shymexx:

True that...

Nigerians are funny people - I hardly relate to them outside nl... I don't even go near where Nigerians are, except probably when I see them in the bookies, or naija restaurants... I've heard too many stories, bro..

Real-Mccoy:

True that. The more you dig in the more you will find out that a honest one is a rare gem. Most of my friends are Nigerians but I tend to be selective when it comes to real friends. Keep a distance if you don't want your life story to be on from page of NL....lol

shymexx:

I hear that... That's where keeping-a-close-circle/being-picky comes into play not all and sundry...

Real-Mccoy:

I am not married to a Nigerian bruv. She is from the Asian Pacific but cooks all kinds of Naija food provided its on you tube

seedord247:

What version of super story is this?...lol

Nice one.... Are you single or do you have any single in ya family i can nak aphako if what you wrote about ya family is true.

Real-Mccoy:

I wonder who told that tribal virus about this thread? I was expecting him to be on his clown dress to entertain bloggers on comedy section.

Real-Mccoy:

True that. The more you dig in the more you will find out that a honest one is a rare gem. Most of my friends are Nigerians but I tend to be selective when it comes to real friends. Keep a distance if you don't want your life story to be on from page of NL....lol

LocalChamp: Saving The Nigerian Family In The US – Nigerian Men Regretting Getting Married To Nigerian Women In The US?
Posted: December 17, 2012 - 16:56


By Paul Omoruyi
Shooting in Connecticut and Matters Arising in the Nigerian Families in the US – By Paul Omoruyi

The grotesque and senseless killing of 20 innocent kids at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut in the United States is something every parent dread daily in the US. Early reports already show that the shooter’s parents were divorced since September 2009 and the mother had custody of the shooter. The mother had exposed the shooter to guns!

With the unprecedented divorce rate in the Nigerian community in the US, Nigerian families in the US are increasingly becoming engrossed in all the family related patterns and miasma leading to these kinds of incidents.

Early this year, I wrote an article in an African Abroad newspaper that was widely published in the New York area. This writer has been disturbed for some time now about the state of the Nigerian marriage and family in the United States. Below is the original article:My phone rang. It was a call from my buddy that we started life together in the US. We talked about those early days when we just immigrated. Those are the days that will remain etched in our minds and indelible in our memories. Like so many Nigerians, we worked and went to college full time non-stop for many years concurrently as if we were machines. The impetus to achieve the American dream and not disappoint our families was the catalytic enzyme running through our veins. Till this day, we still cannot fathom how we did it. But we did anyway. It’s one of those kinds of experience that you can only say “if not God”.

We were in our twenties with all the Adrenaline and testosterones running wild. The stories of Nigerian men that have been messed up by “child support” because they got married to “akata” were sufficient enough for us to respect ourselves and control our sexual drives. My friend would always say “I go just die or go back to Naija than for me to find myself in a child support situation. Akata no go fit cook Naija food and then she go come still take me to child support? Over my dead bodi”. These concerns (or should I say fear?) were reasons my buddy did not go into any relationship with some of his college female friends who were not Nigerians. He wanted a Nigerian woman as a wife so they can speak pidgin English together, eat Egusi and Okro soup yanfuyafu (otherwise with Akata wife, na Burger King go kill am!). It was all too common a joke back in the days.

Many years have since passed. My guy is married now with a degree attached to his name and has a middle-class job. Obviously, you can say he’s living the American dream. As we reminisced and laughed about those Kodak moment days, in a split second unguarded moment, he suggested that there was nothing special anymore about getting married to a Nigerian woman in the US. “They are now even worse than the so called akata”, he said. The comment struck me and I pushed a little for him to elucidate. I listened in awe as he told me what he’s experiencing at home. While he poured his heart to me, he kept asking me “do you think say Akata or even Caribbean woman go behave like that”? Apparently, it appears his expectations have been dashed.

One that struck me most was the story of a young Nigerian teenage girl living in the shelter. Her Nigerian parents are now divorced. According to her, her parents’ marriage broke after her mother systematically stopped cooking for the family, became increasingly narcissistic and disrespectful to her dad. As if that was not enough, her dad was infuriated when he discovered that her mom had secretly bought a piece of property in Nigeria without his knowledge. Two years later, the parents divorced. Unfortunately, the young lady became pregnant while still in high school. “I just could not stand my mom and live with her. If my parents were still married, I would not have fallen for this stupid crap”, she was quoted as saying, as tears rolled down her eyes.

Although I understand that these narratives might be loop-sided but it seems to typify what most Nigerian men are complaining about lately behind closed doors. There are numerous cases of marital fuss and upheaval that have permeated Nigerian families in the US in recent years. Some people say it is the American culture shock that is rocking the boat of traditional Nigerian family structure in the US. Others claim that it is Nigerian women narrow-mindedly over stretching the American provisions. While some lay blame on Nigerian men refusing to wake up to the realities of the disparities between the American and Nigerian approach to marriage.

