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Divided Emotions - Literature (3) - Nairaland

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19 Words For Emotions You Feel But Can’t Explain / Waves Of Emotions / Twisted Emotions - A Short Story (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Divided Emotions by Nobody: 11:55am On Dec 08, 2012

Thanks moreeni,
MT doesn't need a new love. .u'd find out why soon!

Groovy! Pls update cos I've been refreshing this page every other minute
. Can't wait...
Re: Divided Emotions by DAvIt0(m): 3:34pm On Dec 08, 2012
UPDATE UPDATE PLEASE!!! Emotions dividing!!!!!!
Re: Divided Emotions by sheblayze(f): 5:27pm On Dec 08, 2012
DAvIt0: UPDATE UPDATE PLEASE!!! Emotions dividing!!!!!!

Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 5:35pm On Dec 08, 2012
DAvIt0: UPDATE UPDATE PLEASE!!! Emotions dividing!!!!!!

grin grin grin
Soon dear!
Re: Divided Emotions by IZUKWU(m): 6:18pm On Dec 08, 2012
Superb work,you are a wordsmith,keep it on.
Re: Divided Emotions by Nobody: 6:24pm On Dec 08, 2012
This is beatiful Lola, i wish i can do this but am more of a critic, you are doing a very good job here, keep it up dear.

1 Like

Re: Divided Emotions by Nobody: 6:24pm On Dec 08, 2012
Wat a beautiful write up.tnx 4 giving us d opportunity to b a part of it.may God continue to grant u wisdom and d ideas u nid.kip up d gud wok.btw i love ur diary too.

1 Like

Re: Divided Emotions by kilokeys(m): 7:06pm On Dec 08, 2012
Make una shhh.. Na... I actually saw *new* on this post i think say tori don land... Na so so comment i see.. Be careful o.
Re: Divided Emotions by Splendblex(f): 7:30pm On Dec 08, 2012
Tanx love,d lord is ur strength 4 more updatessmiley:*
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 8:11pm On Dec 08, 2012
Wat a beautiful write up.tnx 4 giving us d opportunity to b a part of it.may God continue to grant u wisdom and d ideas u nid.kip up d gud wok.btw i love ur diary too.

Thanks deola!
I love yours too
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 8:13pm On Dec 08, 2012
kilokeys: Make una shhh.. Na... I actually saw *new* on this post i think say tori don land... Na so so comment i see.. Be careful o.


Shollym: This is beatiful Lola, i wish i can do this but am more of a critic, you are doing a very good job here, keep it up dear.
Awwwwww! Am honoured shollym!
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 9:25pm On Dec 08, 2012
"I heard he was here," she said in a trembling voice. "M.T.'s aunt phoned with the news a little while ago. I flew in from Lagos as fast as I could." She sounded completely out of breath.
"Is it true? Is he really alive and home?"

There were no shadows here. No conflicts. This woman radiated a fullness of joy. Her eyes shone like stars.
At a glance Sonia saw what Kenneth had expected to see...what he had deserved to see...when he'd gotten off the plane this morning.
Confronted by the immensity of her own betrayal, she felt as though another dagger had pierced her heart. In loving James, she'd deprived Kenneth of a pearl beyond price at the most crucial point in his life.

She could only imagine what seeing Hauwa's shining face would mean to M.T.

"Yes. I'm Sonia Brown. My husband was in prison with him."

"I know. His aunt told me. It's unbelievable, isn't it?"

. . .Yes. Unbelievable. . .

"Come in. Please."

The other woman stepped over the threshold and Sonia shut the door. "Wait right here and I'll go get him."

"All right." Hauwa nodded. "But I'm so excited I'm sick. I still can't believe he's alive, that he's here!"
"He's not going to believe you're here, either," Sonia murmured. "Just a minute."

Sonia turned and flew down the hall to Divine's room. When she entered, she saw M.T and Divine sitting on the twin beds facing each other. She was pretty sure M.T was demonstrating Morse Code to her son. Divine avoided looking at her, but M.T got to his feet.

"Sorry I ran out of the dining..."

"No one blames you," she interrupted him gently. "M.T., you have a visitor. She's in the front hall."

Obviously her news stunned him. "Aunt Rekia?"

"Why don't you go find out?"

