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Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last - Romance - Nairaland

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Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Nobody: 8:17am On Dec 28, 2012
"I need space."



At some point in our lives, many of us have either heard these words or said them to someone else. What usually followed was a breakup, and, depending on who did the breaking up, some tears, and perhaps some retail therapy or watching sappy romances on daytime TV while wearing PJs. However, in a marriage or any serious relationship, space means something completely different. In my experience it means a chance to be awesome at life as an individual. By awesome I mean a chance for you to develop and pursue personal interests, relax and recharge, or do whatever it is that makes you feel good about you. It helps you to be a better version of you. The payoff -- and there are many -- is that not only are you often happier and more satisfied with your life, but you end up being a better partner. And yet, as glorious as being a better version of me sounds, I suck at taking time for myself. I just do.

As it turns out, having space in your relationship may be even more valuable than having a good sex life. Research has shown that couples in which each spouse felt like he or she had a sense of privacy and time for him or herself were more likely to stay together.

"No, duh!" you might say. But this is easier said than done (for some of us anyway).

Here's the thing: We know we need space, and that it is a good thing. But, as this article notes, often we women are less likely than men to get it. Even if we work outside the home, we spend a large amount of time caring for our loved ones, communicating with our friends and planning various events. I know a lot of that is by choice, but regardless, it is less time we have for ourselves, and for many of us, more time spent trying to make the people we love happy.

Some of us (me!) struggle to pull ourselves away from our families, even just for a little bit. With a new little one in the home, I am exhausted, but at the same time I don't want to miss a moment because I know how quickly time flies. I've also got an 8-year-old, and with each passing day I wonder when she will stop thinking I am the coolest person ever.

Then there's my husband. I've been working to love him better and make our relationship more of a priority -- which means I also want to spend time with him. There are only so many hours in the day! But I know a lasting marriage (not to mention your sanity) is an imperative enough reason to unplug, at least for a little while.

Even if you can't necessarily leave the house, or aren't ready to or wanting to, there are things we can do to have a little space of our own while at home. Examples of such are an uninterrupted bubble bath (make sure that bathroom door has locks otherwise it will be interrupted, particularly if you have little ones at home), or some time spent reading your favorite blogs while drinking coffee before everyone wakes up in the morning.

Although girls' nights are fun and important if things don't work out to have one, we've still got to find a way to fly solo from time to time, even if it's just for an hour.

In the meantime, what are things you do to ensure that you and your spouse have some space? And do you agree: Is time spent apart more important than time spent making love? Does the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" apply when it comes to having space?

-By Krishann Briscoe

The Secret to Making a Relationship Last

7 Likes

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Afam4eva(m): 8:21am On Dec 28, 2012
Keep this space for me.

1 Like

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by k2039: 8:29am On Dec 28, 2012
[color=soyouquotedme]More reason I want a goal/career oriented woman, I can get as much space as I want.

Nice article. At a point we all need space to pursue our individual dreams, everything in life is not just about family dreams and goals.

At other times I will need space to dream, think about family goals, reminisce and draw plans for the future.

IMHO, for one me to be successfull(I personalised because I understand that success is subjective), I need to have my space, It's not just about 'US', 'I' also matters. [/color]
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:32am On Dec 28, 2012
True. When you are too in one another, you will run out of things to talk about or suddenly you start getting the feeling that you are losing yourself and becoming more of the other person.

That is also why married couples are sometimes advised to have separate rooms they can retreat to to get some "me time"

2 Likes

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Nobody: 8:34am On Dec 28, 2012
Screaming********i need space********
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Idowuogbo(f): 8:35am On Dec 28, 2012
Mynd_44: True. When you are too in one another, you will run out of things to talk about or suddenly you start getting the feeling that you are losing yourself and becoming more of the other person.

That is also why married couples are sometimes advised to have separate rooms they can retreat to to get some "me time"
Word!

1 Like

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Nobody: 8:37am On Dec 28, 2012
Mynd_44: True. When you are too in one another, you will run out of things to talk about or suddenly you start getting the feeling that you are losing yourself and becoming more of the other person.

That is also why married couples are sometimes advised to have separate rooms they can retreat to to get some "me time"

Separate bathrooms at the very least. Lol.

You're so right though, especially about running out of things to talk about. It can get boring so fast.

1 Like

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:38am On Dec 28, 2012
Idowuogbo:
Word!
cheesycheesycheesy

1 Like

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Paulipopor: 8:40am On Dec 28, 2012
Nice article...hmmm!
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Afam4eva(m): 8:40am On Dec 28, 2012
ogugua88:

Separate bathrooms at the very least. Lol.

You're so right though, especially about running out of things to talk about. It can get boring so fast.
Do you run out of things to talk with your siblings or friends?

14 Likes

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:41am On Dec 28, 2012
ogugua88:

Separate bathrooms at the very least. Lol.
I am talking rooms mehn. Rooms. Not that they won't have the usual room like for married stuff, but you need your space to still feel like an human being sometimes

You're so right though, especially about running out of things to talk about. It can get boring so fast.
True
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Idowuogbo(f): 8:42am On Dec 28, 2012
afam4eva:
Do you run out of things to talk with your siblings or friends?
Everyone does na! Except u are d ongoing radio type. lipsrsealed
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:43am On Dec 28, 2012
afam4eva:
Do you run out of things to talk with your siblings or friends?
Actually, you can run out of things to talk about with someone you are dating but with your friends, that's a different kettle of fish cos to me it is non stop convos but old friends only oooo. But some new friends are good too
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Nobody: 8:44am On Dec 28, 2012
afam4eva: Do you run out of things to talk with your siblings or friends?

