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Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? - Romance - Nairaland

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Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by ultiliberty(m): 9:35am On Dec 20, 2012
This controversial topic has been on for years & unresolved. so many people don't believe that doing a church, court or traditional wedding is a compulsory ritual(norm) before jumping into their husband's house.

Their is also another school of thought that believes that, marriage is sacred & it is God ordained. Now, we have so many families out there with no idea how wedlock(marriage) works, yet, they re still living together, bearing & rearing children even more than the legally married ones.

It is from this angle that i'm asking a question that, is it a curse(because, no one has joined them together) for man & woman to be living together & bearing children without being legally married or a blessing as well?(because the Bible says, he who finds a wife finds favour in God's eyes) or should we call it a choice?(because, life itself is about choices, of which the choice you make today will definitely affect your tomorrow either positive or negative) or should we say its a luck?(because if your set preparations meets the opportunities that comes your way, then you are lucky).

Nairaland parliamentarians, pls help out
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by binger: 9:49am On Dec 20, 2012
'Marriage Without Wedlock'??...OP,review this title of your thread and modify for logical meaning...btw,@topic,Marriage is a blessing to whoever considers it a blessing,and a curse to whoever thinks so of it.

3 Likes

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Nobody: 9:54am On Dec 20, 2012
Marriage outside wedlock undecided
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by slimming: 2:12pm On Dec 20, 2012
Time will judge in such relationship whether a curse or blessing.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Freezle(m): 2:13pm On Dec 20, 2012
i cant say... GOD has the final say.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by baby124: 2:19pm On Dec 20, 2012
A curse if you want to get married to the person. Don't tie yourself up with someone that MAY marry you. Plus there are some habits that are better found out after marriage. This applies to both sides. Aslo, living together doesn't mean when you tie the knot, strange habits will not show up. It is the biggest mistake a woman can make if marriage is the goal. DON'T DO IT.

1 Like

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Lovine: 2:23pm On Dec 20, 2012
All the marriages joined by men are irrelevant until God joins them. Go to many homes today and see by your self what is going on, no peace and only cat and rat. They were joined by men but not God. Anything God joined will last for ever and with peace even if there are challenges, God will still see them through. Church marriages, etc are nothing until God does it.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by ektbear: 2:23pm On Dec 20, 2012
Sounds sketchy to me.

On the other hand, if you live with someone before marrying them, you'll really know for sure whether you'd be happy spending the rest of your life with them. So perhaps it isn't a bad idea if the relationship has gotten quite serious.

1 Like

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by NaijaRepresent: 2:28pm On Dec 20, 2012
ekt_bear: Sounds sketchy to me.

On the other hand, if you live with someone before marrying them, you'll really know for sure whether you'd be happy spending the rest of your life with them. So perhaps it isn't a bad idea if the relationship has gotten quite serious.


I second that thought
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by onyeego(m): 2:29pm On Dec 20, 2012
Once a woman and a man lives together and starts a family.
They are "married"
God does not attach any significance to the wedding that is conducted in churches.
This is why you will never find a verse in the bible where Jesus asked Christians to wed in the church neither did he wed anyone.

The phrase HOLY MATRIMONY is an abomination, its blasphemy, cos only God is expected to be HOLY.

This is why on the last day, wife will be separated from her husband.
wedding is only an earthly jamboree but in the sight of God whether you wed or not since you start a family as husband and wife u are "married"

The reason why some ladies remain unmarried for long is that they
Co-habit(already married)
and they are still praying for a husband while God is seeing her husband by her every night grin

11 Likes

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Danyl(m): 2:29pm On Dec 20, 2012
baby_123: A curse if you want to get married to the person. Don't tie yourself up with someone that MAY marry you. Plus there are some habits that are better found out after marriage. This applies to both sides. Aslo, living together doesn't mean when you tie the knot, strange habits will not show up. It is the biggest mistake a woman can make if marriage is the goal. DON'T DO IT.
what if d goal isn't marriage?
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Nobody: 2:37pm On Dec 20, 2012
The only time you'll catch me cohabiting before marriage is over my dead body. . .

3 Likes

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by baby124: 2:39pm On Dec 20, 2012
By all means go ahead, if that is your wish. For those who want to marry Weekends and trips here and there are more than enough. Living together is a no-no. What if it doest work out and you get kicked out in the middle of the night. You now have to start sharing and fighting over property. Plus why buy the cow, when you get the milk and meat for free?
Danyl:
what if d goal isn't marriage?

