mom: Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for
mothers and daughters to
talk about these matters,
Daughter: I don't know,
Mom: Now don't forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what
dating boys was
like for me, believe I remember
Daughter: Really?
Mom: Really,
Daughter: Ok, for starters, how did you get their cum out of your
eyes?

The three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They
got to talk to the
mother superior.
"Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?"
"Sorry", she replies, "but there are no dwarf nuns here".
"Well, are there any in the city?".
"No, there are no dwarf nuns".
"What, none anywhere in Europe?"
"No, little man". "None in the entire world". "Take my word for it".
At this 6 of the seven dwarves burst out laughing.
The Mother Superior asks "What's so funny?". "Dopey just bleeped a
penguin".

The Hot midget found that the best way to make time with women was
to be direct about
it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and
said,"Hey, honey,
whaddaya say to a little Bleep?"
She looked down at him and promptly replied, "Hello, you little Bleep!"

This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
so he went to the
doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
sex, to stick his
finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
smell would cause his
hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
decided to make his
move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
in her pussy, and then
rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
to stiffen. Amazed, he
decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
in her pussy, then
rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
erect. He decided to
try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
around under his nose.
Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
"Honey, quick
turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
with his dick standing
tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
said, "Looks like the
worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"

Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on
him. He asked if they
wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at
after they went home
and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he
went to see him. He
asked his friend if he had anything that would keep him hard all night
long. The man
laughed and handed him a bottle of pills instructing him not to take
more than one. Once at
home, Charlie figured with three women he should take three pills, so
he gulped them
down. The next day Charlie showed up at the drugstore to see his
friend. Asking for some
liniment, he showed him his dick which was ripped to shreds. In
disbelief, his friend asked
if he was sure that he wanted to put liniment on his dick. Charlie
replied "No,I need it for
my arms the women never showed up!"

A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms.
When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.
The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool
down there."
The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or Bleep?"

Two nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark.
They start
raping the nuns and the first nun says, "Forgive them, Father, for
they know not what they
do!" The second one says, "This one does!"

they are all tight

Very cool jokes

keep it comin thuggy

coming

. . . .yeah man,keep it cuming and flowing

nice,sweeeet and tight jokes.i so love the first one

somebodyyy hold thuggiieiee he is comingggggg lol

g ;Dood jokes had a gud laff *continues laffn hahahahaa*

why are all ur jokes focused on sex.

perverts, that what they all are

jest lyke u are

Sex is d koko,

thats y it's all abt it

;d ;d ;d :d

@junta,

@clemzy, perveret pervert pervert.
you to like bla bla bla

even u sef ryte now ure on it abi i lie

no be lie my sister. the girl is just sreaming her brains off

. . . .who

the person you have in mind