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We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by maclatunji: 9:59am On Dec 10, 2012
This thread makes me sad.
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by Nobody: 10:57am On Dec 10, 2012
Look here woman, dnt allow ur kids to travel to d village wit that man if u wont b dre with them.
This is village we r talking about where we hav wicked people esp people ur ex inlaws have discussed ur case wit.
If u were in gd terms with ur inlaws esp MIL its anoda case entirely. I could say ur MIL wuld cater for them very well even if ur ex slept 2wks outside d village.
Activities wil b many in d village and nobody wil b ready to look after ur kids dey way u wil do. Ur ex wil want to meet wit old friends and who wil be responsible for dir welfare.
Please if u guys r frm the same village u can go & stay in ur own compound. If not pls 2b forewarned....
Aint saying the father shldnt hv access to his kids . Afterall she said he comes to take them to his house here in Lag but God forbids if those kids shld come back wit any issue, it s their mother dat wuld b running helter skelter.
Please save dir trip to wn u wil b available afterall its not only during xmas kids can travel
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by Kobojunkie: 11:21am On Dec 10, 2012
Make I talk am again . . .

Kobojunkie: Again, do not let your kids out of your sight for even a minute. Just some days ago, someone posted a thread in how his father abducted him and his sister during the ife-modakeke riots and they didn't see their mum for many years after that. It is there father sure, but do not let your kids out of your sight.
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by zayhal(f): 11:35am On Dec 10, 2012
Those kids are too young to be left alone like that. They'll just get pushed around in the village when everyone is busy with activities of the festival. The fact that your in-laws are not communicating with you makes matters worse. They may take out their resentment for you on your kids. When they grow older and are able to stand for themselves, then they can go anywhere with their father. But for now, limit their meeting to what is already on ground.

I doubt if the kids would even enjoy a christmas where their mum is absent.

1 Like

Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by slimyem: 12:24pm On Dec 10, 2012
Sapele_Don: Somebody even suggested that you should be a chaperon or send another adult to be with the kids when his dad takes them,is that writer serious?a wife sending somebody to monitor a dad be with his biological kids?seriously?as if the dad sends somebody to monitor the ex-wife everyday the kids are with her.
Don't get ahead of yourself sir...!
This is about the woman not trusting her kids with her ex's relations..not about their father.
...and the idea was not to
monitor
the man around his kids but to care for them as the man might have to delegate that to "untrusted" relations.
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by Nobody: 1:40pm On Dec 10, 2012
Well,my parents got divorced 22yrs ago and my mum took us(we are 2) along cos she cldnt leave us in another person's care(my stepmum).my dad was trying everything in his power to have us but my mum didn't allow him to take us away..my mum ws nt ready to remarry yet my father wanted to take us away.now tell me,wht will be my mother's gain?
I rilli thank God that my mum didn't let us go cos u can't compare the way my father will take care us to my mum..
@OP, it is very risky allowing ur kids to go.pls,hold them with everything yu av got cos they are yur future and pride..I'm talking frm experience and I can't rite everything here
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by ujutonia: 1:55pm On Dec 10, 2012
thanks all for ur contribution, for those of u that re saying that my marriage crashed early, is it not better for me to be alive to see my kids grow or die trying. do not judge pls. i pray for God's direction. thanks.
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by baby124: 3:17pm On Dec 10, 2012
Sapele_Don: This is the family section and honestly speaking(I might be wrong)I was under the impression that most people here are happily or unhappily married.

But sometimes the replies I see here to some posts leaves me more puzzled and confused than an Economics student given an Engineering exam to solve.

Are we talking about the father of the kids here or a boyfriend?and if she wants to travel with the kids to her village who would she be answerable to?would the kids also be safe with her?so let's take a cursory look at the scenerio unfolding here.

A young couple got a divorce where kids are involved,and from the former wife's point of view the marriage broke down because of his late night comings.

Now,there are THREE sides to a story(YOUR SIDE,HIS SIDE and the SIDE OF THE TRUTH)but that is basically irrelevant now,as we cannot jump into logical or illogical conclusions on what actually happened.

But for a whole family to hate a woman means there is more than meets the eyes.

Usually when kids are involved the ex-husbands family or some of them tends to be soft to the woman because of the kids which they consider their own.

