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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Mr. Akpors (99615 Views)
Mr Akpors Is Interviewed After Munich Vs Barca Match TODAY / -mr Akpors- & -the Robbers- / Mama Akpors And The Two Lawyer. Who Is Wise? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:55pm On Feb 01, 2013 |
Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of Good Akpors: Bad Interviewer: Come Akpors: Go Interviewer: Ugly Akpors: Fine Interviewer: You are wrong! Akpors: you are right! Interviewer: Shut up! Akpors: Keep talking! Interviewer: Ok,now stop all that. Akpors: Ok,now carry on all that. Interviewer: Get out! Akpors: Come in! Interviewer: Oh,my God! Akpors: Oh,my Devil! Interviewer: You are Rejected! Akpors: I’m selected! |
Re: Mr. Akpors by AKAFLEMZY(m): 2:16am On Feb 02, 2013 |
Great Akpos |
Re: Mr. Akpors by Dankarara(m): 2:54pm On Feb 02, 2013 |
Nice one |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:51pm On Feb 04, 2013 |
Akpos who was an aeroplane cleaner was cleaning the pilot's cockpit and saw a book entitled, “How to fly an aeroplane for beginners, Vol. 1 ". He opened the first page which said; "To start the engine, press the red button". He did so and the airplane engine started! He was pleased and opened the next page, "To set airplane moving, press blue button". He did so and the plane started moving at an amazing speed! He wanted to fly, he opened the 3rd page which said; "To let airplane fly, please press the green button". He did so and the plane started flying!!! He was so happy After 20 minutes of flying, he was satisfied and wanted to land. He opened to the 4th page. The 4th page said, "To learn how to land a plane, please watch out for Volume 2." !!! 2 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:57pm On Feb 04, 2013 |
Akpors in Court. Judge: You are been charged for having an affair with another man's wife, how do you plead? Akpors: Not Guilty, My lord Judge: But here are video and picture evidence with me, how come you're not guilty? . . . . . . . . . . . Akpors: Because Love is not a crime my Lord. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:00pm On Feb 04, 2013 |
Akpos' First day in a new Secondary School. Teacher: There will be an elementary science test next week. Contrary to his nature, Akpos reads his book from cover to cover like no man's business. On test day, teacher lines up about 5 birds, covering each with a piece of cloth so only their legs are visible. Question 1: Looking at the leg of a bird write down its' common name, species, family, zoological name, habitat etc. After about 20mins of frustration and not writing down anything, Akpos storms to the teacher's desk and slams his blank sheet in front of the teacher. 'Sir, this test makes no sense! I am going home!' Teacher: What a rude boy! Come back here. What is your name? Akpos raises his trouser and points to his leg: 'Oya u too, look my leg na, tell me my name, my surname, where I dey live, which tribe I come from 5 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by ayojosh2k(m): 8:23pm On Feb 04, 2013 |
I read all your jokes until this point and it made my day!! Thanks Pal... 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:44pm On Feb 20, 2013 |
Akpos sits next to a girl on a table in the hotel Akpos: hello madam? Lady : what is it? Akpos : sorry madam , just wanted to ask what the time is on your watch? Lady: ehee ...now you think my watch is used as a public clock huh? Go away and stop wasting my time Akpos : but madam Lady :shut up!!! * Akpos takes out his Apple glassy phone and makes a call. Akpos :hello John, I just settled from Washington D.C. Please can you please tell me what time it is right now so that i set my clock to the local time since it still reads American time? *she listens* ok thank you and today don't forget to come for the galaxy tablet that you requested. * she listens* since my girl is still in America bring me a beautiful girl to spend my money with tonight? Ok bye. Lady : sir the time is .. Akpos : shut up, we talking money here u talking, nonsense HOW MANY LIKES and SHARE FOR AKPOS ? 5 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:47pm On Feb 20, 2013 |
Akpos went to USA and had a 1 on 1 meeting with OBAMA OBAMA : I want to show you how much advanced we are. Come with me, He takes him to a forest. OBAMA : Dig the ground. Akpos did it. OBAMA : More….More… More … Akpos went up to 100 Feet. OBAMA: So now, try to search for something. Akpos : I got a Wire. OBAMA: You know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones. Akpos became frustrated. He invited OBAMA to Nigeria. That year, OBAMA visited Nigeria. Akpos : I want to show you our advancement. He takes OBAMA to a forest. Akpos : Dig it... obama does. Akpos: More….More… More…… OBAMA goes upto almost 400 feet. Akpos :Try to find something. OBAMA tried. Akpos : Did you get anything? OBAMA: No, there is nothing here. Akpos: you know, it shows that even 400 years ago, we used to have WIRELESS mobile. 2 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:34pm On Mar 10, 2013 |
