He is a 16-year-old.
I saw his mum two days ago and she was in tears begging me to help her with her son.
I've been very close to their family, especially the boy in question.
His mother said he has refused to continue schooling. He smokes weed, drinks like a fish, a night walker and a petty thief.
He stole #10,000 from his dad this christmas and didn't sleep at home for four days.
Since i came back honme, he has been avoiding me.
I ran into him yesterday and we had a long discussion.
He confirmed his mum's report and broke down in tears.
The scary part of all these, is that, he told me he is into something huge...something big and sacred, but he cannot tell anyone about it.
He wants to get out of it but he is not ready to talk about it.
I pleaded with him, all to no avail.

As at early last year, this boy was a very good kid. Very obedient, intelligent, smart, and brilliant. He was on state scholarship and passed all his WASSCE papers in one sitting. But now, he sells herbs in the streets and doesn't want to get into higher institution, despite the wealth of his parents.

He is from a very strong christian background and his family has done a lot to help him.
Pls, we need your advice.

Caracta: He is a 16-year-old.
I saw his mum two days ago and she was in tears begging me to help her with her son.
I've been very close to their family, especially the boy in question.
His mother said he has refused to continue schooling. He smokes weed, drinks like a fish, a night walker and a petty thief.
He stole #10,000 from his dad this christmas and didn't sleep at home for four days.
Since i came back honme, he has been avoiding me.
I ran into him yesterday and we had a long discussion.
He confirmed his mum's report and broke down in tears.
The scary part of all these, is that, he told me he is into something huge...something big and sacred, but he cannot tell anyone about it.
He wants to get out of it but he is not ready to talk about it.
I pleaded with him, all to no avail.

As at early last year, this boy was a very good kid. Very obedient, intelligent, smart, and brilliant. He was on state scholarship and passed all his WASSCE papers in one sitting. But now, he sells herbs in the streets and doesn't want to get into higher institution, despite the wealth of his parents.

He is from a very strong christian background and his family has done a lot to help him.
Pls, we need your advice.

The gods of his village have been provoked.

Seriously, they (the parents) should look inwards, there must have been a major slip up somewhere.

He is rolling with a dangerous crowd. The parents have to go to every length and use any means necessary to get him away from the evil people he is moving with. God know what this huge and sacred thing is. Hopefully, he does not end up murdering somebody as part of the gang activity.

The things I can think of off the top of my head to do.
- Have him talk confidentially to a physician/psychiatrist/psychologist after the parents have told them all their concerns. They may be able to get the info out of him and provide him help and resources to get out.
- Have him committed to inpatient psychiatry ward (if he qualifies)
- Turn him over to the police. Better to go to jail for petty theft and weed possession than for some graver crime he is looking to commit.
- Send him back to Nigeria.

Devil @ work..

They should relocate him to a safe and secured environment and also get him a professional counsellor.
There is always that critical stage in ones life where crucial decisions are taken as regards the direction one's life is taking. One of such is at 16 and I also went through mine.

If I may guess correctly , he might be involved with cultists or a dangerous gang and might have gone through a form of initiation process.

His parents must move him away and keep him out of touch with these dangerous crowd as someone rightly mentioned or his life might get himself and family entangled in something very messy.

His dad also needs to make out time and communicate with him. Introduce him to other responsible men who he may develop interest in what they do and eventually become his role model.

Finally, what he is going through is merely a social and physiological crisis point and Nairalanders should not add Spiritual undertones to it or his matter might end up getting worse.

Goodluck!

Brand_new
If I may guess correctly , he might be involved with cultists or a dangerous gang and might have gone through a form of initiation process.

most intitiation processes involves the spiritual and the physical

acidosis™:


most intitiation processes involves the spiritual and the physical

All the poor boy needs is the right kind of attention and a proper way to channel his energy.

From what was said about him, he's probably a resourceful person with an entrepreneurial spirit. Maybe a future Dangote or Mike Adenuga hence going into herbs business.

All he needs is the right kind of motivation and mentorship. Someone with the right attitude who will talk him back to his senses.

The initiation thing is only a presumption and even at that, it still doesn't warrant giving his situation a spiritual undertone.

Why can't we Africans think for once and stop blaming the devil and demons for our self inflicted woes.
Use your mind.

I appreciate all comments made so far on this thread. I don't know if a change in environment would have any effect. In fact, i'm yet to tell his parents about the discussion we had. He told me in strict confidence and i need to apply wisdom.

However, more comments are needed.
Parents, brothers, sisters, friends, pls help this young boy.

I'l stick with Brandnew's point....the young teenager needs to relocate. He needs to get som new form of inspiration to bring him back to track.

