| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by fleps(m): 1:30pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Al-Aguns:
This may be of help to you @Poster
WHY YOU SHOULD NOT CONTACT YOUR EX
In as much as we want to live an “upright” life, and we do not want to create “enmity” with our fellow humans, it is important to note that, we must learn to leave the past behind us and forge ahead in life. There is certainly nothing that has happened, is happening, or will happen to us that has not happened to someone in the past.
This is just a write up based on my own personal opinion and experiences, it must not be used as a standard, but I can assure you that if we adhere to the points below, we would certainly have healthy relationships.
The Big Question: Why? Why does my ex want to be friends? Why do I want to be friends with my ex?
Answer: After a breakup, there is a huge hole in your life. You likely went from spending many hours a week together to none. Humans are creature of habit, and when a habit breaks we seek to restore or compensate for it. Imagine if you had another man/woman you could crawl into bed with after a breakup, you probably would, wouldn't you? That is you are filling the void; and a reason why it’s not your 'ex' that you want to stay in touch with, but anyone who will fill the gap that was your ex.
Reason 1: I actually have a lot of good reasons to stay in touch...
Truth: No. You have a lot of excuses, not reasons.
Reason 2: This person was really important in my life, why wouldn't we stay friends? We mean a lot to each other.
Truth: They were really important. If your ex is the one trying to be friends, it's not that they actually want you back, it’s that they are having a hard time getting over the relationship. The same for vice versa. And don't kid yourself, if you stayed friends you wouldn't have the same standards you keep as with any other friend. You are subconsciously seeing yourself as with this person still.
Reason 3: I need closure, I need to stay in touch to get over him/her.
Truth: Nope, closure isn't provided by your ex, it is provided by you, through grieving and accepting your loss.
Reason 4: I need to find out why he/she dumped me, -Or- I need to let him/her know why I dumped them.
Truth: What does it matter? You can't change your ex's way of thinking. There was something incompatible about you two and it's not going to change overnight. Hearing or giving a laundry list of reasons for being dumped or dumping them is not going to get you two back together. It will only make you become more insecure.
Reason 5: If we stay friends we may get back together again.
Truth: It could happen, but it will fail again. Without time alone to grieve, you are both bound for the same fate. You are each continuing to pick the scabs of the relationship, never letting them completely heal. You are also likely to be self destructive during this time; you are probably trying to 'fix' everything that was wrong to make your “ex” happy. This type of behavior leads to resentment. With resentment, you are incapable of loving. You are not yourself.
Reason 6: I need to return some items or retrieve some.
Truth: Like what? Your soap? These exchanges should occur within the first day or two. Anything that you 'need' after that time probably wasn't really 'needed', and is rather an excuse to see your “ex”. Any gifts you received or gave should remain with the recipient. A gift does not belong to the giver, but the receiver. This type of behavior could further damage yourself. What if they have already moved on and you run into their new mate? See what I mean?
Reason 7: We had great sex, and want to be friends with benefits now.
Truth: Again, not accepting your loss. You are probably assuming it is still exclusive, which really means you still see it as a relationship; which it is not. This behavior is likely to lead to confusion, insecurity (over pondering what they are doing when you are not together), and believe it will lead back to a relationship. Also, it prevents you from moving on. You aren't going to find your next partner while still sleeping with your ex.
Reason 8: We work at the same place, live in the same neighborhood, go to the same school, we have children, etc.
Truth: This may be, but it does not imply you need to have consistent generic communication. If you work at the same place, keep conversation brief and work related. If same school, it’s ok to say hi passing each other in the hallway. Have kids together? Keep the conversation in relation to them. Anything outside of these boundaries is an excuse to keep in contact with your ex, and again, preventing you from grieving and moving on.
Conclusion: Play out any of these in your head. How do you honestly picture them going? That's right, not well, in fact it may even make it worse. Do you really believe your ex will magically become 'the one' by staying friends with them? Will they magically get that sex drive back? Trust you around your friends? Be more open about their feelings? Spend more time with you? The answer is no, and if so, only temporarily until they become comfortable again. If it hurts when you do that, don't do it.
Closing Statement: It’s hard, but it’s necessary. DO NOT CONTACT OR RESPOND TO YOUR EX!!!
