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Stats: 1172353 members, 1480879 topics. Date: Friday, 06 December 2013 at 08:12 PM
|Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Woged2005(f): 2:42pm On Dec 27, 2012|
There are many reasons why a couple may not have children. While some cases are solvable if they seek the help of advanced medicine through fertility treatments others may not be solved. Many young women in other countries willingly offer their help to childless couple either by donating healthy eggs or by conceiving and carrying a pregnancy for them. Some do it as a token of love, while others do it for financial compensations. Recently, a childless woman who have been married for 11 years without a child approached my friend's 26yr old younger sister to be a surrogate mother for her baby. The process will involve using her husband's sperm to get the lady pregnant. In return they will fly the young lady to USA to have the baby (but only after she takes in in Nigeria and the baby close to delivery). In addition, they will give her N1m cash gift.
The young lady accepted the offer but turned down the cash gift. She wants to do it on a humanitarian note, as a Christian. However, her church pastor and elder brother has strongly stood against this based on their religious/ moral inclinations rather advising the childless woman to go to prayer house to solve her problem. This is becoming an unnecessary drama. The childless woman is devastated! I do not subscribe to the practices of some prayer house and miracle baby center since previous scandals had linked them with stolen babies. The young lady came to me for advice.
Will you either support or encourage your sister to be a surrogate mother to a childless couple, helping them carry a pregnancy for 9 months and bosom-feeding the baby before handing him/she over to the couple? Please this is a serious matter and I will appreciate very candid advice.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by chaircover: 3:35pm On Dec 27, 2012|
From the tone of your writeup, you sound like you are all for your friends younger sister being a surrogate mum, your friend however is against it.
. . . . At the end of the day it is the surrogate mother who is the one to make the decision. Its her body, her life and she is the one who is going to live with the emotional and physical effects of whatever decision that she takes.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 4:22pm On Dec 27, 2012|
chaircover: From the tone of your writeup, you sound like you are all for your friends younger sister being a surrogate mum, your friend however is against it.
^^^ Everything I wanted to say has been said above in bold ^^^
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Woged2005(f): 8:07pm On Dec 27, 2012|
I disclosed also that the lady accpeted the offer ( but she doesn't want to tear her family apart). The overbearing influence here is the pastor. I haven't seen any future effects. Many young ladies in Nigeria have had multiple abortions yet preach morals bc nobody saw them.
I get frustrated each time religious leaders (pastors and imams) in Nigeria frustrate real acts of love and compassion beyond the bla-bla-bla they vent on TV and radio waives to make money. Maybe because I grew up abroad, where one becomes an adult taking his/her decisons after 18. Why are Nigerian pastors always in everybody's business? If this girl was giving her kidney to a dying patient, shouldn't we aplaud her?
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by chaircover: 8:31pm On Dec 27, 2012|
I am not sure what you are mostly against; the fact hat the pastor is in this families biz or effects of surrogacy on this woman. I cant speak for the pastors because I am not a pastor but I can speak as a mother.
Surrogacy is not something to be taken lightly and I personally wouldn't do it because its unlikely that i will give the baby up after he/she is born. The mother baby bond is a very tight one from the very first day pregnancy is confirmed and that is why you see many surrogate mothers refusing to give up the baby after birth and that is why, many women who put up their kids for adoption live with the guilt for the rest of their lives and many regret it . . . So there is an emotional side to it.
Now to the physical and practical side of things. . . This woman is 26 and so should be settling down with her own family round about now, but here she is carying a baby for another couple. She has also refused the money, so she doesn't even need the money, which will even make it harder to give up the baby after birth. Lets also not forget that Pregnancy does take its toll on the body and very few women revert 100% back to the way that they were before pregnancy. . . even if it is one faint stretch mark and a .00000001 percent gravity shift in her bosoms.
Surrogacy is not lending someone your car or lending someone your gele and it has to be thought about very carefully. The family is right to question it. i would certainly question my sister and make sure that she knows what she is doing even if she was 40 years old! and has the mental capacity to live with the effects of it for the rest of her life. We are talking about a baby here and that is my neice or nephew too at the end of the day.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by greatgod2012(f): 9:05pm On Dec 27, 2012|
chaircover: I am not sure what you are mostly against; the fact hat the pastor is in this families biz or effects of surrogacy on this woman. I cant speak for the pastors because I am not a pastor but I can speak as a mother.
heeeee, madam CC, u just hit d nail on d head.....Gbam!
Opolo yin o ni daru......amin.
