Like the saying goes.. We are either one adjustment away from making our life better, or a step away from making it miserable. I am 100% certain that my younger brother has chosen the latter.


I practically go through life finding solutions to my problems without seeking much advice from others. But this time I have been confronted with an issue i know not how to deal with.

My younger brother called me last night to discuss his relationship. The theme of the discussion happens to be about his girlfriend's personality and character. According to him....

She happens to be someone he has liked since secondary school days, and just got the opportunity to date her now. But it seems like a lot of things he admired about her in those teen age aren't part of who she is now. Here are couple of things she's about that he doesn't identify with..

* Kim Kardashian is her role model ( She never misses any episode of "Keeping up with the Kardashian ). Meanwhile, My bro finds Kim Kardashian a role model for the irresponsible girls.

* She just signed up on instagram with a username mimicking something along the line of "Barbie Bit*ch" - Like how can any responsible girl possibly refer to herself as a bitch?

*She's so obsessed with vain things. Like expensive hairdo, watch, SHOES AND BAGS. 2 months ago, he asked her what she wanted for her 25th birthday (Oh yeah she's 25). And she opted for a Channel wrist-watch. As God may have it, my lil bro has $1200 to spend on a freaking-wrist watch for a very nonsensical "barbie bit*ch". ( I believe my mum can do with such gift from his supposedly loving son ), but no, he prefers his beautiful barbie bit*ch instead.

The problem is: He doesn't like most things that this girl represents, but he seems to be deeply infatuated with her. He can't say NO to anything she says. Now he wants me to advice him. Truthfully, I have no advice because I am so pissed that anything I tell him might border along the line of "kill her", "go to hell", "lose my number and don't call me again"

I am not pissed because he's doing all this for a woman he claims to love. I am just pissed off because i love my brother, and the girl in question does nothing for him aside se*x. The last time i visited him, she was watching style channel while my stupid brother who just came back from work was in the kitchen making the meal. Like WTH..

I have tried to talk sense into him in the past, but it seems she really got a firm grip on him. If it was before when he still relies on the family for bread, I would have deprived him of money and all to straighten him out, but he's got a job, became independent, and he's much a grown man even though he doesn't act like one.

Kindly advice if you can. It's just killing me.... I feel like...... I rather not say.

Experience is the best teacher. Soon, his eyes will clear

Mynd_44: Exoerience is the best teacher. Soon, his eyes will clear

Not when his sanity and possibly life is on the line.

I am kinda torn in-between

Buhahahahahahahaha....


girl dey living room dey watch style channel- keepin up with the latest dresses and colour, man dey kitchen dey twist semo-vita for pot for girl to eat ...he'll probably take the plates to wash in the basin when girl is through cracking all the turkey bone..
I hope your bro has some orange juice in the fridge ? ?

moodswing:

Not when his sanity and possibly life is on the line.

I am kinda torn in-between

Just watch

moodswing:

Not when his sanity and possibly life is on the line.

I am kinda torn in-between

Get him a good and decent woman...
#my advise

We have some on nairaland..

He needs deliverance. The girl don use juju scatter the guy mind.

wissezy: He needs deliverance. The girl don use juju scatter the guy mind.

Even when im not a superstitious person. I can't rule that possibility out.

moodswing: Like the saying goes.. We are either one adjustment away from making our life better, or a step away from making it miserable. I am 100% certain that my younger brother has chosen the latter.


I practically go through life finding solutions to my problems without seeking much advice from others. But this time I have been confronted with an issue i know not how to deal with.

My younger brother called me last night to discuss his relationship. The theme of the discussion happens to be about his girlfriend's personality and character. According to him....

She happens to be someone he has liked since secondary school days, and just got the opportunity to date her now. But it seems like a lot of things he admired about her in those teen age aren't part of who she is now. Here are couple of things she's about that he doesn't identify with..

* Kim Kardashian is her role model ( She never misses any episode of "Keeping up with the Kardashian ). Meanwhile, My bro finds Kim Kardashian a role model for the irresponsible girls.

* She just signed up on instagram with a username mimicking something along the line of "Barbie Bit*ch" - Like how can any responsible girl possibly refer to herself as a bitch?

