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How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice - Family - Nairaland

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How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by ogepure: 7:11am On Dec 20, 2012
What can u do when you hae a husband that keeps malice with you in every little misunderstanding you have with him.

He will keep malice with you for weeks or even months. When you greet him early in the morning he snobs you. You greet him in d evening when he comes back, he will not respond.

If he wants to eat, he asks the house help to give him food which you cooked yourself. Or he getsthe food himself. He will not talk to you until he is satisfied. He doesn't pick your calls.

Pls how do u deal with such a situation.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by k2039(m): 7:30am On Dec 20, 2012
Try as much as possible to have less disagreement with him, that will reduce the rate of malice he keeps since malice sounds to me like it's inherent in his blood stream.

You cant stop him from keeping malice except he realises the harm in it, but you certainly can reduce the rate.

So work on rate.

5 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Nobody: 7:39am On Dec 20, 2012
Call some hooligans in your area to bundle, tie and move him to Mountain of Fire & Miracle Ministries, Okokomaiko or Ojuelegba branch..

5 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Mynd44: 7:49am On Dec 20, 2012
The major problem here miss is that you don't seem to understand your husband. He is avoiding you not because he does not forgive you or he is punishing you, far from it ma'am, he is avoiding you because he is scared.

Him being scared here is because of the fact that he fears what he might/do if he does not stay away from you. He might have a wicked tongue he is trying to check or be the violent type and everytime he remembers what you have done, he might lash out at you which will eventually make him feel guilty and of course hurt you.

Try to understand this and try talking to him about it after the next round of silence. You will be suprised.

12 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by chaircover: 7:52am On Dec 20, 2012
@

7 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by ifyalways(f): 9:07am On Dec 20, 2012
How do you go on without kpekus for months eh?no be say anybody travel?

Is your husband an only son or last child?he's acting like a spoilt big baby.

Try to contain whatever causes the fight.
Do your wifely and motherly duties including reaching out to him in bed.
When he comes around, don't pretend that all is well, talk with him. He needs to know that you don't like his locking you out of his life, zero communication skills in the face of an argument.

Train him patiently. Some men are babies.

6 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by greatgod2012(f): 9:26am On Dec 20, 2012
Anytime u have a disagreement, do you sincerely aplogise, if no, try that.
Your hubby's temparement is most likely to be melancholy, that is one of their weaknesses, after this disagreement is over, try to educate him on d dangers involved in keeping malice.
You as d woman of d house, try as much as you can to ignore some things in order to reduce d rate of disagreements in d house.
When it is time for him to eat, dont wait for him to call d househelp or for him to go to d kitchen himself, serve him as expected, that will make his heart melt on time.
Be more submissive and humble.
Never sleep separately when there is disagreement, it helps to resolve disagreement on time, by d time "body touch body", expect another language.
Never involve your kids or 3rd party when there is disagreement, he may not really mean any harm, but by d time u involve another party, you are demeaning him, which may lead to his keeping malice, when he doesnt know what to do to make u feel bad, hence, keeping malice.
When hes keeping malice, never involve in keeping malice with him, always perform your duties as expected, with time, he will appreciate and understand you
better.
Above all, involve God in your marriage, a three-fold cord is not easily broken,ie....you, your hubby and God.........invite him, he is d restorer of peace.
May God help us all....... Amen.

12 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by TableLeg(m): 9:28am On Dec 20, 2012
greatgod2012: Anytime u have a disagreement, do you sincerely aplogise, if no, try that.
Your hubby's temparement is most likely to be melancholy, that is one of their weaknesses, after this disagreement is over, try to educate him on d dangers involved in keeping malice.
You as d woman of d house, try as much as you can to ignore some things in order to reduce d rate of disagreements in d house.
When it is time for him to eat, dont wait for him to call d househelp or for him to go to d kitchen himself, serve him as expected, that will make his heart melt on time.
Be more submissive and humble.
Never sleep separately when there is disagreement, it helps to resolve disagreement on time, by d time "body touch body", expect another language.
Never involve your kids or 3rd party when there is disagreement, he may not really mean any harm, but by d time u involve another party, you are demeaning him, which may lead to his keeping malice, when he doesnt know what to do to make u feel bad, hence, keeping malice.
When hes keeping malice, never involve in keeping malice with him, always perform your duties as expected, with time, he will appreciate and understand you
better.
Above all, involve God in your marriage, a three-fold cord is not easily broken,ie....you, your hubby and God.........invite him, he is d restorer of peace.
May God help us all....... Amen.
Easier said than done..... Some men are nutters and some women are even worse!
But a sane man with feelings will warm to most of the steps you stated above

