baby_mama:



[size=18pt]Excuse you!!!![/size]


OP please totally ignore this post above
There is nothing in here of benefit to you,your present predicament or any abused woman
This is a post that will gladden no other hearts but the likes of your abuser who sees you as the cause of his shortcomings
You were not created to change anyone especially one that does not care about change
If you have friends telling you things like this in real life,dump them
You are the victim and not the reason for his uncultured ways
He needs the help not you
The only help you need is a reassurance that seeking a means to start 2013 free from abuse is right
You deserve to be treated with dignity
You deserve to raise your children in a healthy environment
You deserve not to be spat on and emotionally tortured
If he is willing to seek counsel to help his demons,work with him but if he is not,you walk
The burden to change is on him not you
Don't let anyone guilt you into anything like the post above attempts.
Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve and demand to be treated right and a deranged,violent, property damaging ,terrorizing,spitting cobra with killer instincts is not the will of God for your life

It has happened again! Another Nigerian lunatic kills his wife. Mr LeKan Fawmi, pictured here (center) in glasses, talking with his defense lawyer Kirk Truslow, left, before being led off to serve a 20 year sentence for killing his wife Ebony. The couple lived at Burcale Road, Conway, Horry County, South Carolina.
Judge Edward Cottingham handed down the sentence during a plea bargain hearing at the Horry County Courthouse. Before he was sentenced to 20 years in prison Wednesday for stabbing his wife to death, LeKan "Tommy" Fawmi fought back tears and apologized to her family. "I'm really sorry for what happen. She was the love of my life and since she died I don't have a life," the 45-year-old Nigerian said. Circuit Court Judge Edward Cottingham scolded Fawmi for losing his temper and killing his wife, 20-year-old Ebonetess "Ebony" Fawmi; but said he did not give him the maximum 30-year sentence because Fawmi admitted his guilt. The judge also said he didn't want to force the victim's family to relive the death through a trial. Fawmi pleaded guilty to voluntary manslaughter, a reduced charge from murder, as part of a plea agreement.

Ebony died from about 15 stab wounds to the front and back of her neck on Feb. 15, in an apartment the couple shared on Burcale Road. The couple had argued from about 2:30 to 7:30 a.m. that day, according to Ebony's then 14-year-old sister, who was living with the couple along with their 1-year-old son. The sister and boy witnessed the killing. Fawmi had threatened Davis with a knife during the argument before he grabbed her from behind at about 7:30 a.m. and stabbed her seven times in the front of her neck and once Davis' body went limp, Fawmi held her by her hair and stabbed her eight times in the back of her neck before he allowed her to fall to the floor. Ebony also sustained defensive wounds on her hands.
After he stabbed Ebony, Fawmi went upstairs, changed his shirt and then threatened Ebony's sister to not tell anyone or he would kill her, too. However the sister ran to a neighbor's house later after Fawmi ran from the apartment to call 911. Officers later found Fawmi hiding in bushes about 45 minutes later and he confessed to the slaying. According to Fawmi's attorney, Kirk Truslow, the case lingered in the system because initially Fawmi was found mentally incompetent for trial. After treatment he was found competent by a state evaluator and a private independent evaluation, Truslow said.

jidegirl12:
I don't see where OP stated her hubby physically abuse her and that @ ileobatojo suggesting they should separate temporarily .... Call me insecure or whatever ...Divorce is the [b]last resort [/b]in a marriage.... you just don't bail out like that without trying and according to OP I don't see she's tried enough except for the code red 5 years of spitting.

davidylan:

I've largely restricted myself to reading from the sidelines but i just could not help looking at this a few more times. What really constitutes "physical abuse" in a marriage? forgive me but i thought spitting at your wife, breaking down doors all constituted some form of emotional abuse which really is not different from physical abuse? So it is not ok to beat my wife but it is OK to constantly belittle her and regard her as scum by spitting on her at every disagreement?

Wow... i better get my spitting practice on then.

jidegirl12: @winneygirl.... leave them alone and let OP do what she wants... babymama is painting her own story for her book and taking things way too far here...