@op before marrying him I am assuming there was courtship.

And then there was the marriage proper where you guys lived as couple before the relationship went south.

So you should be in a better position to know him better than we contributing here,so having lived with him you should be able to tell what kind of man he is or even if he is the type that will have a malicious intent taking his kids to the village.

I know divorce is bitter and most exes(males/females guilty of this)use their kids as a bargaining chip to spite the former spouse.

But what the embittered former spouses don't realize in the blind rage of annoyance or rage is that the kid(s) needs the other in their lives to not only have a balanced life, but also more importantly have that fatherly or motherly figure in the lives.

So why can't a father take his kids with him to his village?

What if you refuses him and he decides he wants no part in the lives and this kids grow up without knowing their father or getting that fatherly love what will you explain to them?

A lot of the contributors here have said don't let him have the kids.

One have even gone as far as given you an example of a kid that died in the village just to add a little spice to it.

But advices like that are easily given especially if it is not happening to them.

Mine is simple.

Let the dad have his kids and take them to the village,he has as much rights as you that wants to keep them and so far he has not deprived you from doing that.

And until he does sometime contrary the present status quo on ground, then you can have legitimate reasons to deny him his wishes of taking his kids to the village.

Do not get your kids involved in whatever cat and mouse game you and the ex is into,as they should be considered a neutral area.

Somebody even suggested that you should be a chaperon or send another adult to be with the kids when his dad takes them,is that writer serious?a wife sending somebody to monitor a dad be with his biological kids?seriously?as if the dad sends somebody to monitor the ex-wife everyday the kids are with her.

Never deny a father his rights to be with kids and how he wants it.

And as a last note.

Being a single mom or dad anywhere in the world is difficult(forget the lip serving single parents that are quick to say I don't need a man/woman in my life)open ther heart and you will see the pains,bitterness,shame,loneliness,stigma of being tagged a divorcee,and a wish they had right the problem in their marriage when they had the chance.

The road ahead will be rough and tough and I honestly wish you luck.

But let the kids be with their father in the village.


Gbam! Abi o. Who is to say the kids are not at risk living with their mum? The father can also come up with all sorts of stories. My ex-wife's family can harm my kids as they don't like me or despise me. Anyone can be a molester and molest his girls in his absence. So all these stories are conjectures. The fact of the matter is, he has every right to those kids as you do. If you ask someone to baby sit him, then he also has the right to demand someone follow you with the kids. You are separated, you guys should be friends and SHARE those kids. Otherwise, you create unnecessary animosity. Anything you accuse the guy of potentially doing, you can equally be accused of. So be careful. If you don't want to share the kids, tell the man they are not his and change their name to your maiden name now, abi?
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by maclatunji: 4:08pm On Dec 10, 2012
baby_123:
Gbam! Abi o. Who is to say the kids are not at risk living with their mum? The father can also come up with all sorts of stories. My ex-wife's family can harm my kids as they don't like me or despise me. Anyone can be a molester and molest his girls in his absence. So all these stories are conjectures. The fact of the matter is, he has every right to those kids as you do. If you ask someone to baby sit him, then he also has the right to demand someone follow you with the kids. You are separated, you guys should be friends and SHARE those kids. Otherwise, you create unnecessary animosity. Anything you accuse the guy of potentially doing, you can equally be accused of. So be careful. If you don't want to share the kids, tell the man they are not his and change their name to your maiden name now, abi?

I wish cases like these sorts of. cases are this simple but they are not.

1 Like

Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by Kobojunkie: 5:18pm On Dec 10, 2012
Soyedele1: Well,my parents got divorced 22yrs ago and my mum took us(we are 2) along cos she cldnt leave us in another person's care(my stepmum).my dad was trying everything in his power to have us but my mum didn't allow him to take us away..my mum ws nt ready to remarry yet my father wanted to take us away.now tell me,wht will be my mother's gain?
I rilli thank God that my mum didn't let us go cos u can't compare the way my father will take care us to my mum..
@OP, it is very risky allowing ur kids to go.pls,hold them with everything yu av got cos they are yur future and pride..I'm talking frm experience and I can't rite everything here

Someone on another thread said something like Nigerian men cannot be trusted to take good care of their kids, and this seems to be the prevailing mindset in much of the society. There are of course exemptions but what ached my heart was by describing the average Nigerian men are lower animals than monkeys as far as child rearing, he was not lying. There are so many cases of children being left in the hands of their dads and step mothers coming to a bad end. Many of them end up second-class individuals in their own father's homes, and honestly these are innocent lives who deserve better.
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by Nobody: 5:36pm On Dec 10, 2012
Sapele_Don: This is the family section and honestly speaking(I might be wrong)I was under the impression that most people here are happily or unhappily married.