It is heartbreaking to hear a Nigerian man refer to his wife as my “baby mother” and a Nigerian woman says my “baby father”. Just some couple of years ago, this was a taboo terminology in the Nigerian marriage. It was actually used to surreptitiously mock the so called “akata”. Now it’s becoming a common mantra in the Nigerian community as single mothers and fathers balloon to an alarming and astronomical rate.

This is no time to pass blame or point fingers or to clamor over who is right or who is wrong. The hand writing is on the fall. This writer is whole-heartedly concerned and perturbed by the downward spiral of our marriages and families in the US. The younger generation is watching, confused and scared to death of what to expect from taking that marriage bold step.

In the spirit of finding a solution, I will proffer the following suggestions to reduce this scourge that is eating deeply into the fabric of our families:

1. Each spouse should not think that the world revolves around you only –Either my way or no way mind set is a recipe for marital failure.
2. Think twice “welu welu” before you let loose the heavens and lock that door against your spouse – you might be endangering your children’s future for life!
3. Marriage is a symbiotic and not a parasitic relationship.
4. At life’s end, the fight over dollars will be no more. Your spouse and your children will become more important than anything else.
5. There is no perfect woman or perfect man. The only perfect marriage is one that the man and woman have learned how to resolve their differences and work together through thick and thin.

People, we are better than this. Let us all fine tune our dispositions and propensities to make our marriages and families happier right here in the US. We have come too far away from home to kill ourselves in a distant land. The system is ready to tear us apart if we open that door. Do you have an opinion or experience that you would like to share? Shoot me an email. May God bless you, your family and the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Blog: www.diasporasope.com
Email: eng.p.omoruyi@gmail.com



The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the editorial policy of SaharaReporters

http://saharareporters.com/article/saving-nigerian-family-us-%E2%80%93-nigerian-men-regretting-getting-married-nigerian-women-us

Ugosample: Most Naija men for US dey dull! See fine and successful black and white chicks every where dey find husband... Na to go marry one mgbeke for village bring am come US dem sabi...

Somorin#1:


The issue is not as clear cut as you seem to think.

After all and vice versa, we see many American (both white and black) coming to Africa, especialy Nigeria, to look for Husbands.

Somorin#1:


The issue is not as clear cut as you seem to think.

After all and vice versa, we see many American (both white and black) coming to Africa, especialy Nigeria, to look for Husbands.

Real-Mccoy:

Only a fool will leave Nigeria for Europe or America and then keep same people as circle of friends. Many Nigerians complain to me after college that they don't seems to progress meanwhile all their friends are from Nigeria. Anyways the issue of divorce amongst Nigerians abroad and even at home are always treated with kid gloves. Our people are good in pretending . If this topic was about tribe or something dumb it would have been on page ten and counting

Ugosample: Leave story... To me it's not reasonable, after my uncle{s} experience. find better babe marry for there to avoid heartache. You know Nigerian women {or should i say females}are great pretenders?

Mrs.Chima:


That's not accurate....the American women both online and off who either move to Nigeria or visit Nigeria are because of the Nigerian men they have met online or through mutual settings.

All of them said Nigerian men approached them and engaged a relationship.

You must be referring to other foreigners.

tpia@:


Why dont you stop sharing your personal stories, just a thought.

Ugosample: Most Naija men for US dey dull! See fine and successful black and white chicks every where dey find husband... Na to go marry one mgbeke for village bring am come US dem sabi...

Afrobeau:
You sound like a typical Id*ot, black and white women in America are the fine ones, but then our women are the Village Mgbekes? I guess you've never lived abroad because I know a lot of fellow men who married those white chicks and akatas and are regretting their actions. One even told me he made a huge mistake which he won't like me to make.

Somorin#1:


Perhaps it's an age thing. But once you have the benefit of age then you'll realize that Women are mostly the same universally.

IMHO, the assumption that a Nigerian Woman is a she devil and an American Woman is an angel can be disproven by spending just one day in any family court in the US.

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” Bob Marley

addictiv: mehn you guys are scaring me with all these revelations............and family is like "you must marry an igbo woman who knows our traditions and way of life. "..but what use is that if she becomes a thorn in the flesh...

addictiv: mehn you guys are scaring me with all these revelations............and family is like "you must marry an igbo woman who knows our traditions and way of life. "..but what use is that if she becomes a thorn in the flesh...

addictiv: mehn you guys are scaring me with all these revelations............and family is like "you must marry an igbo woman who knows our traditions and way of life. "..but what use is that if she becomes a thorn in the flesh...

Ugosample: Is your family also insisting that you must marry an Igbo woman? You see where the problem comes from... Why must they narrow my horizon? That won't happen. P.S. This is not to say that Igbo women or Nigerian women are bad, but my submission is... As long as you can tolerate her faults, it's okay.

Somorin#1:


What is the difference between what I posted and what you posted?

My intent was to show that Nigerian Men in the US should not be faulted for looking for relationships in Nigeria when even American Women are also looking in Nigeria for mates. There are FaceBook pages specifically dedicated to introducing Nigerian Men in Nigeria to American Women in America.

YMMV.