AKPORS DICTIONARY DEFINITION -Stupidity is when a man sleeps with c0untless Ladies with0ut c0nd0ms but still carries his 0wn clipper to the barber’s sh0p . -RACISM is when a white BB Bold 6 cost more than a black BBBold 6. -NEMESIS is when you submit your answer sheet with your expo inside. -A WITCH is that girl that eats nkwobi, fish pepper soup, shawama, suya, chicken, smirnoff, fayrous & when you take her home she says sorry I’m on my period. -OVERSABI is when you are eating salad with a girl & she says ‘honey, this food no done’. -OLODO is when you are in a plane with a guy & he says ‘honey I’m hot, can you please roll down the glass’ -STINGYNESS is when you finish reading this and you refuse to like & share 22 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 6:18pm On Mar 11, 2013 |
Akpos: hello who dey call? Jennifa: it's me Jennifa! Akpos: Jenni Babe! U remember my side today? Jennifa: u know that I'm the caring type but school wouldn't allow me visit u. Where are u? And what are u doing? Akpos: I dey chill for town! I dey on BB right now! Jennifa: u are a bigger boy now Oooooh! Akpos: na the levels be that! Always on BB level Jennifa: Do u know what Today's date is? Akpos: not at all! Jennifa: U are not caring at all! U've forgotten thattoday is my Birthday! Akpos: I dey sorry Jenni! Na wetin make u call me be that? Jennifa: just want to invite u over to my hostel to make my day! Akpos: that one na small thing na! Jennifa: Ehen! Get me something special Oooh! Akpos: like wetin? Jennifa: I want to be on BB also! Akpos: that one na small level for me to arrange! AFTER 3 Hours Akpos Arrived with a brown paper bag with 4 corner shape! Jennifa: JEZZZZ!!! I guess it's Bold5! Akpos: shey na becos of BB u dey shout like this? She gave Akpos everything he wanted! AFTER EVERYTHING- Akpos: Jenni Babe! I wan move! Take ur BB Jennifa: let me see u off fast, can't wait to see my BB! AFTER 10 Minutes Akpos Phone Rings- Clara: hello Mr Akpos, ur Gal friend fainted just now after opening a brown paper bag that contains Bread and Beans Akpos: Na still BB na! Hit Like if u understand 9 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by dandollaz: 7:53pm On Mar 11, 2013 |
;Dstill laughing.nice one bro,keep it up 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by Emiru(m): 5:00pm On Mar 14, 2013 |
My Man...diz is really hilarious...af laft awt ma nerves..thumb up bro.. 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:21am On Mar 21, 2013 |
Akpors visited his friend johnny, he met him and called his wife to serve them drinks, when the wife is done with the serving she sat down right opposite Akpors with her legs open, Akpors could not control himself so he enjoyed the show, when johnny went inside the house, johnny's wife said to Akpors, do you like what you see ? Akpors said YES, the wife said , you can have it,but it will only cost you N10,000, and Akpors agreed,so they Agreed to meet at 12pm the next day when the husband will be at work, so the next day akpors came over at the exact time and they enjoyed themselves,and he paid her, when johnny came back this is what went on JOHNNY: honey was akpors here today? WIFE: [UNEASY] yes JOHNNY : at 12pm right ? WIFE : [ALMOST FAINTING ] yes, JOHNNY : OHH akpos my good friend always keeping time ... WIFE : Honey why do you ask ? JOHNNY : he came over to my office this morning and borrowed me N10,000 promising to bring it back to you at the house by 12pm, so did he bring it ? The wife FAINTED 3 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:30am On Mar 21, 2013 |
A Drunk 18yrs old boy asked a married woman out, d woman got pissed, & told her husband akpors d scenario. Akpors told d wife to invite d boy over so that he could beat the hell out of him, he would hide under d bed and wait 4 the boy. D wife did as akpors requested. When d boy got there he kissed d woman & took off his T- shirt & his body was full of scars so d woman asked "why so many scars" d boy replied"I like to lay with married women & usually I get caught so I kill their husbands, If someone shows up now he'll be No.20 on ma murder list" the boy continued kissing d woman & d woman tried to reach out to akpors under d bed & a small voice came up and said "If u tell him am here, u'll see. LWKMD |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:34am On Mar 21, 2013 |
