Please do not judge any party in this short episode I'l relay, just a truthful advice would do. Thanks. I've been married for about four years now. When I met my husband I thought I've got the perfect man I had always desired, mature,God-fearing, intelligent, handsome,etc. But, though I've been trying to make him understand me and my needs both spiritually and emotionally, he seems to always turn a deaf ear, he's always on the system doing his stuff and all that.tells me if I like I should go to church or not and that he doesnt care! To make matters worst, Iam dying to feel the kind of passion that a man gives his woman, the type that gives a woman goose bumps at the sound of her man's voice, keeps her smiling at the mere thought of him, his touch enveloping her every desire.why can't I feel special like most women do? We've got a handsome child together, a child that we both adore and cherish. Recently he thinks I shouldn't chat with friends on social network anymore. Iam outgoing and love people,I love to keep in touch. My problem now is that, iam devoid of the passion of my man and because he angers me often without remorse, iam tempted......

whiteeyes: Please do not judge any party in this short episode I'l relay, just a truthful advice would do. Thanks. I've been married for about four years now. When I met my husband I thought I've got the perfect man I had always desired, mature,God-fearing, intelligent, handsome,etc. But, though I've been trying to make him understand me and my needs both spiritually and emotionally, he seems to always turn a deaf ear, he's always on the system doing his stuff and all that.tells me if I like I should go to church or not and that he doesnt care! To make matters worst, Iam dying to feel the kind of passion that a man gives his woman, the type that gives a woman goose bumps at the sound of her man's voice, keeps her smiling at the mere thought of him, his touch enveloping her every desire.why can't I feel special like most women do? We've got a handsome child together, a child that we both adore and cherish. Recently he thinks I shouldn't chat with friends on social network anymore. Iam outgoing and love people,I love to keep in touch. My problem now is that, iam devoid of the passion of my man and because he angers me often without remorse, iam tempted......

sorry av got to be kinda harsh,this is what u get from doing face value analysis only(handsome,blah blah,blah n rich I suppose when u met him. The gud tin is 0god answers prayers n the bad is dat if things don't change then dis would just d begining,

Sorry to disappoint u, but my man ain't rich! I wasn't looking for money but maturity. Iam a working class lady

there is only but two solution to your issue:
A) have your man change his stand on how you guys should be or B) divorce him asap and go search for what you desire.

if you ever had the feeling that you are dreaming about (longing for) or you are sure that you can find it out there then, by all means, go look for it.

@OP, have u discussed the issue with your man?

Please open up to him and let him know exactly how you feel.

For instance, I use to take work home at the early stage of my marriage.

But my wife made me understand she craves for my attention and would appprecaite if I stop the habit of spending time with laptop (working or browsing the internet).

Lastly find out what he enjoys doing and do join him or find out some fun stuff that both of you can do together.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

In marriage there is no award for who makes the first move. Instead of waiting for him to do things that make you happy I advice that you make the first move.
How do you commute from work? If he picks you up then make plans for a detour, buy a dress and change into it after work, make baby sitting plans for baby, take him out to dinner, or on a weekend if its more convienet, just do something to show him what you want instead of lamenting all day and waiting for him to come around and do what you want.
Also about Spiritual Matters, So many people are loosing faith in "church" these days as some churches are failing in their responsibilities, ask him why and listen without judging him.
I agree Men have to do more loving but when there is a disconnect you have to take the initiative.

The social media can be really engaging, Hot debates, e fights etc, we meet so many people who push and challenge us intellectually, share the veiws we are afraid to voice out to people in our lives and I know it is wrong for your husband to ignore you, sometimes its better to show people what we want than tell them.

I will say this, the story told by this @OP is typical. People get into marriage EXPECTING this and that, not realizing that marriage does not come with guarantees of any kind. You have to be willing to bend and stretch yourself as much as is necessary to get what you need/want and to maintain the relationship.

My advice to woman going through similar situation as described by the @OP, and those who are depressed with thoughts of this kind about their marriage, is that they look inwards to find ways they can change their own desires and wants to suit their marital situation. If you are a lust-monkey under covers and your husband turns out not to be the romantic hunk you expected, why not adapt? Humans are built to do just that . . . yes it is unfortunate but reality is marriage is what it is . . . a transaction with no guarantees, and no refunds. So either you adapt to accommodate what you end up with or you walk out and go look for what you need elsewhere. No need whining, and certainly NO ONE-SOLUTION for all cases.