Immediately his face paled. She saw his hands begin to shake. Out of pure compassion she moved to his side and put her arm around his shoulders. "Everything's going to be fine. Come on. I'll walk with you." He flashed her a look of gratitude, and they made their way out of the room.

The second they stepped into the front hallway, Hauwa's cry of love reverberated throughout the entire house. M.T flew into her arms. They clung to each other with a fierce desperation that was too private, too beautiful to watch, but Sonia couldn't look anywhere else.

. . .Kenneth, what have I done to you?. . .

It might have been five minutes before either M.T or his wife spoke. "You've come back to me," Hauwa said. "I can't believe it. It's a miracle. Oh, M.T, I love you!" She cried over and over again.
"I don't see how. Half of me is gone, and I-I've lost one eye, Hauwa," he sobbed into her neck.
"Do you think I care about that? You're home and I'm going to take care of you, soldier."

"I can't believe you're not married."

His words crucified Sonia, whether M.T knew it or not, the reception she'd given Kenneth had convinced M.T that his wife would never have held on this long.

Like rocks thrown in a still pool, the ripples continued to spread, doing their damage.

"I am married, you goof. To you. You know you're my guy, don't you?"

"Ah, Hauwa, you don't want an old wreck like me."

"How about me, M.T? I'm a much worse wreck. After seven years, I've got the battle scars to prove it. We'll compare wounds all night, shall we? And we'll kiss every one better, okay? Unless I'm not your girl anymore. Did you find someone else over there?" Her voice caught, revealing the depth of her emotions.

"Ah, Hauwa," was all M.T could answer, he was drowning in so much happiness.

"Go on home with her, soldier. Go home now! That's an order."

At the sound of Kenneth's authoritative voice, Sonia wheeled around in shock. She'd no idea he'd been standing there all this time.

A beautiful smile meant for M.T alone illuminated his face. He moved past Sonia and put his arms around both of them. She saw him tousle Hauwa's dark curly hair...and felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle.

"In case you didn't hear him say it yet, he loves you, Hauwa. I know because he called out for your name in his sleep every night for six and a half years. Maybe tonight I'll finally get some sleep."

There was more laughter, more tears of joy as they all hugged. Their own private fraternity to which no one else belonged. Sonia hadn't given the proper password, so she couldn't enter.

She'd never felt so bereft in her life. She had to do something fast, or she was going to lose it in front of all them.

"Divine?" She called to her son, hurrying down to his room. When she entered, he looked up with accusing eyes. If an expression could wither, she'd be shriveled. "M.T.'s wife has come to take him home. Would you help me pack his things and carry them out to the taxi waiting outside?"

He blinked. Obviously such an eventuality hadn't occurred to him. "But he thought she was married to someone else by now."
"I know."
"So she did wait for him, like he prayed."

Another blow. Any more, and Sonia wondered if she'd still be alive come morning.
Divine's face clouded in pain before he jumped to his feet. "He didn't unpack anything. I'll bring his duffel bag."

"Thank you, honey."
"I'm doing it for M.T. Not you." He grabbed it from the corner and lugged it out of the room. Sonia followed him down the hall on unsteady legs, wishing the mountains would collapse on her to bury her pain.

By the time she reached the foyer, Divine was being introduced, then they all started out the front door. Suddenly M.T looked around, and his searching gaze found Sonia's.

He left the group and hurried toward her. But he seemed to be having trouble finding the words. Finally he gave up trying and they hugged.

"Thanks for everything, Sonia."

"There's no reason to thank me, M.T. I'm just so happy for you."

He embraced her harder. "I'll pray for you and the Sergeant."

Her body shook. "I-I'm afraid we're going to need those prayers. So will Divine. Come and see us soon. You're only forty-five minutes away by air. Kenneth won't know what to do without you."

"Yeah. We're both going to have problems for a while."

She smiled sadly. "Take care, M.T"

"For what it's worth, your husband's the greatest. I know you know that, or you wouldn't have married him in the first place." He paused. "I guess this means your fiance's pretty exceptional too."

"He is," she whispered, dying a little more.

"Please remember one thing. If you need help, if you need to talk, you'll always have a friend in me."

"I don't deserve that kind of loyalty, but I'll probably take you up on it just the same," she murmured with tears in her voice. "Bless you, M.T."

1 Like

Re: Divided Emotions by Nobody: 9:49pm On Dec 08, 2012
What a wonderful reunion. I have always felt MT deserves some doze of happiness.Well done Omolola.

