Hey!

So my boyfriend told me yesterday that he wants to get a visa to live in Canada. I don't think he knows anyone in Canada and neither do I. I've just finished my master's and I'm currently doing an unpaid internship in an NGO in Switzerland. I really don't know when I will be able to get a job and in which country it could be. I checked the immigration website of Canada and I'm not even eligible for a permanent visa, just for a working holiday visa! When I told him that he then told me "what about the US?". I don't really understand him. He already talked about going to Canada a while ago and that led to some argument because it seems we don't have the same perspective regarding future life and immigration. He was in Malaysia before for his studies and went back to Nigeria. Then he told me he's thinking of transfering to UK or France. Then he opened his music studio in Nigeria, and told me he can't travel for the moment. And now he told me he wants to go to Canada or the US! I tried to explain him that it is difficult to get a permanent visa if you don't have a job in the country, or if you don't have a lot of work experience in your field. So his idea of going somewhere thinking we'll easily get job sounds crazy to me, what can I tell him to make him understand my point of view without him feeling that I don't support him?
Thanks

take my advice Sweety and investigate your boyfriend. This whole story sounds all to familiar and am afraid what ever else anyone thinks i can almost predict how it will all end. I dont like to sound like a dooms day prophet but i'd advice again dear that you should get some one to investigate this all about this guy, his background, his study in Malaysia(for your information 95% of Nigerians in Malaysia are drug dealers even if it appears they went there to study), and his commitment to your relationship. Its better to know for sure, than to suffer a heartbreak. I am leaving for Nigeria next week and i can volunteer my time to help you investigate him discretely. (At no cost)

That guy is so disorganised and its not a good sign. RUN!!!!!!!!!!

Do you have MUGU or MAGA stamped on your forehead . Please fix yourself up and find a nice guy in your current location. A one eyed bat can see what the ending of this story will be. Please don't end up like these ladies-> https://www.nairaland.com/1101058/maio-joe-facing-lengthy-prison

I'm sorry i don't think this guy will understand you. He's smarter or should i say faster than you. If he can't reason with you then who else? My advise - inform whoever you know closer to him; someone he can listen to. If that doesn't work, leave him to do his wish, i think that's support to him and if he fails, he will respect your opinion the next time. That dude isn't smiling at all

Excuse me,miss , but he is just your boyfriend . You are not yet his wife ,so he can move around as he wants and cares as much about how you take it as he wants .i hear say "girlfriends are like medicine ,they have expiry date" so boyfriends likewise i should think. Focus on establishing yourself and make something out of yourself,where you are. You are not his support system neither is he yours. You love him ,you care for him but allow him ,find himself and don't allow his unsettledness and wandering affect you. Focus on yourself. You sound focused and has a goal and have things going for you ,they should be your primary objective. Don't lose focus ,so that you don't cry later.

The problem here is that it seems both of you have different dreams and he wants to pursue his while you pursue yours. I Jane reservations about travelling to a country you don't know anyone and also the brief description you gave there shows he is someone show is not really sure what he wants.

your "boy" friend seems un-sure of his future. i say you should let him spend the money and go because experience is the best teacher.

oh by the way you should try to get a paid job in switzerland if you can becuase they have the best economy right now and start thinking of moving on from this guy because you obviously arent in the picture when it comes to your future together

The boy must be silly or does he think the whole world ends in Malaysia? He is mentioning US, Canada, UK, France, etc like his family owns those countries! The big answer is NO! Let him go and spend the money and see if lying himself into any of the North American countries at this time will even fly! Or does he think showing up at the embassy for a visa is all that is required? Let him try it and after he wastes all his little change, he will come here and suffer like no tomorrow! So the folks who work hard here, pay their taxes, hunting for better jobs, starting businesses, etc have been doing it all for him, the special one, to just show up grab a citizenship status right from Nigeria and move over??

I guess he has involved himself in one "dirty runs" or the other,and after receiving some (probably life) threats, he just wanna run

Ok, thanks.

