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Mr. Akpors - Jokes Etc (4) - Nairaland

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Mr Akpors Is Interviewed After Munich Vs Barca Match TODAY / -mr Akpors- & -the Robbers- / Mama Akpors And The Two Lawyer. Who Is Wise? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Mr. Akpors by skyfall: 9:11pm On Mar 27, 2013
LOL, u really try.

See funny pics in my signature.
Re: Mr. Akpors by topsole(f): 11:51pm On Mar 27, 2013
lil jboy: A man who was looking for a job? He noticed there was an
opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he
discovered the zoo had a very unusual
position that they wanted to fill. Apparently
their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to
dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla
for a few days.
He was to just sit, eat, and
sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a
secret, and no one would be the wiser,
thanks to a very fine gorilla suit.

The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man
decided to do it. He tried on the suit and
sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage; he took a position
at the back of the cage and pretended to
sleep. But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises.

The people watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around,
they would clap and cheer and throw him
peanuts. And the man loved peanuts. So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree.

That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and
swung from one side of the cage to the
other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts. "Wow! This is great," he thought.

He swung higher and the crowd grew
bigger. He continued to swing on the vine,
getting higher and higher and then all Last,
all of a sudden, the vine broke! He swung up
and out of the cage, landing in the lion's cage that was next door. He panicked.

There was a huge lion not twenty feet away,
and it looked very hungry. So the man in the
gorilla suit started jumping up and down,
screaming and yelling, "Help, help! Get me
out of here! I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a manin a gorilla suit!
HELP!"
The lion quickly
pounced on the man, held him down and
said, AKPORS NO FEAR, NA ME
CHIJIOKE "be quiet! You're going to make
both of us loose our job
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:38am On Mar 29, 2013
General Sam has been
monitorin d movement
of his
only daughter recently. In
fact, he first picks
her calls to confirm d identity
of d caller
before handin over d phone
to her after
thorough screening. But on
one faithful day,
her
boyfriend akpors called and
General picked d
call as usual. Watch
out !
General: Hello! May i know
you? Caller
(akkpors): sorri i want to
speak wit Joy sir.
General: i said who r u nd
wht for?
caller (akpors hmmm (after
he understood d
situation @ hand),
Okay Sir, i am FRANK EDOHO
from WHO WANTS
TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. Joy's
friends is presently
on hot seat and needs
her help to answer a
question for 2Million
Naira. So the next
voice you hear after is hers,
the time starts
now.......
General: ooh am very sorry!!!
Joy! ,Joy!! Pls take ur phone
ur friend needs ur
help........... .
caller akpors: The question
is when are you
coming Tomorrow?
A. Morning,
B. Afternoon,
C.Evening,
D. Night.
Joy: D.Night.
caller (akpors Are you sure?
Final answer?....
Joy: yes am very sure!
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:46am On Mar 30, 2013
A TEACHER ONCE ASKED
AKPOS....
TEACHER: Don't steal,
don't lie, don't cheat,
don't sell drugs. Can
someone tell us why
we shouldn't do these
things?
AKPOS: Because the
government hates
competition!
TRUE OR FALSE

1 Like

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:35pm On Mar 31, 2013
Teacher : Who is the
President of Iraq ?
Akpors : I don't know
Miss
Teacher : You need to
focus more on
your studies.
Akpors : Please Miss, can
I ask a question ?
Teacher : Yes.
Akpors : Do U know
Angela ?
Teacher : No?
Akpors: do u know
grace, princess and
sandra
Teacher: No, why?
Akpors: You need to
focus more on
your husband!
hit like if u get it