Still refreshing for updates...
Re: Divided Emotions by Oluwafunmilayo95(f): 10:12pm On Dec 08, 2012
omolollipop..dis is too short naw cry
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 10:48am On Dec 09, 2012
Oluwafunmilayo95: omolollipop..dis is too short naw cry

U want long epistles?
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 11:45am On Dec 09, 2012
FOR A MONDAY EVENING the Alpha Club was relatively empty, James noted, as he entered the dimly lit bar and sat at the nearest vacant table.

"Hi there," one of the cocktail waitresses greeted him, a warm smile evident. "What'll it be?"

With a grimace James put a five thousand naira bill on the table. Then he took a piece of paper from his trouser pocket and handed it to her. "All I need is for you to dial that number for me and ask for Sonia. If they want to know who's calling, tell them its Pat. If and when Sonia comes to the phone, tell her just a minute, then hand the receiver to me. Can you do that?" He asked with barely controlled intensity.

She eyed him speculatively. "Sure I can. Follow me."

Pocketing the money, she headed for the phone booth next to the rest rooms. He waited while she punched the numbers. The unrelenting throb at his temple was finally playing havoc with his stomach.

After about ten seconds had passed he saw her straighten. "Hi. May I please speak to Sonia?" There was a pause, then, "Yes, its Pat."

James swallowed hard. This probably wasn't going to work. If by any chance Sonia's husband had answered the phone, he'd want to know all about Pat. Sonia would have to think fast since James had pulled that name out of thin air. Surely she'd realize what was happening and play along until he could talk to her.

"Just a minute, please," the waitress murmured. She handed the phone to James, giving him the victory sign as she walked away.


"Yes?" Came a troubled voice. It didn't sound like his Sonia.

"Don't say anything. Just listen. I'm taking an Arik flight to Lagos tonight...I'm on my way to the airport now. If and when you decide you want to get in touch with me, call Barb at the office and she'll know how to find me. Until later, sweetheart."

Before he could change his mind and beg her to talk to him, he jammed the receiver back on the hook and left the bar in a few swift strides. Once outside, he got quickly into the Mercedez, one of his company cars and headed for the freeway.

Reaching for his cellular phone, he called his assistant manager, Emeka Bright. They talked business until James reached the huge airport parking lot, from which he could take a shuttle to the terminal.

Emeka would have to handle things until James got back. Unfortunately he had no idea when that would be. It was killing him to leave, but it would kill him to stay. But putting a thousand miles between him and Sonia ensured that he couldn't go storming over to her house in the middle of the night demanding her time regardless of her husband's feelings.

James own feelings bordered on the primitive. He could all too easily imagine dragging Sonia off someplace...someplace they'd be alone.

After he'd parked the car, he grabbed his suitcase and climbed into the shuttle van. The flight to Lagos wouldn't be leaving for an hour. He'd purposely told Sonia which airline he was using on the outside chance she'd drive out to the airport to see him off.

But as he checked his bag and made his way to the departure lounge, he realized that such hope existed only in his most delusional fantasies. No matter how much Sonia wanted to be with James...and he knew she wanted him...she couldn't and wouldn't leave her husband on his first day home from the war.

James rational mind agreed that such an act would be an inhuman thing to do to anyone. That was why he had to get out of there. His last spark of humanity had been extinguished the moment Sonia said she wouldn't be seeing him for a while.


"Hey, you two. In bed already?"

"Kenny!" Both his parents said at the same time. "Come in, son." His father beckoned with his hand, while Janet gave him a faint smile.
Kenneth approached the foot of their double bed, trying not to think about the agonized look on Sonia's face after Divine had called her to the phone a few minutes ago. It had been a one-sided conversation. Whatever James Okoye had said to her, it was enough to drain the color from her cheeks and convince Kenneth that his wife was in dire pain.

"Mother?" I'm sure you've conjured up some horrible images about my imprisonment, but just remember that I survived it, and I've come home."
"To what?" She cried angrily. "I'll never forgive Sonia for what she's done to you."
He gritted his teeth. "Don't blame Sonia. The war changed all our lives."
Ignoring Kenneth's comment, George patted his wife's arm. "This business with James will soon pass. Now that Kenny's back, our Sonia wil..."
"No, Dad," Kenneth broke in. If he didn't get through to them now, they might never face reality. And maybe saying the words would help him chart the precarious course ahead.

