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Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One - Family - Nairaland

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Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 10:21am On Nov 26, 2012
Light - Camera - Action grin

Introducing our families . . .

The Naija Folks - Meet the Naija Folks
The Sienas - keeping up with the Sienas
The Jarus' - Mr & Mrs Jarus.

This show promises to be fun as these 3 families will take us on a ride into their world. We get to see the thrills, the excitement, the tears, the fights, the make-ups, the dates, the temptations, the lonely nights, the celebrations and all.

Programme Run-down (Naija time)

- Meet the Naija Folks #teamblue# - Mondays and Fridays, Between 5 and 6pm

- Keeping up with the Sienas #teampurple# - Tuesdays and Saturdays, between 5 and 6pm

- Mr & Mrs Jarus #teambrown# - Wednesday and Sundays, between 5 and 6pm.

* * * Watch this space * * *

More info, comments and questions . . .


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 10:35am On Nov 26, 2012
Sneak peek . . .


Howdy folks, in the spirit of Nairaland big brother as requested by the able aproko moderator. Lemme introduce you to my family, 'the naijafolks'.

I am naijababe, happily married to naijaman. We have two kiddos, babette and baby - that's a girl and boy for those who don't know what that means.

Babette is five while Baby is two, he'll be three in January but talks like a 10 year old at times, I have been told a few times that he's an old man trapped in a baby's body and I tend to agree with that observation. He attends nursery full time and is the class clown and genius rolled into one (what can I say, naijaman and I have have smart genes).




Mr. and Mrs. Siena have been friends since they were little. They grew up together and practically lived in the same area. Their parents were also close friends. Siena was born in the UK but moved back to Nigeria when he was six years old. His wife was born 2 years after. We heard from the grapevine that Siena held Mrs. Siena in his arms when she was born. Funny isn’t. grin

Siena went back to the UK when he was 19 and lost touch with Mrs. Siena for like 20 years. They got back together through one of the social networks (Nairaland) and it’s been bliss since then.

They got married in Nigeria 2009 and also in the UK 2010, after which they welcomed a beautiful daughter into the family. They had another baby this year.




Well, I don’t think I need much introduction here as you all know I’m one of most no-holds-barred posters here. I’m sure a lot of folks here already know I’m from Kwara state, I’m a Muslim, I attended Ife, work in Nigeria’s energy sector, write for newspapers, blog etc etc. So let’s move on to the show proper. And to be sure I got the organizers of this show well, the purpose is to share, as close to reality as possible, our experience as married Nairalanders – for both education and entertainment purpose. Trust, you will have a full dose.

.... Jarus


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Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:14pm On Nov 26, 2012

Episode 1


Howdy folks, in the spirit of Nairaland big brother as requested by the able aproko moderator. Lemme introduce you to my family, 'the naijafolks'.

I am naijababe, happily married to naijaman. We have two kiddos, babette and baby - that's a girl and boy for those who don't know what that means.

Babette is five while Baby is two, he'll be three in January but talks like a 10 year old at times, I have been told a few times that he's an old man trapped in a baby's body and I tend to agree with that observation. He attends nursery full time and is the class clown and genius rolled into one (what can I say, naijaman and I have have smart genes).

... Friday: 23:11:2012 ...

As I picked them up today, I got another dose of my son's cheekiness par usual. It's the birthday of one of the other kids, the customary thing the nursery does is bake a cake for the celebrant and have a lil' shindig.
My son in an attempt to steal the celebrant's thunder goes to one of the nursery assistants and asked if it's his birthday. She replied in the negative and my son apparently said to her with a mortified face to boot, 'Oh my God, it's not?! I can't believe it! That is ridiculous!!!'

I laughed as she regaled me with my son's exploit for the day but couldn't help wondering how a two year old comes up with some of the things he says. If he had not said ridiculous in my presence before I would have sworn she made it up.

……..Back to us sha..………………

Naijaman and I are both engineers, we met when we were in University. Studied engineering at a London University together, he joined my class as a direct entry student from naija in our second year.

I recall telling one of my friends/classmate at the beginning of our first year that our university was populated with geeks and nerds and there was no chance of me dating anyone on that campus given the available specimen. Suffice to say that I never lived that down and she teased me about it till we left uni.

For the best part of the first 2 months after he joined my class I could not stand his guts, he is one of those really quiet and reserved types that can come across as cocky. I can't stand cocky people, well except maybe Sagamu (Sagamite), but I know Sagamu is not cocky in real life, he just writes all sorts of cocky posts on NL to make himself interesting. grin

We've known each other for 12 years and have been married 9 yrs and counting. I like to refer to us as night and day, that's how glaring our differences can be at times but I guess we complement each well.

Until my next update, it's sayonara for me.

Pix courtesy: Babette.


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:10pm On Nov 27, 2012

Mr. and Mrs. Siena have been friends since they were little. They grew up together and practically lived in the same area. Their parents were also close friends. Siena was born in the UK but moved back to Nigeria when he was six years old. His wife was born 2 years after. We heard from the grapevine that Siena held Mrs. Siena in his arms when she was born. Funny isn’t. grin

Siena went back to the UK when he was 19 and lost touch with Mrs. Siena for like 20 years. They got back together through one of the social networks (Nairaland) and it’s been bliss since then.

They got married in Nigeria 2009 and also in the UK 2010, after which they welcomed a beautiful daughter into the family. They had another baby this year.


Hello there, I am Siena,

What's there to know about me?

I'm an easy-going guy, born and raised in the UK, though I spent 12 years in Nigeria. I'm a confirmed petrol head, and anything that has an internal combustion engine will appeal to me. Prior to getting married, I was a bit of a Globetrotter, and travelled most of Europe, The Americas, Australia and parts of Asia. Now being a family man, with two cute daughters, will I stop travelling? Err, no. I'm simply taking a break!

I've turned my hobby into a viable business, and run a small garage, specializing in bespoke / custom conversions on German automobile, with Audi and Volkswagen being the main models I work on. This is something only a true petrol head will understand, so I get it when my wife gives me blank stares when I get into my sales pitch. If it isn’t clothes, handbags, shoes and other accessories, she's not interested. hee hee hee! grin grin


Hi, I am Mrs. Siena

I am a fun loving person, very flexible, versatile, born and bred in Lagos, lived at Ota a bit. I love clothes that’s why I am into the business of making people look good and I also love looking good too sometimes I get remarks like oh! Esther you don’t want to get old, abi? Lol.
Well, what can I say! My husband likes me looking sexy and romantic for him all the time. Even though it can difficult cos of the kids, but I always have it at the back of my mind that my husband is first then the kids. I love my my family a whole lot and I would do anything to protect them cos I know God does protect us at all time.
I run a fashion house called HOUSE OF SIENNA . I got a page on facebook too. I deal in clothes, shoes, bags, jewellery, accessories etc. I am my husband’s personal stylist too. Lol. Yes I love singing too, that’s my other passion. And I am looking forward to releasing my single too, very soon. wink


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:22pm On Nov 27, 2012
Episode 1



It's Sunday morning, and to be honest, I don't feel like going to church. It was windy all night, rattling windows and doors, and it's raining too. Actually, scrub that. I'm not going. I don't fancy carrying Sachi, my 4-month-old in her carrier, and holding onto 2-year-old Sienna at the same time, walking from the car to church. Too wet, too windy, well that's my excuse anyway.

I jog Mrs. Siena awake at 06:35. She grunts at me, clearly not happy. We DID have a late night, we've got a guest here on holiday, a Nairalander (Ruky Ivy) too, and we all caned a bottle of Baileys the night before. I seem to be the only one not suffering any ill effects, not sure if that's good or bad.

By 07:00, I make my way downstairs. I can hear Siena stirring upstairs, so I go back up to lift her out of her cot. I know she'll want to run into our room, and climb onto our bed, waking her little sister Sachi, so I steer her downstairs, and put on her favourite channel, Nick Jr. She beats me to the home entertainment system, and turns it on - no one else is allowed to do so when she's around! She settles in her favourite position and is soon engrossed.

At just before 07:30, Mrs. Siena gets up, I remind her she's got some typing to do, so she best get a move on. I also tell her myself and the girls won't be going to church, so she'll be going along with our Nairalander house guest. Our guest is already in the bathroom, and I guess Sienna hears her. She goes up to give her some grief, that's her way of showing she's accepted her as harmless. After the bathroom's free, I get ready for my bath. of course, Mrs. Siena's my personal styling guru, so I tell her to get my clothes ready, before I go into the bathroom. We ARE taking some pictures, after all. Mrs. Siena's really camera mad, and Sienna's taken after her in that respect. I often try to rush Mrs. Siena out of the door, before she remembers she wants to pose for a few pictures, but it seldom works. She's wise to my ways.

At 09:22, everyone's ready. Church begins at 10:30, Mrs. Siena's in her church choir, so can't afford to be late. I usually drop her off, then myself and the girls go to our own church. Works a treat, and everyone's happy. Mrs. Siena's looking sweel, in an outfit I haven't seen before, and really pleased with herself. "Picture time!" she says. Then the painstaking rigmarole of different poses, different positions, moving the furniture around e.t.c. Damn! The sessions are a real chore for me. But seeing as I get a lot of leeway with my own personal projects, I can't really complain. I've got a great big Snap-On tool chest in the kitchen! I know lots of my friends that get away with a lot less, so I count myself lucky. I even go as far as going shopping with my wife, I can't stand it though. Indecisiveness of any sort drives me nuts, and this is no exception. Do all women spend up to four hours buying an outfit?

10:09 we're ready to make a move. Everyone gets into the car - Sienna has pride of place in front, where her child seat's pretty much become a permanent fixture. The church is only a 5-minute drive away. Mrs. Siena and our Nairalander house guest get out, Sienna starts crying. She wants to get out too, but I'm resolute on that. Mrs. Siena knows that's one thing I won't compromise on. I'm catholic, and our children will be raised as Catholics too. Mrs. Siena attends RCCG. Just one of those things. She's accepted things, but I sometimes think she's brewing internally.

By the time myself and the kids arrive back home, Sachi's asleep. Siena's quite content to play with her puzzle, and watch TV. Her vocabulary is astounding. She's just two, but she knows quite a bit. She knows the four rings on a car means "Audi", and anytime she spots the logo, even on a poster, she reminds me she's her father's daughter. Sounds like another petrol head in the making.

Sachi wakes up around 12:40. I pick her up, she gurgles happily. She's a very content child, very independent. happy to be played with, and equally happy to be on her own. I check her diaper - it's wet, so I change her. She goes back to sleep shortly after, and so does Sienna. Peace! But not for much longer - by 13:05, Mrs. Siena pings me. She's ready to be picked up. I'm not keen to wake the girls, so I call her back.

"The girls are asleep, I don't really want to wake them up. Any chance of you guys hitching a ride back?" There's a long pause. I'm just about to repeat my query, when she responds.
"I guess so. I'll see what I can do."

That's what I love. Mrs. Siena's so perceptive. No fuss, no drama, just solutions.

Sachi wakes up around 13:33, and gets a bit grizzly. I pick her up, and rock her, just as Mrs. Siena and our guest arrive. Saved by the bell! Sachi is fed, and is soon playing with her sister.

We all settle down with a good movie, Mrs. Siena and our house guest talk fashion, Mrs. Siena begins making online purchases. She has lots of orders to fill. I go for a stint in the garage, lot of work to do.

Something has been forgotten - I'mt sure what, but I soon do, after I lock the garage, clean up and am about to settle down for a much-deserved rest. Mrs. Sienna comes up, looking a bit harassed.

"Sweetie, we're out of meat, and we need Okra. And we are low on diaper for Sienna too."

I groan.

"Do we really need them now, or can it wait till tomorrow? I'm shattered."

Mrs. Siena fidgets with her phone, looking anywhere but at me.

"Well, I suppose we can."

I look hard at her.

"You sure?"

She comes up to me and holds me close.


I relax. With two little ones, every moment counts. My hands run down her back, and she springs back with a startled oath..

"Ha! I knew you were up to something. I can read you like a book. What would our guest say if she walked in and saw you mauling me on the landing?"

I leer at her.

"I doubt she'd stick around long enough to notice, she'd be embarrassed enough to either act like she hadn't seen us, and get back down the stairs."

Mrs. Siena gives me The Look, and Sachi wakes up downstairs, and begins to wail, and that brakes the spell.


Much later in the evening, Mrs. Siena breaks the news.

"We definitely need to do a mini shop, there's not much bread left, and Sienna's only got one diaper left."

I give her a bleak stare, and swear softly under my breath.

"Do you remember it's Sunday? All shops close at 16:00. It's not 18:05. So Sienna will have to make do until tomorrow."

Mrs. Siena thinks for a moment.

"Okay. She's got one on that will probably get her through till just before bedtime. Then she can use the last one till morning. It'll mean you'll have to go to the shops quite early." She gives me a cheeky grin and says cheerfully, "I'll make you a list, if it's nothing to do with cars or parts, you'll forget before you get halfway to Tescos."

I lunge forward to swat her behind, but she's wise to my moves, and whips her tail smartly out of reach, sticking her tongue out at me as she does so.