I don't see where OP stated her hubby physically abuse her and that @ ileobatojo suggesting they should separate temporarily .... Call me insecure or whatever ...Divorce is the [b]last resort [/b]in a marriage.... you just don't bail out like that without trying and according to OP I don't see she's tried enough except for the code red 5 years of spitting.

When a marriage is falling apart....one spouse can help put the pieces together with resources and help she can get , that's why it's called Partnership.... Marriage is conditional.... You make it work and not fold your hands.

my parents separated temporary and it's over 20years now ( not yet divorced) but they can never be husband and wife because they were ignorant to get help they needed then.

Go back and read my initial post .... the man needs help and they both need counselling ...... raising kids in this kind of environment is not healthy.

OP you are a grown up adult and you know what needs to be done, I wish you best of luck in your life.

Nobody here has a 24/7/365 peachy marriage ..... I don't...we make it work together and if one of us is distracted ...the other one stands up for the challenge .

Peace.

baby_mama: Where is the OP
Can you sincerely tell me the man has never hit,punched,kicked,slapped or thrown any objects at you during his fits of rage in addition to the spitting
I await your response sis

jidegirl12:

Maybe you shoulda asked the OP before you started painting another context that suits you ,

Now you don't have to insult me .... I've stated my own advice instead of jumping to divorce.

And babymama I admire what your mother thought you but you know what my Father thought me?

Jide, Make it work.... It's not a competition

And my Mom ; Jide, learn from my mistakes , calm down , think twice , get help( if you can) before you make any major decision ....be it over your children, work, staff or your husband .

They are both financially stable , talks now but Alone living with pride that separated them in the first place.

tarababy: I have been married to my hubby for 5 years now.For the past two years anytime we have disagreement or quarrel,he would spit on my face.I have had a heart to heart discussion with him to stop this disgraceful habit and he promised to stop but still did it four days ago.

Even my mum came all the way from Nigeria to plead with him here in England to stop spitting on me. Anytime I call my mum about this matter,she would start crying saying my husband is laying a curse on me and nothing good will come out of me if he continues.

I am losing interest in this marriage because there is no hope that he would ever change.I do not think any normal man would spit on his dog,let alone his wife.
He says he sees me as a poo at that moment and that his why he does it.HE is the type that loses his temper easily and would do nasty thing,which he later regrets .He is a forty year old man,who has refused to grow up.

married and matured minds in the house, do you think am wasting my time with this man?

ileobatojo: Winney girl, did you read the description of the husband by the OP?




He loses his temper easily and he later regrets it i.e. he is the one going overboard with his reaction and it hasn't got diddly squat to do with the wife's behavior. Is there any home where there will be no disagreement? Your advice that she behave like a robot instead of expressing her views is not one I personally could live with. If the OP can do it, more grease to her elbow. Later they will say I have to respect the same man I have to treat like a baby to prevent his tantrums? No one here supports the woman behaving like a deranged lunatic during an argument. She has had a heart to heart with him already, her parents have come to beg. What more does he want? If it were you who was approached in such manner to change a particular thing your husband doesn't like, you would have twisted yourself into a pretzel to do it and more. Why can't you expect the same thing from this husband? It's a simple proposition, don't spit on your wife anymore. Simple. The answer should be okay, done. No long story. Finding a way to pin the blame on the wife is not cool.

I'm not saying she should divorce him, heck she doesn't even have to separate if she can find another way to get him the help he needs. I think there is potentially a lot of wiggle room here. But, he is the one who needs to bear the responsibility for his ridiculous lousy behavior. Not her. He should wake up and save his marriage! With her support.

baby_mama:

Thank you o
Destroying things in fits of rage in front of a terrified wife and 2 young children is not abuse according to jidegirl
There's nothing I won't read on nairaland

baby_mama:

Thank you o
Destroying things in fits of rage in front of a terrified wife and 2 young children is not abuse according to jidegirl
There's nothing I won't read on nairaland
I guess everybody is writing from their own experiences and what they can handle or have endured
Break a TV in anger and destroy my stuff huffing and puffing ,I am calling the police immediately because I don't know what next you might do

jidegirl12: And for you David....to answer your question YES physical abuse is the last straw in a marriage.... Maybe you should go back to the books and read about Abuse, don't forget to compare and contrast too.