"To be honest, I have no idea where Sonia and I are going. We've lost seven years. We're like babes in the woods, floundering around, trying to make sense of everything.
"If Sonia was the cruel insensitive creature your anger is making her out to be, she wouldn't have come to the airport this morning to face me, let alone to tell me the truth about James. But she did, and under the circumstances, that kind of integrity is as much as I could've hoped for."

His mother sat up straight in the bed, her eyes red-rimmed. "How can you stand there and defend her."

Kenneth expelled a long sigh. "How can I not when she's made such a wonderful home for Divine, not to mention an impressive career for herself?"

"She couldn't have done it without our help!" His mother's sharp words rang through the room.
"Your mother's right, son."

"Has she ever shown either of you anything but the profoundest gratitude for all you've done?" Kenneth fired back, feeling the heat of anger sweep over him. Neither of them met his gaze.
"When she heard I was MIA and presumed dead, a lesser woman might've gone to pieces and never succeeded, no matter how much help she'd received."

"She gave up on you! We never did."

The truth of his mother's words hit him like the second shock wave of a bomb blast. Then she was sobbing.
He moved to the side of the bed and embraced her. "That's because you're such wonderful parents, and I love you for that. But the fact remains Sonia has done a fantastic job with Divine. For that I will always be grateful."

His father stirred restlessly. "I think what we all need is a vacation together. Why don't we pack up in the morning and head for Dubai?"

Grim-faced, Kenneth got up from his bed, realizing his arguments had made no impact on his parents.
"Good as that sounds, Dad, I can't go anywhere until I see about getting a prosthesis of some kind. As for Sonia and Divine, they've still got school. I'm afraid that for a while we're going to have to take things a day at a time."

His mother lay back against the pillows. In the soft light of the bedside lamp, Kenneth could see how much his parents had aged, though they were still a very handsome couple. He loved them and always would, but he was painfully aware that their single-minded devotion to him had created a breach with Sonia, one he wasn't sure could be mended.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and Divine poked his head inside. "Hey, you guys? Can I come in?"
"Of course you can." George chuckled and extended his hands to Divine, who ran toward him. They hugged joyfully while Kenneth looked on. "This has to be the happiest night of our lives, having your dad back."

"It sure is!" Divine exclaimed, then ran around the other side of the bed to kiss his grandmother good night.

Kenneth noted that three of them were exceptionally close. Because of his parents' love and Sonia's, Divine seemed to be in the best emotional shape of any of them. Again he sent up a silent prayer of thanksgiving that, in his absence, his son had been blessed with such a strong supportive mother and grandparents.

In a few minutes, he'd be alone with his wife for the rest of the night. Before they hurt each other any more...which would happen inevitably, despite their most compassionate intentions...he'd offer Sonia his gratitide.

"Come on, Divine. Time to let your grandparents get their rest."

Kenneth gave his parents each another hug and said he'd see them in the morning, then ushered Divine from the room, his arm around the boy's shoulders.
"You need to get to bed, too. School's going to come early in the morning."

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow, Dad. Please let me stay home with you one more day."

"That's for your mom to decide," he murmured as they entered the bedroom.

1 Like

Re: Divided Emotions by DAvIt0(m): 12:46pm On Dec 09, 2012
wooooow!!! Omolola fire ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Divided Emotions by Oluwafunmilayo95(f): 1:30pm On Dec 09, 2012

U want long epistles?
yes naa cool

1 Like

Re: Divided Emotions by Splendblex(f): 1:34pm On Dec 09, 2012
Welldone girl,more power to ur elbow!
Re: Divided Emotions by Nobody: 1:53pm On Dec 09, 2012
Lola weldone, no wonder am addicted 2 ur diary, chinua Achebe of our time.
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 2:04pm On Dec 09, 2012
Right now Divine had a serious case of hero worship where Kenneth was concerned, he felt so hurt and angry about James he was taking it out on Sonia. It would be very easy for Kenneth to play his son's vulnerability and make it impossible for Sonia to wield any influence.
...The last thing he wanted to do...

Divine scuffled his toe against the carpet. "Mom'll let me go."