6 Likes

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:59pm On Mar 31, 2013
Two ladies were
standing at the
club. One was ugly and
the other
was beautiful.
While they were
standing, there came
akpors and said to the ugly
girl, " Hello "
ugly Girl: Hi
akpors: Do you
wanna dance?
Ugly Girl: Yes (excitedly)
akpors: Go dance I want to
speak to
your friend
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:10pm On Mar 31, 2013
Akpos JAMB
EXAMINATION....
Fill in the gap Akpos
JAMB examination
questions:
1.Inside Jackie Chan &
jet Li who go beat?.........
2.Inside indomie &
macaroni,which 1 sweet
pass?.........
3.Inside girls &
boys,who do amebo
pass?.......
4.Inside Mama & Papa
style & 4rm back,which
1 sweet pass?.......
5.Inside fowl &
goat,who get voice
pass?.......
6.Inside Ogboni &
Illuminati,which 1 sweet
to join pass?......
7.No difference btw
agbero & police because d
both of them they
collect money 4 bus
stop & they wear
uniform.......True or
false?
8.Everybody don thief
b4......True or false?
9.Inside Politician &
yahoo boyz,who girls
follow pass?.......
10.Finally,Inside me wey
write dis thing & U wey
dey read am,who no get
work?......

1 Like

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:28pm On Apr 01, 2013
A well known Pastor
Tebogo and a pretty
sister were enjoying
themselves under the
tree.
They were doing it not
knowing that Akpors
was on the tree hiding
and smoking,after the
act the sister asked the
Pastor that did he use
any protection or what
The pastor said No and
asked why
The girl said that she
was assuming she
might get pregnant and
who is gonna take care
of the baby
The pastor replied:Lets
leave it to the one
above.
Suddenly Akpors
jumped down and
shouted.
Are you crazy?leave it
to who?me?

1 Like

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:38pm On Apr 01, 2013
Discussion b/w Akpos
and Ekaite on Phone this
morning around 8:03am.
.
Akpos who want Ekaite
to come around this
evening..
Here's their conversation
.
Akpos- Hello Honey!
Ekaite- Hello!
Akpos- How was your
night
Ekaite- Splendid
Akpos- Wow! Dats gud, I will like you to
come around this
evening
Ekaite- Hey honey... I am
preparing for My Friends
Traditional Marriage n am going bak 2 school
frm dia.
Akpos- Do u remeber
what i promised you...
Ekaite- Wat?
Akpos- I promised you
the new BlackBerry®
Z10™.. And I
have bought it for you...
Ekaite- Hey... Akposkey...
Dats y i Luv u... Dont
worry let me pack my
tins and come
over....hope u r at home
Akpos- Yes! But wat
about ur friends
traditional marriage...
Ekaite- Dont worry
(laughs) April fool...
.
.
.
After the "whole show" ekaite requests for the phone...
Akpos- Hahahahaha... D
BB na also April fool.....
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:41pm On Apr 01, 2013
Akpors had a dream
that he got Robbed and
murdered.. The next day
he closed his bank
account.. And his friend
Johnny asked why...
Akpors replied: The
Bank Slogan says
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
."We Make your Dreams
come true''
What is your advice to
Mr akpors?
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 12:46pm On Apr 01, 2013