......................... to be continued. wink wink


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:12pm On Nov 28, 2012

Well, I don’t think I need much introduction here as you all know I’m one of most no-holds-barred posters here. I’m sure a lot of folks here already know I’m from Kwara state, I’m a Muslim, I attended Ife, work in Nigeria’s energy sector, write for newspapers, blog etc etc. So let’s move on to the show proper. And to be sure I got the organizers of this show well, the purpose is to share, as close to reality as possible, our experience as married Nairalanders – for both education and entertainment purpose. Trust, you will have a full dose.

.... Jarus



I am Mrs Jarus, Fulani/Yoruba by tribe, 8 months younger than Jarus, a self-employed businesswoman dealing in Gold and other things. I am polytechnic graduate, a Muslim, speak English, Hausa, Yoruba and a little Ghanaian local language(spent few years in Ghana growing up)



Hmmm…, the serious search for Mrs. Jarus actually started in my final year in the university -late 2005. Trust boys na, we were all scrambling and shadowing around for a babe. I remember one of my friends and roommates that missed class one early Friday morning to travel from Ife to Ibadan to go seal a deal with a lady. They did not only steal his 6k divers shoe in mosque, he also didn’t get the response he expected. Needless to say our friend came back to school, in somber mood, his appetite already taken leave. But the lady today is his wife.

I narrated that to show what we did in those early years of searching. Narrating how our searching went would take too much time, but let me just brief it. There was a lady (FA) that turned me down in school, but later practically begged but that was after I had moved on. There was another one (GA). I also had one (AA) that practically turned me to ATM in my early years of working. There was HA, a super-beautiful Nupe lady I met during service year. It didn’t work out for tribal reasons. There was JO, a Yoruba-Hausa match-made that didn’t work out too. That was another FS (a fringe Nairalander), an ex-Ife faculty mate, which crashed when I called the bluff of her brother on Facebook 2009 or so. There was also JY, also match-made, that didn’t work out. There was TT (wrong initial, because she is a Nairalander), whom I met, though never dated, but seriously pondered because of her brain and beauty. She is highly intelligent and we are from the same place.

At this point, let me refresh that my criteria from onset were: very beautiful, presentable, Muslim, preferably but not necessarily from Kwara axis.


During sallah in our hometown in Offa, Kwara state, November 2009, my childhood friend had invited me to his friend’s nikkah (Muslim wedding) in GRA Offa. We knew that such event was a place we can shadow for Mrs. Right. They were all ABU graduates and friends from Zaria. We drove there in my then Honda Civic 2004 model. My friend, being friend to the bride, was more involved in the activities. Me I just sit down for one corner dey form big boy for village (lol). I dey shadow from that corner while the programme went on. Then came the bridal train (abi wetin dem dey call those girls wey dey follow iyawo). My eyes just caught one of the bride’s friends. Beautiful, gorgeous eyes, and well xxxx lipsrsealed (lol).

To cut long story short, after the nikkah ended I was able to get her number, got to know she also just finished from ABU, works in a bank in Ilorin, and from Offa like me, but she was speaking Hausa. I entered all the info into my database and began my research. After the event, I wanted to volunteer to go drop her in Ilorin but I couldn’t get through to her line. E pain me no be small. By the time I got through to her in the evening, she was already in Ilorin. It was a Saturday and I needed to be back in Lagos on Sunday so I can resume work on Monday. Yet, I offered to come meet her in Ilorin that Sunday before leaving for Lagos, but she asked me not to worry. I visited her in Ilorin in December, and another in February 2010. Alas, I met my eventual wife in my second visit, but guess what? It wasn’t HM.


Me deciding to visit HM in Ilorin that February was one of the most daring and risky things I ever did. I had booked my Lagos-Ilorin 6:30pm Arik flight early on that Friday morning. So, only death can stop me from visiting.
At 4:30pm, I still hadn’t finished my to-dos for the day. I was still with my boss sorting out some things. By 5pm, we still hadn’t finished. Omo, no Saturday flight to Ilorin, so I couldn’t decide to postpone my journey.

By 5:30pm I just threw my shabbily completed schedule by email to my boss, didn’t even shut down my system, asked a cooperative colleague to help shut down my system by 7 when he’s leaving and I raced to the elevator like it was done in one advert I can’t recall again. It was rush hour, traffic hour, so there was no way I can reach MMIA before 6.30 by car. Okada came handy. I ‘flew’ okada from VI, through 3rd mainland bridge, to Ikeja, to catch my flight. I got there by 6:30, but the flight never took up until to 8. I risked my life (okada from VI to Ikeja no be beans) and my job (sent incomplete assignment to my boss and left without excuse) all for HM.

Well, by 8:35 I was in Ilorin and it was too late for me to see her. I wasn’t impressed with her attitude that weekend so I vex leave Ilorin. No Sunday Ilorin-Lagos flight which meant I had to go back to Lagos by road. I decided to break the journey by branching at Offa (from Ilorin) to check my people at home before heading to Lagos. Who would have known that Mrs. Jarus was there waiting for me in that Ilorin-Offa bus. Not even the anger of coming all the way from Lagos, risking my life and job, to come meet HM that was not straightening her head, blinded me from seeing this cool and beautiful lady sitting in front of me in that bus. Thank God I was able to get her number. Fast forward to 11 months later, we were married, although a couple of misunderstanding happened during the 11 month courtship that threatened the outcome. For example, I got a threat from a guy on her issue, but trust me; I’m a veteran of many wars myself.

This is where it ends for today . . . . wink


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:35pm On Nov 28, 2012
For comments, questions, participation and advert placement . . . wink

Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:04pm On Nov 29, 2012
Today’s episode is tagged “SPOTLIGHT”
Interviews:Hang outs:Photo shoOts

Interview was done via mail . . .


NLRS: How did you feel when you were invited for a reality show on Nairaland?


Well, I guess I felt kind of honoured. I'm not a shy sort, so it wasn't really an issue deciding to go ahead with it. I also felt it would be great for the curious to know a bit about what makes me "tick", within reason, of course. And it will be a unique opportunity to be involved in a project that I can look back on in years to come. This is a milestone for a Nigerian forum.

Mrs. Siena

I felt honoured to be quite honest and delighted at the same time. As much as I want people to read about us, I also want to read something about others so that I can learn one or two things about their marriages as well. Thanks

NLRS: What does Mrs. Siena do that gets to you?

Hmmm... Let's see.

My interest in auto-mobile often causes strife, especially when I get calls late from Nigeria, whereby I try to offer remote assistance. Mrs. Siena feels I should be more business-like, and charge these guys for the privilege of getting help from me.

We do have compromises, like I'm Catholic, while my wife attends RCCG. There is no pressure on either side to go to the other's church.

NLRS: What does Mr. Siena do that gets to you?

Well, I wish I don’t have to share my kitchen with his work tools, even my worktop suffers it too arrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!! angry
I am very organized, I like keeping things neat and all that. Sometimes he says I got OCD (Obsessive, Compulsive Disorder) grin, but I do deny it even though I know he is right. And I am more patient than Mr. Siena is lol.

We do have compromises, as long as I get my bags, clothes e.t.c. and he gets his spare parts lolllll, I dont mind. Being in the same car with him when he races in an event scares me to bits, but I still do it as long as he is ready to walk to the shops with me.



NLRS: How did you feel when you were invited for a reality show on Nairaland?


When I saw the op nominate my moniker, for a minute I thought about the amount of typing that I'd have to do. I hate typing/texting. Why can't we all just say what we wanna say verbally? Madam moderator assured me that there was not going to be much typing, it was after I got suckered into it that I figured that she'd gotten one over me. grin
Anyway sha, I thought it would be fun to do especially during the day when there's only the likes of Jeremy Kyle ( a UK Jeremy Springer wannabe) that's on TV, something else to keep me occupied and stop me causing wahala where not needed. grin

NLRS: What are the things you love doing and what is it you don’t like about naijaman?

My likes include; reading, cooking and hanging out with friends. I am quite laid back but naijaman is even more laid back than I am and I don't like it.

Naijaman is a very quiet man and very very laid back and sometimes I really hate it especially when I am introducing him to someone for the first time, I always have to keep making excuses for him cos he comes across as being disinterested I really wish he'd come out of his shell a bit. I recall the first time he went to see my parents; he'd gone with his best friend. My dad later asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry him because he apparently only said two sentences while his friend conversed with him like he'd known him all his life.
Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:09pm On Nov 29, 2012
We finally get to meet naijaman. wink

Hello all, I’m naijaman.

I am an engineer based in the UK but doing expatriate work in Africa. I was born in Naija but moved to the UK some years ago. I am generally very quiet and reserved but people usually mistake my quiet for arrogance - honestly this perception could not be farther from the truth as I generally just prefer listening to talking, unless I have to do the latter myself.

Anyway as naijababe said earlier, we met at the university some 12 years ago (Wow, that long already!). I have to say I have absolutely no regrets since I hooked up with her and I sometimes wonder how I would have turned out if I hadn’t met her. I guess the best thing about our relationship is that we started when we were both penniless and gradually progressed up the ladder financially (lesson for all the young guys and dolls out there…patience really does pay).
I speak Yoruba as a first language but I’m also fluent in English (as I’m sure most of you are). I’m currently learning to speak Portuguese as well.


Mr. and Mrs. Jarus

NLRS: How did you feel when you were invited for a reality show on Nairaland?


I consider it an opportunity to share my experience for the purpose of education and entertainment, especially on Nairaland, which I consider my online family.

Mrs Jarus

Hubby told me about it and after hesitation, I Okayed it. Nice experience so far.

NLRS: What is it you like and dislike about your hubby?

Jarus is a great husband, although he has his buts.

Hmmnnn, I like that he is a good Muslim, he stays by me during difficult period and he is very protective. Although it took me almost a year into our wedding before I could understand him.

I don’t like that he pays too much attention to Nairaland, Social Media generally. It can be annoying that he is always with his phone all the time. He can also be temperamental, but I now understand him better in that regard. He also spends too much money on avoidable things.

NLRS: What is it you like and dislike about your wifey?

Mrs. Jarus is a wonderful woman and what she said about me is true.

She is very caring and she is a great cook. Before I got married, I wasn't particular about food, but having her as a wife has made me choosy.

It took her too long to understand me though, which lead to a couple of misunderstandings in our early days of marriage. But things are better now. Unlike what it used to be, our quarrel don’t longer get to 3rd party.


That's it for today . . . tune in next week for another exciting time on spotlight.
Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:05pm On Nov 30, 2012
Certain things in life are inexplicable and the union of naijaman and I is one of them. I have finally given up on psychoanalysing our relationship. Every relationship has a song that aptly captures its essence, ours is Keyshia Cole’s ‘This is Us’. It's her only song that I have on my ipod and other devices as I am not exactly a fan (good RnB died patapata in 2003 as far as I am concerned, although I am a tad partial to Jennifer Hudson).



Another cold Saturday in paradise
Saturday: 24:11:2012

‘Mummy, can we go downstairs and feed me rice pudding?’ Baby’s voice roused me from my sleep, he’s usually the first to wake up at weekends. The little munchkin has put paid to any thought I might have entertained of having a lie in this fine cold morning. They both sleep in my bed now since naijaman’s career exploits has taken him to sunny Luanda while I am stuck in freezing and grey Granite City. They usually go to bed at 8.30pm but one of them would wake up around 2am (usually baby) and crawl into my bed; he’d be asleep within minutes of playing with one of my boobs (I guess the male fascination with boobs does not start in adolescence , other mothers have told me their boys did and do same).

Babette will be in tow within an hour or two, she’d wake me up and ask if she can sleep in my bed, I’d nod as I can’t be arsed to argue at 3am in the morning. Both would cuddle up to me so tightly that I’d wonder sometimes if they wanna get back in the oven. We'd all be back to sleep soon enough until my alarm or baby wakes me up depending on which day of the week it is.

‘Mummeeeeeee!!!’ I pretended like I was still sleeping as he called me more louder than before (I dunno why I played the game as he won always but I did anyway). Not getting his desired response, he climbed over me and pried my right eyelid open with his index finger and repeated his request for rice pudding. Game over!
I got out of bed with babette also woken up by her brother and we all headed downstairs. I walked into our living room and was immediately confronted by a sight that looked like a bomb had exploded. Goodness gracious me! How can two children make so much mess? Honestly, I should rechristen baby, ‘mess factory or grubby fingers’. Baby completely forgot about rice pudding when I put a bowl of Weetabix in front of them each while I proceeded to clean up their mess from last night. After I finished cleaning, I made some oats for myself and settled in front of my computer to do my analysis for the week ahead. Santa rally is about to begin, I must ‘chop’ my portion of it.

Two hours later, analysis completed, I announced to my brood that it was time to have their bath as we had a birthday party to attend and the usual argument of who got to go first started with maximum fuss. I ignored them and picked baby up first, he cried for all of ten seconds before finding one of my ‘oyant’( his attempt at saying Oyan, the Yoruba word for boobs)and asked with the cheekiest of smiles, ‘Mummy, is this your oyant?!’ I laughed back at him and replied ‘No, it is baby’s oyant’. We were ready in a little over an hour and I felt like going back to bed. Gosh! I have a new level of respect for single parents.



Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:18pm On Nov 30, 2012
Naija folks.
Generally, kids these days say things that'll shut adults up. How about babyette? Is she the quiet introvert?

Naijababe : babette is indeed quiet like her father but she has her moments as you will find out later in the series.

Good cop, bad cop.
Sunday, 25:11:12

I woke up on Sunday morning to a strange sound, I turned around to find Baby playing angry birds on my phone; his sister by the look of things had already gone downstairs to watch TV as I could hear Jake and the Neverland pirates making Captain Hook and Mr Smee’s life a misery. On sighting me, Babette asked me if we could make cupcakes and I reminded her that she had a play date with one of her school friends whose mother is also a very good friend. She had to choose between going to B-town and making cupcakes (I was not about to be get roped into going to Sainsburys in the rain, making cupcakes and then driving 13miles to B-town). I was surprised when she chose cupcakes over B-town; very unlike her to pass up on an opportunity to go to K’s house (I guess cake trumps friends anytime). I told her we’d go to Sainsbury’s in the afternoon.

Breakfast finished with all round, Baby asked for one of his ‘Thomas the tank engine’ videos while Babette busied herself with some Barbie movie on Youtube. I chose to get lost in a book I’d been trying to finish for ages, peace at last even if it was only going to last until I had to cater to Baby’s next whim. He’s the real boss of the house but I am not allowed to say that out loud as Babette would subject me to an interrogation for making such a disrespectful comment, as far as she is concerned, if anyone should be boss, it should be her.

Done with lunch, Babette asked me about our trip to Sainsbury’s, ‘it’s afternoon now because we’ve had lunch’ she said. I pretended like I had glue in my ears but she was having none of it, ‘maybe we should go tomorrow’, I said (I really didn't want to go out in the rain especially when no one is dying or hurt!). ‘Tomorrow?!’ she repeated ‘Why?’ she asked before bursting into tears, I felt bad almost immediately, maybe I should have checked the forecast before telling her we’d go in the afternoon (who does that? All dis emotional blackmail sef!). ‘I have no money today but my boss will give me some money tomorrow, then we can stop at Sainburys on the way back from school tomorrow and buy your cupcake things’ I offered. I gave her a piece of paper to make the list herself and a big kiss and cuddle; that seemed to do the magic and the waterworks stopped.

My friend rang about an hour later to say that our lunch was getting cold (euphemism for get your arse here now), I rounded up my brood for their bath. As soon as Babette heard ‘E wa lo we’ she burst into tears again, I was pissed and she could tell. She ran upstairs while I dragged Baby away from Thomas. When I got upstairs, she was still crying which annoyed me even more, she could tell from my looks that she was about to get ‘it’. I looked around to see what could do my intended justice and my eyes fell on one of my bra straps; she got three lashes of it and a warm bath afterwards.

She was putting her clothes on when I noticed the marks on her body; I felt my tummy do a somersault. ‘Babette, look the bra strap left marks on you’ I said. ‘ I am sorry, I really didn’t mean for that to happen’. She glared at me, ‘Now you can see why you shouldn’t have smacked me so hard!’ ‘I won’t do it so hard next time’, I said. ‘Well I won’t cry for my bath again she said back to me. A few hugs and kisses later, I made a mental note to stick to using my open palm like I had always done, I was really cut up about leaving marks on her body.

We went to our friends, had a jolly time and got back in time for them to head for bed. I got their things for the morning ready and checked Babette body as she slept. Thankfully, the marks had disappeared, I felt terrible all over again (na like dis people dey lose their pikin o), all it takes is an overzealous social worker.

The last thought on mind before I fell asleep was to get better at playing good cop and bad cop simultaneously………………………..


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 2:28pm On Dec 01, 2012

25:11:2012, later in the evening...

It's 20:06, and Sachi's asleep. Sienna, on the other hand, is very much awake. One of the issues I and Mrs. Siena have words over. I've always said Sienna should be in bed by 20:00 at weekends, and 20:30 at the very latest on weekdays. This gives me time to spend quality time with her when I return from work. Mrs. Siena abides by this for a couple of days, then it's back to the same old grind - with Sienna running around till well after midnight. Arrrrgh…

Meal times are a chore, where Sienna's concerned, and two slices of toast can take her up to two hours to finish. The problem being, she can see the TV from her vantage point in her high chair, and gets distracted. I've got a system devised though - I open the door to the lounge, and it shields the screen from view. She still plays with her food, and I've got to be tough on her. Mrs. Siena feels I should let her be, but I know better. No concession here. Tomorrow is the start of the week, and I've got so much to get through.

23:43: Mrs. Siena wants to put Sachi to sleep, and suggests I come up too; I'm working too hard, and need my rest. Sachi won't sleep in her crib these days; she's almost outgrown it, and so sleeps with us. I can't wait till the 6-month milestone goes past, whereby she can sleep in a full-size cot, in Sienna's room, and I can have my wife back. A man's got to have his oats, and that ain't happening with a baby sharing sleep space. Grrrr…

I look at the time. I've been looking into setting up an amateur Motorsport team, for keen young Nigerians, looking to break into the racing scene. I've named it Sachi Motorsport, and have been creating a Page and promoting it.

“Sweetie, I'll be up in a bit, still doing some editing."

Mrs. Siena sighs, and rolls her eyes.

"You've been doing that for a while, you need to rest."

I give her a hard stare.

"You got some sugar for your Deltan King?"

Mrs. Siena laughs cheekily.

"There's only one way to find out, no promising Sachi will remain asleep, but I'm sure we can find a way."

I look back at my work, and where I'm at. I shut down my laptop, and slap it shut. What the heck, there's always tomorrow...



Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 2:28pm On Dec 01, 2012


06:00: My trusty alarm goes off (is it morning already??). As is my customary habit, I reach out and hit the snooze button. I'm quite relaxed, and not in any particular rush to get up. I'm not sleepy though. Being self employed has its merits.

My alarm goes off for the last time at 06:25. I don't wish to wake Mrs. Siena and Sachi, so I tiptoe out of the room, taking my mobiles with me. The house is quiet, though I can hear our guest stirring in her room. I head downstairs to the kitchen, to get a drink. I'm not really a breakfast person, though Mrs. Sienna's gradually changing that. While I was a bachelor, breakfast was an extremely rare occurrence. It's good though, as mealtimes are periods the whole family is together, and I and Mrs. Siena can discuss the day's activities.

I have a fairly early start, so by 08:20, Mrs. Siena is downstairs, and Sachi has had her bath. I take Sienna up; give her a bath while breakfast is being prepared. Sienna's at the stage where she doesn't like the shower running directly over her head, and gets really grumpy. I get around this by shielding her face with my left hand, so her face isn't directly getting watered. She needs to get used to it though, and this is where Mrs. Sienna scores. She pours the water right onto her head, without shielding her face. She struggles, but she's getting better.

By 08:55 I'm out of the house. I have a couple of vehicles to work on, and a third to give a diagnosis and quotation for. I'm a bit miffed though - the quotation is for a Nigerian guy that attends my wife's church. His name's Tobias. I leave my car on his driveway, and then take his own car to the workshop. 2 hours later, I return the car, and of course, Tobias says he'll think about it. Sure, no worries, I say. That'll be £25 for the diagnostics and report.

Tobias gives me a blank stare:

"Ah-ha! That’s too much now!"

I struggle to keep my cool. £25 too much for two hours spent on his car?? What was he expecting to pay?

"That's my standard charge. If you look at my terms and conditions as printed on my flyer, you'll see that's pretty average. Most garages will charge a lot more, and won't offer a collection and delivery service either."

Tobias still looks stubborn.

"Pls, reduce small."

I look at my watch. I've got a couple of other jobs that need toning, and time's running out, I don't have time to argue. I excuse myself, and go over to my car to make a call. I value Mrs. Siena's opinion, and could do with it now. She answers the phone on the third ring.

"Sweetie, what's up?"

I get straight to the point.

"Tobias is messing me around, and I don't have time to waste. You know what that means?"

Mrs. Siena knows what that means alright.

"Sweetie, let it go, next time you'll know how to deal with him."

I stared blankly at a rather large lady struggling to get the boot of her car shut. I wondered vaguely what it was stuffed with. I gave a cruel grin.

"Next time? Hon, there won't be one. I'm dealing with this quickly, and moving onto my next job. I'm not being messed about."

Mrs. Siena sighed.

"Just be careful sweetie."

I laughed.

"Aren't I always?"

And before Mrs. Siena could respond, I broke the connection.

I get out of the car, opened my boot, take out some tools then walk back up Tobias' driveway to his car. There is only one way to get this guy to pay up. I pop the bonnet, and proceed to remove the ECU and crank sensor. Tobias comes rushing out of his house, his eyes wide with alarm.

"My brother, what are you doing with my car? What are you pulling off?"

I don't pause in my task.

"What does it look like? I'm just making sure this car won't run for a while."

Tobias splutters.

"If you remove anything, I will call police."

I laugh with genuine amusement. This guy is a joker.

"Please do so. This is a civil matter. And count yourself lucky. The last guy that messed me around, I removed his engine, and even after he paid up, I didn't fit the engine back for another two weeks. And of course, he had to pay for the labour."

And before he can respond, I am done. I make my way to my car, and drive off to my other two appointments. It is 17:40 by the time I am done, and I 'm looking forward to seeing my family.

Pulling up to my driveway, there is a game I share with Sienna. Of course, I have my own key, but I love ringing the bell, seeing her come to the window to check who it is, before opening the door, and running into my arms. Today is no different. I swing her up, and she squeals with delight. I tickle her, and she goes off into fits of laughter. She wriggles to be put down, looking behind me for her treat bag.

"Daddy, penwin!"

I laugh. She loves Penguin bars, and I haven't let her down. I go back to the car, and raise a previously hidden Tesco bag into view. Sienna squeals, and runs beside me to the kitchen. She's not interested in the rest of the contents, only the pack of 9 Penguin bars. I give her one, just as Mrs. Siena appears at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hi sweetie, how was your day? What happened with Tobias?"

I laugh. Mrs. Siena knows her Deltan King too well to think I would leave without a bit of leverage against a non-paying client.

"Nothing for you to worry your pretty head about hon. Let's just say Tobias will be using a Bus Pass for a while."

I chuckle.

Mrs. Siena searches my face, but my expression is bland, and she can't read anything from it.

"What does that mean? Isn't the car working?"

I shrug.

"It was, but it's lost its spark. But never mind that, how has your day been? And how have the girls been? Where's Ruky (Nairalander)?

Mrs. Siena laughs.

"Go on, change the subject. Sachi's been good, Sienna's been her usual naughty self, and she hasn't slept all day. Ruky's upstairs, I think she's on her laptop.

I chuckle.

"So, just a regular day then. What's for dinner? I'm starving!"

By 19:00 myself and Mrs. Siena settle down to watch Emmerdale; we're keen soap fans, and don't miss Emmerdale, Coronation or Eastenders. We also keep up with the Australian Home and Away by the 7 Network. Nothing heavy, just family chill out time. Ordinarily Sienna can watch her cartoons on the TV upstairs in our bedroom, but at the expense of the room being wrecked. She loves nothing better than to trash her mom's cosmetic table; she's poured face powder onto her head in the past, and rubbed all sorts of concoctions all over herself. So upstairs on her own is a no go area. If she's quiet, she's up to no good!

21:20: I and Mrs. Siena are cosied up on the sofa, Ruky's watching something on TV, and both girls are wide awake. I ruffle Sienna's hair.

"I think we should leave Sienna's hair to grow into dreads. It's pretty tough, just like mine, and will be pretty much unmanageable as she grows older."

Mrs. Siena stares at me.

"Dreadlocks? No, I don't think so."

I regard her steadily.

"Why not?"

Mrs. Sienna shakes her head.

"I just don't think we should let her grow locks."

I laugh.

"But you haven't given a reason. Besides, I had dreads."

Mrs. Siena remains adamant.

"She can make the choice when she gets older."

I prick my ears up at the word 'choice.' This is going to be interesting.

"Choice? Like we gave Sienna a choice when she had her ears pierced at 4-months-old?"

Mrs. Siena's expression remains stubborn.

"That's different."

I laugh.

"Really? How?"

Mrs. Siena hesitates for a moment.

"It just is."

I shrug.

"That's not an argument. If she doesn't like dreads as she grows older, she can always cut the hair. She can't unpierce her ears. Sure, she can leave the earrings out and the holes will kind of close, but the indent will remain."

I regard Ruky.

"What's your take on letting Sienna's hair grow into dreads?"

Ruky gives Sienna a critical look.

"I think it will suit her well."

I laugh.

"Sweetie, see? Nothing wrong with dreads!"


To be continued ;-) ;-)


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:04pm On Dec 03, 2012

Episode 3

In the dog house

I was jolted awake by God knows what? I immediately fumbled around in the darkness for my phone. Shyte!!! 6.50am, my alarm had not gone off (Baby always mess up my phone setting whenever he plays with it, he must have disabled the alarm). I was running late, well not me exactly but Babette would be late for school if I did not hurry (I jacked in my day job early in June and I am frankly enjoying some perks of early retirement).