"It's probably for the best, son. I'm going to be at the Veterans' hospital most of the day seeing about a new hand. But I'll tell you what. I'll pick you up after school. Bring some of your friends along. We'll get a drink together and talk football."

Divine's eyes lit up. "All right!"

Relieved that his son hadn't objected, Kenneth added, "Maybe after dinner we can find a gym where we can work out."
"There's one around!"
"Yeah. I go there sometimes with my friends."
"Okay. We'll do it. Now, have you said goodnight to your mom?"
A sheepish expression crossed Divine's face. "No."
"I'll bet she's waiting. Why don't you go give her a kiss, then come back to bed."
Divine's eyes clouded. "I'm so glad you're home, Dad."
Again Kenneth felt that thickening in his throat. "Ditto, son."

Divine wiped his eyes with his arm. "I'll be right back. If you want, you can look at my junior-school year book from last year. Here. I was showing it to M.T. I'm in three pictures, but they're kind of dumb. I've grown a couple more inches since then."

Kenneth took the yearbook. "You've grown about five more feet since I last saw you." He winked at his son. "I'm anxious to look at every picture taken while I was away so I can fill in the blanks. When you and your mom saw me off, you were this little curly-headed guy who liked to ride on my shoulders."

Divine made a face. "I looked like a girl."

Kenneth chuckled. "Did you ever see pictures of me at five years of age?"

"Yeah." Divine grinned. "Grandma has a zillion of them. You had a whole bunch of curls and looked like a girl, too."

"Well, nobody would ever take us for females now."

Their eyes met in mutual understanding and they hugged. "I'll be right back, Dad."

"While you're at it, you might thank your mom for being such a great mother all these years without any help from me."

Divine's grin faked and he looked away. Kenneth knew his son wanted to say something negative, but at the last second had thought better of it.

As soon as he'd left, Kenneth flipped through the pages, painfully aware of the years when he hadn't been part of Divine's life. Or Sonia's.

For so long, M.T had been Kenneth's only link with reality. It seemed strange to think that the man who was closer to him than a brother no longer lived on the other side of the wall, and never would again.

All that time, M.T had been Kenneth's immediate concern. On their flight from Kaduna, Kenneth hadn't really believed Hauwa would still be there, waiting for her husband. A marriage of only one year and no children... But by some miracle, Hauwa hadn't met...or worse, married...anyone else.

Happy as he was for M.T., it was hard to see him drive off with his wife, who was obviously still very much in love with him. Kenneth set the book on Divine's desk and stood up. His palms had gone clammy. He started getting the shakes.

. . .You miss him, Brown. You miss him like hell. And you're afraid to be alone with Sonia. . .

"Dad?" I'm back. Did you see the picture of me on the beach?"
"You mean the one where you're all in grass skirts and bikini tops?"
"Yeah." Divine grinned.
Kenneth grinned back. "Did you borrow your mother's bathing suit?"
"Well, I have to say she looks a lot better in it than you do. In fact, I bet your mom's still the best looking of all your friend's moms."

There was a long silence before Divine nodded. "You love her a lot, Dad, don't you?"

Kenneth sucked in his breath. "I fell hopelessly in love with her when I was eighteen and that's never changed. We had a wonderful marriage, closer than most."


"Then how come she fell for James?"

Divine nodded again.

"For one thing, she thought I'd been killed in the war. For another, you said yourself he's a great guy. For a third...well, it's in my opinion that people who've been in a bad marriage are often frightened to repeat the experience for fear they'll make the same mistakes.
"Since she'd been so happy in our marriage, she probably wanted to have that experience again and decided James could enrich her life. In a way, it's a compliment to what she and I had shared. Can you understand what I'm telling you?"

. . .I'm not sure even I understand it, Divine, but it's the only explanation I have for the moment. . .

"But n-nobody's like you, Dad," the boy said brokenly, tears gushing down his cheeks. "Mom always used to say that. How come she can't feel that way now?"

. . .Divine, Divine. If I had the answer to that question. . .

"The heart's a funny thing, son. You can't order it to feel a certain way. It does what it wants. You can't get mad at it."

Divine blinked and stared across at Kenneth. "You mean you're not mad at mom?"

"I was this morning." Kenneth confessed quietly. "I won't lie to you about that. The truth is, I'm in a lot of pain, just like you. Just like your mom. There's a great deal to work out, and today is only the first day. We're going to have to be patient."
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 2:29pm On Dec 09, 2012
Shollym: Lola weldone, no wonder am addicted 2 ur diary, chinua Achebe of our time.

