My baby daddy more like .

We broke up 3 yrs ago ( my fault) , we have a beautiful 3 yr old son that has been a constant source of joy to both of us .

We were constantly at each others throat when we broke up , but we agreed to get along for our boy sake . To cut long story short , he got married last year June , to say I was stunned is an understatement , but then I didn't make any effort to get back with him all thru , so I had no one to blame but me

Last month , he started getting very friendly , sending funny jokes , reminding me of some funny stuffs we did when we were together , I didn't really think much about it , but it became frequent .. And we just started chatting like old days ,one day he came to see his boy , I was in the kitchen n he pulled me n kissed me ( I'm blushing even saying this ) .. Anyhow , I pushed him away ( after a brief kiss) n I asked what about his wife ? .. He said they were separated . It just wasnt working ..

I asked y did he rush into it ? , if it was not solid ! cos it's was too soon to break up . He said he was at that point in his life where he wanted to settle down and I didn't give any inkling I still liked him , I was wrong n I didn't even apologise or act like I cared ( which is true).. But now he wants us back n as a family ..

The dilemma now is , is it right for me to go back ? One he still married n I feel marriage should hold more weight than a baby mama , but friends r like , didn't she know he had a child before getting involved . .. And my child should be my main focus , to raise him up as a family

I want that , but is it right ?

Provided he breaks up with his wife,I see nothing wrong in both of you getting back together

k2039: Provided he breaks up with his wife,I see nothing wrong in both of you getting back together

Thank you , but they r not divorced !
He said its up to me ... ,he's expecting me to also make a move , appear interested , which I am , but should I be acting interested while he's still married ?even though they r separated , it dosent mean they r not still married

Please I need more advice ..

^^ Does he have any kids with this other lady in question? And what sort of "move" may I ask, is he expecting you to make?

I think you should stay away. Based on the little you've mentioned about him, your ex sounds like the sort of person who would love to eat his cake and have it. I'm sorry but this guy sounds fickle to me. What guy wouldn't want to have a wife and mistress?

The fact that he chose to marry someone else, despite the fact you both have a kid together should tell you a lot about his character. I'm sorry to say this but you're simply being used here. No marriage is plain sailing. If anything, that bumpy road called marriage is full of ups and downs. He hasn't been married to the other lady for long, so it's normal to have disagreements.

As long as you're in the picture, you'll always be a stumbling block to him resolving issues with his wife. That man belongs to someone else, so pls, if you have any self respect, you'll keep clear. Why meddle with someone's marriage? Do you think if you get back together with him today, he won't do the exact same thing to you too?

Yes, you have a son with him and you'll always have that link. But I think it's better for you to comport yourself with a lot more dignity and let your ex remain in the past where he belongs.

^^^ I concur. Why didn't he remember the good old days days before he decided to marry someone else?

He wants a bootycall. Why is he putting the responsibility on you?
I advice you not to get in the middle, let him sort himself and his issues out before coming to you.
He is looking for someone to shift blame and responsibility to. If you fall for that na you sabi
If they get back together you become the winch who tried to snatch him from his wife, the other way round it becomes you didn't try hard enough, either way he gets off shifting the blame to you taking no responsibility for his actions

Hmmmmm , thanks guys , all ur advice makes a lot of sense . and this has always been my take , but then the advice have been getting from people have been to the contrary .

I've been wondering , if i was doing the right thing on just letting it go . In all my relationships , I've never been a fight for it girl , I just let it go and move on

All My exes have said the same thing ,quote ' theydenver thought I like them' , because I acted very non chalant when we were together n when we broke up

N I don't want to make the same mistakes again.

^^ I asked you a question which you've not yet responded to:

How long has your ex been married to his wife AND do they have kids?

Efemena_xy: ^^ I asked you a question which you've not yet responded to:

How long has your ex been married to his wife AND do they have kids?

They ve been married a year now , and they don't have kids .

I think your Ex is a wicked person. What he is trying to do is keep u hooked to him while he continues with his life. i guess he is scared his son will grow up calling another man Dad why didn he think of this before he got married. Let him go please and look for yours its not easy but u have to do it or else u will regret waiting for him when you old n grey.if possible please move far from him.some men sha.

Annie1:


They ve been married a year now , and they don't have kids .

1 year? Just 1 year and you're willing to tear up a couple's marriage?

