Been seeing this lady for a while now and of late, I been having certain concerns about the relationship. On the surface, everything looks fine but deep down within me, I feel all alone in the relationship.

I spend long hours on my job and side business; sometimes not calling her or friends for days just to be able to make everyone happy at the end. Of course, no one can be as passionate abt your business as you but she doesn't seem to be able to understand this, and even find her place in it. In fact, it was until her father assured her that "he will go places with his business" that she began to feel okay with what I do. This gives me another concern that she would be the kind of person that would always run to her father for everything she doesn't understand - if we get married.

I'm not looking for a perfect person, I just want to be happy with the one I love.

Pls advice me.

No matter how busy you are, if you truly love her,you won't go a day without Calling

*^^ this is not mills and boon . This is reality, not calling a loved one everyday does not equate to not loving the person. Quality is better than quantity-to understand this, you have to use your tongue to count your teeth.

@Op
Do you love her?

I guess OP is not serious!! How can u go days without calling her and ur friends? And here u still complain of being lonely? That does not make sense!

On the other issue, I will say never....I mean NEVER get associated with a woman who does not believe in ђãt u do for a living! Cos when things get tough, she will surely tell you to abandon your dream instead of standing by you to see the weather through!

Be happy its her father she runs to for advice and not some of her friends or mother. After all its her dad who encouraged her to stay with you with your kind of job! He is a sensible person....mothers are on the other hand sentimental....they will most likely take sides with their daughters!

Royal Roy: I guess OP is not serious!! How can u go days without calling her and ur friends? And here u still complain of being lonely? That does not make sense!

On the other issue, I will say never....I mean NEVER get associated with a woman who does not believe in ђãt u do for a living! Cos when things get tough, she will surely tell you to abandon your dream instead of standing by you to see the weather through!

Be happy its her father she runs to for advice and not some of her friends or mother. After all its her dad who encouraged her to stay with you with your kind of job! He is a sensible person....mothers are on the other hand sentimental....they will most likely take sides with their daughters!

If you cant DEAL .... then we can't be together..thats the first convo before the next step...PERIOD!

You're right ,he's not serious alright!

4wardever: Been seeing this lady for a while now and of late, I been having certain concerns about the relationship. On the surface, everything looks fine but deep down within me, I feel all alone in the relationship.

Low self esteem...you have to work on this.

4wardever: I spend long hours on my job and side business; sometimes not calling her or friends for days just to be able to make everyone happy at the end.

What do you mean by this...how can you not call someone, and claim you want to make them happy.

4wardever: Of course, no one can be as passionate abt your business as you but she doesn't seem to be able to understand this, and even find her place in it.

You can be passionate about your business, and still show care to those you love...your business shouldn't be an excuse for your failure to live up to your responsibilities as a man.

4wardever: In fact, it was until her father assured her that "he will go places with his business" that she began to feel okay with what I do.

Most women want to be loved and taken care of....you can't exhibit a nonchalant attitude towards someone you claim to love, and expect her to remain mute...she would definately be worried.

If you love her as you claim, then I would suggest to devote more time to that relationship and spend more time with her.

4wardever: This gives me another concern that she would be the kind of person that would always run to her father for everything she doesn't understand - if we get married.

Who elso do you expect her to run to?

You don't call her, you don't assure her of your undying love...why shouldn't she be worried...her father is the best friend she's got at the moment.

And if you see that as a problem, then you obviously aren't as matured as you claim to be.

4wardever: I'm not looking for a perfect person, I just want to be happy with the one I love.

Pls advice me.

If you want to be happy, you can start by making her happy...

Good luck.

CrazyMan:
Low self esteem...you have to work on this.


What do you mean by this...how can you not call someone, and claim you want to make them happy.


You can be passionate about your business, and still show care to those you love...your business shouldn't be an excuse for your failure to live up to your responsibilities as a man.


Most women want to be loved and taken care of....you can't exhibit a nonchalant attitude towards someone you claim to love, and expect her to remain mute...she would definately be worried.

If you love her as you claim, then I would suggest to devote more time to that relationship and spend more time with her.


Who elso do you expect her to run to?

You don't call her, you don't assure her of your undying love...why shouldn't she be worried...her father is the best friend she's got at the moment.

And if you see that as a problem, then you obviously aren't as matured as you claim to be.


If you want to be happy, you can start by making her happy...

Good luck.

Bravo Analysis. +1000

Thanks for all the mature responses people. Wd defnitely work on a thing or two.

It's not like I don't luv her & never used to call her and them friends. I relocated last year cos of sch to where I live now & lost contact with many. Thank God for my siblings and maybe facebook for a few frnds.