*She's so obsessed with vain things. Like expensive hairdo, watch, SHOES AND BAGS. 2 months ago, he asked her what she wanted for her 25th birthday (Oh yeah she's 25). And she opted for a Channel wrist-watch. As God may have it, my lil bro has $1200 to spend on a freaking-wrist watch for a very nonsensical "barbie bit*ch". ( I believe my mum can do with such gift from his supposedly loving son ), but no, he prefers his beautiful barbie bit*ch instead.

The problem is: He doesn't like most things that this girl represents, but he seems to be deeply infatuated with her. He can't say NO to anything she says. Now he wants me to advice him. Truthfully, I have no advice because I am so pissed that anything I tell him might border along the line of "kill her", "go to hell", "lose my number and don't call me again"

I am not pissed because he's doing all this for a woman he claims to love. I am just pissed off because i love my brother, and the girl in question does nothing for him aside se*x. The last time i visited him, she was watching style channel while my stupid brother who just came back from work was in the kitchen making the meal. Like WTH..

I have tried to talk sense into him in the past, but it seems she really got a firm grip on him. If it was before when he still relies on the family for bread, I would have deprived him of money and all to straighten him out, but he's got a job, became independent, and he's much a grown man even though he doesn't act like one.

Kindly advice if you can. It's just killing me.... I feel like...... I rather not say.

ha ha ha at the bold

Hey,

I can PERFECTLY understand you. I have been in a similar situation before.
I understand why you don't like the girl and why you don't want your lil brother to be with her BUT the sad truth is that her type is quite popular.
Don't make the mistake to get too much involved, tell him what you think in a moderate way when he asks for your opinion but no matter how much it bothers you, let him be! It's his life, his choice, his business. IF YOU create a drama, or just don't control your words, you'll cause harm to the relationship with your brother. He'll do whatever he feels doing no matter what you say. Human beings are not reasonable when they are in love. And there is nothing you can do about it, no matter how close the two of you are.

So hope for the best and expect the .....

It could be me writing it down some years ago. Honestly!

People like your bro would rather learn from their own mistakes than listen to advice from others. Let him make mistakes and learn, the lessons that life gives are often harsh but they are not often forgotten.

Mynd_44: Exoerience is the best teacher. Soon, his eyes will clear

[size=15pt] OP, YOUR BROTHERS HEART IS IN DANGER! BECAUSE ONCE OSAMA BIN LADIN SHOW FACE... THE 9/11 BUILDING WILL COLLAPSE MORE THAN 100 FT BELOW GROUND SURFACE. Tell HIM LOVE DONT COST A THING![/size]

Like u said,u've talked to him about this in the past and he's still adamant. Mehn,i suggest u put him in prayers even as u continue conversing with him to see reasons with you.He is literally a MUMU for desiring such a vain girl and i do think there might be juju at work. So,continue talking and praying for his eyes to 'open'. Also,introduce him to nice ladies u know,fix him on blind dates etc.

acidosis™:
Buhahahahahahahaha....


girl dey living room dey watch style channel- keepin up with the latest dresses and colour, man dey kitchen dey twist semo-vita for pot for girl to eat ...he'll probably take the plates to wash in the basin when girl is through cracking all the turkey bone..
I hope your bro has some orange juice in the fridge ? ?

Hehehe

Let her enjoy nah.

After all, you're only young once, not so?

Ur bro obviously is enjoying d s*x and the gf must be very good @ it, so much so that he feels it is okay to be in the kitchen cooking while d biatch is watching style network. IMO its important you allow ur bro pass thru dis phrase so wen he is older he would be wiser with his choice of companionship and if unfortunately he decides to marry dis tramp.....well too bad

Poster, you are very funny, I loved the "kill her" advice.

On a serious note you have to be diplomatic. Your brother is not the person you are trying to chase away rather it is Kim Kardashian wanna be. So you should be soft with your brother. He already knows the girl has issues so he is not completely blinded by the love or se*x. You are already half way there.