It's my field of profession.... in psychiatry spitting is a form of aggression that needed to be addressed professionally ,

throwing pots and pans is called property damage not related to abuse.

Stop mixing apples with oranges!

Got it?

jidegirl12:

It's not babymama , tsk tsk it's not! Stop making your own assumptions!

jidegirl12:

It's not babymama , tsk tsk it's not! Stop making your own assumptions!

davidylan:

Really? It appears that these are normal occurrences in your own marriage and you are trying to see it as the norm. In a normal marriage, husbands dont go about breaking things in anger and spitting at their wives. Believe me.

jidegirl12: David being a man doesn't make his advice right okay?

I advice you to take an intermission and read about Abuse .... Debrief's first marriage was a first class physical abuse( sorry debrief but I need to say your name ), this man in question destroys stuff instead of laying his hands on his wife, he needs anger management and therapy .

You know what? OP should just make herself available here to clarify these assumptions you're making.

I'm not blaming her, I'm just telling her to make things right rather than waiting for a change.

jidegirl12:
You're just bluffing!

davidylan:

He is an animal who needs to be put down.

baby_mama:

Really?
Forget your academics here sis
I have a friend who over the years collected mementos of little things
SHe kept every single birthday card and letters her father gave her from childhood
She carried them to this America into her husbands home
In one of his fits of rage he takes the box containing these most prized possessions after the death of her father,pours fuel on it and lights it up and it burns to ashes
That is not abuse eh kwa?
I hear you
They are now happily divorced BTW

davidylan:

He is an animal who needs to be put down.

jidegirl12:

He's been doing this for over 5years and hasn't laid his hands on his wifeee shut your face and get real!

coogar:

jidegirl12, for the umpteenth time, you are evil.....you are making sense. majority of the folks campaigning for the op to leave her husband are going through worse situations with their spouses and they have not left. nobody should tell a woman to leave her husband - that decision should be left to the op to make......

coogar:

jidegirl12, for the umpteenth time, you are evil.....you are making sense. majority of the folks campaigning for the op to leave her husband are going through worse situations with their spouses and they have not left. nobody should tell a woman to leave her husband - that decision should be left to the op to make......

jidegirl12:

You're just bluffing!

jidegirl12:

Don't mind them..... babymama is showing off her 'circle of life necklace' on romance section her hubby got her this Christmas .....

I got that same set with stud earrings set since 2009 valentines day..... but it's not my place to condemn your precious gift .....

my point ; one man's meat is another man's poison ....

leave OP alone if the D word is your only advice.... we don't break relationships here ...we mend it provided its not Abusive!

jidegirl12:

Don't mind them..... babymama is showing off her 'circle of life necklace' on romance section her hubby got her this Christmas .....

I got that same set with stud earrings set since 2009 valentines day..... but it's not my place to condemn your precious gift .....

my point ; one man's meat is another man's poison ....

leave OP alone if the D word is your only advice.... we don't break relationships here ...we mend it provided its not Abusive!

davidylan:

My dear... there are marriages where women are treated with love and respect. I'm sorry that in your marriage you now see outbursts of violent anger (albeit breaking things) as normal. Not my fault. There's nothing to "get real" about... the cultural idea that marriages are meant to be endured and not enjoyed is long past. Its not my fault that you are ok with a disagreeable spouse.

davidylan:
I dont believe in divorce at all. I dont believe that a woman should be treated like a child by a violent animal either...

jidegirl12:
Don't mind them..... babymama is showing off her 'circle of life necklace' on romance section her hubby got her this Christmas .....

I got that same set with stud earrings set since 2009 valentines day..... but it's not my place to condemn your precious gift .....

my point ; one man's meat is another man's poison ....

leave OP alone if the D word is your only advice.... we don't break relationships here ...we mend it provided its not Abusive!