In my scramble, I remembered that we were out of milk and sugar and I was supposed to buy them at the same time as Babette’s cupcake ingredients, if she was awake she’d tell me that it served me right. Thankfully, there’s a local Spar (small corner shop) that I could dash to, but what to do with the kiddos? I contemplated leaving them asleep for about 30secs before a mental picture of everything that could go wrong before I got back played in my mind. I picked each up one at a time and put them in their car seats while cursing naijaman under my breath as if he chose to go to Luanda out of his own volition. Got to Spar, the eejits weren’t open, angry their opening times displayed in large fonts for horrible planners like me showed 8am – 12am (bloody idiots, why could they open at 6am?). Luckily, a Tesco Express (another small corner shop) was up the road (I hate Tesco’s but this was an emergency). At Tesco’s I parked on a double yellow line, this could earn me a £60 parking ticket but I looked at the time on the dashboard, 6.58am and surmised that I should be okay to park there (even parking attendants have to get out of bed na!). Bought the milk and sugar and dashed back to my car, quick look at the wind shield showed no ticket. Thank you God!!!

Back home, there was no time for showers, both kid got a washed face, bottom and a change of underwear and we made it just in time.

Got back home to check the stock market, no Santa rally yet! More like bear rally, the yanks are dulling the markets with their fiscal cliff shyte . After much head scratching and stupid ranging, I made 50pips on the Dow Jones and called it a day.

I had planned on stopping at the Supermarket on the way back from picking the kids up, but they both fell asleep in the car (Babette plays Tennis after school on Mondays so was probably tired, don’t know what Baby’s excuse was), I clearly couldn’t do that so headed home. When we got home, I woke Babette up and carried baby inside. She looked at me and said, ‘are we at home, when are we going to the Supermarket?’ ‘But you both fell asleep in the car’ before I could finish the sentence, she looked at me sullenly and said ‘you didn’t want to buy my cupcake things’ and walked away crestfallen. I was now officially in the dog house

‘Babette, shall we make some meatballs and pasta?’ Her eyes lit up immediately, ‘can I help?’ She asked. Not keen on being back in the dog house again, I told her she could help me crack the eggs.
She loves pasta and meatballs, I use it sometimes as my get out of jail card and it clearly did what it was supposed to as she was happy for us to go Sainbury’s on Tuesday. I forgot that Baby only liked star shaped pasta or macaroni, I had made fusilli instead, he ate only the meatballs and left the pasta, Babette cleaned her plate as is usual with pasta and so did I .

Some things never change……………………………..


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:16pm On Dec 03, 2012
The Ileya that got away.

We always spend Xmas in Lagos and this year will not be different. I decided to start packing our luggage so as not to have to run around like a headless chicken like I always did. When I brought the bags downstairs from the loft, one of them still had stuff from my last trip that never happened.

Early retirement has its perks and one of them as far as I am concerned is to travel whenever one feels like it, I had decided on going to Nigeria to spend Ileya with my kids since it fell into their half term holiday. We had booked the tickets well in advance and Naijaman was supposed to be joining us in Lagos from Luanda. I booked a taxi to pick us up at 5.00am since our flight was at 6.30am and the airport was only 15mins away. The taxi arrived in time but we got a driver who decided to drive within the speed limit which I thought was kinda strange. As soon as I got the bags on the trolley, Baby fell flat on his face and let out a painful cry. I left the bags and cuddled him in my arms and pacified him, this took about five minutes.

When we got to the airport, the check-in desk was eerily quiet except for the check-in attendants, a brutish looking man looked at us and said, "You’ve missed your flight". I asked him how we could be late for a 6.30am flight at 5.47am. "Your flight was at 6.00am’’ he said, I stood and argued with him for about a minute and brought out my Note so that I could thrust the confirmation email which said 6.00am in the man’s face. When I found 6.00am on the email, all the blood in my face drained, WTF!!! But I checked the stupid email just before I booked the taxi and could swear it was 6.30am in it. Off we went to the ticketing desk to see about rescheduling to the next available flight, ‘’that will be £2500 madam to get on the Tuesday flight if you want to travel in the same class but you won’t have to pay anything if you fly a lower class”. ‘’Oh my God, ole l’awon airlines yi sha (these airlines are thieves) I muttered. I told her that I needed to go back home first.

I announced to my brood that we were going back home, Babette looked at me and asked ‘’ does this mean that I am not going to see my cousins?’’ "Yes" I sighed. She began to cry and I felt so awful, I carried her in my arms and told her that I was going to try sort out the problem but that we needed to go back home first. When we got home, I checked the airline website for the cost of an economy flight and realised that I’d be better off getting a refund and rebooking the economy flight myself and that’s exactly what I did, although the stupid airlines still charged me an admin fee of £125 per person to process the refund. So, we would be going on Tuesday now or so I thought.

Tuesday morning came, this time we got to the airport at 4.30am and promptly got on the check- in queue. There was only one of the check-in machines available for both KLM and Airfrance flights while two desks were open for baggage drop. When it was my turn to check-in the stupid machine said it needed additional details so I had to go and join the baggage queue to not only hand in my baggage but also to check-in. We got to the front of the queue at 5.25am and the lady at the desk begged me to let her handle the passengers who were already checked in. I was finally checked in at 05.48 for our 600am flight (this same dolts told me two days ago that they could not check us in at 05.47 for the same flight!)

At security, I ran to the front of the queue telling the other passengers that I was about to miss my flight. When I walked through the body scanner, the sound of the alarms could compose a musical note. The lady used a hand scanner and told me that there was something in my stomach and I’d have to be searched privately! "I am going to miss my flight" I screamed at her. "I am not happy to let you go" she retorted back.
By the time the private search which yielded nothing was completed and we got to the boarding gates, the flight had gone, Babette looked at me and said ‘’ We missed the flight again?!’’ and then burst into tears, I felt horribly traumatised. We went back to arrivals to pick up our baggage and headed for the taxi rank.

There was a queue of taxis but the drivers were nowhere to be found, I guess they were all taking shelter in one of the restaurants away from the cold. Out of nowhere, I saw a 16-wheeler truck driving down the road, now, this was weird because I had never seen one on that road before and moved quickly to be sure my kids were standing safely away from the road, they were but my trolley was on the road and I moved it away. However, the truck must have nudged my cabin luggage off the trolley because the next thing I heard was crushing sounds. I looked at the bag, it had almost been flattened. I had just bought the damn bag for £168 a few days before and my Sony Vaio computer was also inside the bag. I swear to God, it took looking at my kids not to burst into tears myself.

As I put the keys through the keyhole to open the door when we got home, Babette started to cry again, I opened the door, got the bags inside and pulled my daughter to my bosom as she cried with disappointment. I decided that I have had enough, I am not a superstitious person but I get concerned by too much coincidence and this was too much coincidence in my book. We are not going on this trip anymore!!!

We took off our shoes and went back to bed still dressed in the clothes we went to the airport in.

Back to the present, I abandoned the packing halfway as it was almost time to pick up the kids and made a mental note to go to John Lewis to get another cabin baggage (Sob! Sob!! Sob!!!). I was in high spirits as the markets after much doldrums had been kind to me.

As soon as they got into the car, Babette looked at me and said ‘’ Now we can get the cupcake things, we are not going to sleep’’. ‘’Okay ma’’ I said. She started laughing, I knew she was laughing because I said "ma’’. She always finds it funny that I say ma to her. “Why are you laughing Mummy?’’ Baby asked, “Because Babette is laughing’’ I said. ‘’I am going to laugh too’’ he said and he started a fake laugh which made Babette and I laugh more, he became infected with our real laughs and started to laugh for real.

True to Babette words, they were both wide awake when we got to Sainsburys, we finally bought the cupcake things, and I got a few household supplies and allowed myself to be blackmailed into buying some Smarties and Cadbury’s Milk buttons. We agreed that we couldn’t make the cupcakes when we got home as it was too late. I helped Babette with her homework an hour after we got home and we all made dinner together (I made dinner and they both chattered away at me and each other in the kitchen). Tuesdays are such good days I thought when it was finally time to hit the sack.

Swear words only used when kiddos are not around - naijababe.


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:03pm On Dec 04, 2012

Episode 3


It’s the morning after, and Mrs. Siena has orders to process, and is expecting deliveries.

I've got work to do on my own project today, as well as a client’ car that's spilled onto my driveway, from the shop. Mrs. Siena doesn't like the car being here, and she's not too keen on the owner either. The sooner it gets finished, the better. I've got most of the work done on it, just waiting on the owner to make some decisions, and the rest can commence.

I've got to take the girls into town, and leave them there. I'm just hanging around, till they're ready.

At 08:10, I give Sienna her breakfast – we are going out, so don't want any log-drawn out drama. I give her two slices of white bread, with butter. Anything else will take well over two hours for her to eat, and we don't have that time.

By 09:00 (longer than I would have liked) Mrs. Sienna, Sachi and Ruky are ready. Incidentally, Sachi's middle name is also Ruky, she was named after Ruky Ivy (AKA Chinesedoll of Nairaland).

Mrs. Siena examines herself critically in the mirror in the hallway.

"What do you think sweetie?"

I give her a blank stare.

"Huh? You look great."

Mrs. Siena gives me a reproachful look.

"I bet you don't even know what I'm referring to. You didn't notice my new dress, did you?"

I laugh easily.

"You got me there hon. You know I don't really notice such things. You always look good anyway, so what's the beef?"

Mrs. Siena shakes her head.


I laugh again. Sienna comes running up to her mom, chanting "Cute! Cute!! Cute!!!"

She always does that when she spots her mom in a new outfit, she's very sharp for her age. Sachi gurgles away happily, waving her chubby arms for attention. I pick her up, and put her into her car carrier. She wriggles as I strap her in, she doesn't like feeling hemmed in, and she squirms, making it difficult to get the straps secure. The straps feel tight, so I adjust their length, she's growing pretty fast.

Out we go, but not before Mrs. Sienna decide to pose for the obligatory photo session. I sigh with exasperation.

"I thought you were in a hurry to get into town?"

Ruky laughs.

"Not that much of a hurry, we need our pictures!"

I shrug.

"Okay, okay, let me get Sachi strapped into the car. She's heavier than you think, my arm's killing me."

It's always the same - me trying to get away, and the girls holding me back with their photo session. We're soon done, and Sienna runs ahead to the car, chanting as she does so, and pointing to the grey Audi RS6 on the driveway.

"Audi, Audi, Audi, Audi!"

We all laugh - she recognises the Audi rings anywhere, and never fails to point them out whenever she sees them. She's probably going to be a petrol head like her daddy. She already knows the word "axle." But not referring to anything on a car, hehehe.

We're soon on the way, it is 10:05am (do photo sessions take so long??) and my phone rings. I haven't got my hands free, so I let it ring. I notice the number though - it's Tobias. The same guy that messed me round the day before.

Mrs. Siena see's my set expression.

"Who's ringing?"

I shrug

"Who else but Tobias?" I retort grimly. "Let him stew for a while. I'll answer him when I'm good and ready."

Mrs. Siena Shrugs. I can see her mind's wandered onto other things - shopping.

10:17: We're in town, and Mrs. Siena wants me to drop her as close as possible to a shop, owned by a good friend of ours. It's a one-way street to get that close. I think it would make more sense to briefly stop on the high street, and let them out.

"I can stop you by Barclays Bank. You can all walk through Waterstones book store, and you'll be on the little road leading to the shop."

Mrs. Siena looks round, and shakes her head.

"I don't remember the way through Waterstones, I think you should drop us where you usually pick us up."

I contain myself with an effort.

"Honestly hon, it's easier this way. Once you come out of Waterstones, you'll remember where you are."

Mrs. Siena's adamant. She wants to be set down at her usual pick-up point.

"Okay, I get it. I'm sure you know EXACTLY how to get there from Waterstones, you're just not willing to walk a couple of minutes more."

I send the car shooting down the High Street. Traffic's fairly light, and we come to the one-way curve into the narrow road leading to Mrs. Siena's pick-up point. The turning leading off to the Square is pretty hidden and tight; if you drive a bit too fast, or you blink, you could miss it, and that's exactly what I did do. I swore softly under my breath.

"Hon, we've gone past the turning. This was why I said it would have been loads easier, if you'd gotten down outside Barclays Bank, on the High Street! Now I'm going to have to go full circle, to get back round!"

Mrs. Siena's silent. She's knows I'm annoyed.

Traffic's dense here, and it takes me a further 15 minutes to complete the circuit, and this doesn't improve my mood. Tobias rings again, and I ignore him. I don't trust myself to be remotely civil if I answer right now.

Mrs. Siena senses I'm peeved.

"Sweetie, just drop us off outside Barclays."

I turn round to give her a bleak stare.

"The same Barclays you won't be able to find your way from, to Judith's shop?"

Mrs. Siena looks sheepish.

"I'll find my way."

I don't want to let this one drop.

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want you guys to get lost," I retort, my voice laden with sarcasm.

I pull up outside Barclays, and everyone gets out. Mrs. Siena lifts Sachi out with her carrier, and gets her buggy out of the trunk. I wait till they're all set.

