Ajisafe:

@ All:
I just voted that it's not OK for a man to force his wife to have sex with him, however, it's absurd when a wife uses sex as a tool to punish hubby or get even with him. @ Hafees was right on the money when he interjected the Quranic side of the matter. It is not permissible for a wife to deny her husband sex. Period!

And to all the women's lib advocates, men-hating lesbos, feminists, and feminist-wannabes on this forum (I can see most of you are in the USA), you'll only find yourselves to blame. All this your throwing hands up in the air will do you no good. The "Akatas" that you are wont to emulate are husband-less in the US. Likewise, so many arrogant Nigerian females end up with "baby daddies" and no husbands simply because of their "I pay my own bills; i'm equal to a man" attitude.  You all need to wake up and smell the coffe! Grow up! We're not equal. I mean men and women are not equal. Period! I stand to be corrected, though.

Men like "Moneybags" are not helping the matter either. See how the females on this forum praise sing him? That's what they enjoy -- weak men that cling to women's skirts.

I admire those young ladies on Nairaland who are submissive to their men -- just the way our Creator has mandated it to be. That does not make you a slave to your husband it'll only make you to stay married forever! Believe me.

Ajisafe, read my posts again, no where did I advocate bribing the woman to give sex. That's missing the boat completely. I'm saying: PAY ATTENTION TO MEETING YOUR WIFE'S EMOTIONAL NEEDS. When you do that as part of your responsibility, chances are that she won't hesistate to meet yours either. The sexual act is not one of compulsion and I certainly don't believe it should be one of obligation either. It should mutually enjoyable and satisfying, and it can only be that way when both parties in the marriage relationship are fulfilled.

What's wrong with finding out what your wife's needs are and committing yourself to meeting them? I know, it does sound threatening to a lot of men, it did to me too at first! But the bottomline is: that's your responsibility. The woman you married has emotional needs that should only be met by her husband. Is it a sign of weakness to please the wife you married? I find that rather amusing, it smirks of insecurity.

No where in my posts have I said a woman is equal to a man. Infact I personally don't believe the equality equation comes into play as far as men and women are concerned. Both are different and neither should be subservient to the other. Yes, when it comes to the punchline, I call the shots and take responsibility for actions as the leader in my home. But my wife has a strong say in the decisions that we make, and I do all within my power to please her and address all of her concerns while making decisions. Is that a sign of weakness? I certainly think not.

When two people come into a marriage relationship, both should be as fulfilled as possible. She commits herself to finding out what his needs are and meeting them, and he commits himself to finding out what her needs are and meeting them. Is that such a strange concept? Most men I speak with expect their women to meet all of their needs but shrink back in "fear" when the topic of meeting the wife's needs (outside of sex and money) come up, and then they try to get me to talk some sense into her because according to them, she's been acting wierd and is no longer the woman they married. Usually the problem is simple: the woman is emotionally starved! And i'm not talking sex.

I personally think it's irresponsible of any spouse to  neglect their duties to their partner. As a husband, your number one duty is to find out your wife's needs (physical, emotional and every other need) and meet them to the best of your ability. That's your job as her husband, and her job as your wife is to do the same thing with you. If this thought makes any man feel threatened, then i'll say he's insecure.

4Him:

pronto and u think u'll both live happily ever after?  
sometimes a marriage is more about how compatible you are with your spouse and not just meeting her every single need. If you both are meant for each other you will meet her need NOT because you know its your duty but because it just comes naturally to you.
Your parents don't need to draw up a list of kids needs they must meet each day, they just do it.

Wake up my man! Show me the man who meets his wife's needs because it comes to him naturally? He must have died a long time ago.

Husbands who meet their wives needs learn. Yes, they learn! I believe with all my heart that my wife and I were meant for each other, but I had to learn to meet her needs. It doesn't come naturally, at least as far as I know. Or perhaps it's different for some others

moneybags gets the women drooling again.

You make very valid points . . . i'm just wondering if men do have needs and whether they shld expect them to be met too.
My second question - is sex all there is to the needs of a man? Cant he be emotionally starved too?

thank you.

moneybags:

Wake up my man! Show me the man who meets his wife's needs because it comes to him naturally? He must have died a long time ago.

Husbands who meet their wives needs learn. Yes, they learn! I believe with all my heart that my wife and I were meant for each other, but I had to learn to meet her needs. It doesn't come naturally, at least as far as I know. Or perhaps it's different for some others

that you had to learn does not mean that other men dont find it natural.

4Him:

moneybags gets the women drooling again.