3 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Nobody: 9:51am On Dec 20, 2012
Sit and watch tv when he is busy acting like a child, ignore him

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Mynd44: 10:02am On Dec 20, 2012
mondi_cheeks: Sit and watch tv when he is busy acting like a child, ignore him
Bad Idea

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by greatgod2012(f): 10:06am On Dec 20, 2012
Table Leg :

Easier said than done..... Some men are nutters and some women are even worse!
But a sane man with feelings will warm to most of the steps you stated above

with due respect, i dont understand what you mean, can you please shed more light on what you mean here. Thanks.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Nobody: 10:07am On Dec 20, 2012
Mynd_44:
Bad Idea
grin grin I'm a married woman, wat do u know abt marriage angry
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Nobody: 10:53am On Dec 20, 2012
If the man of the house cannot solve conflicts like an adult then deal with him the way he acts like a child. I have learnt it is counter productive to reward bad behavior, he acts like that because of the attention he ges from acting out just like a small child does.
He wants to be a baby allow him. Be polite but equally ignore him, when he is done with throwing tantrums and acting like a spoilt child he should come and act like the adult, father and husband he is meant to be.
Why would a grown man be acting like a child and expect to get petted? No wonder marriages keep getting sour, we expect one party to put up with all sorts of things, never have a diffferent veiw or believe. His attitude is bad, he needs to work on it. It is his problem and not her own.
Why should she be the one to beg and crawl because a grown man chooses to act worse than my 3 year old? We keep telling men that they are babies when they are not.

27 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Nobody: 10:53am On Dec 20, 2012
Pray for him: there is something wrong somewhere.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Geomac: 12:03pm On Dec 20, 2012
mondi_cheeks: Sit and watch tv when he is busy acting like a child, ignore him
Even for weeks, months...No married woman would talk like this.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Trut(m): 1:12pm On Dec 20, 2012
Husband and Wife are not suppose to keep malice no matter the problem

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by yuzedo: 1:19pm On Dec 20, 2012
"Deal" with him?? undecided
Simple: Use Otumokpo.. wink
You are welcome... cheesy cool kiss
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by laykhorn(m): 1:19pm On Dec 20, 2012
mondi_cheeks: Sit and watch tv when he is busy acting like a child, ignore him
this post makes it obvious that you're nt what u said you are.. How does your husband even cope with you and your naivety

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by dowjones(m): 1:19pm On Dec 20, 2012
Mynd_44: The major problem here miss is that you don't seem to understand your husband. He is avoiding you not because he does not forgive you or he is punishing you, far from it ma'am, he is avoiding you because he is scared.

Him being scared here is because of the fact that he fears what he might/do if he does not stay away from you. He might have a wicked tongue he is trying to check or be the violent type and everytime he remembers what you have done, he might lash out at you which will eventually make him feel guilty and of course hurt you.

Try to understand this and try talking to him about it after the next round of silence. You will be suprised.


mynd...you are always on point.
when I'm pissed with a person I tend to avoid that person (for his own good) cos I have an incredible temper and I tend to spit venomous words that will definitely make you hate me... people around confuse it for malice but when I'm cool, I usually reconcile. but if you keep buggin me while I'm avoiding you, anything you see you take.

