victorian: Thank you.....and am at peace with it.

if u plan to remain alive for the next 25 - 30 yrs pls include marriage in that plan

Thanks everyone for your positive advises and also the sarcastics ones... Have always wanted to get married way back in school, my main was not be a career woman, until I got engaged to a very abusive man, I had to call off the whole marriage, cause my life was at stake at that time, and I got to know , he is into cults, not school cults o.. It took me 5yrs praying for healing for my mind and soul, after the breakup.. Am a kind of person that believes in being committed and seeing the good in someone until proven otherwise. After 5yrs, I entered the doing game again, it's not like I flaunt my wealth... I don't even have a car, but I have a natural look of someone who lives well and who is wealthy...my clothes are not adorned in gold. I don't gather my neck or ear or Hands with gold jewellery. I just feed and drink well, and compose myself well in public,so from a distance, i glow naturally, its a gift God gave to me , that is now making me to think, should I look haggard, wear torn dirty clothes for gold diggers not to come near me?.... But if i start looking haggard, my buisness will suffer, cos am into fashion and u have to look good to draw up customers, but I tone mine down. :
It got to a stage, I said to myself or shud I lie to guys that woo me, that am a student of unilag? What if one decides to say, I want to visit u in yur hostel?... How will i be able to quickly plant myself in one of those hostels, so he can see me... But am not used to fake life... I hate lies, deceit.... Phew...!.... It's not easy getting a sincere guy... Initially, they claim to be sincere but quickly they start with saying they r so broke to even call? as if me.... I rarely get broke?
There was one , the mother, sisters were already calling me their wife, and quickly the mother starts saying how broke she is and difficult to even eat?... And their son was also claiming he is broke too...I gave the mother some few cash on me to manage, then later the sister was using style to ask for money... I was like? What?....abeg....am managing myself o...I don't have money growing on trees...i had to cut off that relationship, cos all I hear daily, am broke, am broke... And me, my parents are late, I take care of my two younger ones and I will then add another guy expenses to my responsibility?
Honestly, I can't....my blood pressure rose yesterday when I was analyzing it to my aunts... They simply said, God will give me a good man and that I should wait on him than to rule out marriage..
Have heard, am not a spring chicken but am in my early thirthies... Am just tired of the whole game...I honestly need a break and rest... It's tiresome.

.

Hmmmmm
Ow sad
I wz once in your shoe
Dis man actually calls me auto-recharge and moni bag
One of his frnds cldnt tk it anymore, walked up to me and told me everyth bt I shut him not until I overheard it myself, confronted d he-goat and he was like, yes I said it, wat do u wanna do
Omo I fear oooooo
Dat wz years back enwz
He made me stronger

@Dyt...all these experiences have made me stronger and calm...and I have the believ that if am destined to be married, I thank God, if not? I will live my life, be there for my few friends and family... Av cancelled regrets from any decision I take... Av already had so many regrets in the past... I won't have more at this my latter age...it's sad, no doubt... But such is life.

@ n.oxide, yur saying if I plan to stay alive I should marry, when my ex fiancée nearly used me for ritual... It was God that saved my life that day...that was someone, I was engaged to...and has come to see my people... We didn't know, his plan was to kill me spiritually and use me for money ritual.... Thank God, my guardian angels r with me... The nite it happend , he shouted and ran out of the house pleading, I should forgive him, and that he planted a coffin at the backyard for certain things against me...I was so shocked... I couldnt move, I couldn't scream... Well, it's a long story, that's why it took me 5 yrs to trust and want to date again.
So you say, being married will make me live long... I simply smile and shake my head.....If only u know the hearts of some men.

victorian: @ n.oxide, yur saying if I plan to stay alive I should marry, when my ex fiancée nearly used me for ritual... It was God that saved my life that day...that was someone, I was engaged to...and has come to see my people... We didn't know, his plan was to kill me spiritually and use me for money ritual.... Thank God, my guardian angels r with me... The nite it happend , he shouted and ran out of the house pleading, I should forgive him, and that he planted a coffin at the backyard for certain things against me...I was so shocked... I couldnt move, I couldn't scream... Well, it's a long story, that's why it took me 5 yrs to trust and want to date again.
So you say, being married will make me live long... I simply smile and shake my head.....If only u know the hearts of some men.

Just relax and carefully screen men that come your way. It is also true that you can help yourself by associating with purposeful and well-motivated people. Have you thought of going for further training in whatever it is you do or in a completely new area? You would expand your network of quality people thereby, a good man cannot be that far away- just learn from the past, be better and add prayers to the mix.