1) I'm not MUGU!
2) we were/are engaged and he wants us to get married, but I'm not so sure about that for the moment
3) I would like to get a job in Switzerland (it's my country) but it's kinda hard because I don't have a lot of work experience in my field and it's kinda hard to get a job because even if our economy is strong, it's always hard for social science graduates to find a job after their studies. So I am doing an unpaid internship in an NGO and hopefully my boss can help me to find a job after I get some experience and my application would be stronger
4) yes, he thinks he can get a visa like that, which makes me laugh very hard. If he wants to travel, that's ok I don't mind him travelling wherever he wants, I can even go with him but I don't know where he plans to live and what he really plans to do.

Allow this guy to come into himself ,he hasn't don that.don't follow him up and down but be there for him.

IZUKWU: Allow this guy to come into himself ,he hasn't don that.don't follow him up and down but be there for him.

you're right. But I don't like the face he doesn't talk about any serious plan. I mean, he doesn't seem to understand that for me he needs to show that he's seriously doing something with his life and not just travelling here and there. If he tells me he wants to go to some place and hopes me to go there with you he needs to show that he's serious and have something planned there. Then he blames me, telling that I'm not serious, that I don't have a plan etc. I just want him to understand that I can't plan my life if I don't have a job! But he doesn't seem to understand that I can't go to another country without at least one of us having a job there... Drives me crazy!!!

@OP: Your boyfriend (from my own understanding) did not finish his degree in Malaysia, therefore he is a stark illiterate. He also does not have a job at the moment, which means he is a jobless and illiterate man. It seems he also has no concrete plan for his future rather than 'travelling abroad', which means that he is a jobless, illiterate man with no future plan.

Good luck to you both!

Yep! How can I make him understand that without being mean??

miss-sweety86:
Yep! How can I make him understand that without being mean??

Show him this thread

Mynd_44:
Show him this thread

LOL!!! he will be so mad if he knows I'm on that website and even more mad that I post things about my/our life!

miss-sweety86:


LOL!!! he will be so mad if he knows I'm on that website and even more mad that I post things about my/our life!

let him. He forced you to do this na

miss-sweety86:
Yep! How can I make him understand that without being mean??

You need to f-ucking let go of him, and then start dating someone who lives around you and whose lifestyle you can vouch for.

anyway, I think the relationship is over because I asked him to come online this evening so that we can talk about stuff, and I told him this is his last chance, but he's not online!!! so I believe this is a clear statement that he doesn't care about me.

i have always had a feeling something is not right with him and the relationship? Are you in Switzerland, I am there right now.

ok, so that's why you keep sending me messages? i've no clue how to get in touch with other members :-S
yes, my bf claims to love me but he hardly reply to my SMS, has never sent me a singe SMS, calls me on average not even once in a month, pick up his calls sometimes (when it's not a girl and then later he tells me it's his sister). For a guy who is waiting for me to get married and wants me to be serious, he's surely acting really strange!

am sorry to say but somehow i feel irritated that you still call him your boyfriend cos its obvious to him you are not his girlfriends from his actions

yeah, that's right... i guess i still refer to him as my boyfriend because i haven't formally break up with him yet and i'm the kind of person who needs a break up and i'm too nice that i've already given him many chances... my friend said he's using juju on me!

miss-sweety86:
ok, so that's why you keep sending me messages? i've no clue how to get in touch with other members :-S
yes, my bf claims to love me but he hardly reply to my SMS, has never sent me a singe SMS, calls me on average not even once in a month, pick up his calls sometimes (when it's not a girl and then later he tells me it's his sister). For a guy who is waiting for me to get married and wants me to be serious, he's surely acting really strange!

click on my username and that takes you to my profile and then you'l see send message. You need to send me a message first.

ok, did you receive it?

U know, if twas before, I'd have seriously insulted u dat can't u see d writing on d wall and all that But I feel 4u nau cuz my sister is d same jelly-fish dat u r. I'm transferring a hug 2u right now, I hope u get it! But d bitter truth is dat dis guy is seeing some other girl or is intimidated by u. C'mon, u have a masters degree and he doesn't evn have a Bsc...openin music studio, travellin by mouth...babe, u deserve better! I really wish I could talk 2u personally. Pls rid urself of dis guy and move on. Guys r very egocentric, how can he handle a babe dats got qualifications and focus? I'm sure u are not younger dan 23. U need a guy dat'l help u achieve ur dreams and complement ur visions, not some1 dat'l bring u down cuz ure not getn any younger and ure movin closer 2 marriage...if he has jazzed u, pls un-jazz urself, convince urself dat u deserve better and move on. Delete his numbers, bar his lines, don't reply his texts, delete him on bbm and fb...don't go snoopin n checkin d new babe on d block, I know its easier said dan done and I don't really know wat u guys have shared before now but d guy u just described is an NFA. Trust me, if u marry dis guy, u'l bite ur finger in future! Untie ur blindfold NOW my dear!