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Ayantoyeopeyem(f): 1:20pm On Dec 20, 2012
PRAYER! That is wat u need. From experience, i can tell u boldly dt prayer does and changes everything. Secondly pls search urself and stay away frm wat ur husband did nt lyk. This has really helped me in my marriage. Try it n u also will testify
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by laykhorn(m): 1:20pm On Dec 20, 2012
Mynd_44: The major problem here miss is that you don't seem to understand your husband. He is avoiding you not because he does not forgive you or he is punishing you, far from it ma'am, he is avoiding you because he is scared.

Him being scared here is because of the fact that he fears what he might/do if he does not stay away from you. He might have a wicked tongue he is trying to check or be the violent type and everytime he remembers what you have done, he might lash out at you which will eventually make him feel guilty and of course hurt you.

Try to understand this and try talking to him about it after the next round of silence. You will be suprised.
you're tryin to make her look at fault..
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by baby124: 1:21pm On Dec 20, 2012
Abeg, I know/knew someone like this. Its so frustrating, just can't deal. A man that behaves like a woman. Shior! I for just become lesbian now. cheesy. Life is complicated enough, then add dramatic spouse. angry. My dear, just bone when he acts out. Pretend like you don't notice or it doesn't affect you and carry on as usual. The first and second times may be quite an ordeal, but when he sees his actions no longer have effect. He will either change for the better or find a new strategy. Honestly these kinds of people are very annoying, can't stand them. So I just ignore. Sebi na me bring househelp come. If I chase her nko? cheesy

4 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by laykhorn(m): 1:24pm On Dec 20, 2012
chaircover: Did you say weeks and months? This isnt very healthy! sad

Do you make love during that period?
Do you go to to church together during that period?
Do you have kids? . . and do you have family outings with them?
Do you have guests during that period?
Do you attend events during that period?
Do you pray & fellowship together as a family?

I am asking all these questions because even if you have disagreements, which is normal in every relationship, doing the above should propel/force you both into having to speak to each other and once you start talking, then you can resolve the issue like adults and not playing childish mind games.
best reply so far... MrsChaircover! You're too much my sister. Answer this questions and we etch it on marble
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by victorian(f): 1:25pm On Dec 20, 2012
Men are indeed babies...u just av to buckle up and pet him...and be quiet.....he will come around after a while..

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by awa17(f): 1:29pm On Dec 20, 2012
debrief08: If the man of the house cannot solve conflicts like an adult then deal with him the way he acts like a child. I have learnt it is counter productive to reward bad behavior, he acts like that because of the attention he ges from acting out just like a small child does.
He wants to be a baby allow him. Be polite but equally ignore him, when he is done with throwing tantrums and acting like a spoilt child he should come and act like the adult, father and husband he is meant to be.
Why would a grown man be acting like a child and expect to get petted? No wonder marriages keep getting sour, we expect one party to put up with all sorts of things, never have a diffferent veiw or believe. His attitude is bad, he needs to work on it. It is his problem and not her own.
Why should she be the one to beg and crawl because a grown man chooses to act worse than my 3 year old? We keep telling men that they are babies when they are not.
Very tru, even mothers have a part to play here, why won't he be spoilt when he recieves same from his mum, the woman is expected to play the part of mother to both daddy & children.Haba!!! God will judge 'Oh

7 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Nobody: 1:30pm On Dec 20, 2012
laykhorn:
this post makes it obvious that you're nt what u said you are.. How does your husband even cope with you and your naivety
I wld be divorced if he cldnt cope wit it...but I'm still happily married. He behaves like he is having menopause wen he is a man and he wants to be chased after for what if he doesn't want to talk she doesn't have to force it, when he finally switches back to being a man (from a moody 60yr old woman facing menopause) then they can talk. must her life come to an end because he is stubborn angry no person was brought on this earth to suffer because of another man's senseless mood swings...he needs to see a psychologist for it too

4 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by ocelot2006(m): 1:33pm On Dec 20, 2012
ifyalways: How do you go on without kpekus for months eh?no be say anybody travel?

Is your husband an only son or last child?he's acting like a spoilt big baby.