I feel I need to stress the NO ONE-SOLUTION message when it comes to marriage. No matter how sexy you become or already are, you are not guaranteed that you will have the best sex in your marriage or that you will not be abandoned at the end of the day. No matter how much "take charging" you do in a relationship, you are not guaranteed that the feelings will be returned. No matter how much you try to push a man into bed, if he is not interested, he is not interested. No matter how much you try to make a sloppy women into a clean-freak, if she is not meant to be a clean-freak, she will not be. So, this is why I preach that people who are married learn, to accept their partners AS-IS. As @OP explained, what she expected is not what she got. That does not say @OP cannot then move on to accept the reality she now has, and work towards a solution knowing this.

.

Marriage is no child's play sweetie

The more and in haste people get it to their brains that 'love is conditional ' the better....people change which is always expected...

To have a happy and satisfying relationship , we must actively and purposely say and do things, every-time and everyday to create and sustain this conditions, if we instead think love is unconditional and just stay there like a vegetable that things will change then love is doomed.

The best way to encourage an appreciative attitude is by modelling the behaviour you'd like to see in your spouse....

I'm not perfect either but it is what it is ..... Marriage involves sacrifices ..,, it's just that simple!

You've heard it all, no need for vain repetition, Debrief, CC, kobojunkie, Jidegirl have alread said whats on my mind, its all based on COMPROMISE, INDEPENDENCE AND REALITY.......so, put them into action and see d changes u crave for.
May God help us all.
GOODLUCK.

*Nag less

*Start handing in those thank you notes and I love you notes/ text messages more often , good job, how was your day and all that,

*Choose your words like an adult and a lady with integrity , you had a way you did that before marriage didn't ya?

P.S don't get me wrong , you'd be thinking why can't he do those too? Well he isn't! It's not a competition , make a move and stop waiting!

Some people call it submission,Bjcole calls it To Endure, I call it Sacrifice for true love to thrive, kobo 'sometimes' thinks its a Nigerian marriage bull crap, many people here call it insecurity ....... Do I you really care what anybody thinks? I don't !!!

P.S Not recommended for Abusive relationship !

why can't I feel special like [size=20pt]most[/size] women do?

Do they really feel it or do they PRETEND to feel it?
Don't be deceived darling.
You only get such a feeling when you are being chased! Once you begin to phock. . . GAME OVA!
Then when the children come. . . YOUR LOVE SHIFTS TOTALLY!
Then the stress of dwindling finances. . . OVER THE BAR!
Medical conditions from the stressors of occupational hazzards!. . . .
MAJOR DEPRESSION HAS SET IN!

Bottom line!
After 1 year of marriage. . .the honeymoon stays over!
You only capture 'kodak' moments for precious memories.
You particularly need a LOT OF ALCOHOL to phock your husband. . by the time you look at 'some' grey pubic 'an-us' plus BALD-PATCHY-'blokos-wey-nor-fit-stand-for-h-inside-condom. . . . or he looks at your 'some' 'drrrroopy', over-stretched-markyhabitat-for-cellulite-b0-0bs SINKING UNDER YOUR SWEATY, HAIRY ARMPITS. . .always smelling of 'b0-0b-juice or baby pukee'. . . . .after suckling both him and your infants for the rest of your natural and spiritual life!

Be realistic darling. . . .Build your friendship and learn to 'mastu-rbate' if you cant CHEAT! If you are the kind that attaches too much emotion to sex. . .like most women. . . please. . .DON'T EVER THINK OF HAVING AN AFFAIR. The most successful 'cheats' are those who are EMOTIONALLY-STABLE ENOUGH to keep their husbands and their lovers happy! Don't let any ye-ye blokos fool you from ya matrimonial bed!That is all they gat to offer. . . a quick 'tumble' and 'rumble'!

It is called 'suffering and smiling' in marriage! IF YOU THINK THE NEXT 'JOE-BLOKE' online or offline will 'light your fire' the way you want it. . .YOU ARE DREAMING! You are dealing with NIGERIAN MEN FOR ONE. . .you don miss road be dat. It will even SUCK AFTER ROUND 1!

THE EXCITEMENT IS IN THE CHASE ONLY! DO LIKE I DO. . .CHOP AND CLEAN MOUTH. . .ONLY IN ONE PLACE AT A TIME. . .NEVER GO BACK! ONE NIGHT STANDS ONLY!

Thank you!

Next problem please!

Don't be tempted.....

Your current marital challenges could be as a result of any of the following factors:

1. Money matters - some men become automatically unromantic when they have financial difficulties.

2. Lack of common interest - I have experienced a case where the English Premiership restored a difficult marriage!!! How? The wife simply took a deep interest in the Premiership. Husband runs home to watch football matches with wife. A man that hitherto watches football matches in various hang-outs. Try and get to know what your husband is passionate about and be involved, it might break the jinx.