"Ping me when you're done, and I'll pick you guys up from this same point."

Mrs. Siena nods.

"Will do." She leans into my window, and I kiss her. Sienna hops up and down on the kerb, waving at me. I wave back, and pull away, watching them in my rearview mirror as I do so.

It's well past noon when I arrive home, and I wonder where all the time's gone.



Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:10pm On Dec 04, 2012

13:53: I'm done with my DTM Race Car, and my client's car. Tobias has been pretty persistent calling, and my hands are now clean enough to pick up the phone when it rings once more. I listen to the angry rambling the other end of the line. He's so mad; I can't understand a word he's saying. I allow him to carry on, he's working himself up into a fit, and I grin sourly. I give him a minute more, before he realises I haven't said a word.

"Siena, are you there?"

At last, I can understand him.

"Of course.”

"But you haven't answered me now, or said anything."

I settle myself comfortably in my chair.

"What do you want me to say? Besides, it would have been rude to interrupt you."

There is a long pause. Finally, he breaks the silence.

"I got a mechanic to come look at my car; he said it will cost £1,500 to replace my ECU and sensor. What are you going to do? When are you going to replace the parts, and fix the original fault?"

I stare blankly at the opposite wall.

"When do you want your car sorted?"

"You can come now."

I laugh. This guy is unreal.

"Not possible today. It's a bit short notice."

His voice rises with alarm.

"What do you mean? Okay, just come and fit my ECU and sensor back. You don't have to bother with -"

I decide it's time to stop him in his tracks.

"Listen Tobias, you messed me around yesterday. I'm still charging you £25 diagnostics, and £150 for the removal AND re installation of your ECU and crank sensor. And just so you know, this will be on Wednesday. If this doesn't go down well with you, and you defer (or dispute) the appointment, and my terms, this will rise to £200, and won't be till Friday. Do you understand me?"

Tobias splutters with rage, and I hold the receiver away from my ear, till he's calmed down.

"I have no idea what you said, Tobias. But I have just one question - yes or no?"

Tobias mutters something in a language I don't understand. I don't care, ignorance is bliss, and besides, I hold the 4 Aces against his King.


Tobias mutters something else.

"Okay. I will not recommend you to anyone, and I will not use your services in future."

I laugh.

"Now you're really scaring me, I'm going to starve. So Wednesday then, 09:30."

I hang up before he can respond. Suddenly, today doesn't seem a total wreck after all.


It's 17:20 when Mrs. Siena pinged me, and I decide to stop off at Tescos to pick up a bottle of Baileys and a bag of ice cubes. The girls are in high spirits when I pick them up. Sienna scrambles in, giving me a hug. Sachi's awake in her carrier, and playing with her soft toys.

I look around, expecting to see a load of bags.

"What did you buy?"

Mrs. Siena laughs.

"We didn't buy anything in the end. Ruky didn't find the wig she was after."

I stare at her in disbelief.

"Wow. You guys just walked around for 5 hours plus, and buy nothing? I'd be bored rigid!"

Mrs. Siena and Ruky laugh.

It's 18:11 when we arrive home. Sachi's asleep by now, though it won't be for long. Sienna's very much awake. I wonder vaguely what we're having for lunch (supper?) and ask Mrs. Siena.

Mrs. Siena looks in the fridge.

"Fried rice okay?"

"Fried rice sounds great. Got a nice bottle of Baileys that needs caning."

To be continued.


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 4:56pm On Dec 05, 2012
Mr. & Mrs. Jarus

Episode 2

Year 1 - Mixed Fortune

Hmmnnn…The first year of our marriage wasn't exactly smooth. Mrs. Jarus had a couple of miscarriages that got her anxious. She was worried about what my family would say, but I kept reassuring her that there is no wahala, nobody dare face me for such in my family. And it was too early for her to panic anyway, 70% of women have experienced miscarriages at one point or the other. Because of this, she refused to follow me to my company's end of year party where Tuface, Dbanj, Naeto C and co entertained us. She said e go be like say she no dey think if she still dey party with her condition. Well, I just left her at home go enjoy after the year's hard work.

I was so confident that there was no issue, but she no get mind, and she kept panicking. To God be the glory, we welcomed our first baby 20 months into our marriage - a bouncing baby girl. Needless to say we closed the street to welcome her. Lol. A couple of Nairalanders (not the popular ones) attended the naming ceremony.

We had our first anniversary January this year. Since I wasn’t on vacation we didn't go out of the country, just strolled around Lagos shopping and taking pics.

By now, I could say she understood me better and it's been good so far, especially since the coming of Jarusat (the unofficial name my friends on NL and FB gave to my baby) DayoKanu coined that word on a thread about my house project sometimes last year, and it stuck. Lol.


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:07pm On Dec 05, 2012

Baby Jarus (who has been nicknamed Jarusat by my friends in the Social Media, especially Facebook) keeps growing by the hour. A lot of people say she's too big for a less-than-3 months old baby. We recently changed hospital for her, moved her from a VI hospital to another one in Lekki, that is said to be specialized in kids. But I'm not impressed with their service so far and I'm considering moving her back to the VI hospital.

With my mum back to our home town, it means Mrs Jarus is the only one left to take care of the baby, although her little sister has been offering a helping hand. It's not been easy sha.

As an 8-5 worker (plus traffic time), I don't usually want anything to disturb my 11pm to 5:30am sleep, but that has not been achievable in recent times, with Jarusat always waking up in the midnight. lol. It's not easy to be a father at all.

I took 5 days off work last week to rest and spend more time with the Jarus', but my Ajah-Festac trip (with all the traffic and hours on the road) for 2 out of the 5 days meant I didn't have enough rest. I needed to replace my damaged international passport as well as get for the new arrival in the family and the Festac office of Immigration was said to be faster at it than the Ikoyi office which is nearer to us. I got result though.

Mrs Jarus is also trying to up her business in anticipation of the Christmas sales. Hmmnnn, that meant more kishi dropping from Mr Jarus' pocket. Well, it's an investment sha. Trust me, I go collect double. LOL


Oh, she said I can be troublesome?

Ok, was there any quarrel in the last 2 weeks? You're wrong. There was none. lol

And, before I go, we received a piece of news which wasn't palatable for us last week. Our electrician and neighbour by about 1km, had died since September and we didn't even know. We just heard about Chris' death last week. Chris was a great guy, very respectful. In our former place(we moved out of there to another not-so-distant current apartment in February this year), Chris used to be our electrician. He was a nice guy. He was also one of those that taught my wife how to drive, because as an 8-5 person I had no time to teach her( I engaged a driver for her later but disengaged him later, she drives herself now). Any time we had issues with NEPA Chris was also our link guy. It was a sad news, we mourned him in our household.



Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:02pm On Dec 07, 2012

Episode 4

What do dogs eat?!

The day started like any other Wednesday, I got my kids out of bed and got them ready for school. I got outside to find our front lawn covered in frost, I groaned inwardly as this meant scrapping the ice off the windscreen (another moment of wishing naijaman was here, this never used to be my concern). I got the kids strapped into their respective seats, put my gloves on and began to scrap at the ice on the windscreen. Took me about 10mins to get rid of the ice completely despite switching the heating on immediately ( naijaman has told me many times to let the engine warm a bit before doing this but I do anyway). As soon as I entered the car, Babette told me to check Baby’s pant as there was a horrid smell in the car. I really could not figure out what could be the cause of the smell because Baby is fully potty trained. I got out of the car and as soon as I got to Baby, the smell became even stronger.

"Baby, have you done a poo in your pant?" I asked him.

"No" he replied. I checked his pant anyway; no poo there. As I strapped him back in his seat, I got a stronger whiff of the smell when he lifted his left foot. Gosh!!! He had stepped on dog poo and it was the foulest smell ever. I went back inside and put on our bathroom gloves, took his shoes off and left them outside at the entrance, got him another pair and drove them to school.

One look at the stinking shoes on my return made me consider throwing the shoes away altogether for a second. I took the shoes to our guest toilet and got rid of the dog poo with the toilet brush (see me see trouble, I no get dog and I dey pack dog poo)…………………………

After getting over my dog poo cleaning chore, I ate a bowl of microwave golden syrup oats, switched my PC on to see what opportunities were ahead for the day, Dow Jones looked interesting but I chose not to open a position until the New York session was officially open. All this time, I pretended like I didn’t see my abandoned packing. I really didn't feel like exerting myself physically or mentally, so I decided to have a nap which lasted for 2hrs. At 3 O. clock I entered a position on oil and Dow Jones, lost a few pips on both and re-entered just the Dow Jones, it was an absolutely optimum entry as it flew in my direction within 10mins (Santa’s delivering pressies early I heard myself say). Time to go and get the kids………………………………….

Got to the kids’ school to discover that they had put up their Xmas decoration; clearly seemed to be rubbing off on both the kids and parents alike, suddenly Xmas felt near. We got back home to do Babette’s homework and start dinner.

My beloved Arsenal was playing Everton at 7.30pm and I was not about to miss it not even for my kiddos.

“I am going to watch football at 7.30’’ I said to them.
“No, we are watching Disney Junior’’ Baby fired back.
“Why do you always get what you want?’’ Babette said.
"Because I am the boss’’ I said.
"No you are not! Daddy is’’
"Well, Daddy is not here so I am the boss’’ I said back to her.

At half time, I sent them to bed, Baby told me he needed to do a poo and Babette said she was hungry (they do this sometimes when I tell them it’s time to go to bed). I told Baby to do his poo in his nappy and Babette that we had no food left in the house. Ten minutes later they were both fast asleep.

1 Like

Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:11pm On Dec 07, 2012

Like any other work day, I got the kids out of bed in the morning with the usual drama. Babette had her bath first and rather than lotion her body like I told her, she remained in her towel whining about being cold. I got tired of her whine and went downstairs to get the small fan heater we use sometimes in the lounge when it gets too cold. As soon as I put it down and switched it on, she sat in front of it like she wanted to roast herself with a blank stare on her face.

"Babette, can you stop starring at nothing and start doing what you are supposed to do" I screamed at her. She jumped and looked at me for a second before telling me that I scared her.
"Pele o, but please can you get a move on" I said to her.
"Alright then" she said back to me.

She got up like someone carrying a ton of weight; I was irritated but ignored her.
It was Baby’s turn to have his bath; he started crying that he didn’t want to have his bath (I get this drama every morning and sometimes it just irritates, most times I ignore their tantrums). As soon as the warm water touched his body, he started issuing instructions to me.
"Can you wash my shoulder now, and my other shoulder" he went on repeating his body parts until his bath was finished.

When we got downstairs, Babette made a beeline for the Ipad; Baby sat beside her as she played Temple Run while I warmed the milk for their breakfast.
"When are we making the cupcakes Mummy?” she asked me without looking up.
“I think we have to wait till Sunday” I replied
“Ooooooooh!!! Sunday?! But that would take ages!’’ she fired back
"Well, we can either stay at home on Saturday and make your cupcakes or get to your school’s Xmas fair in the morning and T’s birthday in the afternoon. You choose" I said.
"I want to go to the Xmas fair and birthday party" she said
"And me" Baby added.

After breakfast, I drove them to school and had a nap for about an hour before tidying their mess from the previous evening.
About an hour later I got a call from a recruitment consultant who had been bothering me to attend an interview with one of his clients. He was like a used car salesman as he listened to nothing I said, in the end I agreed to meet with his client just to get him off my back.

Went to pick up the kids, Babette wanted a picture with the Xmas donut as she called it, took the picture with my phone and headed home. She asked for pasta and meatballs again for dinner, I didn’t want to argue and was more than happy to oblige. Baby on the other hand ate only the meatballs as usual but asked for rice pudding about an hour later.

I was very happy to put my feet up for another hour or so after sending them to bed at 8.30pm.


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:40pm On Dec 08, 2012



It's 19:00, and soap time. Just looked at the TV Planner, and discovered we've only got Emmerdale and Eastenders. The usual double dose of Coronation Street is absent, due to some other programmes. Bummer!

Ruky isn't a soap fan, so she contents herself with sending BlackBerry Messages, while holding her iPhone 4S in her other hand. I've never seen anyone so dedicated to handheld devices. Even whilst eating, she's tapping those keys. I tease her, and say if her BB was waterproof, she'd shower with the damn thing.

We're sipping Baileys, or at least I am. Mrs. Siena and Ruky seem to drink the stuff like it's water, little wonder they complain they're feeling woozy. Sachi and Sienna are awake; Sachi's gurgling happily, she's also at the stage where she's taking a keen interest in her hands and feet. Sienna's colouring in her Peppa Pig book, so at least she's occupied.

By 20:00, soaps are over. I bring up a subject which was not concluded previously - Sienna's hair. I feel Sienna's hair is the wild type, just like my Aunt's and my cousin's. I'm quite surprised when Mrs. Siena agrees.

"Okay, we'll let her hair grow into tangles, and dreads."

I can't believe I'm hearing right. Mrs. Siena agrees? I look at my glass, it's half full. Mrs. Siena's is empty. I wonder if this is her, or Baileys agreeing.

"You're kidding me!"

Mrs. Siena shakes her head.

"No, I'm serious."