Let no one or problem bring you down.

Truly, one can't know d hearts of dese men
May God help us
B brave
U are almost dere

Thanks maclantunji, and wellwishers here.... I intend to go for further training next year and more branding in what I do..my job has been my safe haven and what brings smile to my heart...I meet with different women every month, due to my kind of work.. If not for my job and God......iI for don kolo since.... But I still thank God. It is well... As my pastor will say.

victorian: Thanks maclantunji, and wellwishers here.... I intend to go for further training next year and more branding in what I do..my job has been my safe haven and what brings smile to my heart...I meet with different women every month, due to my kind of work.. If not for my job and God......iI for don kolo since.... But I still thank God. It is well... As my pastor will say.

Maybe a brother of a client or colleague may be the one for you.

maclatunji:

Maybe a brother of a client or colleague may be the one for you.

If you see a single good man- go for him and don't dull yourself. What I mean is let him know you are feeling him maybe through a reasonable female relative that you know as a customer or friend- it might just work-out.

You seem like an ernest woman who has carved her own path in harsh terrain. You should be proud

Victoria,I just got d reason why u didn't want to get married.
Just want u 2 know u re a strong and bold woman 4 even attempting 2 go into another relationship.
But please don't give up on love.There is a man out there that ll really love u 4 who u re.Ok

The replies of a lot of guys in this thread really comfirms what the OP was about. Some are already assuming that the OP is proud and rude etc, some even said she's a lesbian. Why are we so insultive? Pass your points and move on. Some guys tried to reassure her that there are still good men out there. @OP: Check if there is something in you that attracts the wrong men. Marriage to the right man is very beautiful and glorious.

P.S. it is NOT compulsory to get married. There are a lot of things you can do to make impact in life. A lot of people are married to maintain status quo. They are neither happy nor fulfilled. At the end of your life, noboby will ask you if you were married or not. The koko is if you fulfilled your purpose on earth or not. Take care.

victorian,
it crazy u have xperienced all dat, its really a pity, just be free and believe, as i said earlier, try and clear yur head, open yur mind and look forward to de future

de best is on its way...wishin u de best

My words to the poster's dat
Go for deliverance, cos something's attracting d wrong guys to you. Every physical thing has a spiritual back up. N wen i say deliverance, pls i don't want u to fall into d hands of fake peeps, believe Jesus can do it. PM me, OR inbox me tobinco55@yahoo.com, i believe God can do it.
PS: am jus a young guy o n a student so don't think am a scammer or some kinda shameful element o. I'll jus like to offer a little help just like the maid of Naman did in the bible o. Na beg i beg nairalanders o

Its okay,just know one thing be confident in yourself...every man respect ladies that are always confidence and happy despite their harsh situation....U really need a good company not gold diggers...A.MAN THAT CAN'T PROVIDE FOR HIMSELF IS JUST A SOCIETAL MENACE FOR HIM TO DEPEND ON A WOMAN FOR SURVIVAL ...we can be just friends u can txt me....okeymomen2003@yahoo.co.uk...am in lagos,working class,tall and jovial....no relationship...just friends for now

victorian: Relationships these days, is nothing to write home about.. Initially when I see posts of men seeking to have kids only without being married, i often think at that time, that they could be making a huge mistake.. Like someone said marriage is not for everybody. 98percent of my relationships are with guys, who I thought are hardworking , good heart and have prospects, but unknown to me they are just coming to get what they can, also to make one's life miserable after marriage.... I wonder how a guy who claims works, will be asking of recharge cards?.... How to eat your food..? Claiming he is so broke at this time to even buy a meal...there is no day, he is buoyant to take care of himself..... Am not saying, spend on me... But please take care of yourself... Don't carry your load and place on my shoulders, cause u feel society expects me to be married.... Well, society expectation, is different from my peace of mind.
My most cherished and peaceful moments , is when am single....oh lord, the peace and money I usually save , then is incomparable....marriage is not for me, cos I can't be the only one taking care of my kids, the lazy husband and my good self.....nah, I can't carry that load... Married peeps, I hail..l. But count me out of being married.. At least, I command respect at my office, my environment, my church.. People hardly know am not married, unless I tell them so...
Am not in for all this cat and mouse games , between men and women.... Peace out.
Thses are my thots tonight ,while talking to my aunts that has been pestering me to get married...... Feel I have to share it, with my fellow Nlders.