As for her, there was a time in d rel like 2 - 3 yrs ago we talked endlessly day & night. Then d fire was burning hot but along the line (where I think we are now), you discover that those butterflies don't hold anything.

Did the same OP not open this same thread in the romance section?

What nonsense

Mynd_44: Did the same OP not open this same thread in the romance section?

What nonsense

Pls don't insult yourself. Over 80 views since yesterday & no response, what do you call that? I concentrated here cos of the matured responses am getting. Pls let's stick to the topic.

CrazyMan:
Low self esteem...you have to work on this.


What do you mean by this...how can you not call someone, and claim you want to make them happy.


You can be passionate about your business, and still show care to those you love...your business shouldn't be an excuse for your failure to live up to your responsibilities as a man.


Most women want to be loved and taken care of....you can't exhibit a nonchalant attitude towards someone you claim to love, and expect her to remain mute...she would definately be worried.

If you love her as you claim, then I would suggest to devote more time to that relationship and spend more time with her.


Who elso do you expect her to run to?

You don't call her, you don't assure her of your undying love...why shouldn't she be worried...her father is the best friend she's got at the moment.

And if you see that as a problem, then you obviously aren't as matured as you claim to be.


If you want to be happy, you can start by making her happy...

Good luck.

GOOD JOB BRO!

@OP Sorry to say but if you can't create time for your partner now that you are courting, honestly your marriage is going to be a difficult one cos TIME IS ONE NEED FOR A HAPPY HOME ESPECIALLY TIME SPENT TOGETHER.

GIVE A WOMAN YOUR TIME AND GET HER HEART FOREVER!

4wardever:
Pls don't insult yourself. Over 80 views since yesterday & no response, what do you call that? I concentrated here cos of the matured responses am getting. Pls let's stick to the topic.

You are just being silly

...

Of course you cannot compare when you first met to now...yes, you were chatting non stop day and night...now the butterflies have flown and you are left with the reality that it's only working at your relationship that can keep it on course...I am sure you envy sweet couples, those one that really seem to complement each other...well, any couple that has spent a long amount of time together and still seem sweet to each other...put a lot of work into that relationship...

If you have concerns tell it to your spouse...communication is the powerhouse of any relationship...when you don't communicate, the relationship becomes stiffling...so make efforts to reach out, call...it won't kill you, reach out to the people you love...your friends, spouse, family...

4wardever: Thanks for all the mature responses people. Wd defnitely work on a thing or two.

It's not like I don't luv her & never used to call her and them friends. I relocated last year cos of sch to where I live now & lost contact with many. Thank God for my siblings and maybe facebook for a few frnds.

As for her, there was a time in d rel like 2 - 3 yrs ago we talked endlessly day & night. Then d fire was burning hot but along the line (where I think we are now), you discover that those butterflies don't hold anything.

Of course you cannot compare when you first met to now...yes, you were chatting non stop day and night...now the butterflies have flown and you are left with the reality that it's only working at your relationship that can keep it on course...I am sure you envy sweet couples, those one that really seem to complement each other...well, any couple that has spent a long amount of time together and still seem sweet to each other...put a lot of work into that relationship...

If you have concerns tell it to your spouse...communication is the powerhouse of any relationship...when you don't communicate, the relationship becomes stiffling...so make efforts to reach out, call...it won't kill you, reach out to the people you love...your friends, spouse, family...

Mynd_44:
You are just being silly

Dude, read all of the posts here and examine yourself. Everyone that have posted did it using their brains and hearts. I wonder why you flushed yours away. If you don't have anything to do, go and play in the bush.

You are unhappy because you are myopic and self cetered, life starts and ends with you, everyone must work their schedule around you.
Other people have dreams and things to do, yet they make time for people because if anything happens its people not your work or busines that will care for you.
Get off your high horse and call people jare.

I am sure she is not looking for a perfect person either,She is looking for a man who is willing to be responsible for a relationship he contracted, a man who will care for and love her. I am very sure she does not require her to call her everyday or sing her to sleep.

You are focusing too much on your own needs. she has needs too. A lot of good men make bad husbands because they ignore their woman's needs and then wonder why she is so unhappy or why she is asking her father and friends for advice. The truth is you were not available when she needed a friend and you dare to say you are lonely what about her?

Try and make yourself available emotionally and stop starving her and yourself of affection,love and companionship. You can start by checking in on her in person at the end of the day if possible different women have different needs one size does not fit all which is why you should get to know her. and where you cannot do this you can call her and explain why you will not be able to see her for sometime. Listen to her complaints that is how she wants to be loved and make adjustment where necessary.Also take time to explain the demands of your business to her. I am sure she is rooting for your success too but the way you are handling it,your business is looking like a barrier to her happiness.