This has to be a first. I was looking forward to using a bit of leverage, and I'm a bit disappointed she gives me an easy ride. Still, who knows? She may feel differently in the morning. We're having an early night, so I get Sienna upstairs, give her a bath, and read one of her favourite books to her. These are treasured moments, and ones I look forward to. I finish the book, and close it. Sienna sits up in her cot, and points to the pile of books stacked on the shelf.

"Daddy, choo-choo!"

That's her way of asking me to read her a Thomas The Tank book. I look at my watch - it's 20:47, way past the time I feel Sienna should be in bed. I look at Sienna, and she gives me a winning smile, she knows I'm undecided, and she knows how to win her dad over. I give her my stern look, but she knows I don't mean it, and laughs at me. I resignedly pick up her Thomas The Tank book, I might as well read it, otherwise she won't give me any peace. She slept earlier in the day, so looks wide awake now.

"Okay Princess, just two pages, then it's bedtime."

Sienna giggles, and squirms under her blanket. She knows she's gotten round me - again. Mrs. Siena looks round the door - I hadn't heard her come upstairs, but her disapproving look tells me she'd heard my exchange with Sienna.

"So much for being firm with Sienna - you're spoiling her. I knew your stern attitude wouldn't last, and she knows it too."

"Aww, come on hon. You know I'm pretty hard on Sienna."

Mrs. Sienna rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, right. I laugh when you set new rules and boundaries for Sienna, because I know you won't be able to stick to them. You're not as hard as you make out."

By now, Sienna's fast asleep. I didn't even get to read to her from Thomas The Tank. I lean over the cot, and give her a kiss on the cheek, stroking her hair. I turn off the light, back out of the room and close the door quietly.

Mrs. Siena and myself make our way to our bedroom; as usual, Sachi is sleeping with us. Idly, I try to remember when last she'd slept in her Moses basket. I can't remember, it's been that long.

We get into bed, and Mrs. Siena turns out the bedside lamp on her side. I slip my arm round her, and pull her close. I'm still puzzled about her meek acceptance of letting Sienna's hair grow into dreads, and tell her so.

"Sweetie, it's okay, honestly. I know I won't get any peace, if I say no. Besides, there might be something else I want, and I'll expect you to say yes.!

I sit up in alarm.

"Hey, that's not playing fair! What are you after?"

Mrs. Siena shakes her head.

"Nothing that I can think of, at least not yet. But Anything could come up, and you'll be the first to know when it does."

I could see this wasn't going to be as easy as I'd initially thought.


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:59pm On Dec 08, 2012


It's 10:43. I've had a call from my steel fabricator. They have some prototypes they need me to look at, before they complete. These are for Sachi Motorsport's DTM Race Car, which is under construction. This means a trip into Chelmsford. I call Mrs. Siena to let her know I might not be home in time for dinner. She responds in flat tones, we'd had a row earlier, she feels I'm to hard on Sienna, I disagree...

[b]Earlier in the day

08:26: Sienna is downstairs, and heads straight for the fridge. I come into the kitchen behind her, just as she reaches for a Penguin bar. I make a mental note to change their storage area, she's tall enough to get them from the mid fridge shelf. And she's mastered the art of dragging a dining chairn to assist her, if we store them right at the top. Her fingers close over the bar, just as I come in.

Something makes Sienna turn round, she sees me, and gives me her best winning smile. However, I won't be swayed, and give her my stern look.

"No Penguin bar, till you've finished your breakfast. You know the rules."

Sienna pulls a face, and throws the bar across the kitchen. Now this is one thing that riles me. I'm a big softie, but I won't tolerate a recalcitrant child.

"Sienna, pick that penguin bar up, right now!"

Sienna's brows form together in a big frown. It's surprising how much her expression reminds me of myself, when I was little.

"I don't like it!"

I reach down, pick up the Penguin bar, and put it back into the fridge. I then take Sienna's hand, and practically run her out of the kitchen. She protests, and begins crying, but I won't be moved. I take her to her high chair, and strap her in, just as Mrs. Siena comes hurrying down the stairs, drawn by the racket.

"What's going on?"

I barely pause as I head back to the kitchen. Sometimes I get annoyed when Mrs. Siena comes running, when Sienna or Sachi begin to grizzle. As long as I'm there, I can cope, unless she feels otherwise? She see's my expression, and follows me into the kitchen. I put two slices of bread into the toaster, before responding.

"Just Sienna's usual tantrums. She wants a Penguin, when I said no, she chucked it across the kitchen."

Mrs. Siena shakes her head. I make Sienna's toast, spread butter and jam on it, before filling her cup with fresh milk. She'd rather have Ribena or squash, but she needs her calcium, and I don't relent with regards to this. I take Sienna's breakfast out to her, and set it down on her high chair tray. She makes a face, and pushes the plate away. I take her right hand, and place a piece of toast in it.


Mrs. Siena goes back upstairs, to give Sachi a bath. I settle down to watch Sienna eat. She bites a chunk of toast, chews for a while, then stops. This the norm - she'll hold chewed food in her mouth for ages, making herself sick. I rap my knuckles on her high chair tray impatiently. She begins to wail, showing a mouthful of chewed toast. Now this really gets me annoyed.

"Sienna, if you don't eat, I'm going to smack you, then send you up to bed. And don't think you're going to get any treats, because you won't."

Half an hour later, Sienna has painstakingly pinished half a slice of toast, and is crumbling the rest up, making no attempt to eat any more. This is when I got really annoyed. I picked up another half of toast and pressed it into her hand. She lets go and begins to wail once more. Mrs. Siena comes down with Sachi. I turn to her.

"Hon, you better get her to eat her breakfast! 40 minutes, and she's only finished half a slice of toast! You best get her eating!"

Mrs. Siena. picks up the half of toast Sienna had dropped, and began soothing her. She looks over her shoulder at me, and shook her head. I step back, by now I am really angry. I struggle to get the words out.

"Just get her eating, I'm fast losing patience."

Mrs. Siena gives me a reproachfull look.

"She's only a baby, see? She's eating now."

"Hon, she's a toddler. C'mon! At the age of 18 months in Nigeria, kids are feeding themselves without all this drama. Don't keep making excuses for her, because it fricking pee's me off! She's mucking about, because YOU let her!"

Mrs. Siena turns her back, and moves Sienna's high chair away from me. Her expression remains stubborn. I take her arm, and pull her into the kitchen, closing the door behind us. Mrs. Siena pulls free, glaring at me.

"Don't be too hard on her! She'll eat if you go easy on her."

I snort with disgust.

"Easy? Any easier, I'll be ignoring her. You know I'm right, you just don't want to admit it. And one more thing - I've said this time and again, please don't criticize me in front of  the kids. Right now, Sienna knows you're backing her up, and it's not right!"

Mrs. Siena looks at me, spreading her hands wide.

"I'm not criticizing you, I'm just saying you should be patient with her."

I'm breathing hard.

"Yeah? So my parenting skills are being questioned, huh? Listen - when you discipline Sienna, I NEVER get involved, I leave you to it. So kindly do the same, when I decide to discipline her, MY way. Both parents can't be the same, and you know it!"

Mrs. Siena lifts her shoulders.

"All I'm saying is -"

"Arrrrgh! You're still not getting it, you've got to keep on pushing. Well, I'll tell you what, you carry on. I've got things to do, places to be. I'll see you later.

And before she can respond, I  open the back door, walk round the side of the house, and get into the car. I start the engine, and as I begin to back out of the driveway, I realise I've left my phones and wallet in the living room. Swearing softly under my breath, I pull back into the driveway, and let myself through the front door. Sienna's breaking her toast into bird-size crumbs. She gives me a big smile. I give her a kiss on the cheek, ruffle her hair before recovering my phones and wallet...[/b]

To be continued


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 4:50pm On Dec 10, 2012

Episode 5


The day started rather slowly; the temperature had dropped overnight and I could feel the cold in my bones. I looked out of our bedroom window and saw everything from cars to lawns covered in a blanket of snow. Yep! Winter is finally here for real. The kids were very excited to see the snow, I wasn’t.
“Can we go and play in the snow after school?” Babette asked.
“It will be too dark by the time we get back home” I responded.
"Ooohh!!! I never get to have any fun’’

I ignored her as my mind was now focused on what would be treacherous driving conditions and Aberdeen’s horrible drivers.

I had loaded the dishwasher the night before as I didn’t feel like doing any manual dishwashing. When I opened it to get cereal bowls for the kids, the dishes were wet. At first, I thought Baby had switched it off as he would do sometimes. The ignition button was however still depressed, I pressed and depressed it a few times and checked that I had not accidentally switched it off from the mains. No joy, damn machine was damaged. I didn’t know what annoyed me most; the damage itself or that I had to wash by hand the entire dish load.

While the kids ate, I went to dig out their snow boots, didn’t want to risk either of them falling down especially Babette who always thought that walking carelessly in the snow was fun. I had warned her many times but she’d always say‘’ I promise you Mummy, I won’t fall’’. That comment always annoys me to high heavens because she never listens no matter what I say and I really didn’t want to be proven right, the cost of her finding out the hard way might just be too great. So I always take all due precautions while she’d never cease to point out that I was wrong of course.

When we got to school there was a red box which had been cut in front like a post-box for the kids to post their letters to Santa.
“Mummy, can I write my list when we get home?”
“And can I help Baby write his list too?”
“Yes if he wants you to’’
“Baby, do you want me to help you write your list because I know how to write and you don’t?’’ she asked her brother. A shrug of his shoulders was his response.
On my return home, I finished off my half washed dishes and did my usual grind on the stock market. I got another call from the pestering recruitment consultant to inform me that his client was Talisman Energy – a Canadian Independent company and they wanted to see me on Tuesday at 10am. He followed the call with a confirmation email which I duly forwarded to naijaman.
“Are you sure you want to go back to work?’’ Naijaman asked me on Skype as we chatted.
“I haven’t decided yet, I’ll think it through during the holidays’’ I typed back.
“You don’t want to quit after a few months, that can you give a reputation in a little town like Aberdeen where everyone talks to everyone especially if God forbid you find yourself in a situation where you really need the job’’ he typed back.
“How much are they offering?’’ he asked
“Don’t know, I didn’t really ask because I initially agreed because I wanted the guy off my back ni jare”
“Ok, gotta go now. We go yarn later’’ he typed and signed off.

I had been thinking long and hard about the job even though it had not been offered to me, I liked what I did but my last employer was hell bent on making me sweat blood and do nothing but work even when at home. I finally got sick of their crazy demands and quit to everybody’s surprise. Early retirement (as I called) has it perks but I am bored out of mind and I haven’t really found anything I could do with all my free time. I’ll think it through during the holidays I repeated to myself.

The excitement in the air was palpable at the kiddos school when I went to pick them up, the next day was their Xmas fair, both staff and children were very excited even if the fair was not for the next 40hours or so.
I generally do not cook on Fridays and this was no different, when naijaman is at home, we either order a nice takeout or go out to dinner when he’s not playing football. I was in no mood to go to a restaurant on my own with the kids so I opted for takeout. They wanted pizza and chicken wings while I preferred Chinese. As soon as we got in, Babette remembered her cupcakes.
“Mummy, there’s no school tomorrow and no homework, can we make the cupcakes now?’’
“But I am going to order your pizza now’’
“But you don’t need a long time for that and I can open the door when the pizza comes ‘’
“Well, we will be too full to eat the cupcakes after eating ‘’
‘’I won’t, I promise’’
‘’Oh well, I will and so will be Baby and I don’t think it will be fun if you are the only one who can eat the cupcakes’’.
‘’Ooohhh, aaalright’’ She agreed grudgingly.
Thank you God! I muttered silently.

After eating our respective dinners, I remembered that they had both been invited to a birthday party and I had not bought a present. We all trooped off to ASDA to get the present.
“Are you going to get me a Barbie toy too?’’ Babette asked on the way.
“Well I haven’t got any money’’
“Oooohhhh! When are going to buy the money to buy me a Barbie toy?’’
“When Daddy comes, he’ll have lots of money, you can ask him to buy you a Barbie toy’’ I said to her and laughing as I replied her.

Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to go out and buy toys……..after walking round the toy aisles about three times, I finally gave up and called T’s mother to ask what she thought T might like for her birthday, she didn’t answer. I walked round one more time and picked something with colouring pencils and paint in it (what 4yr old does not like to play with paint, right?) I am sure T’s mother would have a fit, serves her right for not answering her phone. Cleaning paint around her house was a just punishment.

Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 4:59pm On Dec 10, 2012

It was 6.30am when Babette woke me up to tell me that we needed to get up to get ready for the Xmas fair or we’d be late.
“Babette, it is 6.30am now, the fair does not start until 11am.’’ I muttered groggily.
She was too excited to go back to sleep and I saw her poking Baby to wake him up; she knew that I’d have no choice but to get up once Baby woke up.
“Don’t wake him, it is 6.30am just now’’ I said to her.
“Aaalright’’ she drawled.

About an hour later, Babette roused me from sleep again to ask if they could go and watch T.V. Both were now awake and I was silently elated that they weren’t asking for breakfast I could snooze for a little bit longer.
“Odabo (goodbye)’’ I said.