for the fact dat u even tot abt dis is a sign dat u unconciously nurse d idea of gettin married someday!,nw I read ur post n two things came to mind, firstly u avnt rapped ur head around d idea of what marriage is in d 21st century (I.e)marraige is not all abt a man doing 90% of d bringing rather a 70-30 tin n in d nearest future mite becum 50-50 or secondly u av bin sitting too long unknowingly with lesbians who neva c anytin good in Men

Guys mentioning deliverance, av done that already on various occasions, I even completed one, two months ago... And the Pastors always say , my way is free and open.. All I need is for God to bring my own husband to me and really good men are scarce and I should be patient. That God who created me knows when is the right time...I said ok.. Am not ready for another deliverance , av been delivered long ago.
@ maclantunji, I will take up what u said about a colleague, but pls not now...I need to relax and clear my head.
@lovemijeje and flytefalls, it wasn't easy... I used 5years to pray and meditate for healing of the mind and soul.. My pastor said am really lucky to be sane at this moment, that someone weak wud av gone bonkers... But am still firm and calm... It's by Gods grace... God has been kind and good to me.
@youngalex, am ok with just friends..... I need positive people without hidden agenders around me... I will inbox you.
@loveablesam, I know marriage these days , is about sharing the family responsibility with the husband. Times have changed, am not lazy.. And it will be burdensome leaving everything for the man...And I will never be a liability, likewise the man shouldn't be too....but play his own financial role.... I am ok, with a 50-50 relationship.
Thanks everyone for the advices, thanks for your support....but funny some people here think am a lesbian, or I have lesbian friends? That's not true o..... My few friends are straight and married but only one of them is happy in her marriage, the rest have issues in their homes, and I rarely have the time to discuss family issues except during my hols.
Thanks guys and my fellow babes

victorian: Guys mentioning deliverance, av done that already on various occasions, I even completed one, two months ago... And the Pastors always say , my way is free and open.. All I need is for God to bring my own husband to me and really good men are scarce and I should be patient. That God who created me knows when is the right time...I said ok.. Am not ready for another deliverance , av been delivered long ago.
@ maclantunji, I will take up what u said about a colleague, but pls not now...I need to relax and clear my head.
@lovemijeje and flytefalls, it wasn't easy... I used 5years to pray and meditate for healing of the mind and soul.. My pastor said am really lucky to be sane at this moment, that someone weak wud av gone bonkers... But am still firm and calm... It's by Gods grace... God has been kind and good to me.
@youngalex, am ok with just friends..... I need positive people without hidden agenders around me... I will inbox you.
@loveablesam, I know marriage these days , is about sharing the family responsibility with the husband. Times have changed, am not lazy.. And it will be burdensome leaving everything for the man...And I will never be a liability, likewise the man shouldn't be too....but play his own financial role.... I am ok, with a 50-50 relationship.
Thanks everyone for the advices, thanks for your support....but funny some people here think am a lesbian, or I have lesbian friends? That's not true o..... My few friends are straight and married but only one of them is happy in her marriage, the rest have issues in their homes, and I rarely have the time to discuss family issues except during my hols.
Thanks guys and my fellow babes

gat u dearie but av u noticed dat nobody tels u d real truths abt their marriages?av u also also heard abt d african myth abt things going totally wrong when u start telling people that things are going good for u?don't u think that's y they are been humble?if things are dat bad then y aren't they leaving their mariages? N pls don't give me d usual excuses dat its cos of their kids cos dats nt 'REALY TRUE'

So sorry to hear about your ordeal Victoria.........'use you for rituals' , are you kidding me??
Like something from a movie.............na wa o
It is well with you , amen.

There must be something about you that is attracting the worst of men. You can't claim to be good and yet attract bad people, like always attracts like in most cases.

^ gd u said most cases

@op i just got u as per d deliverance stuff. But i want you to know dat everything dat happens in a person's life has a reason. Dat u'r alive's a big testimony. But i wonder wat kinda men our society's breedin. Anyway sha from d sincerity of my heart i pronounce into ur life dat the Almighty God who created d heavens n earth n everything dwelling within will comfort you with a happy home dat will make u even forget bout ur past ordeals in Jesus' name. I'll remember u in prayers by God's grace n pls don't forget to invite us to ur wedding n ur naming ceremonies respectively o. Peace mam

okay thanks for sharing, besides Marriage is not for everyone, but trust me at a certain age like 50 when u come home and no one to meet not even kids now that's depressing even drug dealers need company. but i can't blame you its a personal decision.