You make very valid points . . . i'm just wondering if men do have needs and whether they shld expect them to be met two.
My second question - is sex all there is to the needs of a man? Cant he be emotionally starved too?

thank you.

Yes, men have needs, and it's the wife's RESPONSIBILITY to find out what those needs are and meet them to the best of her ability. It's a two way street! Neither party in a marriage relationship should be left to starve emotionally.

And no, sex is not the only need of a man.  There are other needs too, but then you make your own list. For me, respect and honor are extremely important. How my wife relates to me can either mend or shatter my ego as a man. She knows that respect is important to me and goes out of her way to show it, even in times when I've totally messed up (and I'm not talking infidelity here). There are other things that are important to me that she also tries to meet to the best of her ability. It's a two way street.

Now the question has often arose while discussing with couples: if both parties are warring and there's a total breakdown, who should be the first to instil some sanity in the relationship? If I'm addressing both parties, I'll challenge the man to do so as the head of his household. So, let's say i'm in a situation where my wife is simply not into meeting any of my needs, what I'll do is to ensure that I meet  hers all the same. It's my responsibility as her husband, irrespective of how she responds to me in return, and I won't neglect to fulfil my responsibilities toward her simply because she's neglecting to fulfil hers -- who'll end the madness then?. With time, you'll begin to see the fruits of your effort and a changed wife before your eyes. Trust me, I've been there! It's much better than running out to mess around with another woman. I'm totally committed to my wife, and am committed to doing anything to make our relationship the best it can be. It's that simple.

4Him:

that you had to learn does not mean that other men don't find it natural.

Well, like I said, it may come naturally to some. Good for them, really! They're in for a blissful marriage without having to work at it I'm yet to meet one though

Ajisafe:

@ All:
I just voted that it's not OK for a man to force his wife to          with him, however, it's absurd when a wife uses sex as a tool to punish hubby or get even with him. ]@ Hafees was right on the money when he interjected the Quranic side of the matter. It is not permissible for a wife to deny her husband sex. Period!
And to all the women's lib advocates, men-hating lesbos, feminists, and feminist-wannabes on this forum (I can see most of you are in the USA), you'll only find yourselves to blame. All this your throwing hands up in the air will do you no good. The "Akatas" that you are wont to emulate are husband-less in the US. Likewise, so many arrogant Nigerian females end up with "baby daddies" and no husbands simply because of their "I pay my own bills; i'm equal to a man" attitude.  You all need to wake up and smell the coffe! Grow up! We're not equal. I mean men and women are not equal. Period! I stand to be corrected, though.

Men like "Moneybags" are not helping the matter either. See how the females on this forum praise sing him? That's what they enjoy -- weak men that cling to women's skirts.

I admire those young ladies on Nairaland who are submissive to their men -- just the way our Creator has mandated it to be. That does not make you a slave to your husband it'll only make you to stay married forever! Believe me.

even she does,by the time you go around the huts of aishatu,mukinatu,salifatu and memunatu,one must say yes.

Moneybags,I'm a female and I am so glad to see real men like yourself who are not afraid to love a woman like she should be loved.
Don't mind all these little boys thinking a woman is a mere piece of tilth that has to be cultivated whenever and however.

There is absolutely no woman anywhere on earth that wouldn't do anything for a man that's in tune with her needs.
I  would NEVER deny my hubby and he would never do same to me but that's because our love goes beyond the bedroom.
But then we love each other enough to wait a while for each other when the other says so.

_{and just as I was writing this,mr nwando sneaks in on tip toe with a box of chocolate,roses and a card.}

Happy valentines day y'all.

nwando:

_{and just as I was writing this,mr nwando sneaks in on tip toe with a box of chocolate,roses and a card.}

Happy valentines day y'all.

since morning? Mr. Nwando is too late joo.

moneybags:

Well, like I said, it may come naturally to some. Good for them, really! They're in for a blissful marriage without having to work at it I'm yet to meet one though

Learning to meet ur woman's needs and meeting them because it comes naturally to you are two different things entirely. Both however entail "working at ur marriage" however way u look at it. that u've not met such men is no proof that they dont exist.

osisi, see how these lame babies are trying to intimidate moneybags. Jealousy sha

greetings to mr osisi, I personally hate flowers

Enjoy the rest of your day/night

To some extent,a lot of moneybag's advice is useful only in circumstances where you don't really love your woman and you are trying to give her the impression you do.