*blushing**** Gracias Shollym!
Re: Divided Emotions by Nobody: 3:17pm On Dec 09, 2012
Another couple of good chapters. Pls update quickly,I want to see the magic between Kenny and Sonia. Poor James. I pray he meets someone on the plane or in Lag.
Re: Divided Emotions by DAvIt0(m): 4:10pm On Dec 09, 2012
moreeni: Another couple of good chapters. Pls update quickly,I want to see the magic between Kenny and Sonia. Poor James. I pray he meets someone on the plane or in Lag.

yea!!! also cant wait... really emotions been divided
Re: Divided Emotions by DAvIt0(m): 4:13pm On Dec 09, 2012
Omolola Your diary nko.....
update ooooo
How's T
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 4:37pm On Dec 09, 2012
DAvIt0: Omolola Your diary nko.....
update ooooo
How's T

Haaa! U've read my diary and you know about T. . .
*hides face*
Re: Divided Emotions by DAvIt0(m): 6:13pm On Dec 09, 2012

Haaa! U've read my diary and you know about T. . .
*hides face*

looooool!! been following
sha pls update us here
lets see how it goes for James
Re: Divided Emotions by Omolola1(f): 7:56pm On Dec 09, 2012
SONIA THOUGHT she was going to jump out of her skin with anxiety as she waited for Kenneth to come to bed. She'd busied herself cleaning the house, locking all the doors, turning out the lights.

While he was with Divine and his parents, she'd emptied his duffel bag and made room for his things in her closets and drawers. A clean pair of pyjamas they'd given him in Kaduna lay across the foot of the bed. After showering, she'd put on a nightgown she hadn't worn since before he'd left for the war, then slipped into the pink robe Kenneth had given her eight Christmases ago.

Finally she'd gone to bed, forcing herself not to think about James flying back to Lagos. His terse communication had created a sense of loss that made her feel as if her only friend on earth had suddenly deserted her.

But in another sense, she was glad he'd gone to be with his family. He was particularly fond of his older brother, Bernard, who could provide needed comfort right now.

Sonia had never had brothers or sisters and could only imagine what a luxury it would be to run to a sibling in crisis. For that matter, Kenneth had been an only child, as well. Throughout their marriage, they'd been each other's best friend, had relied on each other for everything.

She and Kenneth had married right out of high school, their passion too flammable to endure a lengthy engagement. Kenneth had been her one and only lover. To Sonia, the physical side of their marriage had been pure ecstasy. But when she thought of making love to him now, she couldn't summon any actual memory of what those feelings were like.

It was like looking back thirteen years to Divine's birth...forty-eight long hours of labor. She had an almost abstract awareness that there had been intense physical pain; at the time, she'd thought she would never forget it. But she had forgotten those pains, and until she had another baby, there was no way she could ever relieve them.

When James entered her life, everything was different. Her feelings had taken a long time to get to the point that she wanted him in her bed. She'd heard too many stories of widows and divorced women who'd remarried and then discovered that after their physical needs had been satisfied, there was little else holding the marriage together.

Sonia had been determined to build a rock-solid relationship before she allowed herself respond sexually to James. She'd never felt out of control with him the way she had with Kenneth. In all likelihood it was because she was much older and because she'd gone through a long period of mourning. Not only that, there were Divine's feelings to consider. The combination of circumstances had made her cautious. Fortunately James had loved her enough to wait until they were married before they consummated their relationship.

Bothered by a headache that had begun during dinner, she got up and padded to the kitchen for some painkillers. While she was putting the bottle back on the shelf, the phone rang, startling her.

The only person she could think of who'd be calling this late was James. Was it possible he'd changed his mind and hadn't gone to Lagos, after all?
She was afraid to pick up the phone, afraid they'd get through another excruciating emotional battle. But the continued nagging would wake the whole house. After another moment's hesitation, she answered.

"Sonia? It's M.T."
She blinked. "M.T.? Are you all right?"
"Yes. Could I speak to Kenneth?"
. . .He wasn't all right at all. . .
"Of course. I'll get him. Hold on."