Mynd_44: Did the same OP not open this same thread in the romance section?

What nonsense

I have always believed you are a kid probably in college or something and here you are proving me right. Why not stick to your romance section and stay off matured topics.

@Op ...don't waste your energy on a thwart like him, he is not worth it.

@madam CC....you are always on point....abeg if u get marriageable sister with ur brains please am available....lollll.

You don't love her, so find the one u love.

As much as i try to understand people who cant create a balance between business/work and personal relationships,i can't!!
IMO,its mostly a lame excuse for want of something else to blame it on.
You do not like that you are lonely but you are too busy to communicate with the supposed one?
So much has been said here to you about communication..which seems to be the only issue especially from your end.
This lady doesn't want any more than you want from all you've said about her..
She just wants to be happy with the one she loves too.
How hard is it to punch your phone and say hello to one you claim to love at least once in a day?
How hard is it to send a message to her phone ,facebook,BBM or whatever?
How long would that even take?
Is five minutes in 24hrs too much to spare...??
I wouldn't "understand" if i were in her shoes too...
Please adjust if you truly want the things you say you want with her!
.
Btw,her relationship with her father doesn't seem like a threat to your relationship now or in the future at all...!!
Its nothing to worry about..
Goodluck to you!!

I still insist that not calling someone "everyday" does not in any way mean you don't love that person. At the early days of dating yes but as time goes on, quantity replaces quality.

I know this because they are people who are not into the lovey dovey BBM,TXT MSGing and are in happy relationships but in-order to to have that kind of successful relationship you need to look for that woman that reads more into actions than words and not the other way round.

Growing up amongst my siblings I was the one that just wasn't into TXT msging and what not and they understood that. I was the most "aggressive" and protective of them all, infact I would kill for my siblings, I could literally strangle someone that said nasty things about them to my face. If I heard for a second that someone made them sad, that person would see me knocking on their door. They used to hide things from me cos if it got into my ears, that outsider is finished.

I know siblings relationship is different from BF/GF but I know very much that my husband who was once a BF was the one that did more of the calls and txt messaging and we never had issues.

The OP has issues( that was why I asked if he's in love with her) which I might address later but right now, I am trying to set the popular record str8 that not calling someone you love everyday does not in any way mean you don't love that person.

.....and I can bet my left nyash that OP edited his first post. Where is the part where he said he could go days without calling her?

Oh cool, crazy man quoted him.

Relationship with daddys girl is not by force,if u dont feel right with d relationship,then quit,in the first place,what was your reason for going into a relationship with her,does it have substance,if it doesnt,then when you start having issues,your relationship will crumble like a pack of cards,u dont need any sooth sayer to tell u that,secondly and most importantly MARRY SOMEONE who believes in YOU,not some dadys little girls but an emotionally strong woman who u know is ready to go to any length with you,who sees potentials in you.a lady who sees potentials in you will see it by herself and not get confirmation from her father,thirdly poster please marry a woman,a grown ass matured woman,matured emotionally,psychologically,intellectually,financially,spiritually not someone you are not sure of,you have to be extra sure of your lady because after wedding if you're not sure of her character,she will start giving you some suprises,like they say marriage is an eye opener,please poster think and think again,pray also before you marry dady's girl

@OP
Don't mind all these women and their she-men supporters. If you neglect your business and face the girl the same kitty will start to complain and compare you to others when the money is not enough. Face your business. I am shocked to my marrow that they are asking you to forgo money for t0t0. What utter nonsense. There will be 200 other women if this one goes, if your business goes you will suffer and the same women will call you names (read the past threads). TELL THE GIRL TO SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT AS SHE CHOOSES. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL AT ALL TIMES.

4wardever: Been seeing this lady for a while now and of late, I been having certain concerns about the relationship. On the surface, everything looks fine but deep down within me, I feel all alone in the relationship.

I spend long hours on my job and side business; sometimes not calling her or friends for days just to be able to make everyone happy at the end. Of course, no one can be as passionate abt your business as you but she doesn't seem to be able to understand this, and even find her place in it. In fact, it was until her father assured her that "he will go places with his business" that she began to feel okay with what I do. This gives me another concern that she would be the kind of person that would always run to her father for everything she doesn't understand - if we get married.
Pls advice me.

[size=13pt]Marry your job cause it seems evident that you are not ready/interested in having a relationship with a human being. [/size]

jennykadry: I still insist that not calling someone "everyday" does not in any way mean you don't love that person.

Yes,i agree too.
Sometimes,life gets too full and busy that way.One or two days can be excused but how do you love someone and be comfortable with not knowing how they are faring for "days" in probably the same country and state and expect that they understand?
Not everyone can understand that!