Its best he talks things over with his best parent...prolly his Mom. You could be part of the meeting if need be. But above all he has to know that the descision to quit isnt meant to be when things go wrong or the harm has been done....hence now is best 4him.

He needs to make up his mind on it else y'all would be flogging a dead horse...moreso, with his resolve the relocation thing would then perfect the change(which includes dropping the habits he picked up)..

Put him in prayers too..

@alleviate...You're making so much sense. The idea of relocating him is meant to keep him out of touch with the bad influences in his life. Not necessary though but would make it easier for him to make positive changes.
Op also has a role to play in this since you're his confidant. You can reach out to him and lovingly make him realise the mistakes his making.

You can take him out to the cinema or something. Create a more friendly atmosphere for him to communicate his deepest feelings to you, build trust and give him sound advice.

Be an agent of change. (Just a suggestion and it's something I would do if I'm in your shoes)

I'l suggest a cut frm all social vices lik phone,laptop,tv 4 nw & a deliverance galore 4 him possibly in DLBC or MFM

Iyanuj1: I'l suggest a cut frm all social vices lik phone,laptop,tv 4 nw & a deliverance galore 4 him possibly in DLBC or MFM

Please cut that deliverance crap.

This is part of d result when we allow our kids to have too much freedom, when parents refuse to befriend their children, when parents dont monitor d kind of company their children hangs up with,............
Well, as some have already suggested, he needs a councillor/psychologist to put him back on track.
Secondly, i can almost swear that, that big and scary thing he talked about is most likely to be related to cultism, so, if need be, there may be change of enviroment, so that he will be disentangled from d bad company he is keeping.
Next, to avoid continous contact with d presumed company he is keeping, his phone/iphone, laptop and any other gadgets that may ease his continous contact with d presumed company should be seized, or withdrawn from him for the time been.
He is an adolescent, no doubt, at this stage, teenagers are easily misled by peers especially, so, d parents need to be closer and more friendly to him to enable them have his confidence.
Now, op, where is d father in this picture, how friendly is d mother? What do you think you can do to help d young man? I think with d way you said he discussed with you, you can be more closer, probably opening up d more for you when he notice your consistence and love towards him.
Above all, d boy needs prayer, d devil/enemies might want to use him against his family, as in, as an instrument of sorrow, so d op and d parents need to pray against every shackles of d enemy over his life. Pls, mark my word, i said prayers, not deliverance in churches, lest d parents be ripped off their money or d parents be scared more. Our God is loving, we can pray by ourselves without any intermediaries, d4, d boy need to be prayed for seriously.
May God help us all.

@greatgod2012, thanks a lot. According to what his mum told me, his father has written him off and even told the boy to leave the house on several occasions and stop soiling his name.

The mum is quite friendly with him...but she is soft and easily get worried, so the boy doesn't want to tell her anything. You know how scared and worried mothers can be.

As for me, i'll do my best and make use of all the suggestions and advice made so far on this thread. Talk to the parents and the boy. Unfortunately, holiday is over. I'll have to go back soon.

Caracta: @greatgod2012, thanks a lot. According to what his mum told me, his father has written him off and even told the boy to leave the house on several occasions and stop soiling his name.

The mum is quite friendly with him...but she is soft and easily get worried, so the boy doesn't want to tell her anything. You know how scared and worried mothers can be.

As for me, i'll do my best and make use of all the suggestions and advice made so far on this thread. Talk to the parents and the boy. Unfortunately, holiday is over. I'll have to go back soon.

I'm sorry to say this but the irresponsible attitude of his father is the root cause of the young man's problems.
All he needs now is some fatherly love and attention and not just putting food on the table and providing a roof over his head. Someone needs to talk some sense into his monkey brain.

Smh on how parents sometimes mismanage their children.

Brand_new:
I'm sorry to say this but the irresponsible attitude of his father is the root cause of the young man's problems.
All he needs now is some fatherly love and attention and not just putting food on the table and providing a roof over his head. Someone needs to talk some sense into his monkey brain.

Smh on how parents sometimes mismanaged their children.

thank you, Brand new........ some parents are just terrible, a child misbehaves and d next thing is to start cursing d child, threatening to disown d child.......blah, blah, blah....doesnt it occur to them that they are presenting themselves as a failed parent when they put on those silly actions...hhhmmm .... smh for that his dad.

Thank you guys. You've been very helpful.

One he needs to be relocated from that environment. He has blended into a cult and once you take him away from the environment, their influence reduces.

If you have a family member a boy not older than 35yrs whom he can relate to, Dont take him to a Spirikoko born again brother but a normal guy who is very social and successful Let him be mentored

The thing is most teens think their parents are outdated and don't know whatsup but if he meets an elderly guy a family.