3. Take a break or slow down on social media. You may unknowingly be paying more attention to social media instead of your husband. Be wise with the use of social media.

4.Pay more attention to yourself ( this may be a bit tricky). Give yourself a treat.

5. Continue to be humble (not stupid) even though he upsets you without remorse.

6. Don't be too religious but have a deeper relationship with GOD to meet your spiritual needs. There are a lot of good christian materials both in print and electronic media that will suit your need.

7. Continue to inform him about his emotional responsibilities towards you but do not nag.

OP just give it up and join a swingers club. Next stop is Amsterdam and when we (strangers) finish blowing your nyansh you will see us as your new family. Hope you are over 26 cos we don't allow young peps to come with us.

@Op,best advices u can applied ve been given to u,we men change due to circumstances, Peterwins really hit d nail on d head, pls read all his advices again, it cud be his finances, or anything, just pay more attention, there nothing u give 2 ur marriage that is too much. Sacrifice or endure 4 ur marriage, if my wife does nt want me on Nl or Fb, i will gladly get off it, abi, or which is better my spouse or social media? i stopped chatting & cut off some pals on Fb b'cos my wife complained abt it.

@OP, I really think rather than complaining, you may benefit instead from focusing more attention on your own life, your goals, dreams, desires, even within a marriage. I understand you say your husband spends much of his time on his computer. Maybe you should, yourself, spend more time doing things you enjoy . . . if you have none, find some cause this is marriage and this problem with him ignoring you might go on for a long time.

whiteeyes: why can't I feel special like most women do?

I am tempted......

The special and happiest women are the women who stand and fight for their family,they create fun and make room for happiness to reign in their family.

Tempted to do what?

Moreover who told you life is a bed of roses?

I taya o!

whiteeyes: To make matters worst, Iam dying to feel the kind of passion that a man gives his woman, the type that gives a woman goose bumps at the sound of her man's voice, keeps her smiling at the mere thought of him, his touch enveloping her every desire.

No man can do this for a sustained period of time, especially with a kid, job pressure and bills. I suggest you work on your internal happiness. Its amazing how easy it is to be satisfied with others when you are satisfied with yourself.

since you took your time to think of it carefully and feel its what you want,i think i feel you.
we can start by sending messages or chatting-swiftlink16@yahoo.com or 08063276708
i will make u happy.

Kobojunkie: I will say this, the story told by this @OP is typical. People get into marriage EXPECTING this and that, not realizing that marriage does not come with guarantees of any kind. You have to be willing to bend and stretch yourself as much as is necessary to get what you need/want and to maintain the relationship.

My advice to woman going through similar situation as described by the @OP, and those who are depressed with thoughts of this kind about their marriage, is that they look inwards to find ways they can change their own desires and wants to suit their marital situation. If you are a lust-monkey under covers and your husband turns out not to be the romantic hunk you expected, why not adapt? Humans are built to do just that . . . yes it is unfortunate but reality is marriage is what it is . . . a transaction with no guarantees, and no refunds. So either you adapt to accommodate what you end up with or you walk out and go look for what you need elsewhere. No need whining, and certainly NO ONE-SOLUTION for all cases.

I feel I need to stress the NO ONE-SOLUTION message when it comes to marriage. No matter how sexy you become or already are, you are not guaranteed that you will have the best sex in your marriage or that you will not be abandoned at the end of the day. No matter how much "take charging" you do in a relationship, you are not guaranteed that the feelings will be returned. No matter how much you try to push a man into bed, if he is not interested, he is not interested. No matter how much you try to make a sloppy women into a clean-freak, if she is not meant to be a clean-freak, she will not be. So, this is why I preach that people who are married learn, to accept their partners AS-IS. As @OP explained, what she expected is not what she got. That does not say @OP cannot then move on to accept the reality she now has, and work towards a solution knowing this.

is this not suffering and smiling?