So you think I or even the OP would have the time to read all these? If she needed all these, google would have sufficed. We Nigerians just talk too much. Afterall it's the same thing all have been saying. |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by chacha3(f): 1:31pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Naturally there is no point keeping intouch with my ex bt if there is an improtant reason then I will but how and why we broke up is another determinant factor. As for me an ex is an ex shikena. |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Truckpusher(m): 1:52pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
What makes kids to fall in love? |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Mospring(m): 1:56pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
PortHarcourtBoy: @Op, you can call when Kornji calls
I don talk my own you can call only if you want to ameliorate issues with ur Ex.....!!! buh make sure you dnt love again out of pity!.. cos caln will simply bring back the intimacy; afterall wats der to discuss after the dump! |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Koolking(m): 1:58pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Calling to say 'hello' or what. If you are still hurting from the breakup, it is hell-to-the-no calling your ex. It might worsen your position. |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by actel(f): 2:59pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Don't cal but if he cals ans and be mature in ur conversation |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by princeonx: 3:20pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Truckpusher: What makes kids to fall in love? Ol'boy, anytime I read certain Question here, I visit the op's profile first. In this case, all I see was a 12/13yrs (not real age but not far (+3/4) from real) old looking girl staring at me and every single one of her topic is love this! Love that!! None focused on career or college/uni. Smdh! |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by OluwaD1: 4:10pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
To me its doesn't really matter, but some of them can be a silly at times[color=#000099][/color]  |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by masks(m): 4:42pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Its not right to keep communication as before. Cos I broke up with a girl some time ago. I realised that whenever she calls me and I sound too nice that whole week she calls me. Now I try to avoid her calls cos she had started getting to comfortable and I love my girl so much I can't stand cheating. So just ignore him and move on. |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Heavensent(m): 4:58pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
I jux cald my ex of 3 yrs bak...cus she jux gaind admsion 2 my sch. Is it rite 4 me 2 help her 2ru registratn or wrong? Guys i nid ur help. |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Heavensent(m): 5:01pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
chacha3: Naturally there is no point keeping intouch with my ex bt if there is an improtant reason then I will but how and why we broke up is another determinant factor. As for me an ex is an ex shikena. dats d point oh I CALD HER 4 an important reason...is it rite or wrong? |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by dabrake(m): 5:20pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
It depends on the manner of our split. I recall a friend of mine splitting up with his girl due to genocide issues. It won't be bad if they remain as friends.
If we are talking of a very BALOTELLI(a girl with a very bad attitude), Lae lae. Worse is if she's someone who, when presented with an opportunity, won't be of future value, omo, na delete button oh. |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by bingbagbo(m): 6:01pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
I dont know why girls cant get over their exes  |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by jamespopo: 6:22pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Al-Aguns:
This may be of help to you @Poster
WHY YOU SHOULD NOT CONTACT YOUR EX
In as much as we want to live an “upright” life, and we do not want to create “enmity” with our fellow humans, it is important to note that, we must learn to leave the past behind us and forge ahead in life. There is certainly nothing that has happened, is happening, or will happen to us that has not happened to someone in the past.
This is just a write up based on my own personal opinion and experiences, it must not be used as a standard, but I can assure you that if we adhere to the points below, we would certainly have healthy relationships.
The Big Question: Why? Why does my ex want to be friends? Why do I want to be friends with my ex?
Answer: After a breakup, there is a huge hole in your life. You likely went from spending many hours a week together to none. Humans are creature of habit, and when a habit breaks we seek to restore or compensate for it. Imagine if you had another man/woman you could crawl into bed with after a breakup, you probably would, wouldn't you? That is you are filling the void; and a reason why it’s not your 'ex' that you want to stay in touch with, but anyone who will fill the gap that was your ex.
Reason 1: I actually have a lot of good reasons to stay in touch...
Truth: No. You have a lot of excuses, not reasons.
Reason 2: This person was really important in my life, why wouldn't we stay friends? We mean a lot to each other.
Truth: They were really important. If your ex is the one trying to be friends, it's not that they actually want you back, it’s that they are having a hard time getting over the relationship. The same for vice versa. And don't kid yourself, if you stayed friends you wouldn't have the same standards you keep as with any other friend. You are subconsciously seeing yourself as with this person still.
Reason 3: I need closure, I need to stay in touch to get over him/her.
Truth: Nope, closure isn't provided by your ex, it is provided by you, through grieving and accepting your loss.
Reason 4: I need to find out why he/she dumped me, -Or- I need to let him/her know why I dumped them.
Truth: What does it matter? You can't change your ex's way of thinking. There was something incompatible about you two and it's not going to change overnight. Hearing or giving a laundry list of reasons for being dumped or dumping them is not going to get you two back together. It will only make you become more insecure.
Reason 5: If we stay friends we may get back together again.
Truth: It could happen, but it will fail again. Without time alone to grieve, you are both bound for the same fate. You are each continuing to pick the scabs of the relationship, never letting them completely heal. You are also likely to be self destructive during this time; you are probably trying to 'fix' everything that was wrong to make your “ex” happy. This type of behavior leads to resentment. With resentment, you are incapable of loving. You are not yourself.
Reason 6: I need to return some items or retrieve some.