If I were i would invite him to come spend the weekend with me As he lands give him beer if he smokes let him smoke even carry him to club to show him that all these things are not strange to you that you probably did it when you were young, But he needs to change because if you didnt change at that time you would have fallen behind like some of your friends

i would give him real life examples of guys who didnt change their ways and where they ended

Be a brother to him, Take him to club, watch football together, Play games together, Allow him to run chics but always tell him all is vanity that its his career and academics that matter most

All the lies the gang told him e.g he would be powerful, he can oppress anyone, he can get any chics, He can make money etc Show him their are other legit and responsible ways to achieve it.

His parents cant do these because he already thinks they are old fashioned

He needs help not any church deliverance

@Op, pls get his parents to take him to the house of a very responsible mentor cum Father figure kind of person. He needs some positive influences. If they are in Lagos send him to Abuja, if they are in Abuja find someone in Lagos, if they are in New York send him to philly (I'm sure you get the picture) but the most important part is that he is around a MALE who he can be positively influenced by. Preferably someone who has accomplished something in his life with his education. Let him observe another side of life.

His parents should get together and pray for him seriously.

16 is such a crutial age oh! They should really face this head on. It happens to a lot of kids. They must do whatever it takes.

Pastor Paul went through something similar, he was even selling drugs he said he even started living under the bridge at one point. I think his parents sent him to a pastorial school or something in Ghana. He was thr listening to Christian messages by force! He wasn't listening at first but eventually the words started entering little by little. He left there a changed person.

dayokanu: One he needs to be relocated from that environment. He has blended into a cult and once you take him away from the environment, their influence reduces.

If you have a family member a boy not older than 35yrs whom he can relate to, Dont take him to a Spirikoko born again brother but a normal guy who is very social and successful Let him be mentored

The thing is most teens think their parents are outdated and don't know whatsup but if he meets an elderly guy a family.

If I were i would invite him to come spend the weekend with me As he lands give him beer if he smokes let him smoke even carry him to club to show him that all these things are not strange to you that you probably did it when you were young, But he needs to change because if you didnt change at that time you would have fallen behind like some of your friends

i would give him real life examples of guys who didnt change their ways and where they ended

Be a brother to him, Take him to club, watch football together, Play games together, Allow him to run chics but always tell him all is vanity that its his career and academics that matter most

All the lies the gang told him e.g he would be powerful, he can oppress anyone, he can get any chics, He can make money etc Show him their are other legit and responsible ways to achieve it.

His parents cant do these because he already thinks they are old fashioned

He needs help not any church deliverance

+100000

parisienne: @Op, pls get his parents to take him to the house of a very responsible mentor cum Father figure kind of person. He needs some positive influences. If they are in Lagos send him to Abuja, if they are in Abuja find someone in Lagos, if they are in New York send him to philly (I'm sure you get the picture) but the most important part is that he is around a MALE who he can be positively influenced by. Preferably someone who has accomplished something....

at the earlier stages in my life when i needed some confidant....i got it from a Woman, she and a couple of other Ladies added to the motivation and determination that has seen me thru life to a large extent...they gave the spark which i harnessed at those times to better my lot.

am not a womanizer buh just trying to elaborate that the guy in question, if ready to change can get the vibe and work things out with the OP's little help...in my case these women lent me constantly listening ears and it paid off cuz i was determined to scale the hurdle before me at that time.

my dad and mom were an inspiration though but i needed something(a companion and pally) i was scared to ask them of....i knew they could be better friends but didn't know how to get that communicated to them (they tried their best but until they were able to fit that profile i wanted of them...my Aunties filled in the Gap for me).

Most parents on seeing the rate their children develop, approach issues bordering these kids wrongly and presumably with some force and insensitivity....at the slightest of these their kids withdraw and seek solace outside the home.

@OP, your officially the young man's bestfriend so i pose that challenge to you to do it for him.....be the change that he is asking for....you can influence him well enough for him to work the rest out. more especially, the success of all these lies in the young man's resolve to be a better person...once you get him to understand that fact, that it will make your work alittle easier.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

@ alleviate2002
You do have a poin there, a female might work too, I just feel that a successful male would be someone he could easily relate to and be easily influenced by.