Some pple just take decision without thinking about it properly.
Sometimes ago, i was still in school then, my sister confided in me that she wanted to do this type of thing for her friend, since she had stopped childbearing, i shouted on her and educated her as much as i could, of d dangers and impossibilities there, when i noticed she just kept to herself concerning d matter, i reported her to our mum, who rejected vehemently. Thank God she didnt do it, if not, only God knows what would have become of their friendship now. Anyway, u've spoken well and i pray the sister wise up. Thank you ma.
Btw, how was your xmas and family?
Happy new year in advance!
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Siena(m): 9:07pm On Dec 27, 2012|
Yes, I will.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Callotti: 10:26pm On Dec 27, 2012|
Not ma gaddem bizzzz!
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Woged2005(f): 10:46pm On Dec 27, 2012|
Ok ma. Nice to get another perpective. I guess It's more about culture because young women do this all the time in USA, India and elsewhere. It's just our culture that an out-of-wedluck pregnant girl is 'bad market' for her family. But hei a woman is not a comodity. Here in Nigeria innocent pregnant teens are labelled wayward, irresponsible, etc thrown out of the house by parents while the man celebrates his manhood. In USA the girl is taken good care of. Govt forces the man to pay her child support until the baby turns 18(A practical belief in the sacntity of life, not just preaching it).
The alternative in this case for a desperate childless woman is to patronize baby miracle centres. We wonder why babies are being stolen from chuches and maternities. My Pastor once said "Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand". Nigerians, let's have practical solutions to real issues.
Ma, I love your eye-opening perpective though. God Bless you.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by greatgod2012(f): 3:03am On Dec 28, 2012|
hello, did you read my post at all, before writing this trash, what does miracle baby center, out of wedlock pregancies,etc, has to do with my post, pls, read all over again and modify your post. Thanks.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 5:31am On Dec 28, 2012|
But I don't get the point here.....being a surrogate doesn't make the baby mine no matter how bonded we are in course of the nine months .....the offspring ain't my DNA nor related to me.....most parents usually allow surrogate involved in the kid's lives but there are agencies and fertility clinics with surrogates available to you if you have money and don't want to deal with this Nigerian attache problem.
@OP....my sister is her own person , an adult and she can make her own decision....so it's not my call...but if she's willing to do it..yeah I will support her ....I'd do(surrogate) it for her and I am sure she would too...life's too short and one good turn deserves another...IMO o!
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by greatgod2012(f): 7:08am On Dec 28, 2012|
@jidegirl, its not that its not good to assist, but problem is likely to occur because of d bond that may likely to be between d child and d surrogate mother.
Sincerely, i must tell you, i dont know how you look at it o, but carrying a baby for 9 months in your womb, breatfeed d baby for may be 10-12 months and then later hand over d baby to d original parent, dont you think there is likely to be a breach of contract as time goes on, my sister anything can happen.
I, personally, will recommend adoption for a childless couple, instead of surrogacy, especially in Nigeria, because anything can happen o .........anything can happen, sometimes, there is more than two sides to a coin.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by chaircover: 7:26am On Dec 28, 2012|
@jide you are a nurse naw With surrogacy, it is mostly the mans speerm fertilizing the surrogate mothers eggs. So the baby is infact 50% surrogate mums. So if my sister decides to do this, then in effect that baby is my niece or nephew.
I know that some clinics perform a more specialized surrogacy where an embryo is implanted into the surrogates womb, but from what the poster is describing, this sounds more of a turkey baster job with the husbands sperm.
As a surrogate mother, that baby has my DNA too and there is also a strong liklihood that the baby will look like me too which again will make it harder to hand over the baby later.
The next step from a failed surrogacy attempt is not child theft. The next logical step is adoption and there are thousands and thousands of babys out there who need happy loving homes.
And as for the culture thing, even single mothers over here have a hard time. You see them pushing buggys all around the city centre. They are the ones who have to drop out of school and they are the ones who are left holding the baby. Go to any doctors waiting room and you see them there all by themselves. The man has long taken off. No one celebrates single motherhood and the real single mothers will tell you that it is hard work.
What I dont understand is if young American and Indian girls do this all the time in the USA, then why go to Nigeria a country where these kinds of things are not really embraced?
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 9:22am On Dec 28, 2012|
Jide I agree with you. That a driver transports goods from Onitsha to Borno doesn't make the goods 50 percent his.
The surrogate is just a medium, Baby aint yours so no fake bonding. If she wants to help her sister let her abeg.