Truth: Like what? Your soap? These exchanges should occur within the first day or two. Anything that you 'need' after that time probably wasn't really 'needed', and is rather an excuse to see your “ex”. Any gifts you received or gave should remain with the recipient. A gift does not belong to the giver, but the receiver. This type of behavior could further damage yourself. What if they have already moved on and you run into their new mate? See what I mean?
Reason 7: We had great sex, and want to be friends with benefits now.
Truth: Again, not accepting your loss. You are probably assuming it is still exclusive, which really means you still see it as a relationship; which it is not. This behavior is likely to lead to confusion, insecurity (over pondering what they are doing when you are not together), and believe it will lead back to a relationship. Also, it prevents you from moving on. You aren't going to find your next partner while still sleeping with your ex.
Reason 8: We work at the same place, live in the same neighborhood, go to the same school, we have children, etc.
Truth: This may be, but it does not imply you need to have consistent generic communication. If you work at the same place, keep conversation brief and work related. If same school, it’s ok to say hi passing each other in the hallway. Have kids together? Keep the conversation in relation to them. Anything outside of these boundaries is an excuse to keep in contact with your ex, and again, preventing you from grieving and moving on.
Conclusion: Play out any of these in your head. How do you honestly picture them going? That's right, not well, in fact it may even make it worse. Do you really believe your ex will magically become 'the one' by staying friends with them? Will they magically get that sex drive back? Trust you around your friends? Be more open about their feelings? Spend more time with you? The answer is no, and if so, only temporarily until they become comfortable again. If it hurts when you do that, don't do it.
Closing Statement: It’s hard, but it’s necessary. DO NOT CONTACT OR RESPOND TO YOUR EX!!!
This is good.
|
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by HRHAgek(m): 11:36pm On Dec 27, 2012 |
Cleopatra2: I am kinda confused here. I broke up with my boyfriend sometimes ago, though he is my friends brother. She came telling me that her brother is angry with me because i do not even flash or call him. I dont think it right or do you? [b][/b] All this kinda senseless questions tho. Why do people ask questions they have answers to?  |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Nobody: 12:48am On Dec 28, 2012 |
Haybayray: U shouldn't keep contact with your EX 'cause he might want you back and you might not share the same feeling. This might culminate in frequent altercations between you two leading to abstruse enmity. And that'll be so uneviable. Story of my life! I had dis ex I was trying desperately to become friends with once. It just brought about the said altercations because I didn't grasp that idea that I wasn't the main man again. Long story short, we almost became sworn enemies. My advice is that you ignore all communication, especially if he's still interested. You don't want to start wasting your time hating on someone you really once loved. |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Truckpusher(m): 1:33am On Dec 28, 2012 |
BECAUSE. THEY KEEP LIVING IN THE PAST AND HOPES THAT THEIR NEW BOY FRIEND HAS ALL THE QUALITIES OF THEIR EX TO JOIN WHATEVER PERSONALITY THAT ATTRACTED THEM TO THIS NEW GUY......THEY KEEP LOOKING FOR A TALL, DARK, HANDSOME, RICH AND NOT STINGY GUY, MY QUESTION IS WHERE ARE THEY GONNA FIND HIM?...HE COULD BE GENEROUS BUT SHORT WITH A LARGE NOSTRIL LIKE EKPO CALABAR.....ABEG FORGET THESE GIRLS BY THE TIME THEY HIT THEIR 30TH BIRTHDAY THE AVAILABLE WOULD BECOME THE DESIRABLE....BEFORE I FORGET , WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET DRUNK IN YOUR BAR AND JOKES SECTION? bin gbagbo: I dont know why girls cant get over their exes |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by nnewa: 3:00am On Dec 28, 2012 |
depending on whatever reason (excuse) once has for brreaking up a reastionship, u may b tempted to keep open d communication line. i think d risks far out weigh what ever perceived advantage it may seem fun or for some 'selfish ' end but why still hook up. it may pose a threat to a substantive relationship, and better to confine the ex relationship to where it belongs-ex |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by kagari: 3:20am On Dec 28, 2012 |
Al-Aguns:
This may be of help to you @Poster
WHY YOU SHOULD NOT CONTACT YOUR EX
In as much as we want to live an “upright” life, and we do not want to create “enmity” with our fellow humans, it is important to note that, we must learn to leave the past behind us and forge ahead in life. There is certainly nothing that has happened, is happening, or will happen to us that has not happened to someone in the past.
This is just a write up based on my own personal opinion and experiences, it must not be used as a standard, but I can assure you that if we adhere to the points below, we would certainly have healthy relationships.
The Big Question: Why? Why does my ex want to be friends? Why do I want to be friends with my ex?
Answer: After a breakup, there is a huge hole in your life. You likely went from spending many hours a week together to none. Humans are creature of habit, and when a habit breaks we seek to restore or compensate for it. Imagine if you had another man/woman you could crawl into bed with after a breakup, you probably would, wouldn't you? That is you are filling the void; and a reason why it’s not your 'ex' that you want to stay in touch with, but anyone who will fill the gap that was your ex.