We have our quiet moments. There are also times where I'd rather talk to someone else lol.

1 Like

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Afam4eva(m): 8:45am On Dec 28, 2012
Idowuogbo:
Everyone does na! Except u are d ongoing radio type. lipsrsealed
At least you agree that it's human nature. It's not like you're with your spouse 24/7. That's enough space IMO.

1 Like

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Afam4eva(m): 8:46am On Dec 28, 2012
Mynd_44:
Actually, you can run out of things to talk about with someone you are dating but with your friends, that's a different kettle of fish cos to me it is non stop convos
That's why people are advised to date and marry their friend. If you're free with yourselves, you'll most definitely have something to talk about.

3 Likes

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:47am On Dec 28, 2012
afam4eva:
At least you agree that it's human nature. It's not like you're with your spouse 24/7. That's enough space IMO.
But you will still need space bro. That's the truth
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:49am On Dec 28, 2012
afam4eva:
That's why people are advised to date and marry their friend. If you're free with yourselves, you'll most definitely have something to talk about.
True but we can't always date our friends you know. At some point, people who have dated up to 30 people will run out of friends to date

1 Like

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Nobody: 8:49am On Dec 28, 2012
afam4eva: That's why people are advised to date and marry their friend. If you're free with yourselves, you'll most definitely have something to talk about.

In times of quarrels or misunderstandings, often times it's best to leave or get some alone time for one to clear his or her head or calm down.

I can definitely see the need for space even without quarrels though. What Mynd stated earlier is very true. At times, I've found myself running away from guys who tried to "suffocate" me. I'd like to be in a relationship and still have a sense of "me". That's very important for me actually.

2 Likes

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Nobody: 8:52am On Dec 28, 2012
I love to miss her sometimes. . . Missing her makes me look forward to when I'll see or talk with her next.
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:53am On Dec 28, 2012
ogugua88:

In times of quarrels or misunderstandings, often times it's best to leave or get some alone time for one to clear his or her head or calm down.

I can definitely see the need for space even without quarrels though. What Mynd stated earlier is very true. At times, I've found myself running away from guys who try to "suffocate" me. I'd like to be in a relationship and still have a sense of "me". That's very important for me actually.
That's the truth
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:54am On Dec 28, 2012
sexkillz: I love to miss her sometimes. . . Missing her makes me look forward to when I'll see or talk with her next.
True. And that helps you appreciate one another more. But make sure you don't stay too wide apart as that might lead to something else
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Nobody: 8:57am On Dec 28, 2012
Mynd_44:
True. And that helps you appreciate one another more. But make sure you don't stay too wide apart as that might lead to something else
That's why i said "sometimes". . . wink
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 8:58am On Dec 28, 2012
sexkillz: That's why i said "sometimes". . . wink
Aight
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Idowuogbo(f): 9:01am On Dec 28, 2012
Mynd_44:
True. And that helps you appreciate one another more. But make sure you don't stay too wide apart as that might lead to something else
Destruction and temitayo rite? cheesy

Hmmm...foods for tot. wink
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by LadyTC: 9:02am On Dec 28, 2012
Hahaha I like this topic, cos me I always need my space.
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by EzePromoe: 9:02am On Dec 28, 2012
ogugua88: "I need space."

[in a little child's voice] Aunty, could that be you and Uncle Killz

@topic
If all men were like me, then the word 'space' is not to be mentioned when its got to do with relationships depending on what you mean. Some dudes are fvcksters, even if being intimate with them 24/7, they will stil go for external test.

1 Like

Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 9:04am On Dec 28, 2012
Idowuogbo:
Destruction and temitayo rite? cheesy

Hmmm...foods for tot. wink
Na so
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by LadyTC: 9:06am On Dec 28, 2012
Mynd_44: True. When you are too in one another, you will run out of things to talk about or suddenly you start getting the feeling that you are losing yourself and becoming more of the other person.

That is also why married couples are sometimes advised to have separate rooms they can retreat to to get some "me time"
I don't really know about seperate bedrooms though that is a bit much. I think there is enough space in the house or should be to get some me time. I feel couples if married should make sure they sleep in the same bedroom.
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Nobody: 9:08am On Dec 28, 2012
LadyTC:
I don't really know about seperate bedrooms though that is a bit much. I think there is enough space in the house or should be to get some me time. I feel couples if married should make sure they sleep in the same bedroom.
In that case, space would refer to mobile devices, "me-time" and of course, when she is in the toilet.
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Idowuogbo(f): 9:14am On Dec 28, 2012
sexkillz: In that case, space would refer to mobile devices, "me-time" and of course, when she is in the toilet.
Toilet ke? Lolz... Crazy child!
Re: Personal Space Makes A Relationship Last by Mynd44: 9:14am On Dec 28, 2012
LadyTC:
I don't really know about seperate bedrooms though that is a bit much. I think there is enough space in the house or should be to get some me time. I feel couples if married should make sure they sleep in the same bedroom.
Sleep in the same bedroom yesI am not arguing that but separate rooms in the sense that you have a place to retreat to and have some time alone where you can close the door and breathe easy

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