As for the fake pastor he intends to keep milking them dry with "visions" when they get a baby via surrogagte his cash cow is done, so if they had any sense which is lacking in many Nigerian Christains, They will ignore him and go ahead and have their baby.
God gave Doctors knowledge for a reason. I can be very professional, I don't like bringing sentiments unnecessarrily into issues.
A surrogate is a meduim nothing more. God has already answered their prayers by giving them a willing surrogate if they choose to continue to wait for God to come down himself na them sabi.That is. Why I can't stand Nigerian Lies, A woman who clearly had IVF or worse still stole a baby will come and give a fake testimony that as "papa prayed" and decieve millions of other women in her shoes. Poster me I have been there done that, so I know what I am saying.
Madam CC Merry Christmas.
Science has given us wonderful solutions yet we choose to stay and be fooled.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Woged2005(f): 4:47pm On Dec 28, 2012|
I appoligize if I offended anyone pls. Sometime I wonder why we Nigerians labour and go to the university to get masters degrees and PhDs in sciences, we fly in planes, watch TVs, and use cellphones only made possible by complex Science and technologies. We believe in the early detection and cure for cancer, etc We don't argue with that because they make us comfortable. All that I mentioned above have one adverse effect either on the body or enviroments (plane, cell phones, TV all emit tiny levels of radiations) but we still use them anyway. Yet same science gave us surrogacy, IVF, fertility treatments then we suddenly remember religion, morals, emotions, and attachments.
Update on the issue: I spoke to her yesterday but she said another lady from cross rivers has accepted to help the family for a fee. However the lady chose to remain anonymous throughout the pregnancy and birth providing she will be allowed occasional visitations with the baby in future. Though the couple would have prefered someone with a known character and natural ties to their family however they remain grateful.
I want to add that a mother is someone who gave birth to a child, a father is someone wo contributed the fluid. However a mom and dad are the ones who gave the baby life, future, and hope. They are usualy the ones a baby developes bond with. U don't exist in the life of Children if you are not there. (Pure psychology).
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 5:26pm On Dec 28, 2012|
I'd give my eggs if they want cos I don't know what the big deal is...... All na Naija long throat attaché IMO
I don't know why these people wants attachment and not just get eggs from a donor with good history/ background.... I won't be surprised if these girls don't snatch that man away eventually in future!
People just bring unnecessary distress into their lives shuo!
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by chaircover: 5:46pm On Dec 28, 2012|
Merry Xmas Debrief. Hope you had a good one. he caterer delivered so we were all happy
Jide you sef how you dey? Just causing trouble on one thread or the other Hope your 2013 resolution is to be a good girl
Back to the topic. Jide, harvesting and giving your eggs is a lot different from going through pregnancy and labour and then after one last push the nurse finally placing your baby on your chest skin to skin and then giving that same baby up. . . .well for me anyway. I def couldnt do it.
. . . .and as for the couple who want to give access to the cross river lady, who has exchanged her baby for a fee. I am almost sure that one day, she will pack up their money in an envelope for them and come asking for her child. . . . . One of the strongest bonds in this life is the mother/child bond.
BTW turkey basting a mans semenn into a woman & trying to get her pregnant is not complex science o!.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 6:12pm On Dec 28, 2012|
Lol cc you and your turkey basting sef
Anyways I've been a good girl off NL and that's all that matters...... We'll see bout the NL new year resolution cos some people just piss me off everytime so it's hard to be 'good' here.
As per the Topic; I get your point tho, I'm just making a suggestion , rather than using these girls , why not get a egg, surrogate and take the baby when it's born,
this might sound gross to you but my grand-aunt bre astfeed her grandchild when my cousin passed away during childbirth ,
I don't just get why the surrogate mom has to bre astfeed the baby and not the mom. What's with the attachment and ceremony....all necessary documents has to be drawn out before anything sef!.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 6:21pm On Dec 28, 2012|
Madam CC, Caterer over performed self, Mr. Debrief really upped his game, took me clubbing first time since I had baby.
Anyway as per this topic how does a surrogate claim what is not hers? How does she become the mother when it is not her eggs?
I don't think you get the concept of surrogacy, like I said I give a driver goods to take from lagos he gets to maiduguri then returns my money because he is attanched?
Lol. The surrogate is not the mother of the child how does she claim what is not hers?
Anyway, you won't understand sha, na people wey know how shoe dey pinch go know how to weigh pros and cons.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 6:23pm On Dec 28, 2012|
Debrief muah muah I've missed you! How was your Xmas and happy new year in advance!