4Him:

since morning? Mr. Nwando is too late joo.
Learning to meet your woman's needs and meeting them because it comes naturally to you are two different things entirely. Both however entail "working at your marriage" however way u look at it. that u've not met such men is no proof that they don't exist.

a brother has to hustle na
Even he came home with nothing,I no mind.
We have our valentine almost everyday

D-reloaded:

osisi, see how these lame babies are trying to intimidate moneybags. Jealousy sha

greetings to mr osisi, I personally hate flowers

Enjoy the rest of your day/night

I'm back on nairaland _{while he watches politics}
They can only try to intimidate him (moneybags) but they forget he is a married man speaking from a wealth of experience.
All these neonates think you can marry wife and live peacefully with gra gra
after they don marry,make them come talk.
How many men who have opposed him are married?
how many?
let them raise their hands let's count the abused wives of Nigeria

there is no such thing as marital rape,

reloaded you don return ?

even she does,by the time you go around the huts of aishatu,mukinatu,salifatu and memunatu,one must say yes.

LOL! You're so funny.

4 Play:

To some extent,a lot of moneybag's advice is useful only in circumstances where you don't really love your woman and you are trying to give her the impression you do.

spot on!
That is what i've been trying to get moneybag to understand. If you truly love ur wife meeting her needs just comes naturally to do, having to daily remind urself of the things you must do to make her happy suggests u're just struggling to pretend to be the model husband.

I said earlier (perhaps the analogy may not be very correct), parents dont need to work on pleasing their kids . . . they just do it naturally as parents.

4Him:

spot on!
That is what i've been trying to get moneybag to understand. If you truly love your wife meeting her needs just comes naturally to do, having to daily remind yourself of the things you must do to make her happy suggests u're just struggling to pretend to be the model husband.

I said earlier (perhaps the analogy may not be very correct), parents don't need to work on pleasing their kids . . . they just do it naturally as parents.

No david.
The love for ones kids comes naturally because they are your kids.
Good marriages just don't happen.
One has to consciously work on it.

why do you think women always want their men to tell them they love them,or they look good and other sweet compliments like that.
True some things come naturally but others we have to make efforts to do so as not to take one another for granted.

The most important thing a woman need from a man is to know that he deeply cares and is crazy about her and the most important thing a man wants is to know his wife honors and respects him.
When these conditions are met,your marital bed will be a busy one

I'm saying: PAY ATTENTION TO MEETING YOUR WIFE'S EMOTIONAL NEEDS. When you do that as part of your responsibility, chances are that she won't hesistate to meet yours either. The sexual act is not one of compulsion and I certainly don't believe it should be one of obligation either. It should mutually enjoyable and satisfying, and it can only be that way when both parties in the marriage relationship are fulfilled.

What's wrong with finding out what your wife's needs are and committing yourself to meeting them? I know, it does sound threatening to a lot of men, it did to me too at first! But the bottomline is: that's your responsibility. The woman you married has emotional needs that should only be met by her husband. Is it a sign of weakness to please the wife you married? I find that rather amusing, it smirks of insecurity.

No where in my posts have I said a woman is equal to a man. Infact I personally don't believe the equality equation comes into play as far as men and women are concerned. Both are different and neither should be subservient to the other. Yes, when it comes to the punchline, I call the shots and take responsibility for actions as the leader in my home. But my wife has a strong say in the decisions that we make, and I do all within my power to please her and address all of her concerns while making decisions. Is that a sign of weakness? I certainly think not.

When two people come into a marriage relationship, both should be as fulfilled as possible. She commits herself to finding out what his needs are and meeting them, and he commits himself to finding out what her needs are and meeting them. Is that such a strange concept? Most men I speak with expect their women to meet all of their needs but shrink back in "fear" when the topic of meeting the wife's needs (outside of sex and money) come up, and then they try to get me to talk some sense into her because according to them, she's been acting wierd and is no longer the woman they married. Usually the problem is simple: the woman is emotionally starved! And i'm not talking sex.

I personally think it's irresponsible of any spouse to  neglect their duties to their partner. As a husband, your number one duty is to find out your wife's needs (physical, emotional and every other need) and meet them to the best of your ability. That's your job as her husband, and her job as your wife is to do the same thing with you. If this thought makes any man feel threatened, then i'll say he's insecure.

Moneybags,you have basically (in the above post) given a recipe for a loving relationship.
It almost looks like I'm listening to our premarital counsellor over again.
Most men think it's weak to please their wives but they forget that therein lies the key to a loving union.
Some men shout submission,submission and think it's easy to submit to a husband that treats his wife like he's her  headmaster.
Let your friends call you woman wrapper,at least the woman is yours and there's peace in your home.
Any woman would gladly and willingly submit to a man that treats her like a queen.
anyone can take the above assertion to the bank.