1 Like

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by ektbear: 2:40pm On Dec 20, 2012
Danyl:
what if d goal isn't marriage?

So maybe I just value my personal space. But if I'm dating a girl and I'm pretty sure it won't ever lead to marriage, why on earth would I want to live with her?

What advantage does it give me?

Giving up all of your "me" time for someone who is only your girlfriend and will never be anything more sounds really strange to me.

1 Like

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Nobody: 2:40pm On Dec 20, 2012
Extensively discussed here:

www.nairaland.com/825174
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by xynerise(m): 2:40pm On Dec 20, 2012
ultiliberty: This controversial topic has been on for years & unresolved.
what makes u think it will be resolve today? undecided
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by baby124: 2:48pm On Dec 20, 2012
ekt_bear:

So maybe I just value my personal space. But if I'm dating a girl and I'm pretty sure it won't ever lead to marriage, why on earth would I want to live with her?

What advantage does it give me?

Giving up all of your "me" time for someone who is only your girlfriend and will never be anything more sounds really strange to me.

A lot of people do it. They say to save money, or to know if she's the one they want to marry. What happens when the person changes their minds? Human beings are very unpredictable. Besides, any girl with self pride will not indulge in such over a long period of time.some things are meant to be special and the essence of being married. I like my space and the ability to date others if one relationship crashes. Rather than wasting my time trying to hang unto it because we are already "acting" the marriage part. And outside perception matters more at that point of almost no return.

1 Like

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by angelz(f): 2:55pm On Dec 20, 2012
Its better 2 be in a union thru d normal process, both in d eye of God n Man.
Each 1 2 his/her own opinion though. But let's do thins right so we can have courage 2 talk 2 our kids.
l have a cousin whose mother had her b4 she married d dad. dey were celebrating a decade of dia marriage n she ask her parents "how come am older dan ur union". d mum cudnt respond. She didnt ask further. Now she is grown n wants 2 b naughty. When she was corrected, she claim 2 b followin her mum's foodstep.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by dederocs(m): 2:59pm On Dec 20, 2012
iTS NOT ABOUT TRADITION OR RELIGION,WHEN A GIRL IS EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED SHE LIKES TO CUDDLE AND HAVE INTERCOURSE,WE ALL KNOW MEN LOVES TO BLOW ALL THE TIME...NATURAL AFFECTIONS BEING EXPRESSED AINT BAD TO ME.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by honeric01(m): 3:01pm On Dec 20, 2012
onye ego: Once a woman and a man lives together and starts a family.
They are "married"
God does not attach any significance to the wedding that is conducted in churches.
This is why you will never find a verse in the bible where Jesus asked Christians to wed in the church neither did he wed anyone.

The phrase HOLY MATRIMONY is an abomination, its blasphemy, cos only God is expected to be HOLY.

This is why on the last day, wife will be separated from her husband.
wedding is only an earthly jamboree but in the sight of God whether you wed or not since you start a family as husband and wife u are "married"

The reason why some ladies remain unmarried for long is that they
Co-habit(already married)
and they are still praying for a husband while God is seeing her husband by her every night grin

Fallacy, how can you be married just because you live together? what about bride price? didn't the bible talk about bride price?

Yes, whether you marry in church or not does not mean you're not married as long as you've paid the paid price which is the only evidence accepted in Heaven.

Then for official reason, you must have a court wedding too, if not, the government of the land does not see you as married.

if any of these 2 are not done, then you're not married and only sleeping with eachother like "friends with benefits"

3 Likes

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by ektbear: 3:07pm On Dec 20, 2012
I think that things are even more romantic when you live separately.

For me, with my recent situation, she lived 30 minutes away. So I'd pack a bag and spend the night. So it felt special spending the night at her house, or vice versa.

If you live together, then isn't that "special" aspect gone? How do you maintain the romance?
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Flytefalls(f): 3:13pm On Dec 20, 2012
Oh believe me, every single day of this engagement makes me want him more. We don't live together.