Greatgod.... Hugs how are you ? Happy new year and God's divine blessings
CC you dey enjoy o ! Happy new year in advance to you and yours
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 6:28pm On Dec 28, 2012|
@ Debrief lol cc is just mixing apple with oranges ..... Surrogacy is just as simple as ABC ....
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by chaircover: 6:30pm On Dec 28, 2012|
Mr Debrief thank you jare. Thank you for looking after my sister well well. More grease to your elbows
This particular surrogacy that the poster is talking about is using the surrogate mothers egg, so the baby has 50% of the surrogates mothers DNA. To now give up the baby at birth is like giving up half of her and in years to come, it will most probably haunt her especially if money changed hands.
This is not the same as being a sememm donor or an egg donor. This is a full term baby.
My own thoughts sha.
GreatisGod my sister hope you had a good Xmas and wishing you a happy & prosperous New Year. Where is our phone card ooooo!
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Nobody: 6:35pm On Dec 28, 2012|
OP I hope these people has attorney involved just incase these hungry girls come back for the baby or more money?
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by Woged2005(f): 6:58pm On Dec 28, 2012|
Surrogate parenthood has both legal and biological ends.
1). Like adoption, no couple goes into it without legal agreements before lawyers and the papers filed in court registry by ur lawyer. Once you sign that right over, if you like u can cry your eyes out and bring thrice the amount in future the baby can never bear ur name or be turned over to u. Countries (including Nigeria) are governed by laws not emotions. That takes care of that end.
2). According to biology a baby through sucking does initiate hormonal effects that produce breastmilk in any matured woman. Many adoptive parents bosom-feed their adopted babies. therefore, a surrogate mother doesn't have to bosom-feed.
3). I understand the point you make about emotional scare. You are absolutley correct. That's an issue to watch. But that's the same emtional scare many women who had abortions go through later in future. They just have to deal with it through counselling. it's even better to know that ur baby is alive with a happy family that can give her the best education and love and visiting her than having the guilt that u killed her and gave her no chance to live.
4).In this case the woman in question doesn't have to ability to conceive or carry pregnancy bc of earlier illness that affected her womb.
I think we should use this medium to educate and enlighten people about various legitimate options they have if they are childless, the pros and cons of each. I have learned a lot already. Honestly using 'miracle baby centers' that patronize 'baby factories' is horrible and a sin. These are stolen babies pleeeeeaaaassse! big-time A pastor from Kenya and his wife are sitting in Jail in UK because of that.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by bluedum: 12:22am On Dec 30, 2012|
Yes why not?.. I am even ready to be a surrogate mother to anyone interested in getting there own baby/babies this 2013 and no attashment trash involve.. cos as soon as the babies are born they will be deliver to the parent. My num is07084339217 or better still anyone interested in this surrogate offer can leave there own contact details.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by greatgod2012(f): 6:41am On Dec 30, 2012|
Jidegirl,Debrief, Chaircover, i never knew i missed you all on this thread, im sorry for not checking back.......i love you all,......Happy new year in advance!
Debrief, CC na you suppose buy recharge card for me o, lol, you are both first and second respectively, and it still remains like that....
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by chaircover: 8:29am On Dec 31, 2012|
^^^ see moves oooo! Abeg send the credit jare
Happy New Year!!!!!!!!
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by biolabee(m): 5:53pm On Jan 07|
even a baby who is fertized invitro and implemented has a bit of the surrogates DNA
I think it is in the mitochondria which is the basis for a new technique to solve some genetic disorders
change the cellular fluid
So its not a pure bus ride from Akure to Lagos
There is also the changes in the body and the kicking which makes the woman bond, her bosoms fill up etc
This one no be ordinary tin o
@woged have the family set the process to be legally water tight
You dont want any controversy in the future
The young girl doing it is she ready for widening, epoisotomy etc
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by blank(f): 2:26pm On Jan 08|
I wish i could be a surrogate mum for people who need that kind of help.
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by bluedum: 1:57pm On Feb 09|
i am a month pregnant now from my bf
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by biolabee(m): 5:44pm On Feb 11|
bluedum: i am a month pregnant now from my bf
|Re: Will You Support Your Sister To Be A Surrogate Mother To A Childless Couple? by honey86: 4:31pm On Jul 28|
I use to think I could do it. But ask me the same question now and its a big No unless its family. Going through pregnancy has made me seen the light, sorry if I offend anybody.
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