I love s.e. . xx. No apologies. I love my man sexually aggressive because of the kind of sex i like to have. i prefer to have sex everyday. A woman's libido can be stronger than a man can contend with.True talk. Some guys just dont have it in them to go multiple times a day or a week regardless of how men are portrayed as randy billy goats. My dear, its not likely you will change his appetite no matter what you feed him or wear. He may not even be affectionate on top of the sparse sex. Ugh! How much do you value your marriage? Make it Work. There are other options but those may lead to another scandalous thread.

spoilt: I love s.e. . xx. No apologies. I love my man sexually aggressive because of the kind of sex i like to have. i prefer to have sex everyday. A woman's libido can be stronger than a man can contend with.True talk. Some guys just dont have it in them to go multiple times a day or a week regardless of how men are portrayed as randy billy goats. My dear, its not likely you will change his appetite no matter what you feed him or wear. He may not even be affectionate on top of the sparse sex. Ugh! How much do you value your marriage? Make it Work. There are other options but those may lead to another scandalous thread.

your name fits your appetite. No matter a man's intimate prowess, a woman like you is a million times prone to bed-hop

$25 million:
your name fits your appetite. No matter a man's intimate prowess, a woman like you is a million times prone to bed-hop

Hush.

Callotti:

Do they really feel it or do they PRETEND to feel it?
Don't be deceived darling.
You only get such a feeling when you are being chased! Once you begin to phock. . . GAME OVA!
Then when the children come. . . YOUR LOVE SHIFTS TOTALLY!
Then finances. . . OVER THE BAR!
Medical conditions from stress and and occupational hazzards!. . . .
MAJOR DEPRESSION HAS SET IN!

Bottom line!
After 1 year of marriage. . .the honeymoon stays over!
You only capture 'kodak' moments for precious memories.
You particularly need a LOT OF ALCOHOL to phock your husband. . by the time you look at 'some' grey pubic 'an-us' plus BALD-PATCHY-'blokos-wey-nor-fit-stand-for-h-inside-condom. . . . or he looks at your 'some' 'drrrroopy', over-stretched-markyhabitat-for-cellulite-b0-0bs SINKING UNDER YOUR SWEATY, HAIRY ARMPITS. . .always smelling of 'b0-0b-juice or baby pukee'. . . . .fter suckling both him and your infants for the rest of your natural and spiritual life!

Be realistic darling. . . .Build your friendship and learn to 'mastu-rbate' if you cant CHEAT! If you are the kind that attaches too much emotion to sex. . .like most women. . . please. . .DON'T EVER THINK OF HAVING AN AFFAIR. The most successful 'cheats' are those who are EMOTIONALLY-STABLE ENOUGH to keep their husbands and their lovers happy! Don't let any ye-ye blokos fool you from ya matrimonial bed!That is all they gat to offer. . . a quick 'tumble' and 'rumble'!

It is called 'suffering and smiling' in marriage! IF YOU THINK THE NEXT 'JOE-BLOKE' online or offline will 'light your fire' the way you want it. . .YOU ARE DREAMING! You are dealing with NIGERIAN MEN FOR ONE. . .you don miss road be dat. It will even SUCK AFTER ROUND 1!

THE EXCITEMENT IS IN THE CHASE ONLY! DO LIKE I DO. . .CHOP AND CLEAN MOUTH. . .ONLY IN ONE PLACE AT A TIME. . .NEVER GO BACK! ONE NIGHT STAND ONLY!

Thank you!

Next problem please!

ROTFLMAO
this poster no well
LOL

biolabee:

ROTFLMAO
this poster no well
LOL

You just dey jam Calloti? Hehehe!!!

Royal Roy:

You just dey jam Calloti? Hehehe!!!

na so o

My dear, do not despair. You are not alone. I am a passionate woman who wants the same thing from my husband. Unfortunately, he brushes me off. We have been married for six years.

Biabeke: My dear, do not despair. You are not alone. I am a passionate woman who wants the same thing from my husband. Unfortunately, he brushes me off. We have been married for six years.

Have you tried to get to the root of his brush offs?
Your guy is in the military right, I remember you posting a reply to my thread.
Cheers.

SemperFI.

Thank you all for the constructive analysis and for exhibiting high level of maturity in your responses. When my childhood friend confided in me with her predicament, I got stuck with proferring a solution and thus empathetically narrated the story. Am glad to update the house that after about 5months since the story, her home/marriage has become "heaven on earth". She now looks more fulfilled and radiates inner joy. Appreciate once again and muaaaaaah tO all! Cheers

@armyofone Yes, I have tried everything, but he is quite unresponsive. Last year,he even reconnected with a woman who did not want him initially, because he was broke and still trying to obtain his WAEC result. The lady suddenly wanted him, because he is now in the U.S. and is working. It happened last Christmas. I am still recovering from the betrayal. He is no longer in the military. Yes, I replied to one of your posts. Thank you for your encouragement.

I hope we dnt comeback to see hubby of blaa bla register n drop his own punchlines too