I got up at 830am, gave them breakfast and went to have my bath while they ate. When it was their turn to have their baths, the usual fuss was absent. It had been replaced by the excitement of going to the Xmas fair, I was very grateful for the fair, if only every morning could be this blissful.

The school gates were still shut at 10.30am when we arrived; we met some other parents waiting with their wards. There hadn’t been anymore snow but it was too cold to be standing outside, not that the kids paid any mind to the freezing cold. I spotted a friend from afar, walked up to her, (she has three children, one of whom was Babette’s very good friend) and we decided to go to a nearby restaurant for coffee until the gates opened. All five kids ran around the restaurant, my friend and I pretended like they weren’t ours while we waited for our coffees and chatted. We were still waiting for our coffees at five minutes to eleven and finally decided to cancel the orders at eleven and made our way to the school gate.

The school gate was crowded when we got there; all were waiting for the arrival of Father Christmas, Mrs. Claus and the elves. They usually arrive in a carriage but this year was different as their choice of transport was a BMW convertible with the top down. The kids were just as excited but I think we (parents) were a tad disappointed not to see the carriage.

Babette spotted one of her classmates and wondered off with him and his mother; she told me from afar that she’d keep an eye on them both. I had no complaints, running after Baby was enough to keep me busy. Babette got her face and fingers painted and also managed to get a picture with the Santa family. Baby on the other hand was fascinated by the magician on hand to entertain because he had a rabbit with him. After the show, he insisted on wanting to pet the rabbit, the magician didn’t seem to mind only Baby smacked the rabbit rather than petting it. The magician thankfully saw the funny side of it and let him hold his magic wand also. As the fair drew to a close, Baby told me that he wanted to paint his fingers too.
“But you are a boy’’ I said.
I heard one of my friends who was within earshot tell me to let the boy live. Off we went to the painting studio get his fingers painted as he wanted, even the ladies there laughed at him for a bit but he was adamant on having his fingers painted green which he did.

The fair finished at 1pm promptly and we went back home to rest for a bit and to get T’s birthday present. As I was wrapping the present with Babette helping of course (I would not hear the last of it for the rest of the day if she didn’t get to help me with wrapping the present). Baby began to tug at my shirt.
“I need to do a poo, Mummy’’
Off we went to the guest toilet which is about 10yards from where I stood wrapping the present; I got his throne on the toilet seat and put him on the toilet seat.
As I turned my back to finish wrapping the present, I wagged a finger at him and yelled.

“Don’t touch the tissue and call me when you finish’’

He has in the past tried to clean himself after finishing his business, only the entire tissue roll ends up in the toilet and I always have to do agbepo things ( literally scooping out the wet tissue and putting them back in bits so they’d flush) to remove the tissue and stop the toilet from being blocked. I should have known I was kidding myself when I told him not to touch the tissue because that’s exactly what he did. He ran into the lounge feeling proud of himself as he screamed at me ‘’ Mummy, I did it all by myself’’. I walked into the toilet to find the entire toilet roll unrolled and in the toilet, he‘d also put his pant and trouser back on.
I took him back to the toilet, cleaned him and gave him a smack on his bare bottom with two fingers followed by a stern warning not to touch the tissue again. A fresh pant and one fully wrapped present later, we headed for Wynford Farm the venue of the party.

The road leading to Wynford is quite narrow and windy, so some careful driving was well in order although Baby kept screaming at me to go faster while Babette kept telling him that I could go to jail if the police saw me driving too fast (gist for another day).
It was snowing dogs and cats by the time the party finished. I was bloody freezing as I didn’t wear a proper jacket. Damn! I was almost certain parts of my blood were frozen, served me bloody right I guess. They both fell asleep in the car on the way home, it had been a pretty exerting day and I’d have been napping in the car if naijaman was here doing the driving.

I was putting the key through the keyhole when I remembered that I had promised a friend’s mother who was visiting a pot of egusi soup duly to be delivered the next day. I was completely tired but knew that if I didn’t cook it then I probably won’t bother and knowing myself I’d be well displeased with myself later for disappointing an old woman. (Let’s just say I have thing for old people sha).

I boiled some rice and fried some dodo as the egusi cooked, this would have been an ideal night for some wine or homemade shandy but I find that I am unable to drink on my own these days. After dinner, I was ready for bed and announced to my brood that it was time for us to call it a night.
“I am not ready for bed now’’ I heard Babette say.
“You can be rest assured that I will not come back to get you if you fall asleep down here’’
“I won’t, I promise"

Baby followed me immediately as I left Babette to her devices as I was too tired to argue or shout. She must have thought I was bluffing because she looked surprised to see me head for the bedroom. Her attempt at playing ‘big girl’ lasted no more than ten minutes as I was not even changed into my ‘PJs’ when I heard the TV go silent and the patter of her feet on the stairs.
“Were you scared of being down there on your own?’’ I asked as soon as she came into the bedroom.
“No, I just want to sleep now’’.
I think I was still laughing at her when I fell asleep.


1 Like

Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:03pm On Dec 11, 2012



It's 11:18 by the time I arrive in Chelmsford. I'm taken round the operations that will be producing my parts. I'm impressed, though I keep my expression deadpan. We're still debating on price, and haven't sealed the deal yet. But these guys are fawning on me so much, I realise they need me more than I need them. They do everything bar bang their heads on the stone floor, and to be honest, they aren't far off doing that.

By noon, the deal has been sealed, and I leave, knowing I've got the upper hand. It's good to be in charge of your own destiny.

I arrive back in Colchester just before 12:52. During the drive, my work phone rings 9 times, but I don't answer. My BB has also PING'd more times than I can remember. I have a car being dropped off, so head to the workshop. There's a grey 2008 BMW 320d outside my unit, though no driver's in sight. I look at my missed calls - 4 from Tobias, 2 from the owner of the BMW and the rest unknown. The BMW keys have been posted through my letter slot, together with a report from the RAC, who'd recovered it here.

I've already assessed this BMW previously, so I know what it needs. I can order the parts from home. Before I leave, I check my BB messages, one from Mrs. Sienna, the rest from friends, as well as a few messages I can respond to later.

I stop at a family friend's African hair products shop, and pick up a jar of braiding wax for Sienna's dreads. By the time I get home, it's 15:00. As usual, I ring the door bell, and hear Sienna's excited shouts as she scuttles to the door to let me in.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!"

I swing her up into my arms, it's moments like this, that she can do no wrong, and her naughtiness is all forgotten. Mrs. Siena is in the living room, feeding Sachi. She gives me a reproachful look, but says nothing. I walk past her into the kitchen, Sienna trailing behind me. Ruky comes downstairs, I'd forgotten all about her, as I hadn't seen her before I left in the morning. She greeted me in the way she usually does - but I don't like.

"Welcome sir."

I gave her a hard stare.

"Hi! How many times will I say, no sir?" We don't stand on ceremony here.!

She giggled.

"Okay, I will try to remember."

"You'll do more than remember, " I retort with mock seriousness. I show her the hair wax I bought for Sienna's hair. "What do you think?"

Ruky gapes at me.

"Has Esther agreed to let Sienna's hair grow into dreads?"

I laugh.

"I knew I'd get my way in the end - at a price though."

I wander back into the living room, and sit down, idling flicking through a magazine as I do so. Sienna comes over, and climbs onto my lap. Mrs. Siena looks up at me.

"So, what was that all about?"

I put the magazine down, and regard her.

"What was what about?"

Mrs. Siena sighs.

"You were so angry this morning, you didn't kiss me good bye. I know you were upset, but at least I've made the first move. I PING'd you several times while you were out, you just ignored me."

I hang my head. She is right, and I feel bad.

"I was driving when you PING'd, and I couldn't respond."

"Really?" She looks searchingly at me. "And I guess you've been driving since you left home?"

I shrug, and say nothing. Mrs. Siena looks away.

"You still don't get it, do you? I've always said, if we have an arguement, I never walk away. And if I don't say sorry, you'll be grumpy for days. It's not fair!"

She's right, of course. It's the way I've always been, long before we got married. It's just one of my flaws, and one I'm working on. I get up and walk over to Mrs. Siena, sitting beside her on the sofa, I hug her tight.

"I'm sorry hon, really, I am. I know you're right. I'll make more of an effort. Forgiven?"

She nestles her head on my shoulder. Sienna claps her hands in delight, she loves it when we get all smoochy. Mrs. Siena pushes me away, and gets to her feet.

"Of course you're forgiven. If I don't put up with you, who will?"


It's 18:09, we've all eaten, even Sienna had her supper without fussing as she usually does. Ruky is getting bored with Sienna's cartoons on Nick Jr and CBeebies, and I can hardly blame her. There's only so much Peppa Pig, Balamory and Bubble Guppies I can stand. Mrs. Sienna is more tolerant of cartoons, sometimes I leave for work, and return to the same channel. Ruky is looking through her Iroko TV selection for new Nollywood movies. She feels Nollywood channel on Sky is too repetitive.

"Why does Nollywood repeat the same movies? Have we got any recorded ones we haven't watched?"

I pass her the remote. I'm not really in a Nollywood mood. Sachi's fallen asleep, and Sienna's quite happy to stay with Ruky. Mrs. Siena heads upstairs - she knows me too well. The best part of arguments is the making up. I head up the stairs behind my wife for some much deserved quality time. The stair gate will keep Sienna at bay for quite a while, not that she even notices we're gone, which suits us just fine....


Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:09pm On Dec 11, 2012

...I wake up with a start - it takes me a while to realise myself and Mrs. Siena have fallen asleep on top of the duvet, and I'm freezing. The cold must have woken me up. I grope for one of my phones to look at the time, but my fingers find nothing. Then I remember - it's downstairs in the living room, we had an extremely early night.

I gently get out of bed, and carefully pull the duvet from under Mrs. Siena, and cover her with it. Sachi's not in our bed. I pull on a dressing gown and tiptoe to Sienna's room. She's fast asleep. I quietly go downstairs. There's no one there. I come back upstairs, and pause outside Ruky's bedroom door. There's absolute silence, however I can see a blue glow, that tells me she's dropped off to sleep with her laptop on. I'm not sure if Sachi's with her though. I head back to Sienna's room, and in the corner is the spare Moses basket, with Sachi fast asleep.

I lift her out, and back in our room, place her gently beside her mom. She nuzzles close, but doesn't wake up.

It's 08:33 when next I wake up. I'm the only one upstairs, so I shave and shower, before heading downstairs. Sienna hears me coming down, and comes running to meet me.

"Hallo daddy!"

I whoop, pick her up, and place her squarely on my shoulders. She squeals with delight. Mrs. Siena hears the commotion, and appears at the kitchen door.

"Mornin sweetie! I didn't want to wake you."

I grin at her. She's my Deltan Queen, the perfect wife and mother.

"Mornin hon. I think you should have doused me in cold water. Guess what's happening today?"

Mrs. Siena looks puzzled.

"Happening? I don't know what you mean."

I laugh.

"Just one word - Tobias!"

Mrs. Siena claps her hand to her mouth.


I put Sienna down, and she runs into the living room to find Sachi and Ruky. I look at Mrs. Siena with a raised eyebrow.

"What have you done now?"

Mrs. Siena gives me her little-girl-lost look that would melt the hardest of hearts. It certainly works on me.

"Tobias called, I almost forgot to tell you. He wants to know when you'll be down to fix his car."

I put my arms around her, and give her a kiss.

"Never mind him, I'm off there after breakfast. That reminds me, what ARE we having?"

Mrs. Siena laughs.

"One track mind! That's all you ever think of - food."

I push her back, my eyes searching her face. I give her a leer.

"Well, food's important, amongst other things what else is there to think about?"

To be continued. wink

1 Like

Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:36pm On Dec 14, 2012


Why do kids never tire?

I woke up on Sunday morning craving boiled yam and fried eggs, I had bought a tuber during the week and was therefore determined to satisfy my craving. The kids had gone downstairs and were watching Mr Tumbles. They like to watch CBeebies on Sundays, Baby really likes their shows and I think it is probably some sort of concession on Babette’s part although it has never been vocalised to anyone.

I went to the kitchen to start my first mission for the day which was to satisfy my craving after giving the kids’ breakfast. When I cut the lower part of the tuber, it was completely rotten all the way to three quarters of the entire tuber. I was so annoyed, I had forgotten to tell the Asian shopkeeper to cut the tuber like I had always done in the past. I thought about returning the rotten tuber but it would mean taking the kids with me which I was not keen on doing. I was only able to salvage four slices to my dismay. I really wanted to eat yam and egg, in the end the craving overwhelmed the loss of £7 that I paid for the yam.

I made Babette’s hair with her complaining and asking me how many were left before I finished (no change there). I had threatened to cut the hair many times but my threats are usually met with a quip from her
"Mummy, do you agree I am a princess?!"
"Yes, I agree"
"If you cut my hair, then I will no longer be a princess because princesses do not have short hair’’. grin

I usually have no answer to that quip other than "Just keep your head straight’’.