Akpos and Ekaite went
to commit
suicide on top of a 10
storey building so that
God can officiate their
wedding in
heaven.
Their plan was to jump
off the
building at the same
time at the count of
three. So, After the
count, Akpos jumped
off
but the Ekaite didn't
jump. Ekaite looked back
and
said: Love is blind but
am not blind. She then
walked away As Akpos
got to the air, He
opened his parachute
and said: Though, I'm
madly in love, But am
not mad to die for
"LOVE".
Now the Question is,
who cheated between
the two?
A) Akpos
B) Ekaite
C) Both
D) None
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:46pm On Apr 01, 2013
Akpors Daughter
Returns
Home After 30 Years.
Akpors (Angry): “Where
The Hell Have You Been
All This Years?”
Daughter: “I Was
Working AsA Prostitute
In The
Vietnam”
Akpors: “What? Get Out
Of My House You LovePeddler,
I Don’t Want To See
Your Face Again”
Daughter (Crying):
“Before I Go
Dad, I Came To Give
You
A $5 Million Cheque, And
Here Is A $1million For
My Brother Rukewa . I
Had Built
A Big House For You In
The
Northern Surburbs With
Everything In It
Including A Ferarri And A
Bugatti. Bye Dad”
Akpors (Smiling): “What
Kind of Work You Said
You Where
Doing” Daughter
(Crying Out Loud):“A
Prostitute Dad”
Father: “Come And Give
Daddy A Big Hug, I
Thought You Said You
WhereA
”Prosecuter"
Describe Akpos In One
Word
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:05pm On Apr 01, 2013
Akpors saw a notice
board in the
middle of a river, he
tried to read
it, but couldn't, so he
swam to the
board in the middle of
the river
and read "DANGER
CROCODILES
INSIDE, PLEASE DON'T
SWIM"..... *he's now saying hz last prayer*
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 10:39pm On Apr 01, 2013
Girl: Honey??
Akpors: Yes, sweety??
Girl: Honey, i like this
shoe a lot but i forgot
my wallet at home,
could you plz give me
N5,000 to buy it?
Akpors: There is no Atm
close here but take this
N100, go home and bring
your wallet.
.
.
Question:
Is akpors=
.
1)Economical.
2)Sharp minded.
3)Wicked.
4)Reasonable. 5)Stingy.
6)Genious
7)Selfish silly 9)Foolish
10.Wise ??
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:42pm On Apr 02, 2013
Joke: AKPORS and White.
AKPORS and a white guy
were sitting in the park,
the
white man had a pet
monkey
and AKPORS is selling
bananas, AKPORS said
‘Mr. Can u look after my
bananas, i’m
goin to the
toilet”,” Yeah sure, go
ahead” said the white
man.
When AKPORS came he
found his bananas has
gone and
asked “where are my
bananas” the
white man
pointed to the monkey
and
said “ask ur
brother” :O,AKPORS
chilled and sat
down. Few minutes
later the
white man ask”can u
watch my
monkey I’m going to
the
toilet” ,”oh yeah sure!”
said
AKPORS. When the
white man came back
he
found his monkey dead
and
exclaim “what
happened here?”
AKPORS replied ”
don’t get involved pls ,
it’s a family matter”
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:20pm On Apr 02, 2013
Akpors and his three
friends where talking
about their wives. The
first guy said "when my
wife was pregnant she
read, the novel: the 2
cities and gave birth 2
twins".
The second guy said, his
wife read the 3
musketeers and gave
birth 2 triplet.
Akpors stood up and started
shouting like a mad man
and started running
heading home, when
asked why? he then
said "my wife is
pregnant and she's
reading alibaba and the
40 thieves wen i left
home!
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:27pm On Apr 03, 2013
Mrs Akpos to her
housemaid:"Oh
Ekaitte, I
suspect that my
husband is having an
affair with his
secretary."
The housemaid(ekaitte)
replied: "I
don't believe it ma,
you're just saying that
to make me
jealous!"
hit like if you get it.
Re: Mr. Akpors by Spacodinho(m): 11:56pm On Apr 03, 2013
lil jboy: Akpos won a 10 million
naira lottery, kept
the money inside a
'Ghana must go'
bag, went under a tree,
buried the money,
snapped the spot and
the tree with a camera
and decided to travel
to London. As he was
on a Plane helding to
London, he brought out
the picture from the
camera, stared at it and
was shocked to see
a guy on top of the tree
smiling.
If you where to be
Akpos, what would you
do
guy y u copy my joke i go report u oh 4 copyright
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:05am On Apr 04, 2013
Spacodinho: guy y u copy my joke i go report u oh 4 copyright
were you the first person to post that joke? Get lost,after all la you first answer that name wey your parents give you?

1 Like

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 11:50am On Apr 04, 2013
Akpos and musa after
an English
exam.
Akpos: How was your
paper?
Musa: men! It was kind
of hard; I
didn't know
the past tense of
'think'. I thought
& thought and thought
for a long time then
finally, i wrote
'thunk'
Akpos: I guess you're
right
because I wrote
thunk after
I thought 4 a while too....
Musa: Shit! And what
about the
past tense
of 'write'?
Akpos: I don’t know
what I wrote;
I think I
wrote 'written'
Musa: That one I didn't
even
bother. When
I saw the next number
asking for
the past tense of 'go',
I just went out of the
Exam Room.
Akpos: i went out too,
when I
reached that
number I couldn't
take it anymore.
Those idiots gave us an
exam
beyond our scope........