If the OP doesn't want to get married, then let her be, afterall she's got money, and her most happiest moments in life has always been when she's single. Enjoy singlehood baby... Nuin do u

@ OP i think we are in the same shoes we haven't seen someone that would make us think otherwise, though am a bit far from marriage but i haven't seen that person that's worth taking the plunge for, the more weird babes i meet the more chances that i might end up gay or alone, too many screwed and flawed people around, but being single is depressing my parent has a friend 50 no kids no husband but she's loaded but mehn ts depressing having her around, cuz she just looks like she's void of any emotion, you can tell she's not happy can't say its her fault, but that's a terrible life to live. even if you're not gonna end up with a guy, at least a girl(being open minded) the point is you need someone to make you happy and also make sure he/she is for real and not after your money.

to+by:
@op i just got u as per d deliverance stuff. But i want you to know dat everything dat happens in a person's life has a reason. Dat u'r alive's a big testimony. But i wonder wat kinda men our society's breedin. Anyway sha from d sincerity of my heart i pronounce into ur life dat the Almighty God who created d heavens n earth n everything dwelling within will comfort you with a happy home dat will make u even forget bout ur past ordeals in Jesus' name. I'll remember u in prayers by God's grace n pls don't forget to invite us to ur wedding n ur naming ceremonies respectively o. Peace mam

1000 likes infact a big Amen!!!!.

Learn to love again gal.
An abusive relationship leaves one's self image in tatters.It takes a lot of energy and time to start loving oneself again.
5 years is enough time and it's a your choice really if you wanna get married or not.
All I can tell you is, be encouraged.You haven't met a man who will sweep you off your feet.And they are there.
You have confidence, I can tell from ur post, but it gets shaken when you are alone.
Try and establish good relationships with the opposite sex and stop viewing them through former shadows of abuse and mistreatment.
No man can make you happy if you are not happy.No man can bring you satisfaction if you don't feel satisfied with yourself.
Yearn,desire,seek love and you shall find it.
We all deserve to be loved and love in return, don't you want to love? you can't be loved if you don't love.Please don't let your heart grow cold to such a lovely feeling just because of one man who's already living his life to the fullest.
Open a fresh chapter,refuse to be taken advantage of.
Then find a man of SUBSTANCE.One that adds value and viceversa, not a pest or a parasite.Meaning go mingle with like minded men.
A good relationship adds value,it doesn't leave you drained,dry,stressed and broke.
wish you the best.

chikeorji123:

1000 likes infact a big Amen!!!!.

thanks bro, jus wish all guys will be tru lovers n ladies won't be pretenders n explorers of men. It touches me n hurt me sincrely when i see peeps like dis. Emotional touture is d worse kinda pain anybody can go tru cos it kills people slowly without people around noticing it.

@Victoria op
But wait o o did l hear u say completed a series of deliverance even last two months? what's for sorry if l may ask? b/c the thread topic say "U DECIDED NOT TO GET MARRIED'' what sort of politics crossing is this? if u are my sister honestly l ill be humiliated talkless of our mother heart-attack on this ur expensive decision just b/c of past experience on a wrong boys u mingle with not men.My dear how l wish l know u personal b/c ur issues demand one on one talk not typing on internet thing.infact l'm piss off....

You, all are the best....thanks for the prayers and best wishes.. I will believe again...I won't give up..!...I won't give up...!...phew!... I won't.. God help me, I won't...thanks for the renewed strength injected in me.. Una try o... blowing u all a kiss.. Yeah am back....! Let's take the bull by the horns..... No bad experience will stop me from fulfilling another prt of my purpose on earth...thank you ...good matured minds here...will be more careful and wise in my choices.. So help me God!

victorian: You, all are the best....thanks for the prayers and best wishes.. I will believe again...I won't give up..!...I won't give up...!...phew!... I won't.. God help me, I won't...thanks for the renewed strength injected in me.. Una try o... blowing u all a kiss.. Yeah am back....! Let's take the bull by the horns..... No bad experience will stop me from fulfilling another prt of my purpose on earth...thank you ...good matured minds here...will be more careful and wise in my choices.. So help me God!

dat's wat i'm sayin babe, but pls don't forget to invite us for ur wedding n naming of ur twins o. I no wan carry d food o. Ma regards to ur fort-comin husband n d kids. Peace