Try to contain whatever causes the fight.
Do your wifely and motherly duties including reaching out to him in bed.
When he comes around, don't pretend that all is well, talk with him. He needs to know that you don't like his locking you out of his life, zero communication skills in the face of an argument.

Train him patiently. Some men are babies.

And what has the silent treatment got to so with being spoilt? You seem to forget that most men will rather opt for this option when their spouses offend. You don't have to raise your voice, return insults, or worse beat her up. 'just walk away and ignore her.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by victorian(f): 1:33pm On Dec 20, 2012
chaircover: Did you say weeks and months? This isnt very healthy! sad

Do you make love during that period?....... I bet you, a man with chronic malice problem, will simply bleep, no romance...turn the other way and snore off.. Tomorrow is another day
Do you go to to church together during that period?....... He will go to church with u, but drives in silence, and come back home together in silence
Do you have kids? . . and do you have family outings with them?............He will go to family outings with u, gist well with his family, say some few words to u.. When going back home, he frowns and keeps a straight face.
Do you have guests during that period?...... He will see to the guests, u too must play along.. So that the guests should Not know what gwan.
Do you attend events during that period?...... He will attend events with separately of course, possibly drives in his own car and tell u to use yours, that he is late and can't wait.
Do you pray & fellowship together as a family?........... He simply tells u , he is tired ....sleeps off.... Or comes home late.....
Shikena.... Wetin u go do?






I am asking all these questions because even if you have disagreements, which is normal in every relationship, doing the above should propel/force you both into having to speak to each otheand once you start talking, then you can resolve the issue like adults and not playing childish mind games.

So it's easier said than done.... Some men have issues with their hormones..... Prayer works well too....
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by igosee: 1:35pm On Dec 20, 2012
greatgod2012: Anytime u have a disagreement, do you sincerely aplogise, if no, try that.
Your hubby's temparement is most likely to be melancholy, that is one of their weaknesses, after this disagreement is over, try to educate him on d dangers involved in keeping malice.
You as d woman of d house, try as much as you can to ignore some things in order to reduce d rate of disagreements in d house.
When it is time for him to eat, dont wait for him to call d househelp or for him to go to d kitchen himself, serve him as expected, that will make his heart melt on time.
Be more submissive and humble.
Never sleep separately when there is disagreement, it helps to resolve disagreement on time, by d time "body touch body", expect another language.
Never involve your kids or 3rd party when there is disagreement, he may not really mean any harm, but by d time u involve another party, you are demeaning him, which may lead to his keeping malice, when he doesnt know what to do to make u feel bad, hence, keeping malice.
When hes keeping malice, never involve in keeping malice with him, always perform your duties as expected, with time, he will appreciate and understand you
better.
Above all, involve God in your marriage, a three-fold cord is not easily broken,ie....you, your hubby and God.........invite him, he is d restorer of peace.
May God help us all....... Amen.
God bless you, you said it all
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by ocelot2006(m): 1:36pm On Dec 20, 2012
mondi_cheeks: Sit and watch tv when he is busy acting like a child, ignore him

Do that, and watch your hubby float to the open arms of another woman.

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by Arizona1: 1:37pm On Dec 20, 2012
Has he been doing like that since you got married to him or he just developed that attitude? If he's been doing like that then allow him, by the time he'll come back to his senses (I mean in good mood), ask him what he always think whenever he's keeping face for you, let him tell you his reasons for behaving like that to you for weeks. Make sure you bring him to an intimate mood while doing that because I know as his wife, you should know how he likes it.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Husband That Keeps Malice by vivichocs(f): 1:38pm On Dec 20, 2012
weneva u fight, if u r at fault, apologiz sincerely to hm..do things dat pleas hm lyk cookin hs favourite dish,,buh if he ws d 1 dat startd d fight, no even snd hm..wen he's done, he ll cm and apologis.....also try talkin to hm durin ur haapi hrs abt hs attitude weneva dere's a lil disagreemt....al d bst dear, marriage no b beans..

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