I know this because they are people who are not into the lovey dovey BBM,TXT MSGing and are in happy relationships but in-order to to have that kind of successful relationship you need to look for that woman that reads more into actions than words and not the other way round.

....or compromise that for your relationship at some point...
Or get out of the relationship altogether since there's no mutual understanding around that!!

@Slimyem

Yes,i agree too.
Sometimes,life gets too full and busy that way.One or two days can be excused but how do you love someone and be comfortable with not knowing how they are faring for "days" in probably the same country and state and expect that they understand?
Not everyone can understand that!

There was a reason why I asked him if he loves her. I do not think he loves her at all. You see both of them have issues: A woman that runs to her father all the time and a man who really hasn't met the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I think they should just break up and move on.

I want to know who eventually breaks the ice each time this happens-does she end up calling him or vice versa?.

Regarding my earlier post- I just had to reply to the below post.

berekete86: No matter how busy you are, if you truly love her,you won't go a day without Calling

Going a day without calling a loved one does not in my own dictionary mean you don't love or care about them. I was just trying to be realistic and wash the eyes of the mills and boons lovers. Truth is some of us Nigerians can ask for the impossible and also ask for too much. Imagine a young woman who is engaged to a hard working man, vexing on a thread here a few months ago that he is not romantic because he does not engage in MTN MIDNIGHT CALLS WITH HER. Can you imagine the silliness?

or compromise that for your relationship at some point...
Or get out of the relationship altogether since there's no mutual understanding around that!!

I suggest finding that person that can tolerate his BS. Somethings no matter how little cannot be compromised. He might turn a new leaf tomorrow but go back to his old ways the next week. You cannot force people to do things they "might" not be used to.

jennykadry:



There was a reason why I asked him if he loves her. I do not think he loves her at all.

Hmmn...
That is very probable!!

You see both of them have issues:

i agree!!

A woman that runs to her father all the time

Isn't that better than she running to her friends who probably would have nothing of substance to say to her?

and a man who really hasn't met the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I think they should just break up and move on.

Maybe....

I want to know who eventually breaks the ice each time this happens-does she end up calling him or vice versa?.

hmnnn...

Regarding my earlier post- I just had to reply to the below post.



Going a day without calling a loved one does not in my own dictionary mean you don't love or care about them. I was just trying to be realistic and wash the eyes of the mills and boons lovers. Truth is some of us Nigerians can ask for the impossible and also ask for too much. Imagine a young woman who is engaged to a hard working man, vexing on a thread here a few months ago that he is not romantic because he does not engage in MTN MIDNIGHT CALLS WITH HER. Can you imagine the silliness?

okay..
I get it now...
I also do not expressly suscribe to that statement..i made it clear in my post.

I suggest finding that person that can tolerate his BS. Somethings no matter how little cannot be compromised. He might turn a new leaf tomorrow but go back to his old ways the next week. You cannot force people to do things they "might" not be used to.

Oh well...
I guess the choice will be his at the end of the day...
To decide if he wants what he wants with her or not and make an effort to make it work if he wills it!

Isn't that better than she running to her friends who probably would have nothing of substance to say to her?

She shouldn't be running to anybody (not friends, not father not whoever) but him to answer questions that has to do with HIS business. Any concern she has, should have been tabled and ironed out with HIM and not her father or her friends.

If this man was abusing her and she wanted to seek for help, BY ALL MEANS her father would have been the best bet assuming he has the interest of his daughter at heart.

You don't seek confirmation of the success of your man's career or business from your father. There is a reason why I said they both have issues: she is already trying to "secure" her future which I have no problems with but the way she went about it makes you wonder, is she there for the money, the business profits or for love?. Him on the other hand is just a d1ck head who does not see himself happy with this young girl but would rather continue leading her on and wasting more of her time.

........

jennykadry:

She shouldn't be running to anybody (not friends, not father not whoever) but him to answer questions that has to do with HIS business. Any concern she has, should have been tabled and ironed out with HIM and not her father or her friends.

The question is...
Was he available to listen to her at all?
Or aren't we still taking of the same guy who is too busy to "call" for "days"....?

You don't seek confirmation of the success of your man's career or business from your father.

Really?
You think she was seeking confirmation and not some matured opinion/insight?

She is already trying to "secure" her future which I have no problems with but the way she went about it makes you wonder, is she there for the money, the business profits or for love?.

i'm not seeing the above anyways...
I'm only seeing a girl who is uncertain about her relationship more because the guy is not showing significant interest or will in her/the relationship itself and just needs a reason to remain in it.