There have been and continue to be very horrific stories that befall women. Today it has become all to common place to read a paper, browse the web or watch the news and listen to all sort of horrific incidents. The high profile cases so far have been the attack on Malala whose only sin was advocating for education for other girls. The heartbreaking case of the Indian lady who recently died- the sin she commited she dared to go see a movie with a male friend. On her way back home not only was she repeatedly raped. She had a rod inserted into her and she died of her injuries. Another rape case again in India where the victim commited suicide because of the lag in the investigation and pressure from the police to recant her story. It is all so easy to say that yes this are crimes that occur in developing worlds. Inderjit Kaur, Tuba Tabussum ,Sonali Marhakhjee and unfortunately the list goes on and on. However there quite a few places as well. There is the case of Katie Piper whose ex boyfriend sought out someone to douse her face with sulphuric acid, Patricia Lefranc, Kassandra Perkins and the list goes on. If its not murder, its either emotional,sexual or physical abuse in relationships and in marriage.

What is it that makes some men feel that women are second hand citizens? objects to be bought and sold? that the life of a woman is worth absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things? what spurs on the blame culture when it comes to violent incidents?

The first justification sadly is religion. Many are quick to pick and choose certain parts of thier religious books in isolation to justify thier acts. A few christians would be quick to point out to you that women ought to be submissive. Indicating women are slightly inferior. Yet they fail to take cognizance of the fact that men are to love thier wives as themselves. That to me suggests that in a Christian marriage the husband is given the role as head of the household and the wife is expected to submit to the husband’s leadership. However, she is his equal in terms of social status; she is not inferior to him.

A few muslims are quick to state that clearly in Islamic marriages the husband is the head and manager of his wife. Women ought to be subersevient and managed. Women lack self control and as the man pays a womans dowry he has acquires the rights to her and has control over her regulation. Again an indication that women are slightly inferior. However they convineintly forget that Mohammed urged his followers to treat their women and wives well.

Recently a clown of a priest Piero Costi had the following gems of intellect to share

women should engage in "healthy self criticism" over the issue of femicide, or men murdering women.
women shared the blame for "provoking the worst instincts, which then turn into violence and sexual abuse".
"The core of the problem is in the fact that women are more and more provocative, they yield to arrogance, they believe they can do everything themselves and they end up exacerbating tensions,"
"How often do we see girls and even mature women walking on the streets in provocative and tight clothing?"
"Babies left to themselves, dirty houses, cold meals and fast food at home, soiled clothes. So if a family ends up in a mess and turns into crime (a form of violence which should be condemned and punished firmly) often the responsibility is shared

Another problematic issue is that of culture. People are so steeped in their cultural ways that they view any transformation or movement in any direction as a threat. I see many threads or topics put on today about how african men are bemoaning the females of today. How dare they not know how to cook? after all gender roles are better than being a good individual. How dare they speak thier minds? its this kind of copying the westerners attitudes that is leading to demise of long lasting marriages. How dare they spend so much time on Net and other social ills??

We have all been subject to the mind numbing stupid comments such as pregnancy from rape was "something that God intended" by the lovely U Richard Mourdock and of course who can forget the Todd Adkin with his view that women’s bodies have ways of avoiding pregnancy in cases of what he called “legitimate rape”. The Chief of Police in Thane suggested that women should carry chilli and avoid going out at night to avoid rape.

The most troubling of all is the attitude of other women. Many are quick to jump on the blame game and attribute the form of abuse whether emotional, physical or sexual to the behavior of the victim. Have we become so blinded to our worth as a collective that we are willing to allow the reigning abuse patriachal order to stand?? Have we become some brainwashed to blatant sexism that we now characterize it as tradition and culture?
Why is it that women are so quick to blame other women instead of standing together and insisting that men be punished and insist on a new wave of re-education?

In cases of marital abuse, women are counselled to get back for the sake of the family and the most appalling to me is the stigma of divorce. The oft quoted saying is God hates divorce. My question is, is divorce a higher elevated sin? it seems absurd that you would be sending someone into harms way because of your legalistic reading of the bible. Yup God may hate divorce but im pretty sure he hates murder too (which sadly all to often happens when the women does go back). How many more shattered families are you willing to have around? Children absolute destroyed because thier father killed their mother?

We honestly all need to take a step back before we engage in the victim blaming game, understand that there should be equality between men and women despite what we have always been taught in our cultural and traditional backgrounds. Just because you dont agree with the way someone else chooses to live thier lives or the choices that they make does not make it ok for you to impose your point of view on them. Its time we started re-educating our brothers, uncles, nephews and male counterparts that violence against women is not OK, that a woman is not an object that can be bought and discarded. Importantly that culture is a flexible, evolving thing. What occured in the time of our parents is not necessarily the best way to go about doing things. One is supposed to learn lessons from the past and adjust accordingly. They need to be taught that gender roles are becoming blurred and there is nothing wrong with that. When it comes to the abuse of other women in other ways shape or form, we really ought to rise up and act as a collective support unit. Above all, it is time to rise up against erroneous "Religious" yes in quotation mark religious fanaticism that borders on misogyny.