1 Like

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:32am On Apr 06, 2013
Akpos who was a
prince was put
under a spell so
that he could speak only
one word
each year. If
he didn’t speak for two
years, the
following year
he could speak
twowords and soon.
One day, he fell in love
with a beautiful
lady. He
refrained from speaking
for two
whole years so he could
call her “my
darling.” But then he
wanted to tell her he
loved her, sohe
waited
three more years. At
the end of these
five years,
he wanted to ask her to
marry him, so
he waited
another four years.
Finally, as the ninth
year of
silence ended, he led the
lady to the
most romantic place in
the kingdom
and said, “My
darling, I love you! Will
you marry
me?”
And the
lady said, “Pardon?”
Akpos who was a
prince was put
under a spell so
that he could speak only
one word
each year. If
he didn’t speak for two
years, the
following year
he could speak
twowords and soon.
One day, he fell in love
with a beautiful
lady. He
refrained from speaking
for two
whole years so he could
call her “my
darling.” But then he
wanted to tell her he
loved her, sohe
waited
three more years. At
the end of these
five years,
he wanted to ask her to
marry him, so
he waited
another four years.
Finally, as the ninth
year of
silence ended, he led the
lady to the
most romantic place in
the kingdom
and said, “My
darling, I love you! Will
you marry
me?”
And the
lady said, “Pardon?”
Akpos who was a
prince was put
under a spell so
that he could speak only
one word
each year. If
he didn’t speak for two
years, the
following year
he could speak
twowords and soon.
One day, he fell in love
with a beautiful
lady. He
refrained from speaking
for two
whole years so he could
call her “my
darling.” But then he
wanted to tell her he
loved her, sohe
waited
three more years. At
the end of these
five years,
he wanted to ask her to
marry him, so
he waited
another four years.
Finally, as the ninth
year of
silence ended, he led the
lady to the
most romantic place in
the kingdom
and said, “My
darling, I love you! Will
you marry
me?”
And the
lady said, “Pardon?”

1 Like

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:29pm On Apr 06, 2013
POEMS written by
AKPOS and his WIFE to
one
another
.
.
.
WIFE: I wrote your
name on sand it got
washed. I
wrote your name in air,
it was blown away.
Then I
wrote your name on my
heart & I got Heart
Attack.
AKPOS: God saw me
hungry, he created
pizza.
He saw me thirsty, He
created Pepsi. He saw
me
in darkness, He created
light. He saw me
without
problems, He created
YOU.
WIFE:.. Twinkle twinkle
little star
You should know what
you are. And once you
know what you are
Mental hospital is not so
far.
AKPOS: The rain makes
all things beautiful. The
grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things
beautiful Why doesn't it
rain on you..?
WIFE: Roses are red;
Violets are blue.
Monkeys
like u should be kept in
ZOO. Don't feel so angry
you will find me there
too Not in cage but
laughing at YOU
WHO KILLED IT?
The wife or the
husband?
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 2:51pm On Apr 06, 2013

Woman=no sex now, am
still mourning my
husband
.
.
Akpors=dats why am
wearing a black
condom,pls open ur legs
and accept my
condonlence
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 7:49pm On Apr 06, 2013
GIRL: I hate my
boyfriend!
AKPOS: Why?
GIRL: He is so cheap he
cant even buy me a
simple dinner, are all
boys like that?
AKPOS: Of course not,
I'm not like that.
GIRL: I'm going to break
up with him.
AKPOS: Ok but know I'm
available.
[Girl stands to leave]
AKPOS: Wait, where are
you going?
GIRL: To break up with
my boyfriend of
course.
AKPOS: You can't leave.
GIRL: Why?
AKPOS: Who is going to
pay for the lunch we
just had?
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:28pm On Apr 06, 2013
Peter : "I want my
money now!"
Tom : "I will kill myself
so thatI won't pay you
*he pulled a gun n shot
himself dead*
Peter : "hahaha..... If u
think u'll get away with
my money ur wrong, i'l
follow u until u pay me
*he takes the gun n
shot himself dead as
well *
akpos was watching
from a distance he
laughed n said:"these
guys are funny, I want
to watch this till the
end"....
*he also took the gun
and killed himself! TO
FIND OUT WHAT
HAPPEN AT THE
END
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 8:35pm On Apr 06, 2013
Teacher:
Make a Sentence with
Big
Akpos: The Ram Is Big
Teacher: Make it longer
Akpos: The Ram is big
ooooooo
Next joke:
Teacher: Who can state
one diff btw a Bird and
a Fly? ..
Akpos: A bird can fly,
but a fly cannot bird.