Reason 1: I actually have a lot of good reasons to stay in touch...
Truth: No. You have a lot of excuses, not reasons.
Reason 2: This person was really important in my life, why wouldn't we stay friends? We mean a lot to each other.
Truth: They were really important. If your ex is the one trying to be friends, it's not that they actually want you back, it’s that they are having a hard time getting over the relationship. The same for vice versa. And don't kid yourself, if you stayed friends you wouldn't have the same standards you keep as with any other friend. You are subconsciously seeing yourself as with this person still.
Reason 3: I need closure, I need to stay in touch to get over him/her.
Truth: Nope, closure isn't provided by your ex, it is provided by you, through grieving and accepting your loss.
Reason 4: I need to find out why he/she dumped me, -Or- I need to let him/her know why I dumped them.
Truth: What does it matter? You can't change your ex's way of thinking. There was something incompatible about you two and it's not going to change overnight. Hearing or giving a laundry list of reasons for being dumped or dumping them is not going to get you two back together. It will only make you become more insecure.
Reason 5: If we stay friends we may get back together again.
Truth: It could happen, but it will fail again. Without time alone to grieve, you are both bound for the same fate. You are each continuing to pick the scabs of the relationship, never letting them completely heal. You are also likely to be self destructive during this time; you are probably trying to 'fix' everything that was wrong to make your “ex” happy. This type of behavior leads to resentment. With resentment, you are incapable of loving. You are not yourself.
Reason 6: I need to return some items or retrieve some.
Truth: Like what? Your soap? These exchanges should occur within the first day or two. Anything that you 'need' after that time probably wasn't really 'needed', and is rather an excuse to see your “ex”. Any gifts you received or gave should remain with the recipient. A gift does not belong to the giver, but the receiver. This type of behavior could further damage yourself. What if they have already moved on and you run into their new mate? See what I mean?
Reason 7: We had great sex, and want to be friends with benefits now.
Truth: Again, not accepting your loss. You are probably assuming it is still exclusive, which really means you still see it as a relationship; which it is not. This behavior is likely to lead to confusion, insecurity (over pondering what they are doing when you are not together), and believe it will lead back to a relationship. Also, it prevents you from moving on. You aren't going to find your next partner while still sleeping with your ex.
Reason 8: We work at the same place, live in the same neighborhood, go to the same school, we have children, etc.
Truth: This may be, but it does not imply you need to have consistent generic communication. If you work at the same place, keep conversation brief and work related. If same school, it’s ok to say hi passing each other in the hallway. Have kids together? Keep the conversation in relation to them. Anything outside of these boundaries is an excuse to keep in contact with your ex, and again, preventing you from grieving and moving on.
Conclusion: Play out any of these in your head. How do you honestly picture them going? That's right, not well, in fact it may even make it worse. Do you really believe your ex will magically become 'the one' by staying friends with them? Will they magically get that sex drive back? Trust you around your friends? Be more open about their feelings? Spend more time with you? The answer is no, and if so, only temporarily until they become comfortable again. If it hurts when you do that, don't do it.
Closing Statement: It’s hard, but it’s necessary. DO NOT CONTACT OR RESPOND TO YOUR EX!!!
kk |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by stantob(m): 4:56am On Dec 28, 2012 |
money-hungry :
i can call my ex wen i want se.x... confirm guy,old fire no dey quench.  |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by 5much(m): 10:40am On Dec 28, 2012 |
u can call but u must know wen to draw d line. |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by dare2think: 10:46am On Dec 28, 2012 |
freecocoa: I still talk to my ex.
He calls sometimes and I return the favor too, though it depends on what kind of relationship you had and how it ended.
I've moved on, have a lovely man I'm in love with so why should talking to my ex be a problem? Because Madame, the moment you have a serious problem with your man i.e catch him cheating or your man having erectile dysfunction or anything major, and your ex happens to contact you at those times, you are more likely to engage him. Since you were once comfortable with him, it will be easy to fall in his comfort at your needing time. Thereby rendering you incapable of fixing the problem you may have with your partner. What is not good, is simply not good. 1 Like |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Thewiseone1: 12:22pm On Dec 28, 2012 |
@Fleps, you didn't mention that you are having the same problem as the poster. Somebody tried to help, and specifically directed his/her advice to the poster, and all you could do was to "blab". Why can't you stop being a looser and a hater, since your days in high school fa. Shior........................ |
| Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by dantechnig: 7:39pm On Dec 28, 2012 |
Well I don't know wat we call ex actually I dated many girls that left me to marry another man reasons I was not ready or geno type or age difference well we still call n text till today n no string attached in need some assist while I assist them too. We don't see but pinging has done it all |