But sometimes the replies I see here to some posts leaves me more puzzled and confused than an Economics student given an Engineering exam to solve.

Are we talking about the father of the kids here or a boyfriend?and if she wants to travel with the kids to her village who would she be answerable to?would the kids also be safe with her?so let's take a cursory look at the scenerio unfolding here.

A young couple got a divorce where kids are involved,and from the former wife's point of view the marriage broke down because of his late night comings.

Now,there are THREE sides to a story(YOUR SIDE,HIS SIDE and the SIDE OF THE TRUTH)but that is basically irrelevant now,as we cannot jump into logical or illogical conclusions on what actually happened.

But for a whole family to hate a woman means there is more than meets the eyes.

Usually when kids are involved the ex-husbands family or some of them tends to be soft to the woman because of the kids which they consider their own.

@op before marrying him I am assuming there was courtship.

And then there was the marriage proper where you guys lived as couple before the relationship went south.

So you should be in a better position to know him better than we contributing here,so having lived with him you should be able to tell what kind of man he is or even if he is the type that will have a malicious intent taking his kids to the village.

I know divorce is bitter and most exes(males/females guilty of this)use their kids as a bargaining chip to spite the former spouse.

But what the embittered former spouses don't realize in the blind rage of annoyance or rage is that the kid(s) needs the other in their lives to not only have a balanced life, but also more importantly have that fatherly or motherly figure in the lives.

So why can't a father take his kids with him to his village?

What if you refuses him and he decides he wants no part in the lives and this kids grow up without knowing their father or getting that fatherly love what will you explain to them?

A lot of the contributors here have said don't let him have the kids.

One have even gone as far as given you an example of a kid that died in the village just to add a little spice to it.

But advices like that are easily given especially if it is not happening to them.

Mine is simple.

Let the dad have his kids and take them to the village,he has as much rights as you that wants to keep them and so far he has not deprived you from doing that.

And until he does sometime contrary the present status quo on ground, then you can have legitimate reasons to deny him his wishes of taking his kids to the village.

Do not get your kids involved in whatever cat and mouse game you and the ex is into,as they should be considered a neutral area.

Somebody even suggested that you should be a chaperon or send another adult to be with the kids when his dad takes them,is that writer serious?a wife sending somebody to monitor a dad be with his biological kids?seriously?as if the dad sends somebody to monitor the ex-wife everyday the kids are with her.

Never deny a father his rights to be with kids and how he wants it.

And as a last note.

Being a single mom or dad anywhere in the world is difficult(forget the lip serving single parents that are quick to say I don't need a man/woman in my life)open ther heart and you will see the pains,bitterness,shame,loneliness,stigma of being tagged a divorcee,and a wish they had right the problem in their marriage when they had the chance.

The road ahead will be rough and tough and I honestly wish you luck.

But let the kids be with their father in the village.


Damn! I don't ususally do this but then I have to. I doff my hat sir. Wisdom speaking now let every other person keep quiet and learn.
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by victorian(f): 7:17pm On Dec 10, 2012
Yeah wisdom speaks but not at this end time ... Op, follow their dad to his village with the kids. They are too young to be left alone with one parent, especially the dad.... How we wish so many bad things is not happening , even in the family sector... But it happens and the kids have to be chaperoned home... No long story... If anything happens, God forbid... U can't do anything to anyone... One will simply ,cry, grieve and life continues... Its not your portion but a word is enough for the wise.. Follow them home with the dad.
Re: We Have Divorced Nd Now He Wants To Take The Kids To Village For Xmas Holiday. by Nobody: 12:23am On Dec 11, 2012
interesting - I will not put mouth here as i will not advise another mother on what to do with her own children in this type of situation

if it was me however, i would only allow my children to go if i was going with a male family member.

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