Laying the receiver on the counter, she ran to find Kenneth, who was just coming out of Kenneth's bedroom. In the near darkness, his tall body was little more than a silhouette.
For an instant, it reminded her of other times when he'd come from the shower toward their bed, a shadowy figure intent on making love to her. She reeled from the impact of such a deeply buried memory that suddenly, unexpectedly surfaced.

"M.T.'s on the phone."
"I thought he might be calling."
"If you want privacy, take it in the kitchen."
"Thank you," he murmured and strode past her.
Sonia hurried to the bedroom, still disturbed by the strange experience outside Divine's door. She suspected Kenneth would be talking to M.T for a while and decided she'd try to reach James on the phone line hooked up to the computer downstairs in her office.

He would be with his family by now. She felt as if she'd lived ten lifetimes in one day; she needed to hear his voice again, if only to say good night.
Without any further hesitation she darted into the hall and flew down the stairs to the basement. She kept a directory of her personal numbers in her desk drawer.
But a call to his family's home revealed that they had no idea he was coming to Lagos. He hadn't phoned them. Maybe he was still on his way home from the airport.
With the assurance that they'd have him call as soon as he arrived, his mother hung up. Sonia replaced the receiver with the awful premonition that James didn't want his family to know any of this. In fact, she was pretty sure he hadn't told them about the engagement yet.
Maybe he hadn't gone to Lagos. Maybe at the last minute he'd changed his mind. He could be anywhere. Only his secretary was privy to that information, but it was too late to disturb her. Sonia would have to wait until tomorrow.

On the slight chance that he'd decided not to leave Abaji, after all, she phoned his house, but all she got was the answering machine.
Was it possible he'd gone off somewhere on his racing bike? Whenever he was upset or needed to think, he usually went cycling for a few hours. He'd been training for the Tour de France when she'd first met him. At the time she'd been unaware that he'd been grieving over the loss of his fiancee.
Sonia, along with Divine and a couple of his friends, had rented bikes to wheel around the restored mining town. It was early in the morning, and they'd come to an unused stretch of road, or so they'd thought. As they rounded a sharp curve, there was James, headed toward them with the speed of a torpedo.

Only his expertise prevented a serious accident. Instead of being angry at having to skid to a stop to avoid collusion when it was their fault for being all over the road, he graciously apologized and struck up a conversation. Once they found out he was in training, Divine and his friends were in awe of him, besieging him with questions.
What began as a chance of meeting turned into an all-day excursion. James led them on an eventful ride. No one wanted the fun to end, so they ended up having dinner together, as well.

It was the first time Sonia had been in another man's company...outside of school and work...since Kenneth's death. When James asked if he could take her and Divine out to dinner the next time he would be in Abuja, she found herself saying yes.
Divine thought it was cool, and the three of them had a lovely evening out. But then it became clear that James was attracted to his mom, that he wanted to start seeing her on a regular basis, and Divine became difficult. The problems began.

He'd been difficult ever since. Right up until tonight. Now, suddenly, he was a different child. After the explosion in the kitchen earlier, she hadn't expected him to come near her, let alone say good-night and give her a hug.

. . .Kenneth's influence, surely. . .

Kenneth. By now he'd probably be off the phone. With a guilty start, she replaced the receiver and ran up the stairs to the bedroom. The door stood ajar. She could see him in the middle of the room, tying the ends of his old striped bathrobe around his waist. His pajamas still lay at the foot of the bed.

There was an odd fluttering in her chest as she made her entrance.

His enigmatic gaze swerved to hers and narrowed.
"Obviously the prospect of sleeping with me was a little too daunting, after all. If you want me to stay on the couch, just say so. No lies, Sonia. At this point, all we've got going for us is the truth."

. . .Kenneth, am not trying to hurt you. . .

"I was taking advantage of the time you were on the phone with M.T to call James. He left for Lagos in a lot of pain, but it seems I can't locate him. Is that enough truth for you?"

"It's a start," he muttered, drying his hair with a towel.

He must have just come from the shower. She could smell the scent of her soap on his skin. Another flood of memories unexpectedly assailed her, confusing her.

She scrambled into bed and pulled up the covers.
"H-how's M.T.?"
"He's terrified."
"Of what exactly?"
"Hauwa wants to make love and he doesn't."
"Why? They adore each other."
"That's why," he ground out, tossing the towel onto the nearest chair. Then he turned off the light.
"He's afraid he won't be able to perform as he once did. He's afraid she'd be turned off by his skinny body. He doesn't look like he used to, and he's afraid she's only pretending to love him out of pity."