1 Like

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 9:04am On Apr 07, 2013
A teacher asked 5yr old
Akpors the sum of 5+5.
Akpors stretched out
his hands to count his
fingers but the teacher
insisted that he won't
allow him to count his
fingers just for that
simple question.
Akpors withdrew his
hands, put them under
his
locker, he put both hand
inside his pants and
started counting his
fingers without the
teacher's knowledge.
He started counting his
fingers 1,2,3...and
answered in a loud voice
5+5=11!
HOW COME?
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 9:09am On Apr 07, 2013

Akpos asked his dad to
buy him a toy gun cos is
neigbours son ochuko
has one.
That same day, akpos
and his dad went to the
toy shop and bought
two toy gun. One for his
son and himself and
they drove home.
Just when they where
about taking their lunch,
armed robbers broke in
with cutlasses and
daggers. Akpos pointed
his toy gun towards
them, asked his dad to
point his, the armed
robbersstarted shivery
begging, akpos then
said daddy dont move
yet oh, am going inside
to get water so that
we can put it in our gun.
Dad fainted.
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 1:34pm On Apr 07, 2013
A TEACHER asked a
student in a warri
school "what
is '2'
raised to power
'5'", the student
stood up and replied
"Wetin '2' dey raise
power for '5'...dem
be mate?...'2' leave
'3', '4' come dey
raise power for
'5'...him wan
die?..him no knw
say '5' use three
years senior am..."
The teacher fainted
guess who d student
is??

1 Like

Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 3:08pm On Apr 07, 2013
Akpors and Ugo were in
a super
market together and
while they
were shopping Ugo
stole 3 bars
of chocolate.
When they got outside
he showed
Akpors and told "I am
the
greatest". Akpos said to
him "do
you want to see real
stealing?" so
they went back to the
office of
the manager and Akpos
told him
he was a magician and
he
demanded for 3 bars of
chocolate, after eating
it he told
them to check Ugo's
pocket that
it was there!
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:22pm On Apr 07, 2013
A group of student
scientists in Nigeria
were to hold a
competition to
showcase
their scientific
inventions.
The first boy came
forward & said:
"Am
Adesola Kunle from
Lagos. I invented
a
biro that can write
whatever someone
says on its
own". He practicalized it
and
was applauded.
The second person
came and said: "I
am
Osita Chidi from Imo
state. I invented a
chip that can tell you
the amount of
money in someone's
pockets close to
it".
He also
practicalized it & was
also
applauded.
Then came another
man who said:
"Am
Akpors from warri.
I invented a bomb
that can kill anything
1000
metresaway
and will blow up any
human bodyinto
million pieces,
grinding
up the hardest bones in
the body.
Please
can you all sit down
while I practicalize
it
before you all.
At this point, the
chairman of the
competition
shouted out. "Akpors
dont worry
about
testing it
here. You have done an
excellent job
&
you are
already the winner of
this
competition"
Re: Mr. Akpors by liljboy(m): 4:25pm On Apr 07, 2013
Akpors comes back in
the morning..
Wife: where have u
been? Where did u
sleep?
Akpors: at my friend's
place, thers a
funeral.He lost his
sister!
Wife: Ok.. U can eat your
food, im
going to bath!
(after bathing)
wife: Am going out!
Akpors: Where are u
going?
Wife: To the funeral, at
your friend's
place, to
check how they doing
since their loss!
Akpors:
(Shaking&Scared )..
Honey,
they called
the time u were bathing
and told me
she rose from the dead!

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