What do you think that'll portray you as? Aside being a home wrecker? Are you prepared to live down that label? If this man divorces his wife because of you, what moral high grounds can you claim for yourself?

Would you be able to bear the heat if this other lady decides to fight and keep her man? How prepared are you, if she decides to fast & pray for your downfall? Or go native and use juju against you?

I guess the question here is: What exactly do you want Annie?

There are plenty of fish in the sea. A man who loves and RESPECTS you would only come your way only if you love and respect yourself. Let sleeping dogs lie. That way, you won't get bitten.

A word they say, is enough for the wise.

Efemena_xy:

1 year? Just 1 year and you're willing to tear up a couple's marriage?

What do you think that'll portray you as? Aside being a home wrecker? Are you prepared to live down that label? If this man divorces his wife because of you, what moral high grounds can you claim for yourself?

Would you be able to bear the heat if this other lady decides to fight and keep her man? How prepared are you, if she decides to fast & pray for your downfall? Or go native and use juju against you?

I guess the question here is: What exactly do you want Annie?

There are plenty of fish in the sea. A man who loves and RESPECTS you would only come your way only if you love and respect yourself. Let sleeping dogs lie. That way, you won't get bitten.

A word they say, is enough for the wise.

Thank you ., Wise words ..

He wants to eat his cake and have it. It is understandable that you still have feelings for him but there should be no relationship ever until that ring is officially off his finger. If he can be enjoying you on the side what incentive will he have to divorce his wife? You can be 99% sure that once you give in he will keep stringing you along and never leave his wife. Please let him go sort himself out. If you are available in the future and he's divorced, then anything can happen. Till then, he is not your man.

Na

chaircover: Na today!!!

He is probably NOT breaking up with his wife but is just having an affair with you and stringing you along and playing on your feelings of guilt because you broke up with him. . . . If you dont believe me, hire a private detective to follow him and you will be very surprised at the results.

My thoughts exactly.
Madam CC, i sent you a PM using my personal email addy so just know its the same person okay.

Sweethrt, I feel ur pain. Forget this man. If he is really seperated from his wife and its over, he should get ur two families involved.

Push him outta ur mind and focus on finding ur own special man.

kitty kat: Sweethrt, I feel ur pain. Forget this man. If he is really seperated from his wife and its over, he should get ur two families involved.

Push him outta ur mind and focus on finding ur own special man.

Thank you , I will .

Annie1:

Thank you , I will .

Its a painful process. I know what you are goinG thru but you must excise a cancer, else it kills you.

How do you cope as a single mom for 3yrs? Why haven't you found a new man?


I love u and I hope to read ur success story in futuer.

Airpure: I think your Ex is a wicked person. What he is trying to do is keep u hooked to him while he continues with his life. i guess he is scared his son will grow up calling another man Dad why didn he think of this before he got married. Let him go please and look for yours its not easy but u have to do it or else u will regret waiting for him when you old n grey.if possible please move far from him.some men sha.

This is my thought.

He wants to (keep) mistress you and wife another woman ...its modern polygamy.

Tell him you are interested but he will have to submit his divorce papers to you before he can steal another kiss.

I freaking hate stories like this. I hate clueless, undecided men with a passion. Don't let him drag you in his clueless, senseless ways.

kitty kat:

Its a painful process. I know what you are goinG thru but you must excise a cancer, else it kills you.

How do you cope as a single mom for 3yrs? Why haven't you found a new man?


I love u and I hope to read ur success story in futuer.

Thanks Luv God has been so faithful , don't know how I would have coped if not for Him

yes, its very flattering when you think a man [whether ex or not] admires you and "wants you back", but since you said you're always good at letting things go, then whats preventing you from doing the same now.

To cut long story short , he got married last year June , to say I was stunned is an understatement ,

i guess you're not married then.

were you waiting for him?

stillwater: I freaking hate stories like this. I hate clueless, undecided men with a passion. Don't let him drag you in his clueless, senseless ways.

What about clueless,undecided women?
The OP is getting a lot of sympathy from fellow women here,when she knowingly responded to advances from an ex that she knew was married to a fellow woman for just one year?
She responded to his advances and the man like a predator smelt blood and closed in for the kill-do you blame him?
My perception of this OP is that sher is a fickle minded person who is ready to get into a polygamy tangle. While wishing her luck we should remenber that women are their own worst enemies!

tpia1: yes, its very flattering when you think a man [whether ex or not] admires you and "wants you back", but since you said you're always good at letting things go, then whats preventing you from doing the same now.




i guess you're not married then.

were you waiting for him?