"She sees past that," Sonia said with conviction.
"You saw, you heard her joy when M.T appeared in the foyer. Pity was the last thing on her mind."

"It doesn't matter what we know." She felt his side of the bed dip as he slid beneath the covers. "M.T isn't convinced."
Kenneth's tone of voice haunted Sonia. "What advice did you give him?"
"To ask her if it would be all right if they just held each other all night because he needed time to realize that this is real, not a dream."

Hot tears squeezed out of her eyes. "Do you think he'll take your advice?"
"He always does. I'm figuring Hauwa's a smart woman. I imagine ten or fifteen minutes is all she'll need to convince him of her love...as only a wife who has known her husband intimately can do."

A tight band constricted her breathing. "Do you want to hold me, Kenneth?"

"No. The idea of a sacrificial lamb has never appealed."

She winced in pain at the swift retort. It didn't seem possible that they could be saying such hurtful things to each other, not after the kind of marriage they'd once shared.

"The next time I hold a woman, it will be because our love is mutual."

. . .A woman? What did he mean?. . .

"I still love you, Kenneth," she whispered. "I always will."

"I believe that. It's the only reason I'm lying here right now. But the difference is I'm still in love with the Sonnie I left behind. The new Sonia is a stranger...one, furthermore, who's in love with another man. I've had all day and night for the dream to die.
"Tomorrow morning, after I've been to the hospital, I plan to consult a good divorce attorney."


She cringed, her heart pounding. She hadn't even considered such a thing. She hadn't been able to think beyond the moment.

"It was the first question Divine asked me on our bike ride today. He wanted to know if we were getting a divorce. When I thought about it, I realized it was perfectly a natural question. You can't marry James while you're still married to me." A long silence ensued. "Sonia?" He prodded. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Y-yes," came her ragged whisper. He hadn't been home twenty-four hours. Could he really be discussing divorce...and discussing it so...so unemotionally?

"Then we need to get it under way as soon as possible. I can't promise you'll be free by the wedding date you've chosen, but I'll do everything in my power to get our divorce through quickly. I should think that seven years of no history between us will speed up the process."

"As for our son, gut instinct tells me it might be better if I stay here for a while longer. It will give Divine a little time to accept our situation. But I'll leave that decision up to you."

. . .Divine'll never accept it. . .
. . .I don't accept it. . .

All at once a terrible anger caused her to throw back the covers and jump up to her feet. "Kenneth, why are you talking about this on your first night home?"

"Why do you think?" He responded blandly. "You should know me by now. At least, you used to know me. I've always been a realist. In that regard, I haven't changed. You're engaged to be married and I came back from the dead. Two irreconcilable facts."

Sonia started to shake and couldn't stop. "It's too soon to talk about...about these things. Y-you need time...therapy..."

"I agree we can all benefit from therapy, but I'm not in the mood right now." He got to his feet and they faced each other across the bed in the darkness.
"As for time, I've had seven years to think. What I want at this point is to build a new life for myself. Since I've lost my wife, naturally I'm eager to start dating other women with the hope of remarriage and more children down the road. Can you understand that?"

Oh yes, she could understand that. It sounded like he couldn't wait! And there wasn't a woman alive who'd be immune to his charm.

Hardly able to breathe, she murmured, "Of course."

"There's just one problem, Sonia. The kind of woman I want to end up with wouldn't dream of dating a married man. Therefore, like you, I need to be free first. In both our cases, there's no time to lose."

. . .She couldn't fault his reasoning or needs.
They made perfect sense.
He had every right!
She had absolutely no right.
She was devastated. . .
Re: Divided Emotions by IZUKWU(m): 8:35pm On Dec 09, 2012
Life/love could be cruel at times.
Re: Divided Emotions by Oluwafunmilayo95(f): 8:54pm On Dec 09, 2012
I'm loving the long epistles wink
Re: Divided Emotions by DAvIt0(m): 9:26pm On Dec 09, 2012
Oluwafunmilayo95: I'm loving the long epistles wink

Re: Divided Emotions by DAvIt0(m): 9:27pm On Dec 09, 2012
Oluwafunmilayo95: I'm loving the long epistles wink

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