In a polite manner, talk to him again, let him do more of the talking and gently make him realise Kim K may not be a good wife material. Let him know the choice is his to make and you will always support him no matter what. Just let him know that from the things he has said about Kim K, you have your reservations. He will figure the rest out himself !

PROBLEM STATEMENT: ur brother acknowledges he has a problem too? Good! then d only problem left is that he's too week to effect a change.
INFERENCE: He hasnt gotten to his breaking point yet!.....& u cant push him to it or u risk becoming d enemy. she has to do that herself.
CONCLUSION: stay gentle on ur brother & close to him so he can keep confiding in u. u need to...cos when he gets to his breaking point, he culd be in a muderous mood & u shld b the 1st person he wld call. for his own sake( u dont want ur bro wanted for murder). ive been there b4 trust me. ur best bet is to keep ur fingers crossed & watch d movie unfold.....it would.....with time.

@OP, I really understand how you feel. Infact! If I were in your shoes, I would feel worse. Well, I believe you are mid-way from solving the problem because as it is said, a problem shared is half-solved and in solving a problem the first thing to take into knowledge is the fact that there is actually a problem. I like the fact that he already knows there is one heck of a problem and what he lacks now is the ability to confront this menace..

Since you said you have talked to him several times in the past and he never hearkened to your words, I would say you call him now and inquire from him if he really wants you to help and also if he'll take to your advice this time. If his response is positive, then you know you ain't wasting your time for wasting-time-sake.

Anywayz, from what you narrated, its so glaring that she ain't the so-called-responsible kinda gurl. Your brother needs to be a man and take the bull by the forlock. Let him call the gurl and spit out his mind without mixing words. For him to let her know he is not comfortable with the way and manner she is going about this blah blah blah... Pending her reaction or her willingness to conform with positive change, then he should know what comes next (show her the exit door before he gets totally ruined and miserable). One thing to note is that, he should be ready for anything cuz gurlz like that seldom conform to positive change. He shouldnt be afraid to lose her..

I wish him goodluck

Nashville: Poster, you are very funny, I loved the "kill her" advice.

On a serious note you have to be diplomatic. Your brother is not the person you are trying to chase away rather it is Kim Kardashian wanna be. So you should be soft with your brother. He already knows the girl has issues so he is not completely blinded by the love or se*x. You are already half way there.

In a polite manner, talk to him again, let him do more of the talking and gently make him realise Kim K may not be a good wife material. Let him know the choice is his to make and you will always support him no matter what. Just let him know that from the things he has said about Kim K, you have your reservations. He will figure the rest out himself !

That is the problem, he feels the girl is good for him, he just detest her Kim loving personality. Trust me when I tell you that he is a very bright chap but since this girl came into his life, he has lost the essence of being a reasonable guy. He doesn't like her lifestyle but he's too weak to chase her away, I don't even think he want's to chase her out but just complain to me and hope i'd just tell him she will come around. I think she might be the end of him. He's fast losing it.

moodswing:

That is the problem, he feels the girl is good for him, he just detest her Kim loving personality. Trust me when I tell you that he is a very bright chap but since this girl came into his life, he has lost the essence of being a reasonable guy. He doesn't like her lifestyle but he's too weak to chase her away, I don't even think he want's to chase her out but just complain to me and hope i'd just tell him she will come around. I think she might be the end of him. He's fast losing it.

He is the only one that can chase her away. All you are trying to do is to make it happen faster before she does too much damage. Next time you speak to him about it, let him know your reservations. Ask him to speak to another family member, may be another sibling or your mum so that he can get their opinion too.

I just want you to know he wouldn't marry that girl. He will definitely figure it out himself no matter how long, what you want is for him to figure it put sooner than later, if you have other siblings talk to them about it and your mum too. Your brother seems responsible so I guess he will have responsible friends. You may want to secretly talk to them if you are close to any if them just to get their own input too. This happens in almost every family, but patience is the key here.

Your brother is dating a girl he should not date. It happens to everyone you can only talk to him about it and if you do that too strongly, you must be viewed as negative.

Your bro probably knows what games she is playing and he is playing his.