No , I wasn't .. I just haven't met the right person , I've dated, but most men r after one thing .. N they think I'm crazy when I say no sex before M , I get the r u kidding me ? With child ? Purlssss look n they waka Loool

Annie1:


No , I wasn't .. I just haven't met the right person , I've dated, but most men r after one thing .. N they think I'm crazy when I say no sex before M , I get the r u kidding me ? With child ? Purlssss look n they waka Loool

Be strong and keep waitinG. The rite man will come. It sound cliche but its so very true.

Richvkunt:
What about clueless,undecided women?
The OP is getting a lot of sympathy from fellow women here,when she knowingly responded to advances from an ex that she knew was married to a fellow woman for just one year?
She responded to his advances and the man like a predator smelt blood and closed in for the kill-do you blame him?
My perception of this OP is that sher is a fickle minded person who is ready to get into a polygamy tangle. While wishing her luck we should remenber that women are their own worst enemies!

Hmmm , thanks Uncle ,Mr judgemental .. I'm sure u have everything all figured out in life !
  
At no point in my post , did I insinuate that i wanted to get into a polygamous tangle , the kiss was very brief , I pushed him away ! He has invited me to his house , do i can see that he lives alone , which I declined , .he's called my bro , my sis ,to apologise n get them to talk to me 
n they ve told me things I feel r not right .
hence me starting this thread to get advice from matured Ppl!

Na wa, people are still falling for this trick in 2012. Papapa, he got you pregnant but did not see you as good enough to marry. Even if you were misbehaving he would have had patience and try to work it out with you. But no, he married someone else. He is settled in his marriage and as usual he has come to the one sure girl that will always give it to him when and how he wants it, as long as he dangles the child in her face as bait. My dear it is time to moveon with your life and gather the rest of the self respect you have left. A lot of us want an ideal life that is not obtainable given some circumstances. Because you had a kid for a guy doesn't make him in anyway indebted to you, only his child. So all that talk about, didn't she know he had a child before is you justifying your loss. The fact is your baby daddy didn't care he had a child before he CHOSE her and not you. So let it go, or people will keep using you. Am sure you will find your own. This one will keep telling you stories and keep using you. Time to let reality set in, he is gone.

Richvkunt:
What about clueless,undecided women?
The OP is getting a lot of sympathy from fellow women here,when she knowingly responded to advances from an ex that she knew was married to a fellow woman for just one year?
She responded to his advances and the man like a predator smelt blood and closed in for the kill-do you blame him?
My perception of this OP is that sher is a fickle minded person who is ready to get into a polygamy tangle. While wishing her luck we should remenber that women are their own worst enemies!

Still doesn't change the fact that I hate clueless, indecisive and senseless men. You are free to hate the female version. None of my business. Passing off this secondary school boy with itching testosterone as predatory, loll.

[quote
author=Annie1]



Hmmm , thanks Uncle ,Mr judgemental .. I'm sure u have everything all
figured out in life !
  
At no point in my post , did I insinuate that i wanted to get into a
polygamous tangle , the kiss was very brief , I pushed him away ! He has
invited me to his house , do i can see that he lives alone , which I
declined , .he's called my bro , my sis ,to apologise n get them to talk
to me 
n they ve told me things I feel r not right .
hence me starting this thread to get advice from matured
Ppl! [/quote]

Somebody knocked you up and abandoned you and your baby to marry aother woman and after one year of this marriage-YOU the abandoned woman is allowing this man to kiss you?
the mind boggles.

@

baby_123: Na wa, people are still falling for this trick in 2012. Papapa, he got you pregnant but did not see you as good enough to marry. Even if you were misbehaving he would have had patience and try to work it out with you. But no, he married someone else. He is settled in his marriage and as usual he has come to the one sure girl that will always give it to him when and how he wants it, as long as he dangles the child in her face as bait. My dear it is time to moveon with your life and gather the rest of the self respect you have left. A lot of us want an ideal life that is not obtainable given some circumstances. Because you had a kid for a guy doesn't make him in anyway indebted to you, only his child. So all that talk about, didn't she know he had a child before is you justifying your loss. The fact is your baby daddy didn't care he had a child before he CHOSE her and not you. So let it go, or people will keep using you. Am sure you will find your own. This one will keep telling you stories and keep using you. Time to let reality set in, he is gone.