Has Mr. Nwando been fed yet? Don't make the bloke go fumble around the kitchen looking for the pot of stale "ogbonno soup" ooo. We get your gist; go feed your man. It's St. Valentine's Day. Love is in the air!

he has been fed and kissed .
The love never begins in full force till Larry king is over.
That was in our prenup ROFL

nwando:

No david.
The love for ones kids comes naturally because they are your kids.
Good marriages just don't happen.
One has to consciously work on it.

why do you think women always want their men to tell them they love them,or they look good and other sweet compliments like that.
True some things come naturally but others we have to make efforts to do so as not to take one another for granted.
[/b]

The problem is that a lot of the things moneybag was talking about tend to come naturally.Nobody for one moment is suggesting that you need not make any efforts to please your wife.However,instructing men to show love to their wife outside the bedroom sounds quite superfluous. . . . . you wouldn't even need to be told that unless your goal is simply to get laid regularly and you have little or no love for your wife anyway.

Maybe this is why most women get the wrong end of the stick in a relationship.A lot of what moneybags writes strikes one as a means to an end. . . . . .getting laid regularly and having peace and quiet from your girl.You want to please your girl not because of what you expect to get in return but because you love her and want to please her anyway.Often,if you need to be told that you have to please her,well,you are just playing a game.

Again,let me stress that I don't discount the need to make efforts but Love is best expressed in its natural form,if you need to be "instructed",there is barely any love in the first place.Could bet you that moneybag probably has "hos in different area codes" and he is giving us his version of the "Player's Guide". . . . . . .women,as this thread illustrates,often fall for this tried and tested trick of "rehearsed loving"

So, he's a political animal just like me. Whoa! I like politically astute men.

4 Play:

The problem is that a lot of the things moneybag was talking about tend to come naturally.Nobody for one moment is suggesting that you need not make any efforts to please your wife.However,instructing men to show love to their wife outside the bedroom sounds quite superfluous. . . . . you wouldn't even need to be told that unless your goal is simply to get laid regularly and you have little or no love for your wife anyway.

Maybe this is why most women get the wrong end of the stick in a relationship.A lot of what moneybags writes strikes one as a means to an end. . . . . .getting laid regularly and having peace and quiet from your girl.You want to please your girl not because of what you expect to get in return but because you love her and want to please her anyway.Often,if you need to be told that you have to please her,well,you are just playing a game.

Again,let me stress that I don't discount the need to make efforts but Love is best expressed in its natural form,if you need to be "instructed",there is barely any love in the first place.Could bet you that moneybag probably has "hos in different area codes" and he is giving us his version of the "Player's Guide". . . . . . .women,as this thread illustrates,often fall for this tried and tested trick of "rehearsed loving"

OSANOBUA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4play you get bad mouth o
the man is a real lover,stop hating

Ajisafe:

So, he's a political animal just like me. Whoa! I like politically astute men.

politics and sports especially basketball and soccer.
That's why I come to nairaland at those times.

nwando:

OSANOBUA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4play you get bad mouth o
the man is a real lover,stop hating

This na women major problem. You can't tell a "real lover" because he "talks a good game" What is there to hate?I'm just giving you a man's perspective of what I can see from my fellow man's writing.

@ Nwando,
Haba! "4Play" was right ke. Be easy on him now.

Anyway, invite Mr. Nwando to join Nairaland forum. Abi which one now?

nwando:

he has been fed and kissed .

only kissed on valentine's day? you are slacking nwando.

4Play, when you gte married, we will listen to you. Olodo

Im suspecting that will be in 15 years time when you go back to your village for your child bride

nwando:

OSANOBUA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4play you get bad mouth o
the man is a real lover,stop hating

no wonder. Play "love" for a few days and u have the keys to a woman's pants. Moneybags thanks for the tips.

nwando:

No david.
The love for ones kids comes naturally because they are your kids.
Good marriages just don't happen.
One has to consciously work on it.

why do you think women always want their men to tell them they love them,or they look good and other sweet compliments like that.
True some things come naturally but others we have to make efforts to do so as not to take one another for granted.

The most important thing a woman need from a man is to know that he deeply cares and is crazy about her and the most important thing a man wants is to know his wife honors and respects him.
When these conditions are met,your marital bed will be a busy one

if those "conditions" are not met we wont ever need to wash the marital bed sheets?

spoilt:

only kissed on valentine's day? you are slacking nwando.

She's waiting for "Larry King Live" to end before they start the marathon.

Abeg, Nwando, give me your address make I send Fire Department oooo! You know--when it catches fire!