AKPORs APPLICATION LETTER: Dear sir, i hereby apply for the post of replacement of manager, becos i'm aware of his death and everytime i went to any company they will say no vacancy including your company but to proof that their is vacancy in your company now i even attended the man burial so you have no excuse this time around i have caught you red handed. Am expecting your invitation letter soon. Bye 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:37am On Mar 21, 2013 |
Emeka: U be fool, u no sabi nothing. Akpos: Ahhh...hab guy Emeka: Na so. I fit prove am sef. If na night and u see 2 light for road, na wetin be dat? Akpos: Na moto. Emeka: Ehenh, but wish kind? Benz? Peugeot? or Lexus? Akpos: I no know dat 1 oh Emeka: U see am. Anyway, second proof. Na night, u see 1 light for road. Na wetin be dat? Akpos: Na okada Emake: Ehenh, wish one? Suzuki? Yamaha? or Kawasaki? Akpos: Ahh....how I suppose know? Emeka: U see am? I don show u say u be fool. Akpos: Na wa 4 u o. Dis ur question sef. Oya make I axe u. If na night u see woman for roadside....miniskirt, big breast, red lips, big nyash,na wetin? Emeka: Na ashawo Akpos: Ehenh, but which one? Ur mama, ur sister or ur daughter? Hit Like if u understand And share For more if u 2 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:54am On Mar 21, 2013 |
As Mr Akpors lost his cheque booklet, He decided to go to the bank after 2 days to report. Here is the conversation between him and the bank manager. Bank manager : But I warned you to be careful with your cheque book because anyone can forge your signature. Akpors: I am not a fool, I have already signed all the cheques, so they won't have space to forge my signature! |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:18pm On Mar 21, 2013 |
In WAEC examination, Akpos was asked to complete the following 1. He who fights and run away? Akpos: E don surrender be dat na, na fear catch am 2. A rolling stone? Akpos: No fit just dey roll, na person push am. 3. He who lives in a glass house? Akpos: Na rich politician e go be. 4. A stitch in time? Akpos: Dey prevent further tear tear. 5. Birds of the same feather? Akpos: Na the same mama born them. 6. One good turn? Akpos: Na correct power steering fit do am. 7. A bird in hand? Akpos: Wetin e wan be again if nobe barbeque. Dem plenty for chicken republic. 8. Half bread is better than? Akpos: Puff puff, buns or garri without sugar. 9. A journey of a thousand miles? Akpos: Na d person wahala be dat na, Why e no enter car or aeroplane jeje? 10. He who laughs last? Akpos: Get brain problem. Make dem examine am, becos na begining of madness be dat. 11. A patient dog? Akpos: Na hunger go kill am. 12. All work and no play? Akpors: Na bank job be dat bros. 13. Once beaten? Akpos: Na revenge go follow be dat. 14. A fool at forty? Akpos: U never see Naija own, our own starts 50 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:20pm On Mar 21, 2013 |
WHO IS AT FAULT? Boss: Take this # 150,000, go to computer village and buy me a quality laptop with a big RAM Akpors: Okay sir! Akpors didn't return after two days, so his boss decided to reach him on phone. Boss: Hello, Akpors, what kept you long? Akpors: The RAM Boss: The RAM? How do you mean? Where are you now? Akpors: I'm on my way back from Kano sir. Boss: Kano? Akpors: Yes Kano. I bought the Laptop at Ikeja but I traveled to Kano to buy the big RAM. Boss: Oh my God! Akpors(got angry): Oh my wetin? Oga, no tear eye for meo. I be small pickin? No be Laptop and big ram you send me? 3 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by mikuz(m): 12:47am On Mar 22, 2013 |
Great thread! |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:47pm On Mar 22, 2013 |
Akpos: Bar man! bring everyone drink cos wen am drinking, i want everyone to drink enjoy. (bar man obeys) Akpos: bar man! bring everyone goat meat cos wen am chewing, i want everyone to chew. (bar man obeys. People begin to chant and celebrate him. Akpos! Akpos! Akpos! Akpos!) Akpos: Bar man! bring everyone their bill cos wen am paying, i want everyone to pay.. 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by mikuz(m): 7:56pm On Mar 22, 2013 |
Good job here . . . |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 6:19am On Mar 23, 2013 |
Akpos won a 10 million naira lottery, kept the money inside a 'Ghana must go' bag, went under a tree, buried the money, snapped the spot and the tree with a camera and decided to travel to London. As he was on a Plane helding to London, he brought out the picture from the camera, stared at it and was shocked to see a guy on top of the tree smiling. If you where to be Akpos, what would you do 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:03am On Mar 23, 2013 |