Miss, i think you should be more concerned about your life,livelihood and career right now, allow your guy to sort himself out. And again you know you have no legal standing with him.

Sleek05: U know, if twas before, I'd have seriously insulted u dat can't u see d writing on d wall and all that But I feel 4u nau cuz my sister is d same jelly-fish dat u r. I'm transferring a hug 2u right now, I hope u get it! But d bitter truth is dat dis guy is seeing some other girl or is intimidated by u. C'mon, u have a masters degree and he doesn't evn have a Bsc...openin music studio, travellin by mouth...babe, u deserve better! I really wish I could talk 2u personally. Pls rid urself of dis guy and move on. Guys r very egocentric, how can he handle a babe dats got qualifications and focus? I'm sure u are not younger dan 23. U need a guy dat'l help u achieve ur dreams and complement ur visions, not some1 dat'l bring u down cuz ure not getn any younger and ure movin closer 2 marriage...if he has jazzed u, pls un-jazz urself, convince urself dat u deserve better and move on. Delete his numbers, bar his lines, don't reply his texts, delete him on bbm and fb...don't go snoopin n checkin d new babe on d block, I know its easier said dan done and I don't really know wat u guys have shared before now but d guy u just described is an NFA. Trust me, if u marry dis guy, u'l bite ur finger in future! Untie ur blindfold NOW my dear!

thanks, you're 100% right. That's actually why I broke up with him in March. I couldn't really see myself with him, I can't be with a guy who doesn't have any serious plan. But then we got back together, he told me he's changed, that I can count on him, that he will make it up to me for all the times he bailed, etc... He said no other girl can come between us, etc. He said he wants me to come to Nigeria for holiday, that he'll pay for my tickets, etc. I really don't get why he would say he loves me and why he would spend money buying plane tickets for me if he has another girl or if he's not serious with me. By the way, what is an NFA??

I dont know how i could make you understand, and you probably wont ever because you are not a Nigerian, have never lived in Nigerian and from the look of things u'r very vulnerable. That he says he loves you doesnt mean he really does. This guy i can almost say with certainty is a hustler, a runz man as Nigerians will say. NFA stands for No Future Ambition. Will it make any difference if you found out he is dating other women, living a false life, and into illegalities like 419 or e ven drugs? If you'd take the time out and investigate I can bet you'd come up with more than one of these about him. I know because you are in love it will be difficult for you to leave him despite all the warning signals, but if it'd be easier if you found out any of those things about him, then i believe thats the part you should take. Investigate this guy, and see if he'd come up clean.

NFA means No Future Ambition....Babe pls reject his plane ticket. Has he even bought it? Wat business is he involved in? D guy wants 2 keep u around but doesn't want commitment, ure an asset 2him. If he doesn't find sum1 else, u'l be dere available 4him cuz ure d luv freak. Are u ready for an off and on relationshp? R u ready 2be a last resort 2 sum1 dat doesn't even deserve u? Dere r different angles from which u can look @ dis ish and none is pleasant. D guy just wants 2use u. Wats d prob babe? Wat r u, a Msc holder doin with a guy dat has no future plans for himself, tokless of u. Abandoned his education in malaysia for nothin. Doesn't that show unseriousness? Isn't dat just enough 2 piss u off? Are u aware of how Nigerian fathers hate guys dat only have 'travel plans', nuthn doin as their goals and objectives? Do they pick money on d floor in canada? Do u wan2 marry a boy and be d man of d house? Pls wake up! U deserve far far better than this pls, stop fallin my hand abi is blood covenant involved? Dis guy is a bloody joker!

miss-sweety86:
yeah, that's right... i guess i still refer to him as my boyfriend because i haven't formally break up with him yet and i'm the kind of person who needs a break up and i'm too nice that i've already given him many chances... my friend said he's using juju on me!

Its not juju, you are just a decent girl in love. Its a pity he is showing he doesnt deserve it