I say, sit back, grab a bucket of pop-corn and watch

I keep up wit d Kardashians doesn't mean I'm indecent. I like Kim doesn't mean I'd ve a sex tape so dt judge her by dat. I guess ur bro is lookin @ her thru d eyes of a teen girl he used 2 crush on bt now d girl is all grown up n has decided on her path. As 4 d relationship, u can only advice not enforce becuz as u said ur bro is all grown n independent. 4 him 2 ve asked ur opinion means he's ving 2nd thots so keep advicing and praying dat he doesn't make a mistake by marrying her.

All you can do as a brother is to advice him. He's grown now and you cannot compel him to leave the girl. Like the popular aphorism"Experience is the worst teacher" it gives you the test before the lesson. So my advice is, do not allow him to go amiss, help him in any way you can even if it means involving your mum. She's the only one with much power and aptitude to influence your bro. After all said and done and your brother ain't free from the shackles of our Kim Kardashian wannabe. Then you back off and let him make his decisions for himself.

May be she gives him good se*x all d tym dis is y it is good to flirt at his stage but not neccessarily havin se*x with every girl but keepin in touch with different girls. I will advise u leave him but watch closely to avoid marriage moves if u can but one thin is sure he will realize himself soon.

Everyone tell me to advice him. YES, that is why i shared the problem in the first place. I am asking for what exactly to tell him cos my mind is so full of hate for this girl to such an extent that I can't conceive anything decent.

moodswing: Everyone tell me to advice him. YES, that is why i shared the problem in the first place. I am asking for what exactly to tell him cos my mind is so full of hate for this girl to such an extent that I can't conceive anything decent.

Didnt you read my post? Besides, you have to be matured in treating this issue. Dont take it the way you are feeling right now else you are gonna bring about more harm than good. Maturity entails emotional & psychological balance and control... Dont treat it with anger but with patience and perseverance...

OP, I dunno why you have to wait for him to get heart broken or learn from experience when you can just tell him your mind. All these things you're saying would have more relevance if you were telling them to your brother than to people on Nairaland. IMO, Confront your brother and tell him your mind

Also i think you can get a lady he respects to talk to him about the situation so he will know that not all ladies are so unreasonable.
Just offer your advice without involving you emotions for him as a brother do it like you are advicing a casual friend, this way he will know its his life/ future at stake and that you are not hating on the girl cause you think she's getting more of his attention than you have.

Dont expect him to take your advice though, that way you won't be disappointed if he doesn't... cause people in his shoes know what is right but find it hard to do until the getting to a point they decide they can't take it no more!

@op: your brother seems new to the dating arena. Pele. He seems unfortunate but he will ultimately pay the price. He has already started noticing things. The seed of doubt is there. And he came to you. Because he feels you will be able to advice him. Tell him the truth diplomatically. If he has any sense like you, he will know how to handle himself. Because even in that madness called love, his brain is finally warning him. Reason with him and always put these words intermittently " your decision is final".

I'm sure the guy go dey wash smtin sef.

timifakay: Also i think you can get a lady he respects to talk to him about the situation so he will know that not all ladies are so unreasonable.
Just offer your advice without involving you emotions for him as a brother do it like you are advicing a casual friend, this way he will know its his life/ future at stake and that you are not hating on the girl cause you think she's getting more of his attention than you have.

Dont expect him to take your advice though, that way you won't be disappointed if he doesn't... cause people in his shoes know what is right but find it hard to do until the getting to a point they decide they can't take it no more!

You are right. To be absolutely devoid of any emotion when talking to him. I just need days if not weeks to cool down. Cos right now, I feel like the elder brother of a big slowpoke.

poster

There is really not much you can do in this situation other than to tell him to figure it out himself. He opened his wallet to buy her a channel watch because he also likes what he is geting in return. He could have easily said no to her material request.

liking Kim kardashian doesn't make a person not responsible it just means that the girl is still really young mentally or she is caught up with the fantasy of what those reality TV people put out there. Your brother will eventually decide what to do himself when he can't take it anymore. Also don't be the family member that tried to break them up.

**In Mr. Cork Voice**

Huh? Op, bro, you jealous of yo broder fineeeeeeeee sugarmama??