Akpos was arrested in Lagos by a group of Lastma officials for driving on the BRT Lane. His car was fined N5,000. Upon all the begging and pleadings, the LASTMA officials refused to release the car. Akpos asked; Okay, may i know where you are towing my car to?. One of the LASTMA officials replied; we are taking it to Alausa. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha….. Akpos laughed. All the LASTMA officials were surprised and paid attention to him, wanting to know why he was laughing. Immediately, Akpos brought out his phone and started speaking; “Abu Qaqa Ina Kwana!” (Good morning in Hausa). ‘No sir!’ “Not less than 30minutes before it will explode!. The car has been arrested…..” “Only 20 out of those new bombs are inside the car.” “They are taking the car to the targeted destination, “Alausa”. I’m coming back to Sokoto alive now. “Thank You Sir”. Greet other faithfuls for me. He said and rounded off his imaginary call. He looked around, no LASTMA officials was in sight. He entered his car and sped off, saying; shege, dan burouba shege. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:08pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
Akpos: Happy Birthday Sweetie Girl: Thanks so much baby...So what's my birthday gift? Akpos: (pointing) Can you see that red BMW parked over there? Girl: Oh my God!....yes.... yes...yes...I can't believe this... Akpos: I bought you a toothbrush of the same colour... 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:57pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
Akpors walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull." The driver starts getting mad at noisy Akpors, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant, I would be a little elephant." Akpors goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at him, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!" Akpors smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!" Please drop your prayers for akpors cause he is in a coma right now 3 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:35pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
Check this my other page https://www.nairaland.com/1235046/girls-formings |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:04pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
Akpors and his wife were in court for devorce,the problem is who gets custody for the child! The wife.... Jumps up nd says, ur honour i brought the child into this world in pains and labour,he should be in my custody... The judge turns to Akpors and asked what he has to say? Akpors: (calmly) "Your honour,if i put my ATM card into ATM machine and Cash comes out... Whose cash is it? THE MACHINE OR MINE? 1 Like |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:07pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
Akpos died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'Why all the clocks?' St. Peter answered, Those are Lie- Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move. Oh, said akpos. 'Whose clock is that?' 'That's Mother Teresas', replied St.Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.' 'Incredible', said akpos. 'And whose clock is that one? St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved Twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.' 'Where's our politician's clock?' asked akpos. St Peter replied, they r in the office. We're using them as ceiling fans.' Hit Like if u understand. 6 Likes |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:54pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
After reading very well for his exams, akpos ended up failing. When the techer confronted him, here is what ensued between them. . . Techer: akpos why did you end up writing "two letter" words in all your scripts? . Akpos: madam it was not my fault, my parents said i should write "VERY WELL" if i wanted to pass. |
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:36pm On Mar 27, 2013 |
At a Sunday School Class one Sunday morning,after an interesting topic, the teacher asked,"Any Question?" Akpos looking puzzled,raised his hand.. Akpos: U said the children of Israel escaped from Egypt? Teacher: Yes Akpos: U said the children of Israel also brought down the walls of Jericho? Teacher: Yes. Akpos: U also said that the children of Israel also crossed the Red Sea? Teacher: Yes Akpos! What exactly is your question? Akpos: When the children of Israel were doing all this, where exactly were the adults of Israel? |
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