Thank you for the advice , I know it sounds typical , but it's not the typical man leaves woman n want to get back story

I actually left him , I've not told u all the full story .. I cheated on him (covers face) , not physically but emotionally , I was chatting with this dude at work ( it wasn't explicit stuffs but more romantic ( if u didn't have a boyfriend , I would love u to be mine n i fed into it )

Me Ex read all the text message n e confronted me , and did I apologise ? No ! I said well I didn't physically cheat , so what the biggie ... My arrogance was beyond level and he still stayed , but obviously we started arguing ( unknown to me , I was pregnant ) , when I realise I was , my first reaction was to get rid of it , but I couldn't , cos I knew it was a bigger sin .. And he actually proposed to me , gave me a ring , we started planning a quick simple wedding , but the argument didn't stop , so what did I do , I composed a long letter n told him , it's best we break up despite expecting a child ( stupid me , I thought it will making him stop arguing with me n actually start over pampering me ) .. Oh I was so naive ! Even when I realised it had backfired , should I have stopped and begged ? No I didn't ..

Agreed he wasn't a saint , but I was mean n vicious with my words , now I look back n say , who was that lady ?

Honestly , it was more of a reality check , because if that didn't happen , I will still be a monster

I'm not excusing him for leaving me though , he probably should have tried harder ...or Not .. Hmmm

chaircover: @poster I am not telling you off but am speaking to you as i would speak to my own sister.

We as women are sometimes our own worst enemies. we forget that when things go pear shaped we are the ones who suffer the most, so it is our responsibility to ensure that we protect ourselves to the best of our abilities.

You had a baby for a man but he didnt feel that you were worth enough to fight for and marry you. He was unable to get through to you and He went off and got married to someone else . . . married o!

Then he comes back a few months later obviously in the pretext of seeing his child and then he trys to seduce you.

Dare I ask have you ever met the wife? A decent man who had nothing up his sleeve would have introduced his wife to you long tome ago, knowing that the wife will from time to time be involved in caring for your child.

Did he tell you before he got married? I guess the answer was NO . . .again a decent man would have given you that respect and told you. His wife probably never even knew about you and the baby! some men are naughty like that. They are probably fighting now because she just found out about the baby.

Does he give you financial support for your child? does he even visit your child? in the year that he was married what input did he have in your child life?

You were the one left holding the baby and by your admission you have just said that men laugh at you when you say no sex before marriage because they know that you already have a child. if your ex said that he didnt have a child, will anyone be the wiser? You are the one suffering the consequences alone. I am sure that when you had your baby you would have had to delay/give up work or education while he prances about as if nothing happened. of course children bring joy and I am sure that you wouldnt swap your child for anything in this world but i am sure that deep down you would have preferred things to be different, with 2 of you looking after this bundle of joy and not just one.

So you let a man who has done all this come back into your life A man who could not hold a marriage down for one single year come into your life? a man who can so easily cheat on his wife back into your life? so if you hadnt pushed him away that night he would have committed adultery!! is this the type of man that you now want or are even considering back in your life?

Dont you think that you deserve better than that? so what happens if you and him go through a rough patch? wont that mean that he is going to go off trying to seduce another woman?

What did he do to patch up his marriage before trying to get into another relationship? and when he started being over friendly with you, why didn't you nip it in the bud there and there. he is someones husband you know.

Anyway a man who rushes off and gets married to the first unsuitable lady because according to you "wanted to settle down" speaks volumes about his reasoning.

Please tell the man to piss off; sort out his differences with his wife but if they cant, then make sure that he is 100% divorced before you let him through your front door.

You are right , I'm left holding the baby ! Though he did lie about getting married twice , 1. That he was engaged and 2. That he was married ( he said he lied to get a reaction) but all I did was ' oh really ? Congratulations (fake obviously , but thought never will I let u see how crushed I am ( font know where I got this pride from))


But the actual marriage ,he didn't tell me , he was going to , but then he said he had already told me n I told him congrats !


I guess I'm just baffled , he will still even attempt a comeback

Maybe his Ego is still bruised , but then he got married , so that should be enough right ?