Perhaps the fall to reality-check that occurs post-marriage will begin from a higher platform (as I've elevated his being to such heights). Hmm.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by TheSaintz: 3:18pm On Dec 20, 2012
according to Jesus you are married to anyone that you have had sex with because sex is a covenant signed n binding

2 Likes

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by baby124: 3:25pm On Dec 20, 2012
TheSaintz: according to Jesus you are married to anyone that you have had sex with because sex is a covenant signed n binding

I have never seen this in the bible. The bible only emphasizes brideprice. The oldest and most recognized symbol of marriage. But court is the most important, it makes the union legal.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Nellyd(f): 3:26pm On Dec 20, 2012
Lovine: All the marriages joined by men are irrelevant until God joins them. Go to many homes today and see by your self what is going on, no peace and only cat and rat. They were joined by men but not God. Anything God joined will last for ever and with peace even if there are challenges, God will still see them through. Church marriages, etc are nothing until God does it.
my dear, marriage is purely physical, not spiritual. The husband and wife are the ones to involve God in their marriage. Adam and Eve were joined by God, what happened to them? Besides, God will not come down from heaven to join couples. For a marriage to work, the 2 parties involved have responsibilities. @topic, cohabiting is bad. Jesus went for a wedding at Cana where He turned water into wine. That makes me believe the importance of wedding. If you are lady and cohabiting, you are sooooo wrong. Only very few men settle down with such ladies. Let Him pay your bride price at least. As for me, take me to the altar first before i back my things to your house. And thats exactly how it happened.

1 Like

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by mathskill: 3:28pm On Dec 20, 2012
TheSaintz: according to Jesus you are married to anyone that you have had sex with because sex is a covenant signed n binding
You mean when a dude has sex with a prostitute then they automatically become married
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Nellyd(f): 3:32pm On Dec 20, 2012
honeric01:

Fallacy, how can you be married just because you live together? what about bride price? didn't the bible talk about bride price?

Yes, whether you marry in church or not does not mean you're not married as long as you've paid the paid price which is the only evidence accepted in Heaven.

Then for official reason, you must have a court wedding too, if not, the government of the land does not see you as married.

if any of these 2 are not done, then you're not married and only sleeping with eachother like "friends with benefits"
Thank you sir. Well said.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by onyeego(m): 3:34pm On Dec 20, 2012
honeric01:

Fallacy, how can you be married just because you live together? what about bride price? didn't the bible talk about bride price?

Yes, whether you marry in church or not does not mean you're not married as long as you've paid the paid price which is the only evidence accepted in Heaven.

Then for official reason, you must have a court wedding too, if not, the government of the land does not see you as married.

if any of these 2 are not done, then you're not married and only sleeping with eachother like "friends with benefits"
Who collected the bride price of Eve in the bible?
Or is Eve not Adams wife?

I agree that one must pay the dowry but its doesn't prove anything before God.
Whether you pay or not, as long as you sleep with each other, you have become man and wife.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by honeric01(m): 3:38pm On Dec 20, 2012
onye ego:
Who collected the bride price of Eve in the bible?
Or is Eve not Adams wife?

I agree that one must pay the dowry but its doesn't prove anything before God.
Whether you pay or not, as long as you sleep with each other, you have become man and wife.

So if i sleep with 3 women in one week, i am married to them?

Go and read the bible, the bride price was paid by Adam (his ribs) God took from his body to get him Eve, why do you think God decided to do that and not just form Eve the same way he formed Adam? you won't really understand this because it's spiritually "symbolic" than physical, this is why i'd advice any man not to borrow money to pay for his wife's bride price, make sure the money comes from your sweat!.

2 Likes

Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by Nellyd(f): 3:39pm On Dec 20, 2012
ekt_bear: I think that things are even more romantic when you live separately.

For me, with my recent situation, she lived 30 minutes away. So I'd pack a bag and spend the night. So it felt special spending the night at her house, or vice versa.

If you live together, then isn't that "special" aspect gone? How do you maintain the romance?
. Hmmm, wont you get married? May be when you do and start living together, u'll still be travelling to another lady's house for the weekend in other to "maintain the romance". Marriage is for the mature minds sha.
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by AZeD1(m): 3:41pm On Dec 20, 2012
onye ego:
Who collected the bride price of Eve in the bible?
Or is Eve not Adams wife?

I agree that one must pay the dowry but its doesn't prove anything before God.
Whether you pay or not, as long as you sleep with each other, you have become man and wife.
Then what is adultery?
Re: Cohabitating Out of Wedlock: A Blessing Or Curse? by hardbody: 3:42pm On Dec 20, 2012
No body don talk sense for this thread, i am still watching and reading, i have the final say.

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