Nice points, but i dont think he is actually involved in a gang already, could be that he owes a debt, since he just started.
Im not so sure about the change of environment thing, cause i believe a real change comes from the inside, it could just be same trouble different locations if he changes location, he has to face his demons head on.
My guess is that he started misbehaving to get his parents attention because being a good boy hasn't made him have as much attention as he needs/ wants. he still comes home, means he is not totally lost.
Let him know that he shouldn't allow his parents' wrong parenting destroy his life that on the long run what he makes is more important than what was given to him, no matter his problems, once shared it is half solved, expose him to a middle aged, realistic, succesful man, who can mentor him.....
Above all commit all into God's hands with fasting and prayers.

Caracta: He is a 16-year-old.
I saw his mum two days ago and she was in tears begging me to help her with her son.
I've been very close to their family, especially the boy in question.
His mother said he has refused to continue schooling. He smokes weed, drinks like a fish, a night walker and a petty thief.
He stole #10,000 from his dad this christmas and didn't sleep at home for four days.
Since i came back honme, he has been avoiding me.
I ran into him yesterday and we had a long discussion.
He confirmed his mum's report and broke down in tears.
The scary part of all these, is that, he told me he is into something huge...something big and sacred, but he cannot tell anyone about it.
He wants to get out of it but he is not ready to talk about it.
I pleaded with him, all to no avail.

As at early last year, this boy was a very good kid. Very obedient, intelligent, smart, and brilliant. He was on state scholarship and passed all his WASSCE papers in one sitting. But now, he sells herbs in the streets and doesn't want to get into higher institution, despite the wealth of his parents.

He is from a very strong christian background and his family has done a lot to help him.
Pls, we need your advice.

Like a lot of people have said, he needs a change in environment. Second, the only way he will tell you what he is into that is big and sacred, is if you can convince him it's fake. He might have taken an oath of secrecy with some friends, but you have to convince him that the oath is fake. You can then take the neccessary actions based on what the situation is..

Thank you all.
The boy has left the house. He moved in with his friends. His father is not making things easier too, and there is little i can do. I'll just keep praying for him and communicate well with him.

Caracta: Thank you all.
The boy has left the house. He moved in with his friends. His father is not making things easier too, and there is little i can do. I'll just keep praying for him and communicate well with him.

Wow! And the mother is doing what while this unfolds? So sad and ridiculous! Instead of providing guidance and support, the dad leaves the boy to the dogs. I pray they won't be attending their sons funeral soon. Sorry to say it but we don't know what can go wrong next.

If I were the mom, I'm moving out of the husbands house for now since he doesn't want my child in there, then I'm quitting my job, moving the child away from the current environment and devoting all my time and energy to getting my son back on track! I will go as far as it takes and not quit on him! He is a victim of peer pressures and he needs help not abandonment.

I'm going to assume there are some economic limitations for this mother (hopefully she doesn't have another special needs child) but even if I had to go on welfare, I would do it.

@ileobatojo, i feel bad too. I'm confused. I wonder where we missed it.

Brand_new: They should relocate him to a safe and secured environment and also get him a professional counsellor.
There is always that critical stage in ones life where crucial decisions are taken as regards the direction one's life is taking. One of such is at 16 and I also went through mine.

If I may guess correctly , he might be involved with cultists or a dangerous gang and might have gone through a form of initiation process.

His parents must move him away and keep him out of touch with these dangerous crowd as someone rightly mentioned or his life might get himself and family entangled in something very messy.

His dad also needs to make out time and communicate with him. Introduce him to other responsible men who he may develop interest in what they do and eventually become his role model.

Finally, what he is going through is merely a social and physiological crisis point and Nairalanders should not add Spiritual undertones to it or his matter might end up getting worse.

Goodluck!

I agree with most of this. The kid needs a complete change to a positive environment.

You need to lay down the law for kids these days from early childhood. They easily get fooled by little things.

Genius100:

Like a lot of people have said, he needs a change in environment. Second, the only way he will tell you what he is into that is big and sacred, is if you can convince him it's fake. He might have taken an oath of secrecy with some friends, but you have to convince him that the oath is fake. You can then take the neccessary actions based on what the situation is..

I'm so shocked with the turn of events and I desperately feel like helping him out.

I've been in a similar situation in the past. In my own case, I needed to escape the domineering influence of family members in my life, hence I left home and went as far as out of the country for good 18 months and went through hell sometimes living on the streets.
It took devine intervention for me to come back home and eventually get my life back on track. So I know what this boy is going through and touched enough to reach out to him.

We can pray all we want and give all the best advice we can but nothing will happen if no one reaches out to him.

@brandnew, i understand you. I feel the same way too. But right now, my hands are tied. This boy used to be very close to me. He was like a brother. In a way, i blame myself. Maybe if i wasn't too caught up with work, i would have seen the signs.
His mum can do nothing but cry and blame her enemies.
I don't know what to do at this juncture. His younger sister is right here with me. Terrified.