We went to B-town to deliver the egusi soup I made for Mama B, when we got there my friend was asleep so I was too happy to drop the soup and head back home. Babette wanted to stay but I was still very tired from the runs I did on Saturday, I told her we can have pizza when we get back home just so she won’t give me any drama. It worked and we were on our way back home within 15mins. There was only one thing left to do when we got back home, eat dinner and go to bed.

Another so so day.

It was another very cold morning, got the kids all set and headed for school. I was particularly looking forward to going back to bed; I honestly felt that one should do nothing on a day as cold as this. I got a call from the recruitment consultant reminding me of my interview at 10am the following day, as if one can forget a thing like that.

I went to pick Babette for Tennis and decided to leave Baby until after she finished (he’d always run around and won’t let Babette concentrate as she forgets she’s in a class and plays with him)
After Tennis, Babette told me she wanted noodles and egg for dinner on the ride home, I gave up the search for Indomie after checking in 4 asian shops and bought the Malaysian version instead.
"This noodles does not taste like noodles’’ Babette told me after a forkful
"Yeah, it’s yucky, Mummy. Can I have rice pudding?’’ Baby added.

I tried to force Babette to eat to at least give the noodles a chance but she’d have none of it, it was pointless to even suggest the same to Baby. I made chips and sausages for both of them and resigned myself to the fate of having to eat the entire box of noodles all by myself. I might push some of them on naijaman to take back with him to Luanda. I am not going to eat the noodles all by myself.

Bed time came with the usual fuss, Babette had adopted a new habit of brushing her teeth before going to bed and Baby always follows suit. I was more than happy for her to brush her teeth at night by self to get her started on brushing by herself. Letting Baby brush his teeth was solely for peace and quiet, I had to ensure that he got only a tiny amount of toothpaste though.

After listening to the news, I went to bed myself, my interview was on Tuesday and I’d have to get up earlier than usual.

Peace out. wink

1 Like

Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 5:51pm On Dec 14, 2012
Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 6:55pm On Dec 15, 2012
We won't be airing the usual show today. We will be bringing you another episode of spotlight.

SPOTLIGHT - Interview with Mrs. Siena

NRFS: Hello Mrs. Siena

MS: Hi

NRFS: How has it been keeping up with the show?

MS: Well its been a wonderful experience I must say. Love every bit of it. Thanks

NRFS: Siena thinks you are soft when it comes to dealing with little Sienna. Why is keeping the bed time so difficult?

NRFS: Yes I am a softie, sometimes when she is naughty after scolding or
smacking her I do feel sorry for her and I still go ahead to say sorry
loll. Keeping bed time is difficult cos sometimes she sleeps during the day
and for a long time too.

NFRS: hmm... What made you give in to the dreadlocks? Suggestion?

MS: I kinda thought about it and felt it might suit her. Sienna is a
lil fashionista herself so why not.cheesy

NRFS: Cool then! So, how did you feel when Siena stomped out the other day?

MS: Trust me I was furious and very angry too. I know I am the patient
one and Siena likes things done here and now.

NRFS: Do you think he is too harsh on Sienna?

MS: Hmmmm I wont say harsh cos he has Sienna's best interest at heart. Both parents cant be the same when it comes to disciplining a child, but I
believe there should be a balance. We are still learning lol.

NRFS: How did you get that beautiful shape back after giving birth to Sachi?

MS: Well I did a bit, a lot of people tell me I quickly went back to
shape but I know I still have to work on some areas but at least I still
wear a size 8/10. cheesy

NRFS: Can your share one of your best moments with Siena with us?

MS: OK. *blushing* hmmm...
When he proposed to me, he went down on one knee and said my Deltan Princess I want to spend the rest of my life with you, would you marry me?

NRFS: Sweet! Siena must be very romantice. cheesy

MS: yes, he is. wink He is my Deltan prince.

NRFS: and what did u say?

MS: Oh boy i was thrilled!!! I said yes cos I knew we are meant to be together. He loves me to bits and so do I. kiss

NRFS: me likey. Lol. Thanks for your time.

MS : it's always a pleasure

That's it for today. Regular updates continue as usual.

Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 12:00am On Dec 19, 2012



It's 10:45 by the time I finally get to leave the house. I have an appointment at noon, whereby I have to re-program an immobiliser for a client: His car, a 2010 BMW 135i has been the victim of an attempted theft, and the ECU was removed when the thieves failed. I have fitted a replacement, but need to programme his keys to match. Not a long procedure, but he's a stickler for time. I can't afford to be late.

First, I have Tobias's car to get mobile once more. I have not given him a chance to speak to me since our last conversation. I arrive at his home just before 11:00, and get a shock.

His car's not on the driveway!

This is a car I'd well and truly crippled, it couldn't be started. And yet, it's obviously been moved. I sit in my car, and I'm in two minds to give him a call, my finger hover's over my phone's dial key. Arrgh! I'm here now, so I might as well see him. I get out of my car, and walk up his driveway. A large grey tabby cat's the only sign of life; it gives me a look, then is gone in a streak of grey. I hear the rattle of gravel as it rushes madly round the side of the house, towards the backyard. I sigh. I have'nt seen a cat react that way to me since I was a kid.

The door is answered by a black lady I hadn't met before. Definitely not Tobias's wife, and perhaps not quite old enough to be his mother. She regards me frostily.

"Yes, can I help?"

I'm a bit taken aback. I'm not sure how to respond to this woman. I certainly don't want to tell her about Tobias's business, I'm not sure how much she knows. I decide to ask if Tobias is in, and take things from there.

"Good morning, I'd like to have a quick word with Tobias, if he's in. He's expecting me."

She pulls the door closer, and moves out onto the porch.

"I hope there's no problem?"

I release my breath slowly. I really detest that response. But I smile at her disarmingly.

"There's no problem at all. If you let Tobias know..." I let the rest hang.

She nods at me, moves back inside and shuts the door. I wait, wondering what the hell's going on. I look at my watch - time's getting on. I don't have long to wait though. The door opens, and Tobias beckons me inside.

"Sorry to delay you, my brother. Things are not good."

I accept the chair he waves me to. I don't really wish to be here for long. I politely decline the offer of a drink. I resist the urge to ask where his car is. Obviously he knows why I'm here, and will tell me in his own time. He does.

"I am sure you are wondering where my car is?"

I regard him thoughtfully.

"The thought had crossed my mind."

Tobias comes out with the reason.

"My car was repossessed last night. I was trying to call you, because I wanted to move the car, to park it at my sister's house, but you would not answer your phone. All this trouble is your fault. If you answer my call, and your wife too, I left messages."

I gape at him in disbelief.

"So your car is repossessed, and it's my fault? Do you know how much hassle it is dealing with you? I don't know why your car was repossessed, and quite frankly, I don't care. You've messed me around. All this shite, and a grown man won't take responsibility for his own actions!"

Tobias glares at me.

"You are a crook. You steal my ECU and now you tell me - "

I get to my feet. I can see this is a waste of time, there's no reasoning with some people, and this guy's one of them.

"Tobias, I would choose my words very carefully. If you wish to label me a crook, I would advise you seek legal counsel, and I'll do the same. I've got somewhere else to be, so feel free to pass my number to your attorney, if you've got one."

I head for the front door, and jerk it open, just as Tobias begins to respond. I don't stop, I trudge down the driveway to my car, unlock it and get in. I pause before slamming the door. I start the engine and turn the car round, heading for the open road, reminding myself I'm dealing with a hick man with the brain power of a gnat.

I arrive at my appointment with 12 minutes to spare, so I pull over and put a call through to Mrs. Siena. She answers on the third ring.

"Hi Sweetie, is everything okay?

I give a twisted grin. She's been worried about Tobias, and had told me to call her after I'd finished with him. I had told her not to worry, I can take care of myself, Tobias is harmless.

"It's all good, but I didn't get to get his car sorted."

Mrs. Siena was silent for a moment.

"What happened? Wasn't he at home?"

I sat back and rubbed the bridge of my nose, keeping an eye on the time.

"He was at home alright, the car wasn't though. Look hon, we'll talk about this later when I get back. I'm in Lexden right now, and haven't got much time. Are the girls behaving?"

Mrs. Siena laughed.

"Sachi's okay, but you know what Sienna's like."

I knew what Sienna was like alright.

"Haha! That means she's fine. I'll see you guys later, take care."

I break the connection, get out of the car, then walk towards the apartment block to meet my client.

Re: Nairaland Online Reality Family Show - Season One by Tgirl4real(f): 12:11am On Dec 19, 2012

By 15:00 I'm done in town. I'd long completed the job I had to do in Lexden, and I'd ended up going into town to purchase some hardware from Screwfix. Then I drove to the workshop to unload, begin to dismantle a customer's BMW which had previously been recovered to me. It was 17:53 by the time I was done. It was pretty cold, and dark, and I hadn't taken a coat. I can't wait to get home, and into the warmth.

I pull into our driveway; there are a couple of packages outside the front door, and I make a mental note to have a word with our postman. I can't understand why he wouldn't ring the bell, rather than leaving valuables out in the damp. There is always someone at home.

I recover the packages, both are for Mrs. Siena. The front door opens just as I'm about to ring the bell, and Mrs. Siena greets me warmly.

"I heard you pull in, I didn't want you to ring, as Sienna's only just dropped off to sleep."

I hug her, and we walk in together. I hand her both packages, and her face lights up.

"Jewellery! I've been waiting for those. Where were they?"

I laugh, thinking how easy my Deltan Queen is to please.

"They were outside the front door, as usual. I wonder if this postman's allergic to doorbells?"

I follow Mrs. Siena into the kitchen, and whistle. There are boxes everywhere, all packed with ladies clothes, handbags, shoes and accessories. There's hardly any floor space, and as for the back door, it can't be opened. I don't like that.

"Hon, I know you may think I'm being dramatic, but I don't like the back door being blocked. This is the kitchen, where anything could happen. I'd rather these boxes were in the living room, rather than have a back door, which can't be used in an emergency."

Mrs. Siena looks round, then begins moving the boxes. I pull her away, this isn't the time. I'm hungry, and have only had breakfast.

"Hon, leave this to me, I'll handle this, while you get supper under way. When are these boxes being collected?"

Mrs. Siena gapes at me in disbelief.

"You know they're going tomorrow, I sent you a BB message to let you know, and so you can get parcel tape from Staples." She notices my look. "Please don't tell me you haven't read my messages, and haven't got any tape?"

I hang my head. She's right - I haven't looked at my BlackBerry since I spoke to her in the afternoon. I look at it now, and sure enough, there are messages I hadn't read. I shrug my shoulders. Mrs. Siena looks resigned.

"I guess that means no parcel tape. These are already booked, and are being collected tomorrow."

I shrug once more. My apparent nonchalent attitude annoys Mrs. Siena.

"Is that all you can do?"

"What else do you want me to do? I'll dash out tomorrow first thing, to buy the tape."

Mrs. Siena looks like she's about to explode. If she wasn't my chocolate beauty, she would have been red in the face. As it is, she looks really mad, and I regard her with interest. She speaks through gritted teeth.

"You don't seem to understand, Sweetie. These will be picked up very early, and I doubt the driver will wait. You'll have to go out to get the tape tonight."

"Oh, I don't think I want to go anywhere else tonight. What's for supper?"

I wander into the living room, sit down, and stretch out my legs in contentment. Mrs. Siena follows me there, and stands over me, her hands on her hips as she glares down at me. I close my eyes, and relax completely unperturbed. This is the life of Riley; me relaxed, and Mrs. Siena rushing around me. She stands over me for a minute, then I hear her move away from me. I open my eyes, just as Mrs. Siena heads up the stairs. I listened to her stomping around upstairs, then she appears at the head of the stairs, in her coat, and with her handbag slung over her shoulders. She stalks past me to pick up the cordless phone, and begins to dial.

I'm out of my chair, and across the room before she can complete dialling. I pull the receiver from her hand, and stick it in my hip pocket. Mrs. Siena glares at me, I grin at her.

"Who are you calling?"

"None of your business!"

She tries to get the receiver from my pocket, I take it out of my pocket and hold it easily out of her reach. She tries pulling my arm down, then gives up. I grin at her, as she breathes heavily from her exertions. I repeat my question mildly.

"Who are you calling?"

Mrs. Siena knows I'm not going to let this go, and she finally concedes.

"I wanted to call a taxi, to go get parcel tape from Staples, since you're too tired to go out again tonight."

I gape at her.

"Then what happens to supper?"

Mrs. Siena turns to stare at me in disbelief.

"Is that all you think of? If I could cancel the collection tomorrow, I would, but it's impossible."

I gently place the receiver on its docking station, then place my hands on her hips, pulling her close. She struggles a bit, then relaxes. I kiss her on the forehead, then hold her at arms length, my eyes searching her face.

"My little firecracker, do you really think I haven't got any tape? Granted I didn't go to Staples, but I did get loads from Screwfix. Enough to last the next couple of months."

Mrs. Siena gasps.

"So, you've had the tape, yet you let me work myself up?"

"Why not? Let's call it an extremely early April fool's day." I laugh.

Mrs. Siena shakes her head in mock annoyance.

"I don't know why I married you, Mr. G. Honestly, I don't."

"I do - because you've got extremely good taste." I slip my arm around her waist, and steer her towards the kitchen. "Now, what's for supper?"

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